Why Won't You Get The Help You Need?

2019-08-13T18:57:41-04:00

I will never forget the day I opened my Facebook to find a message from my best friend saying good-bye. He had been struggling since his last deployment but asking for help wasn’t even an option in his mind. He thought he should just be able to “suck it up” like he did after every other deployment. He did for a while, and the world moved on around him, until he just couldn’t anymore. As luck, or fate, would have it, we were stationed in Korea when “sucking it up” turned to crisis and I saw the message almost instantly. But for a single, terrifying moment I thought I lost the person who was more a brother to me than my own blood. The one who interrogated me about the soldier I was dating, then wordlessly settled the check over ‘rock, paper, scissors’ the first time they met. The reason I am even in this field today.

This single moment shaped both our lives and handed us each a new fight. His started with getting help and challenging what he thought he knew about toughness. Mine was going to school to become a military social worker so I could help break the stigma that almost took my friend. Despite the strides we have made, we still lose too many in our community to the wounds of war. Inside I question, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU NEED?

The challenge I put to those I speak with is this: What would you do if you broke your leg? Go to the doctor. Your child has a tooth ache? Go to the dentist. Your wife has postpartum depression? Go to behavioral health. These are perfectly acceptable and reasonable decisions most people make. Yet when it comes to the wounds that we feel but cannot see, we call it weakness. We shove it down. We suffer in silence. We don’t follow our own advice. So, I ask, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU DESERVE?

In the military community we hear a lot about readiness and resilience, but I think it is time we add wellness to this conversation. It is incredibly difficult to transition out of active service, find employment, raise a family, earn promotions, have a happy marriage, or just enjoy life if our mental health is suffering. Our wellness impacts every part of our life. So, I challenge, WHAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM THE LIFE YOU EARNED?

While prepping for this post, I asked my husband what he does as a senior NCO to shift the perception of mental health in his unit. He said, “The days of suffering alone are over. It isn’t about weakness but strength. You can be physically fit but that doesn’t mean you are mentally fit. I need mentally fit soldiers. So, I tell them about my experience and how it helped me.” This is my final challenge. As leaders, we need to lead from the front by sharing our stories, shifting the language, and supporting our friends, brothers, sisters, and communities when we are struggling. Suicide prevention is all our responsibility and we are in this fight together.

If you or someone you know in the Washington State area needs support for their mental fitness, please reach out to my team by calling us at [login to see] or emailing us at [login to see] We are veterans and military family members ourselves. We get it and are here to help you get back to better. Learn more about our local services at https://rly.pt/ValleyCitiesCohenClinic

If you, or someone you know, is in need of confidential counseling and therapy in an additional location, you can find a clinic here: https://rly.pt/CohenClinics

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Response by SGT Ben Keen made Aug 13 at 2019 6:59 PM

2019-08-13T18:59:50-04:00

For me, I didn't get help right away because I was fearful of being labeled. But one I started getting help things started to get better. It's still a struggle, some good days, some bad days but I'm still pushing.

Response by SPC Nancy Greene made Aug 13 at 2019 7:04 PM

2019-08-13T19:04:16-04:00

Excellent post. I think that’s part of the reason I became a therapist instead of a lawyer. I wanted to help as many people as I could and I am still trying to be there for anyone in need. Asking for help does NOT mean you are weak! I think it actually means you’re strong and have the courage to admit you can’t do this alone!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 13 at 2019 8:29 PM

2019-08-13T20:29:09-04:00

It has been my experience that soldiers with PTSD often fall into three camps: 1. Treat them like they have no problem, 2. or focus on their treatment. 3. Treat them like bad soldiers. Standards are often a concept we espouse. However, with PTSD the care and treatment is not standardized.

I deeply empathize and lament with those who fall and don't get up for the count, I know because I barely got up a few times. Maybe I was just lucky to have a unit that emphasized my care more than anything else.

