To See A World In A Grain Of Sand: The Old World Still Runs The New World

Having a Catholic mother and Muslim father is not a great recipe. It doesn’t help when both are from different cultures, yet fall in love and attempt to overcome the barriers ahead. I grew up thinking everyone went to a Mosque and Church.

I grew up in Toledo, Ohio where there was a large population of Middle Eastern Arabs just north of the city in Michigan. I had a decent childhood up until 8 yrs old. This is where my life changed in the matter of weeks and I’m plucked from Ohio to end up in Mosul, Iraq for four years.

My parents could not make their marriage work, cultural differences took lead, and my father struggled the most as he was away from his home (Iraq). He didn’t believe my mother should work and expected her to take on a traditional role after having children, as this was customary and expected in Middle Eastern culture. My mother disagreed.

After my parents separated, my father asked my mother if she would allow my sister and I to go back to Iraq to visit my sick grandmother. My father told my mother she was on her deathbed. My mother agreed, but only if she could attend as I was 8 yrs old and my sister 4 yrs old.

We made it to Iraq and I met my Iraqi family from my father’s side. It was a wonderful experience. I didn’t understand the language or the culture, but my family was welcoming. My mother did notice my grandmother was not on her ‘deathbed’ but did have a knee injury.

The last night before our trip was to conclude, my father woke my sister and I up and said he wanted to take us out for candy and ice cream and we excitedly agreed. He took us to my aunt’s and we were playing and having a fantastic time. As the night went on we started getting tired and noticed our father was gone. My sister and I did not understand Arabic and while our Iraqi family was wonderful we did not know them all that well. We cried for our parents and sobbed ourselves to sleep. After days of being alone, my father returned and told my sister and I our mother had left us. He told us she did not want to be with us anymore and we were on our own.

As an 8 yr old hearing this, I cannot explain the depths of emptiness you feel or the sadness that consumes. You feel helpless, but you're only 8 yrs old and should not have to deal with these types of emotions at this age. My mother convinced my father’s family to reunite her with us and like the wonderful people they are, they do, except my father makes the poorest choice. After we reunite with our mother in Iraq, he tells her she must go back home to the U.S. (women don’t have rights like they do here in the U.S.) and she can only take one of us.

My father made her choose which daughter to take. I watched in horror as my mother picked up my sister and was forced to leave Iraq as I stood watching them go.

I was not reunited with my mother until 1995. By this time the first Gulf War started. I had lived under Saddam Hussein rule, and began to accept I would never return to the U.S. This changed when the F.B.I. and local authorities in Ohio began to help my mother get me back to the U.S. I am forever grateful to our nation for what they did to get me home. I was a “nobody” and our country stepped in to help my mother get me back. How can you ever say thank you?

It all came full circle when I was in high school and watched the twin towers fall in New York. In the fog of the attack, many were confused about why anyone would do this and the confusion of a Muslim, Terrorist, and Arab became one. I recall people saying nasty things about Arabs and Muslims, automatically associating them with terrorism. This did not sit well with me as I am of Arab ethnicity and I know from my stay in Iraq Muslims are good people.

I wanted to help and make people understand the cultural differences and that Muslims are good people, so I was naïve in thinking if I joined the military I could help bridge the cultural gap. I asked my recruiter what career field deployed most as I was eager to deploy and help, not realizing I would have to go through basic training, technical training, and learn my job before being considered for a deployment.

What I can share from my deployment is the old world still runs the new world. The Middle East is a difficult culture and society for the West to understand and fully embrace. Religion and culture dictate the Middle East. I tried contributing during my deployment by helping bridge the cultural and religious gaps of understanding the Middle East through a culture and religious lens.

Religion and Culture are the two things the West fully needs to understand to win Operations in the Middle East.

*Alea Nadeem is the author of the RallyPoint series "To See A World In A Grain Of Sand"*