You’re Not a Hero, and That’s Okay

2021-08-23T11:15:22-04:00

The title of this piece is addressed to an obviously general audience, and there will, of course, be a few exceptions to the statement. But that’s the entire point, isn’t it: there are, in truth, very few exceptions to it. Society, especially contemporary society, has very few heroes, but the miniscule number of them doesn’t stop people from granting untold numbers of people with such a grand title.

This community—the community of service members and veterans—is often praised as being comprised entirely of heroes, but this is far from correct. Most men and women in uniform are just that: men and women in uniform, doing a job. Truthfully, the bulk of service members will never be presented with a situation during which they must demonstrate the characteristics of a hero. Whether this is good or bad is not a question that need be asked. We assume each member of the military is prepared to give the ultimate sacrifice if such a moment arises, but the hypothetical demonstration of heroism does not bestow upon one the title. This fact is so clear to us even when it is obfuscated by cynicism and praise from those who know no better. Our community awards heroism with physical symbols and tokens that tell everyone present what they have done, and these tokens could hardly to be said to be issued out with impunity.

Is there one of us who can say that they don’t feel the slightest sense of awe upon meeting one awarded a silver star? A service cross? The medal of honor? What it requires of a man or woman to be awarded such things stirs a kind of admiration seated deep within the human soul, and it should. They demonstrate qualities that all should attempt to emulate: selflessness, strength—physical and mental—and bravery (yet another term that has lost any semblance of true meaning as of late). These are heroes, and they are in short supply precisely because heroes are a truly special breed of people. I remember being invited to attend the funeral of a medal of honor recipient in Colorado several years ago, and I couldn’t help but feel that the world had lost something undeniably unique. Looking toward the center of the front row, a number of other medal of honor recipients sat together, wishing their brother safe travels in the thereafter.

But such minimizing of what it means to be a hero is not limited to the military. Over the past year and a half countless numbers of people have been haphazardly tossed onto the list. Doctors, nurses, police officers, firefighters, emergency medical technicians, and teachers (of all groups). Yet, there is absolutely nothing inherently heroic in any of these vocations. Truth be told, most of these individuals are simply working a job of which they have chosen, several of them picking said work based, at least in part, on how easy the job is—teachers certainly come to mind. Of course, those working in uniformed services have opportunities to demonstrate heroism, the issue is exactly the same as that of the military: the hypothetical situation that may or may not occur does not de facto make one a hero. And, like the military, organizations like police departments, fire departments, and EMS have awards to recognize such acts of gallantry, too. My father received an LEO silver star during his time as an officer in the twin cities many years ago.

See, the term hero is loaded with an almost rigid list of connotations, not the least of which is a sense that those identified as heroes have performed something incredibly admirable, brave, and selfless. And bravery, itself, invokes images of danger or risk of harm to oneself that is overcome. Surely the everyday teacher is not acting in such a fashion. And I know of no doctors or nurses refusing to take every single precaution possible to ensure their own safety as they perform their everyday duties. But then, in both cases, we have few—very, very few—examples who stand out as heroes. The teachers who shield their students from gunfire, who are terribly wounded or killed in the process, no one would deny them such a title.

The point is that by painting large swaths of the population with such a grand term, we effectively tear from it all meaning, and in the case of “heroes” it is a particularly egregious destruction of language. We need our heroes. Each individual and society as a whole needs heroes. They are examples to be followed, people to look up to, scales to be measured against, and symbols of the best that can exist within us all. By calling too many undeserving people heroes is to destroy the living and dead who can actually be held up as monuments of heroism.

Finally, I would like to make a quick point with a short anecdote.

In January 2012 I PCS’d to Fort Carson, Colorado. A few months later, a new NCO arrived. As in most situations involving PCS’s, many of us didn’t know this guy from Adam. He was a nice guy, knew his job—we were all cavalry scouts—and he got along with all the other NCOs and, more importantly, his soldiers. Months later I happen to be going to an appointment, and sitting on a table was an issue of a magazine put out by Boeing highlighting stories of heroism, telling the stories of the heroes involved. As I flipped through the pages, I came across one that made me double-take. The photograph was terrible. The man had his stetson on, the shadow from the brim casted down over most of his face, but I could make out the unit patch and the name on the uniform. After my appointment, I took that magazine and brought it back to the CP. “This is you, isn’t it?” I asked the NCO upon returning, and he smiled and shook his head. “Nah, man. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responded. However, his secret could only be kept so long, as the unit began conducting payday activities, during which, on the first Friday of the month, each soldier was required to wear their dress uniforms. And there, pinned to his chest at the top of his rack of ribbons, sat his silver star.