I had many fears in regards to seeking help:

- It would end my career
- Nobody can fix me
- People won't understand why I am what I am
- What happens after I seek help
- I have been trained to never give up and I can fight this alone
- The army is all I knew
- In my state of mind the world is a scary place
- How will I take care of my family after being kicked out of the military
- I am close to the finish line and I can make it on my own
- If I seek help I am a quitter and a failure
- I really don't know what to do

I wrote a paper in regards to PTSD and my experiences. It might very well help you understand and heal from PTSD. It focuses on understanding PTSD and realistic coping skills. The paper is called Love Squared. If you read it, please give me feedback. https://www.wellnesswishes.org/veterans

Veterans | Wellness Wishes I Ohio 501c3

No veteran in America should ever be homeless or hungry – EVER. Wellness Wishes will be the mechanism to convey the gratitude or our country by funding veteran assistance programs, and making a difference in their lives, as they have made in ours.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Aug 13 at 2019 8:54 PM

2019-08-13T20:54:45-04:00

Thank you Nicole for the excellent article. I did not seek help when I was in (73-95) because the stigma, lose your job/position, get put out, lose your clearance and your working ability. Besides we all thought that it was a normal reaction- we just didn't talk much about it, plus we were tough, ready Airborne and Rangers. In 2005, I realized that my intense crying jags were not normal. Sure as Shooting- I bring it up to my VA doctor- and wham- psyc exam, rating and most importantly help and Vet to Vet help. Several years later I am talking to two of my Vietnam brothers- when we compare notes and they ask for and get VA help. No it's still a roller coaster, and we all have bad days/weeks, but overall life is good. Your husband is right senior NCO's need to push- being mentally damages can kill somebody- and most of it can be helped, if they push it.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 13 at 2019 10:19 PM

2019-08-13T22:19:43-04:00

Nichole Ayres Excellent post. Thank you!

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 13 at 2019 11:28 PM

2019-08-13T23:28:17-04:00

Reasons why I didn't seek help (until much, much later) -
- Security clearance
- Anyone who says that there isn't a stigma for seeking help - or even needing it - is a damn liar. Yes there is. That decision has real consequences, and that is why many suffer in silence. Sometimes until it is too late.
- I immersed myself in my work. Keeping busy was a better form of medication than some other options. The family paid for it, though.
- Is it a crisis, or a really shitty day? Lots of shitty days. But you push through it, knowing that those emotions pass.
At the end of the day, I was alive, and some good men were not. And I felt like I could have done this or that differently and had a better outcome. It was fool's gold. If only this or that...
Well it didn't go that way. I did what I could, got shot for my trouble, and burned terribly enough I see it every time I look in the mirror. There is nothing quite like burning, except thinking if you could have burned a little more, maybe Rob or Mike would have gone home to their families not in a box. Instead, I got medals for being, frankly, more on the ball than the rest on that day.
Eventually, you figure out that you can't change what happened, especially not retroactively. You can't relive the past forever, because other people need you today,

Response by SFC Tom Jones made Aug 14 at 2019 1:45 AM

2019-08-14T01:45:44-04:00

Well for me it was very hard for me to ask for help. I retired in 1997 and when I came home everyone was just looking at me( to me that is) they were not but people hadn't seen me for over 21 years and I was a different person. Also most people I knew where prior service and you just didn't ask for help. So after DS and OIF the doctors and VA and other people started learning that we all had seen some very bad things. So in 2006 I finally went to the VA mental health cause I was at that point also. So in saying all of this a lot of us just don't want people feeling bad, or have pity on us. In saying all of this I have went through two divorces, tried doing bad things and when I got help cause a good friend also a combat veteran took me too the local VFW and found out that there were other's like me and I am now remarried and have been for over 6 years and with her family and my doctor from long beach I am doing so so so much better so if see someone or know someone with signs get them to the hospital, or VA anyway you can get them too understand that we all need help at sometime in our life. Last thing is make them understand that you care for them and that both of you can make it through this!

Response by SFC Michael D. made Aug 14 at 2019 7:43 AM

2019-08-14T07:43:52-04:00

Took me 19 years before I got help. Us medics don't make good patients.

Response by Cohen Veterans Network made Aug 14 at 2019 9:13 AM

2019-08-14T09:13:37-04:00

Nichole, thank you for sharing your story! And thank you - and your whole Lakewood team - for the work you do daily to address stigma and any other barriers veterans and military families may face. We're so proud to have you on this mission with us.

Response by LT Ed Skiba made Aug 14 at 2019 11:59 AM

2019-08-14T11:59:28-04:00

Excellent share. Read and heed brothers and sisters. We're all in this together... and we never judge each other. We just share a special deep respect for each other. Some people call it love.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 14 at 2019 12:02 PM

2019-08-14T12:02:51-04:00

This will not answer the question, however I will try to paint the picture. PTSD goes against everything we value as a service member: professional and personnel self control. We are taught to persevere regardless of the situation or outcome but losing self control frightens us because we get the sensation that we can not control our destiny.

Those who have PTSD are horrified that usually all these symptoms hit them: stress, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideations, trouble sleeping, racing thoughts, nightmares, lack of motivation, and lacking an appetite. It truly is overwhelming.

