Will a non-veteran be accepted when heading up an Out Post for female veterans?

Kathie Costos — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 19:25:42 -0400

Over the weekend at the Point Man conference in Buffalo, it was decided that when I get to New Hampshire, I will head up an Out Post for female veterans. I am not worried about being capable of helping them, because I do that one on one now. I am more concerned with being accepted by a group since I am not really one of them. I am a ten time survivor of events that could have and should have killed me but just an Army brat and Army veteran's wife. What do you think?

Response by SSG James Harlow made Aug 8 at 2019 8:03 PM

SSG James Harlow — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:03:50 -0400

You will have to prove yourself. Just do not ever represent yourself as a Veteran. Be up front with “I am here to help”.

Response by MSG Danny Mathers made Aug 8 at 2019 8:07 PM

MSG Danny Mathers — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:07:33 -0400

I think you will do fine. However, you will never be accepted as a non-veteran but you can listen and let them do the talking. You have no war stories to relate to them but you can present yourself as a suvivor of a different situation. Army brat means nothing which the wife of a veteran means alot; that is your bona fides if your husband is a combat veteran. Every veteran of every war has a degree of PTSD. Furthermore, the ability to listen and not do the talking will open doors.

Response by SPC Angela Burnham made Aug 8 at 2019 8:08 PM

SPC Angela Burnham — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:08:19 -0400

What is the Point Man conference? As a female veteran in Buffalo, I haven't heard of it before.

Response by SPC Nancy Greene made Aug 8 at 2019 8:16 PM

SPC Nancy Greene — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:16:17 -0400

Army ‘Brat’ , Army ‘Wife’ ; you still served your country! You just didn’t wear a uniform! You should be extremely helpful because of your experiences and I think the female Soldiers will appreciate your willingness to help. You also have the ability to see both sides of their situation! I think you will be surprised at how effective you can be! Good Luck!

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2019 8:23 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:23:53 -0400

Kathie Costos I think that you will do fine since you are already helping veterans now. Being an Army Veterans wife will also be a big plus. Good luck, and please keep us posted.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2019 8:54 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:54:19 -0400

Bring legitimate tools that help people, and they will accept you just fine.
Just never try to be something that you are not, but own exactly who you are.

Response by SPC David S. made Aug 9 at 2019 12:28 AM

SPC David S. — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 00:28:22 -0400

While it would nice to be accepted I feel your main goal in wanting to help will be appreciated by all in your group. Military veterans especially combat veterans have very unique experiences that are difficult to relate to. Just keep an open mind and embrace a dark sense of humor and you'll do great.

Response by Cpl Jeff N. made Aug 9 at 2019 6:05 AM

Cpl Jeff N. — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 06:05:19 -0400

If the conference doesn't require the role you are serving in to be a veteran then you are good. Just be honest about it. I wouldn't try the "I was an army brat/wife" as being the same as serving in the armed forces. You are who you are. If you are there to try to help people along and are honest about things I think you will be received well.

Response by MSG Frank Kapaun made Aug 9 at 2019 10:12 AM

MSG Frank Kapaun — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 10:12:34 -0400

Respect is earned, not given out. The powers that be must have seen something in you to put you in a position of trust. Do your job, be honest and the respect and acceptance will come.

Response by Max Ross made Aug 9 at 2019 12:46 PM

Max Ross — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 12:46:33 -0400

Focus on your work in supporting them, not on being liked/accepted. Be honest and curious about their needs. Your agenda should match /support theirs. To do otherwise gives the impression (even if not intended) that you are part of yet another program to go through vs getting active participation. Work with supervision to monitor your countertransference.

Bring positive energy and try to enjoy your work; that will draw people.

Response by SSgt Richard Kensinger made Aug 9 at 2019 2:17 PM

SSgt Richard Kensinger — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 14:17:47 -0400

I think you can do it!. As a clinical psychologist, and based on my research of combat trauma, many counselors at our local VAC have never served in the military, let alone seen combat. As a former AF ER medic, and as a clinical psychologist, they open right up to me.
Just keep clear of your role in regards to your responsibilities, obligations and duties on their behalf. As a medic and CP, I stay within my known ares of competencies.
My best to you, and your willingness to share your talents and resources,
Rich