What is the point of sharing this story? Well, heroes don’t usually proclaim themselves as heroes, do they? They don’t expect adulation or for those around to pile upon them accolades and praise. They are humble. There is an understanding somewhere within them that it was the time, the place, and some overwhelming sense within them in that time and at that place that caused them to act. What does this say about those expecting to be called heroes?

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Aug 23 at 2021 11:24 AM

2021-08-23T11:24:03-04:00

Whoah, whoah, whoah... =o)

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 23 at 2021 12:06 PM

2021-08-23T12:06:40-04:00

SGT Joseph Gunderson "This community—the community of service members and veterans—is often praised as being comprised entirely of heroes, but this is far from correct. Most men and women in uniform are just that: men and women in uniform, doing a job." I absolutely agree, great share!

Response by Kristen Cook made Aug 23 at 2021 12:42 PM

2021-08-23T12:42:07-04:00

Great share and your absolutely right, I feel exactly the same way just didn't quit get y until now. It's a shame I suppose those that are heros are so overlooked. I refer to my husband who's a decorated combat veteran as my hero, a hero and after reading your post I can honestly say he still should be considered as such. He's definitely gone far and beyond the call of duty on more than one occasion and what he's doing now at the local CPTSD residential clinic, 12 years since seperation, 12 years since last time in theater. To go relive the TRAUMAS and STRESSORS that has haunted him for 18 years. I get now why he gets so upset by his Spec Forces brothers come home and tell their stories he always says "comic book heros don't tell who/what/where the are, Clark Kent don't say he's Super Man". I agree with the logistics but I defenitly will tell whoever will listen he is a hero! Thanks for enlightening me today!

Response by Cpl Vic Burk made Aug 23 at 2021 7:00 PM

2021-08-23T19:00:38-04:00

SGT Joseph Gunderson I don't consider myself a hero by any means. I was doing a job, a job I volunteered for. Anyone who was there to be a hero would have been better off staying out of the military.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Aug 24 at 2021 12:35 AM

2021-08-24T00:35:07-04:00

I am *too* a hero! My Drill Sergeant made sure to call me one every chance he got.

But, addressing the theme of the post, I understand what you are saying. In my mind, there are heroes and Heroes. And I kind of think that is what America has decided, as well.

You speak of heroes displaying bravery, and discuss how all of these folks are called heroes despite no acts of gallantry. But, there *is* a level of bravery involved in many of these professions. Signing up for the military is writing a blank check up to and including your life. That is a brave act, even if the check is never cashed. Same for those police officers, EMTs, and firefighters.

Doctors and nurses throughout the pandemic, going in to work every day as they see their colleagues being felled by the disease - even going in to work to treat their brothers and sister - and wondering if they are next. That is exceptionally brave. I will grant you that it is not "charge a machine gun nest" brave. But, honestly, for my money, it is even braver. Charging a machine gun nest can be written off to adrenalin, obedience, or even stupidity. Most folks from those types of stories didn't even realize what they were doing, they just were doing what had to be done. But those doctors and nurses who go in day after day after day. Facing down their fears - and well founded fears - swallowing the lump in their throat, and providing expert care to others. Yes, that takes some next level bravery. There isn't "one great act" to point to, but there are literally thousands of very good ones.

Teachers. Ah, teachers. Look, I understand why you say that many teachers choose that profession because it is easy. Fromt he outside, it probably does look pretty easy. And hell, on the job, it *is* pretty easy - if you don't give a damn about the job or the kids. Teaching is easy; teaching RIGHT is damned hard. Especially teaching right while adhering to silly rules and records requirements from the school administration and the school board. And doing it during a pandemic with kids in and out of the classroom, developing hybrid lesson plans on the fly, figuring out not only how to host classes online, but how to translate classroom experiences. None of that shit is easy. And again - teachers are stepping into classrooms which are giant petri dishes even when there ISN'T a pandemic. Now put them in a classroom of kids who are too young to get a vaccine? Yes, that takes some courage, too.

We have everyday heroes (little h) all over America. Their presence and their bravery does absolutely nothing to diminish the bravery and sacrifice of the extraordinary Heroes (capital H) that you wish to honor.

I understand what you are trying to say - and I don't even necessarily disagree with the theme or the concept. I did my 20 and retired, and never once earned any type of award for heroism. The opportunity never presented itself. I am confident that had duty called upon me, I would have answered. I wrote the blank check, I signed my name, and I meant it. But no one ever came to cash it. But, I want to leave you one final thought. When you discuss how recognizing many folks as heroes somehow diminishes the heroism of those within the discussion. Admiral Nimitz was asked about Iwo Jima. This is (part of) what he had to say:

Uncommon valor was a common virtue.

Just because it is common within a specific group, doesn't mean it is actually common - or that it is not worth recognizing.