Response by SSG Steven Chirco made Aug 14 at 2019 5:37 PM

2019-08-14T17:37:19-04:00

The tough part is those of us who get to that point can always slip back to it very easily, even with all the help in the world. That’s why we make those calls out of the blue to check on our buddies we went through hell with. You might not know it at the time, but that call may be the one thing that saved them from pulling the trigger or not stepping off the chair with the noose around their neck. And if you need drugs for the rest of your life to keep fighting, then take them there’s no shame in using the tools available to you. Just keep fighting, as we all did!

Response by CPO Amb. Terry Earthwind Nichols made Aug 14 at 2019 6:11 PM

2019-08-14T18:11:16-04:00

Stories like these are heartfelt and sad. Repetitive Behavior Cellular Regression® (RBCR) is only 10 years old and very successful at stopping suicide ideation. The problem is that it is NOT medical. I am not a PhD nor do I have a medical school behind me. This IS trademarked and one only two behavioral health services out there today. We just keep plugging with the vision that the VA will give us shot on a small scale to prove it's results.

Response by Linda Samanns made Aug 14 at 2019 9:58 PM

2019-08-14T21:58:27-04:00

I cannot find a purpose since my husband died from agent orange related cancer. I also lost my job, which almost exactly coincided with his passing.
How do I get help? I am not the veteran, I went to therapy and they told me to do what makes me happy. Well I’m not quite sure what that is, and I have a grown daughter who lives with me and an elderly aunt I promised him I would take care of. I am so unhappy

Response by SFC Emanuel Marino made Aug 14 at 2019 10:04 PM

2019-08-14T22:04:17-04:00

hOW DO YOU ADJUST TO A LOVED ONE WHO HAS DIED

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Aug 15 at 2019 1:20 AM

2019-08-15T01:20:00-04:00

If I have a broken leg, long before I go to the doctor, I put a splint on it myself. If I have a toothache, I grin and bear it. If I have depression, I put on a happy face so that no one else has to deal with my sh...uhhh... stuff. I was raised - both as a child, and in the Army - to always be the helper, never the helpee.

Why don't I get the help I need? Who says I need it? And, more importantly, because the VA has a finite supply of precious resources, who says I need it MORE than that guy over there?

Why don't I get the help I deserve? Because my depression tells me that I DON'T deserve it. I am not worthy of it.

What is keeping me from the life I have earned? Nothing. My depression tells me that this misery is EXACTLY the life I have earned.

Of course, depression lies. But it also tells a whole hell of a lot of uncomfortable truths. And it is very hard to tell the difference when I am in the middle of a depressive episode.

I was consistently told that going to mental/behavioral health was a sign of strength, not weakness. Funny thing, it meant I needed a waiver to deploy. It also got me fired from an Army job. To be clear, it was the fact I was going, not any actions or inactions professionally. Sure, it's a sign of strength.... So strong we don't want you on our team or going with your unit to fulfill unit missions.

Society as a whole continues to view people with mental health problems not as broken, but rather as defective. And the Army reflects soceity's views. They talk a good game, but actions speak farblouder than words.

So as a last answer, why don't I get help? Because I don't want to be labeled.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Aug 15 at 2019 4:17 PM

2019-08-15T16:17:41-04:00

Excellent share Ms Nichole, some people are too proud to ask, and others think it's a sign of weakness.

Response by Sgt Frank Staples made Aug 15 at 2019 8:25 PM

2019-08-15T20:25:25-04:00

Because we think that we can handle it. We had a call a couple of years ago for a deputy sheriff that had been shot by a thug he was arresting. We set up an lz but as the chopper was circling to land they were waved off because the ambulance crew had started cpr. The deputy was declared dead at the hospital...and he was a friend of mine. Now I don't remember why but we ended up at our neighboring fire station and our chief asked if anyone wanted to talk to a stress debriefer and when he asked me I started to cry. If he hadn't asked me directly I'd have gone home and been messed up for a few days. Most any first responder has seen his share of death and it does build on you...in my case I've been a fatal accident photographer for the NCSHP for almost thirty five years and I've seen way more than most firemen. But this was my friend and I still think back to the days when we'd sit at a local restaurant and talk guns and fire and criminals.

