Fire up the grill for July 4th, Biden sets path to post-Covid normalcy

I was wondering if Joe Biden was going to create a new cabinet position? Perhaps the “ Federal Department of Back Yard Barbecue “. I suspect Pelosi may have put it in the Covide Relief Bill. There is money for bonuses for teachers who ignore the science and refuse to teach children so why not? There should also be a “Federal Office of Barbecue Clean Air Compliance for Better Air”. It would be known as FOBCAC which doesn’t make any sense but neither does Biden but being a Democrat makes it OK for Joe. So to gather with your family you would need a permit. To insure there is no smokey haze resulting from over zealous use of charcoal lighter and burnt burgers, steak and chicken causing a sharp raise in global warming you would need a grill officers certification issued by FOBCAC. The state motor vehicle registration office would administer a test to insure grilling competency. If you are an illegal alien the department of motor vehicles will issue you a drivers license, voter registration, government guaranteed home mortgage and grilling competency certificate with no test. The rest of us citizens will have to prove we can grill chicken with out exceeding 1/billionth of the CO2 emitted from John Kerry’s private jet as he flies from DC to Martha’s Vineyard for the Fourth. Once you have your FOBCAC certification you can apply to have a back yard barbecue. The number of people that can attend are determined by the square root of living family members who dwell in your home times the surface area of the patio multiplied by one. A Surveyors certification of patio size with triplicate copies must be submitted by December 25th of the preceding year! If your dwelling family members are not an even square root such as my family, my wife and I makes two a computer generated computation to the 3 millionth place certified by a CPA must accompany the application. Joe is wishing you a happy fourth back yard barbecue!