Response by Cpl Raymond Wiltshire made Aug 24 at 2021 2:23 AM

2021-08-24T02:23:44-04:00

The percentage of American that have served – are serving this country is small. We are all in an elite group of people willing to do what our country asks. Hero, no. What I consider a hero has nothing to do with metals or awards. The people I consider heroes are that small group that gave it all. God Bless each and every one of them.

Response by SSG Robert Velasco made Aug 24 at 2021 3:27 AM

2021-08-24T03:27:45-04:00

You fellas have got yo see some mechanics plan a rescue of people in Afghanistan now that the taliban are in control. One guy is Spc Tim Earnest. Try as may ,they refused to stand down!

Response by SSG Robert Velasco made Aug 24 at 2021 3:33 AM

2021-08-24T03:33:26-04:00

Sgt Craig Ehle is the other mechanic wanting to go Rambo in Afghanistan! Wow,I hit the crazies nest.

Response by PO2 Russell "Russ" Lincoln made Aug 24 at 2021 4:49 PM

2021-08-24T16:49:03-04:00

I haven't been a Hero since my daughter was little.

Response by SP5 Sam Powell made Aug 25 at 2021 11:18 AM

2021-08-25T11:18:31-04:00

I would say lucky. Fight or flight is instinctual. Thus the training. And, maybe there is a fine line between hero and coward.

Response by LtCol Robert Quinter made Aug 25 at 2021 7:29 PM

2021-08-25T19:29:24-04:00

Heroism is a very subjective term. To the mother whose daughter's boyfriend jumps into the backyard pool when her toddler has fallen in, the boy is a hero. Did the boy expose himself to danger, not really, but he was there and took action that saved a baby's life. The father who is always there with the right solution to a child's needs may be a hero in the child's mind well into adulthood or even its entire life. Heroes in the civilian world are decided on very loose criteria, but to those who assign the term, it is real.
The military, has defined degrees of heroism and the contemporaries (Awards Board) of an individual who somehow brings himself to their attention determine the level of the award based upon their opinion of the level of recognition deserved.
There are examples of civilian individuals or groups being tagged as heroes as a means of recognition of a job well done where the exclusivism of the term is borrowed to make a point.

Response by MAJ Matthew Arnold made Aug 26 at 2021 11:18 AM

2021-08-26T11:18:07-04:00

Well said. My dad received a SSM during WW2 but you'd never now it without looking at his ribbon rack. That having been said, you could have been a little less hard on teachers. I retired from the army after 24 years of service. After the army I taught English in high school for a few years. Out of all the jobs I had, in order of difficulty, teaching was only second to being an infantry platoon leader.

Response by SPC John Tacetta made Aug 27 at 2021 7:37 AM

2021-08-27T07:37:14-04:00

I've known numerous people with high valor awards, my BN commander wore the Medal of Honor. None of these people put themselves forth as heroes. Quite the opposite. As you say, the only time you really knew was when they put on their Class A uniforms.

Response by TSgt George Austin made Aug 28 at 2021 3:51 PM

2021-08-28T15:51:24-04:00

wow. sometimes it is hard to read what the different branches say. Your thoughts, experiences and values. In the Air force I saw a hero receive a Commendation Award for organizing the first shirts paperwork. Amazing thing was the SSgt was not the least bit embarrassed but bragged about the hard work it took. Guess Karen has to work somewhere.
Give me some sarcastic responses. We have all seen the boot lickers, REMF's and pogy bait boys get ahead by giving head.

Response by Sgt Larry Irvine made Aug 28 at 2021 4:08 PM

2021-08-28T16:08:55-04:00

Well said, though, the ones who need to read it, won’t.
But well said!

Response by SFC Randy Hellenbrand made Aug 28 at 2021 7:20 PM

2021-08-28T19:20:07-04:00

We do our jobs. If we defy the odds and do something heroic-great. I have no doubt that most of us will not even realize we did something dangerous if it involves saving a life/s. I've done things, but I always thought it is just what I was supposed to do.

Response by SGT Aaron Atwood made Aug 28 at 2021 10:55 PM

2021-08-28T22:55:42-04:00

To me there's also more to being a hero than proving ones valor in combat. I feel those of us in leadership positions, or simply senior to most troops, can also be seen as heroes in a different way. The constant between all kinds of heroes can be from a sense of awe of their accomplishments, but perhaps more importantly they inspire the younger generations to try to be like them. I think that's why famous sports athletes, some celebrities, and other people are seen as heroes. Of course that's just my perspective, and of the above reason I gave that can also simply be seen as a good leader simply doing their job as they're supposed to. Just my penny's worth of thoughts.

Response by SPC John Tacetta made Aug 30 at 2021 6:50 AM

2021-08-30T06:50:25-04:00

That photo looks good, but shows some very bad discipline. Likely not combat arms.