Response by Aisha Amir made Aug 16 at 2019 9:45 AM

2019-08-16T09:45:54-04:00

I didn't get help because my matter it different.My matter is that I live in Pakistan.I am not American citizen but I always tried to help America & American Army in their all Peace loving works.I know that American Army is so good to do it's works but when I help them & I see that they are going to be successful then I feel great.American Army does not give me importance because I am not American but they have to see this that I am their friend.When ever America,Pakistan & Arab would come in any difficulty I will stand up to help them & I will help them till they will be successful.If you need my help any time then tell I will try my best to help you through my messages on net because I made {Aisha Amir's Peace Tree.} on net to spread Peace all over the world.Now a days I need your help to get my funds from the financial company that is Primerica financial company.I am trying to give them their fees that is $ 700 but I am facing many problems to send this money to them from Pakistan.Can you help me in this matter?I will be very much Thankful to you if you will help me in this matter.Thanks.

Response by SFC David Reid, M.S, PHR, SHRM-CP, DTM made Aug 16 at 2019 11:11 AM

2019-08-16T11:11:02-04:00

People often fail to take action for the things that need addressing!

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Aug 16 at 2019 11:11 AM

2019-08-16T11:11:06-04:00

Thanks for sharing this story, Nichole Ayres. After hearing your husband's perspective, I'm hopeful that this new leadership approach will encourage more troops to seek help sooner in their careers. Thank you and the CVN team for all you do!

Response by PO3 Lindsey Mathews made Aug 16 at 2019 3:33 PM

2019-08-16T15:33:32-04:00

well I go to the VA schedule an appointment. Show up to my appointment only to find that its been cancelled, rescheduled. Then VA reschedules my reschedule without letting me know. Then eventually I get scheduled and have an appointment but like OMG the provider is running behind, fine normal, I'm used to it and then someone asks me if this is my fathers insurance or where is my husband. Trick question, I'm the veteran. Rude.

The waiting room is a straight circus, the doctors are clowns, and the nurses bust their booties all well being undermined by Hawaii VA's most inept doctors. Thats why I'll just skip this whole mess and go to a witch doctor or maybe if I'm lucky the local elementary school will have a school nurse. Women's Clinic on Oahu is an absolute joke, the new Veterans Choice program is too confusing to be useful (I go to the town halls, read the emails, ask friends... nope dont get it).

Veterans Affairs Women's healthcare is a slap in the face. Veterans Affairs is not prepared for Women Veterans, its just not. The nurses are working their butts off, I feel like they deserve a lot more credit but the doctors are just not good.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 23 at 2019 1:04 PM

2019-08-23T13:04:11-04:00

Thank you for such a heartfelt story! I am a DAV Commander from NOrwood, MA and this subject its home... I am also an advisory Board Member in "Victory for Veterans" and a contributor in "Warriors For Life" Both headed by COL Mikel J. Burroughs Ret. amd the latter deals with issues associated with Suicide... Thank you again for Posting this!

Response by SGT Dean Luedtke made Aug 23 at 2019 6:29 PM

2019-08-23T18:29:23-04:00

Thank you for the post.... I was in the "shove it down and carry on" camp for 33 years. I was able to carry on I thought, but was not necessarily as good as it could have been. I have brought it to light and started getting help. Still rough at times, but going forward. Some are not as lucky to find coping mechanisms and think there is no other way out. Maybe it is time to have some regular visits to a therapist for those coming out of combat areas, AND those transitioning to civilian life. Any stigma associated with a therapist will be gone if it is part of the normal PCS and ETS orders for ALL military personnel.

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Aug 24 at 2019 1:35 PM

2019-08-24T13:35:49-04:00

Nichole Ayres Please make contact with me at your earliest convenience - I would like to talk to you about "Warriors for Life" (WFL) Virtual Group Support. You can red a little about it here, but I'm interested in connecting and discussing the program and what you're doing. Thanks for sharing that unbleieveabel heartfelt story with us to day on RallyPoint. Sincerely COL (Ret) Mikel Burroughs
https://victoryforveterans.org/who-we-are/services/warriors-for-life/

WARRIORS FOR LIFE (WFL) VIRTUAL GROUP SUPPORT COMMUNITY SERVICES

Warriors For Life is expanding to offer this valuable time during the week for Veterans to connect and share about their lives, struggles and more from once a week to three in the hopes of operating each night of the week very soon.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 26 at 2019 3:46 PM

2019-08-26T15:46:17-04:00

I believe in many cases of a trifecta of cursors to suicide.
- Many folks who have PTSD also have a drug or alcohol addiction.
- Racing thoughts, depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, and nightmares become overbearing.
- The last is the most important. They lose hope that life can be improved.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 26 at 2019 8:09 PM

2019-08-26T20:09:24-04:00

When you fall so far and can't get up, ask to go inpatient. Initially it feels kind of like prison, but it is a safe warm place for you.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 28 at 2019 5:31 PM

2019-08-28T17:31:51-04:00

A couple thoughts:
- Get a proper diagnosis for a soldier and make his/her well being as the top priority for the soldier.
- There are various reasons that make soldiers fear asking for help. I was in my 18th year mark in my career when I finally realized I needed help. I had a great fear of not making to 20.
- Sometimes it is hard to make rational decisions due to PTSD and other mental challenges.

