America's parents want paid family leave and affordable child care. Why can't they get it?

Many Americans decided they wanted dual incomes and the things they can buy with the income. As you have children you realize how much they cost and how much they need a parent (not a day care center) to raise them. Family leave (if it is paid by an employer) costs companies loads of money and productivity and shifts work to others. Forcing companies to provide it may cause companies to reconsider their work force demographics.

Affordable child care. Hmmm, if you don't make a lot more than your child care then it is never going to be affordable. If you drive down the cost of child care (the major cost is labor) then you drive down the quality. Who wants their kids raised by low cost labor?

One of our challenges these days is single parents. There are many more of them and it is very, very hard to raise a child(ren) and work full time and have "affordable" day care. That is simple an operating reality. If you have a grandparent or other family member you are miles ahead but not everyone has that option.

It is unpopular but the reality of this situation is families need to stay together, a parent needs to stay home to raise the kids. Families need to forego the income and/or have fewer children. The math is the math. It takes a lot of money, time, resources and love to raise children. The government is not going to solve this for the American family.

Regulations are part of the problem. And you cannot push up the minimum wage for caregivers and still have it be affordable for middle income parents.

I'm a fortunate man. My wife is a "stay-at-home", full-time mother... and I earn enough to support us on a single income. Little of that "good fortune" came by chance. We came into our marriage sans previous divorces, children from previous marriages, loads of debt, etc. We made choices in terms of where we live to reduce the costs of housing and living. We've thus far chosen to delay having a second child until the "numbers" work out to support another. I worked hard, endured an hour commute to work each day for nearly ten years, and traveled often... building a resume that would eventually allow me to obtain employment closer to home, with excellent benefits. We put aside our "dream honeymoon", have driven our vehicles well beyond their warranties, and watched our spending closely...all of which means we have NOT had to pay the sky-high costs of child care. Neither of us come from wealthy families; However, I do understand that our realities are not everyone else's realities.

Ultimately, people who own corporations and businesses are trying to make money. I've yet to meet a CEO or a stock holder who would come to the boardroom and ask, "Say, could we offer free childcare and full maternity/paternity leave if we all cut our salaries or dividends by 20-50%?" Maybe they "should", and maybe they even "could"... but the reality is that if forced to do so by law, all they'll do is find a way to get around it. They'll give people only enough hours to stay below whatever legislative "limit" is included for those benefits. They'll find ways to "weed out" prospective hires that have families, or are planning on them. If all else fails, they'll simply sell out to bigger corporations, increasing the conglomeration of industry, and ultimately making the job market more difficult, increasing the adminstrivia that limits individual opportunity, and stifles personal development... all things the champions of these measures support.

Bottom line, you can't legislate good will.

The real power to effect actual change over time is held by the consumers. We're the one's who perpetually mortgage our futures on grossly expensive educations that often lead to underemployment. We're the one's who have made $1,000 phones a "necessity", and via our insatiable desire for convenience and "quick fixes" created a tidal wave of goods and services that can be produced and shipped globally, cheap. The net result has been a decrease in the ratio of living wages to costs, exacerbated by the decline of skilled trades and career longevity. Some young people are making literally millions right out of university... while others are still struggling to pay off student loans as they enter their forties. Every time we "click" on a web-based retailer, we're digging the hole a little deeper (and I'm as guilty as the next person). Deregulation sounds like a cop-out, unless you realize that the only way to start reversing the trend is to make it possible for more small businesses to start up for tens of thousands, rather than hundreds of thousands of dollars-if not less. That would allow more people to choose between a traditional four year degree, and the subsequent relocation... or staying closer to their base, following a trade, starting careers with local businesses, and building real wealth and security in a more localized economy with more options.