Response by CPL Tara Kimble made Aug 31 at 2021 4:18 PM

2021-08-31T16:18:37-04:00

I’m not a hero! I served my Country with great pleasure. I was in communications and I loved my job!

Response by Sgt Jake Middlebrook made Aug 31 at 2021 9:42 PM

2021-08-31T21:42:06-04:00

Many of us truly just did our duty and maybe took care of the people around us pretty good. If you look on the Australian war Memorial you will find a Capt H H Massie lost as a passenger on a B25 Strafer raid on Wewak Island. If you dig a little deeper like say in your Uncles WWII diaries you will find that was Capt Massie's 48th mission as a practical navigator. Strafers seldom flew above tree top level often at 20 feet. Before the war Capt Massie was part of a trading family in the area and had been to the islands in boats and walked most of the known tracks in New Guinea and although he was officially a liaison Officer he went as practical navigator on every mission not having a lead pilot experienced at finding the location. Fly up a creek or track, trail, take a bearing off a mountain top he would get you there especially in rain or a low ceiling. He was not a hero in the usual sense but he sure did a lot more than his duty time after time and died doing it.

Response by SFC Jaysin Smith made Sep 1 at 2021 2:56 PM

2021-09-01T14:56:21-04:00

I've always told people when they see my medals, that I am not a hero. I let them know that heroes are the men and women who come home in flag draped caskets. I served my country for self serving reasons at first. I wanted to shoot stuff, the adrenaline rush of all the experiences even combat. Then I develeoped a close friendship and brotherhood with the men I served with. And I became indoctrinated into our culture. So I did it for that. I honestly feel uncomfortable when someone those that title hero at me, or even thanks me for my service. When they use the word hero, I think of the brothers I've lost both to war and it's aftermath that plagued their minds. I keep pics of them in my phone so they are with me always should my mind ever fade. I also show the pictures to people that throw the title of hero around. I tell them that these men are heroes. If they want to thank one, then Arlington is the place for it. I was a soldier that did my job, one that I signed up for because I wanted the thrills and fun. But along the way was privileged to be in the company of men and women that truly are heroes
No greater scarifce can a man give, then his life for the liberty of those he does not know to enjoy the liberties that he has scarificed for.

No greater waste, then a man who takes his own life after men have scarificed for him to live on.

I can't remember the author's, and I'm sure I may have not quoted it directly. But you all get the point.

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Sep 4 at 2021 4:54 PM

2021-09-04T16:54:44-04:00

I am too. I have proof, available for $9.95

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Sep 8 at 2021 9:31 AM

2021-09-08T09:31:38-04:00

Perhaps a HERO hat

Response by SSG Chris Gursky made Sep 19 at 2021 8:15 PM

2021-09-19T20:15:44-04:00

I remember when my kids were young and I was their hero. That’s all I ever needed.

Response by Cpl George Matousek made Sep 20 at 2021 9:19 AM

2021-09-20T09:19:56-04:00

Well I just did my job in Vietnam, not a hero for doing your job.

Response by Lt Col Doug Chapman made Sep 25 at 2021 11:34 PM

2021-09-25T23:34:03-04:00

Amen!

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2021 12:35 AM

2021-10-01T00:35:59-04:00

I see that the title "hero" could be viewed in so many ways, it doesn't really mean that you are one even if everyone thinks you are. Nor does it mean you aren't one, because nobody will ever know what you did. To me, it always seems that "service above self" is a defining hero quality. Certainly reaching a noble end or living up to a high purpose is heroism. I know plenty of those whom I've served with that were unwilling to make that kind of sacrifice. Still, I know quite a few that did. Afterwards, some are recognized in many ways, usually a medal or other form of honor. There are others who put others ahead of themselves with little recognition or not at all. I am lucky to find myself working and living among veterans who know the meaning of sacrifice. I think highly of them all but know little of what they truly sacrificed. I know many others who patiently served and waited, but were never called on to be a hero. The words of John Milton's Sonnet 19: When I consider how my light is spent

"When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my Soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide;
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er Land and Ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

Response by Sgt Ron Walsh made Oct 8 at 2021 1:07 PM

2021-10-08T13:07:06-04:00

I had the pleasure of meeting a Korean War MOH winner. I met him in a nursing home my wife works at. He noticed my Marine Corps tattoo and gave me a Semper Fi. I talked with him on several occasions before his passing, and he told me that he did not believe himself anything but normal man doing something utterly insane and getting a medal out of it. That is why this man was and still is my hero. Semper Fi.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Feb 2 at 2022 5:00 PM

2022-02-02T17:00:08-05:00

Maybe not Hero’s, Warriors for sure.