Response by PO3 Paul Lowrey made Aug 30 at 2019 12:51 PM

2019-08-30T12:51:55-04:00

I'm a Combat Veteran of the Vietnam war and without going into a lot of detail I was diagnosed with PTSD. Back then it was just the ethos of the time to not want to talk about it. It was just something that you didn't do or did back then. It's probably the same way now.

Response by SFC James Gillespie made Sep 8 at 2019 10:54 PM

2019-09-08T22:54:22-04:00

For me it was the fear that it would destroy my career in the Army. Which it did. As soon as my chain of command found out that I had PTSD they flagged me for promotion and just started handling me with kid gloves. No weapons quals, no schools, no promotions.

Now your probably asking why I would seek help knowing all this. Well for me it was the 40 cal. Sig that i had in my mouth pointed towards my brain, loaded with hydroshocks so that I could do the job right. The final thought that stopped me from dropping the hammer was the thought that my 2 year old daughter would be calling someone else daddy when she got older.

After crying in self pity for about an hour, I went to my nearest military base, and talked to the shrink, who immediately called my wife, had her lock up my guns and knives, and started my 3 year road to recovery.

This started in 2009, I'm much better today, but like everyone else, I still have good days and bad days. I keep in contact with a few of my battle buddies and we check on each other to make sure everything's alright.

still did it

Response by SN Donald Hoffman made Sep 9 at 2019 12:27 AM

2019-09-09T00:27:39-04:00

My story is different then most on Rally Point. My injury was not combat related. Yes I damaged my knee in the eighties during the Cold War on subs. I medically discharged after surgery to repair it. I spent the next 20 years having one surgery after the other to repair it. None of the surgeries were done at the VA due to the horrible reviews from vets. With each surgery my depression and pain escalated. I had two total knee replacements on my left leg, both failed, my depression grew worse, but I did not realize just how bad it was. It has now been 28 years with my quality of life deceasing every year. My wife knew how bad it was when she hid the key to my gun safe. I had no hope as I was exhausted from fighting the pain and depression. I did not see anyone, for the depression or the pain because I felt I did not deserve it. I guess as so many years past from the injury and did not know how to say what I was feeling. Who would understand my pain and depression. I was getting worse, until a bullet seemed the only way to go. My wife suggested the VA after I told her I could not do it any more, I was worn down to nothing. I had an internal leg amputation done on the left leg. My pain level did not decrease, actually it got worse. I was at the end, I started seeing a psychiatrist with the VA as I had no other choice. It has been 6 months, and I am still in extreme pain and still have depression. More bad days then good, but I am having good days now. In short, I had nothing left I had two choices, a bullet or seek professional help. I have to thank my wife for never giving up on me. I will continue to fight every day.

Response by 1LT Vernon Bagley made Sep 11 at 2019 4:39 PM

2019-09-11T16:39:15-04:00

I am 75 yrs. young and am so grateful for the assistance provided to me by the VA. When I first began treatment I considered myself weak having to ask for help, if only I knew that my constant, emotional turmoil was treatable, not curable but treatable. Today my life is spent thinking more about my tomorrow's and less about my tour of duty. Learning how to cope with PTSD is one of the most important accomplishments in my life. Thank You VA

Response by SFC Nyla Newville made Sep 19 at 2019 8:54 AM

2019-09-19T08:54:54-04:00

For me I felt a lone, I didn't fit in this world anymore, counseling did help and so did the meds but there are still days.. but my horse and trainer helps me though those days she keeps me going and gives me goals to look forward to

Response by SSG Franklin Briant made Sep 30 at 2019 12:34 AM

2019-09-30T00:34:38-04:00

People deal with things in their own way, some good, some not so good. Due to the profession we have chosen do not allow for weakness. As a leader you should know the troops you are leading well enough to know when they are acting out of the norm. Talk with the squad and team members to narrow down the cause for the change and then talk to the individual to get the help they need. But it would be easier for a peer or friend to approach the individual and bring the situation to light. During my 20 years of service I still have things that bother me with different triggers that may set me off. I have not been to the point of needing help but if someone I trusted approached me about my actions I would ask for help. I have had to deal with way too many suicides in both my military career and my career in corrections after the military, one is too damn many for me.

