Will being married to a member in a different branch doom our marriage? Will we ever be stationed together?

Gary Henson — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 04:29:17 -0500

How likely is it that we will be stationed together. Hypothetically speaking.....Let's say I am an army Uh60 mechanic and she is a nurse in the airforce. Is our marriage doomed? Will we ever be stationed together.... What challenges will we face? Thanks in advance

Response by SSG Jessica Bautista made Nov 7 at 2017 7:21 AM

SSG Jessica Bautista — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 07:21:16 -0500

Not every installation has UH-60, but EVERY installation has a nurse. I'd say your chances are pretty good. Army and Air Force have several joint bases.

Response by PO3 Donald Murphy made Nov 7 at 2017 9:00 AM

PO3 Donald Murphy — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 09:00:21 -0500

I was an admin officer in the Navy and my experience is that the Navy went out of its way to break you up and ruin your service member marriage. They'd send you to Alaska and her to Italy. And they'd even break rules for living; instead of a two year tour, your tour would magically be an eight year tour. Both of you are tankers? Navy'd send you to an M-1 in A'stan and her to an M-1 in Arizona. And they'd relish the bullshit. I only knew one service member couple that remained together, but they enjoyed the separation. She was on 7 month long WESTPAC cruises he was on 6 month long Med Runs. I have a good friend who's an Army 04 and his Army 03 wife wisely chose to cancel her career. The Army were on their way to screw them both but she was quicker and got to personnel first. Can you believe this: they made a job for her in whereverstan that was going to be unaccompanied, etc, etc.

And that was same-service shenanigans. God help you if you had a different branch. The only time I've seen it work successfully is if both service members accept/understand/enjoy the separation. Knew a Marine tanker (female) who was married to an Air Force security policeman. She stayed in San Diego, he ended up somewhere unaccompanied in the Middle East. While I was a dependent, my dad was a first shirt and I remember hearing his counseling sessions when a young G.I. would come over and ask permission to get married, etc. One enterprising young man (E-3) fell for a Coast Guard nurse (O-3) and dad had to go talk to them both! The only thing that I have honestly, consistently seen honored is the buddy system. Everyone I know who entered the military on the buddy system remained with their buddy.

Response by LT Brad McInnis made Nov 7 at 2017 10:20 AM

LT Brad McInnis — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 10:20:35 -0500

I was a Navy Officer that was married to another Navy Officer. Our marriage didn't last, so let me give you my 2 cents...
Can you make it? Yes.
Do you need to be realistic? Yes.
Will it be hard? Yes.

Communication and expectations need to be managed. Make sure that you take time to connect whenever you can (Skype is awesome for this). Set up a schedule to talk, and keep to it. Things will always come up (broke helo, ER surge, etc.) but make a very concerted effort to keep the sked.

Talk to your commanders. Let them know your situation so that you can get your leave plans coordinated. Most commanders understand that unhappy service members make for bad units. They will try their best to help out.

Try to get co-located. You both need to talk to your community managers (detailers) to see if you can get stationed in the same area. It may be that you take a tough tour 1st, then get colocated on the backside.

I had a sailor that was in the same situation. He lived on the ship, and his wife lived in the barracks. There thinking was that they saved as much money as possible, so that when they had leave together, they could really enjoy it.

Hope this helps!

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Nov 7 at 2017 5:00 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 17:00:43 -0500

You have two issues: marriage and service to your country. Both require careful consideration before embarking on either journey.

Marriage should be based on love, mutual attraction, and respect for the other person. It should be a life-long commitment not entered into lightly. I strongly advise you to meet with a certified counselor to help set a good foundation for your marriage. Some ministers, priests, and rabbis are certified in marriage counseling. Many psychologists offer these services. I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 51 years--22 of those I was in the USAF. The key to a long marriage, as others in this string have said, is communication. I would add mutual respect to that.

You--either of you--should enter into service to your country with as much consideration and commitment as you would a marriage. If effect, you will be married to your Service for at least the length of your first contract or service commitment. I applaud you for seeking advice and input on RP. Your recruiters will put as good a face on service as they can, but there are hardships, some of which are made worse when a service member is married. The Services have policies on "joint-spouse" assignments. They may or may not apply when the spouse is in a different service. Your personnel people will take your marriage situation into some consideration when making an assignment, but not much. The needs of the service always come first. It would help if you both had combat service or combat service support MOS/AFSC. This makes you more universally assignable. Almost every installation has security, engineers, personnel, supply, vehicle maintenance, logistics planners, operations admin, and others. Highly specialized MOSs, such as nuclear propulsion or special operations limit your options.

Best of luck!

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 8 at 2017 1:23 AM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 01:23:06 -0500

Gary Henson, not going to give you the old, "Marriage is what you make it," speech. It is. 'Nuff said. You're asking about specific challenges, not bumper stickers. Down to brass tacks. There are plenty of Joint-Bases with the Army and Air Force and there are Joint assignment locations as well. The services will try to accommodate you, but they don't have to. Keep that in mind. The most challenging aspect will be the non-garrison requirements of a career. TAD and deployments. As an officer, she will have mandatory training that she has to go to that will be long (upwards of a year). NCO professional development schools aren't as long, but as a UH60 mechanic, there are deployments. That doesn't sound too bad really, until you put them on a calendar and realize that the chance of those being at the same time are rare. You will be gone, then she will be gone. I knew a couple that went 3 years without being together because of staggered deployments and schools. The Army won't PCS you to be with her during a 1 year school requirement. You won't be able to hit deployments together. Just not in the cards. I would generously estimate that while the two of you are in the service together that you will spend at least 1/3 of the time separated. That's not counting field training, combat training centers, and temporary duty on your part. If you plan on having kids, multiply the situation by a bucket of chicken. Can you make it work? Depends on you and her. I was 35 when I found someone that was able to handle this lifestyle...and its still hard.

Response by SSgt Boyd Welch made Nov 8 at 2017 9:49 AM

SSgt Boyd Welch — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 09:49:15 -0500

Realistically, deployed personnel have to work hard to maintain the relationship. Services members in different branches should have no realistic expectation of being stationed together. It could happen but the odds are heavily loaded against it. If your annual leave for each is the only time you can physically be together, it will be a hardship. Loneliness will a hard taskmaster. Just an old guys opinion.

Response by GySgt Charles O'Connell made Nov 8 at 2017 2:50 PM

GySgt Charles O'Connell — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 14:50:01 -0500

Two different Service Branches, with different assignment criteria and needs, two different occupational fields, tI'm assuming you're enlisted, and the wife, being a nurse, is an Officer. Conclusion, chances are pretty slim.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2017 9:41 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 10 Nov 2017 21:41:26 -0500

Yes you will be stationed together at a joint base, no it's not doomed