Response by MSgt Carl Stokes made Oct 1 at 2019 12:31 PM

2019-10-01T12:31:04-04:00

Im glad some folks got help, Me Im sick and tired of the VA Just pushing pills off on me. The commands could have done something with us when we were all still together instead of just working us until the day we went home and now our families have to do what the military should have. Im tired of being asked do you feel like hurting yourself or others? Shit yea-on a daily basis but you know what will happen if you say it. Just because you feel it doesn't mean your gonna do it. Until they make a pill that makes you happy again I dont think there is any help.

Response by CPO Drew Stanley made Oct 10 at 2019 8:16 AM

2019-10-10T08:16:45-04:00

Nichole, excellent question. My initial reaction is that there are many ways to get help and not everyone needs the same thing. Like many, I don't want to be diagnosed, labeled, or categorized. I want to find my way forward and continue to carry the load that is mine to bear. I did seek help after my wife demanded it (thank you baby!). Up to that point, I didn't think I had a problem. I saw both a psychologist and a psychiatrist and both told me my faith was a major problem to my mental well-being. After that I decided to do my own reading and research to find ways to overcome the issues I was experiencing. This seemed to work best for me as it was aligned with my personality, I am not a big talker and sharing things with people I don't know is a non-starter anyway. I also allowed my faith to be the biggest voice and encouragement in my "getting better." It gives me someone I trust to talk with whenever I need to talk, someone to listen to when I need a gentle word or a stiff lecture about my behavior. My wife has also been a major factor in getting better though I DO NOT share details with her or anyone else (no secondary traumatization). I do let her know when I'm having a bad day and if I just need some space, or time, or a hug. I'm still "getting better" and getting help in my own way. Perhaps it has made my growth a little slower than it might otherwise be, but it works for me. I know bad experiences don't need to mean a bad life - post-traumatic growth is my thing. I take encouragement from those who have fought the fight before me and those who are fighting it around me. So thank you to all of you living a positive example, there are plenty of folks like me who are quietly watching, listening, and growing. May you be blessed in your own journeys.

Response by Jennifer Lee (Doerflinger) Hill made Oct 16 at 2019 5:21 AM

2019-10-16T05:21:20-04:00

By just going to see the base psychiatrist/counselor, I lost my security clearance. How does that encourage people to care for their mental health?

Response by PFC Donnie Harold Harris made Oct 19 at 2019 7:58 AM

2019-10-19T07:58:46-04:00

When one breaks a leg and go es to the doctor the reaction is fine. When it is in your head - you are watched- criticized - evaluated/invalidated(the worst of the list) and drugged out of your mind. as if you are the cause of the Blast that blew away your friends. Yes, it is hard to ask for help because I grew up in the shadow of Eli Lilly plant as a child where Ruiomer had it they were cooking monkie brians at night. leave a smell. I know where the meds come from. and it ant good people. The opioid crisis was designed to destabilize the weaken the warier. Instead of real help like a good talk a good cry and a dam good hug.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 19 at 2019 3:09 PM

2019-10-19T15:09:33-04:00

Sometimes there is an unmitigated fear of closing a new era, career, and the future. We try to stay the course during uncertain times.

Response by SPC(P) Chandler Lonergan made Oct 19 at 2019 4:27 PM

2019-10-19T16:27:35-04:00

I am building http://www.charliemike.life for that reason right there!

www.charliemike.life

Response by LCDR Mike Morrissey made Oct 20 at 2019 1:45 AM

2019-10-20T01:45:13-04:00

In 1975, my wife of 2 yrs told me I was not sleeping in the same bad that night unless I went to see a psychologist friend of ours. The nightmares were just getting too frequent and accompanied by unholy screams. I saw him. I took the MMPI and would get the results in a few days. He called that night and got an emergency appt. with his psychiatrist colleague who prescribed a med. I slept for over 36 hrs straight. As a shore establishment C.O. I figured I would just go over to the medical side. The appt. and med were expensive. My HMC stopped me cold. If I had gone, I would be boarded out. Funny, alcoholics were sent to rehab. Mental cases...out. I was actually suffering from PTSD from my riverine combat tour before I met my wife. I thought nightmares were just things we had now and then. My wife saw it was happening more often than I knew.

So I continued to pay out of pocket. Then I deployed as the third senior officer of a large ship in 1980. Midway through the deployment I was an absolute mess not having had more than an hours straight sleep for weeks at a time. I asked for help and was returned as a burnout to the Oakland Naval Hospital for 6 months. I quickly learned that the effort was not to keep me but discharge. I learned the ropes very quickly and got through the gauntlet. I was one of 2 out of 242 officers to return to duty. My career was burned, but at least I’d reach 20.

3 yrs later I was assigned as president of an Admin Discharge Board. A 1st Class P.O. (A stellar 4.0 Sailor) was on the chopping block as a psych misfit—for decking the idiot who insulted his Hispanic wife in a parking lot. One haymaker punch. At the hearing, the psychologist who recommended his discharge was present. I asked him which tests he administered, how many sessions he had with the sailor, what was the total time he took with the sailor. It turns out—zero tests and one 15 minute session. I asked him given the sailor had 7 yrs of 4.0 with no other (not even an awol) infractions how he figured 15 minutes was sufficient to ruin a career and a family’s future?

The sailor was returned to full duty, the issue expunged, with a unanimous vote.

A day later, I got a call from the psych’s boss, a Navy Captain (O-6) who proceeded to ream me out. Well, he tried. I told him I was the President of the Board, and he had absolutely no standing to address me in such a matter. He then called my boss..a salty O-6 ...big mistake.

All this to say, my experience with military medicine is greatly influence by a consistent miscarriage of justice. There is no physician patient confidentiality. Physicians work for DOD.

I only had to serve 1 year in a combat environment and could not be sent back without volunteering. I can’t understand how our service members are expected to return so many times to real combat environs and not expect major mental injuries. The true unseen killers and destroyer of relationships.

A civilian friend of mine who is a very skilled and experienced PhD psychiatrist who practices in the Pacific Northwest continues to see the results of soldiers who sought help and ended up put out. We are systematically destroying a fighting force. A former Supreme Commander of Nato Forces has written that we need the draft in order to drive home to the public what we are doing to our young. 18 yr olds are being sent to fight a war that started before they were born.

Response by CW4 Craig Urban made Oct 20 at 2019 9:03 AM

2019-10-20T09:03:42-04:00

I do not need any help. The VA is broke. Hit the streets young lady. And get our vets off the streets and get illegals off the street

Response by SSG James Mielke made Nov 3 at 2019 11:59 PM

2019-11-03T23:59:54-05:00

Why?
Because I was taught self-reliance and self-control.
Also, as the youngest son of a WWII veteran and the very youngest sibling of whose elder brothers served in Vietnam, I was told exactly what to expect should I ever go into combat in the nuclear age.
I understood my life expectancy was probably very short and did my level best to keep that in mind through every combat training scenario I was ever put in.
It helped keep my calm and think my way out of most of the bad scenarios I found myself in.
Those years of preparation prior to Desert Storm and a deployment in 03 (prior to retiring) and coming under fire, and returning fire to knowingly kill helped me to compartmentalize the experience and to open that box for very quick peeks at the things I suppressed and thus, work through them gradually.
The self-control my father instilled in me was of its greatest value when it came to dealing with those I loved. They knew I was 'not quite the same' and working through things but I was able to control how I interacted with them so as to never lose control of myself, mostly walking away from situations, and being very careful when I could not walk away.
And to be completely honest, as much as my father was, Mr. Spock and Yoda were also great role models. 'Bad things happen when you let your emotions control you'.

Response by SSG Jerry Pannell made Nov 10 at 2019 9:46 AM

2019-11-10T09:46:08-05:00

I understand where you coming from a friend of mind was also a Veteran like my self I met him while working in a factory an we were good friends an he was going thru a divorce an I was there for him then one day he shot him self an i wished he had called me before he done this we can help if we see the signs think about him every day.

Response by MAJ Michelle Goodnight made Nov 15 at 2019 11:33 AM

2019-11-15T11:33:39-05:00

... because you see people like me all the time. I did go the mental health to get the help I needed. It ended my career.

Response by SPC Paul Jadlowski made Nov 15 at 2019 12:04 PM

2019-11-15T12:04:32-05:00

For me, it’s because they tell me I don’t qualify. I wasn’t deployed to Desert Shield, I did not get any kind of medical retirement (because I was a kid and didn’t know about it), and I’m not transitioning. So because I served from 1988 to 1992 in the army, I don’t qualify for nearly anything especially all these new programs that weren’t even around at that time, we aren’t even grandfathered in. It’s nice to see all these wonderful programs these companies have for those who served in the last ten years. Honestly it is. I just wish those of us who were forced to be stateside to support the war efforts and made it possible to keep the infrastructure intact were eligible.

And don’t think for a second I don’t anguish every time I think about my close brothers who fell in battle and I had to read about it and feel like a lowly piece of trash because I know I could have made a difference.

Sorry for the rant, I still bear the pain and depression and the occasional suicidal thought like everyone else. Being an IT engineer out of work for the last few months has not helped. But reading the others have these issues makes me not feel like a pariah as much. Hell, they won’t even let me go to the VA. Ah well..

God bless each and every one of you

Response by Debbie Gray made Nov 18 at 2019 9:10 PM

2019-11-18T21:10:19-05:00

I went to my husbands superiors..to no avail...Was devastating & horrific the way “suicide” was addressed in the 90’s. I have been literally fighting for Surviving Spouse Benefits...aka...Military ID Card,
VA Loan Benefits, my husbands Retirement/Pension for 21 years!!!! We got nothing except a military funeral. Just this year, I went to an Army Base..2 amazing civilian employees in the deers dept...listened...I’m told that I need to go to an AFB to get my ID & that I do qualify for VA LOAN BENEFITS, but since he committed suicide at age 42 & would now be 63, he could draw his retirement, but unfortunately, I can’t?????? This is so wrong...all these yrs as a surviving widow, no help...no offers of grief counseling...nothing...& I pleaded with his departure base, DOD & Feds...I will never stop fighting! This is just wrong! So many years passed , & now I learn we should have got some benefits??? I am thankful to get my ID card...I will truly believe it when I get to the USAF BASE! Military families lives are forever effected & changed forever, a paper technicality does not validate our Government..with holding his retirement pay ! He didn’t know he was gonna shot himself!!! Omg!
A journey...thank y’all for sharing my story & assistances thereof! God Bless!
Surviving Spouse

Response by SN Herman Lee made Nov 25 at 2019 11:52 AM

2019-11-25T11:52:20-05:00

Why would I not get help? I'm not lazy, but sometimes the first person who needs help is usually the last to seek help.

Response by PFC Richard Hughes made Dec 15 at 2019 11:52 PM

2019-12-15T23:52:33-05:00

For some like myself asking for help isn't an option. PTSD is bad enough but when you exacerbate out with the designator of MST? For me it would have been UCMJ action levied against myself. I was 19 (under age), I was drinking with NCO's ( fraternization), then the accusation would be against a well liked and respected combat vet (mid 1980's). I believe that further UCMJ action would have been taken against me for what would have been making a false report, even though it would have been completely true. Then there was the shame of being assaulted, the fear of being labeled as gay in a time of no tolerance for it.

I had no option but to bury it for 30 years. Multiple suicides (once having been turned away from the VA DD-214 in hand), destroyed ability for intimacy, harming my now ex wife from the flash back, self esteem issues, destroyed military career..

In the past 3 months I have been able to get some help, but my life has been destroyed from it. I also screwed up after the assault to the point of an early discharge (honorably discharged). In the majority of situations, I'm not eligible for any VA benefits.

I guess to answer the question directly, there was fear, shame and guilt. There would have been a stigma as well. I'm just now, after 30+ years attempting to get a rating for the PTSD. And yes I can give you the name of my assailant...it's forever etched in my mind.

Response by SFC David Dean made Dec 20 at 2019 3:04 AM

2019-12-20T03:04:28-05:00

We confront each day a battle and it is called life. Each thought or action is based to one degree or another on a choice. Sometimes the choice made is a good one or bad one or as some would like to address them intelligent or thoughtful. The axiom of walk a mile in my shoes is significant because it lends credence to the why and how someone makes such choices. More often though some seek to condemn a choice yet they do not possess the same mindset that the specific individual has at a given moment. It has been quoted that men are linear thinking while women are global thinkers. I do not ascribe to either polar opposite of such positions. I am more inclined toward the perspective that each of us takes a path which we are most familiar with or comfortable in embarking on. Such so-called trendy medical diagnosis that has termed this phenomena as PTSD or such is to me not unlike feeling around in the dark, touching something and in turn deciding to give it a name. Our brothers and sisters are not suffering from some unknown or new disorder; rather we now find that its easier for society to label something and pretend that somehow they now are devoted to a cure for these new illnesses. The choice of taking one's life is not as simple or correlated to a specific event or set of challenges one has encountered for an example. However; that is exactly what some medical and laypersons want to attach to a person. People fail more often at the simple and most elementary aspect of such suffering which is to listen and hear what a person it saying to attempting to explain. More often than not people immediately attempt to find a solution for the assumed trouble or problem someone has at the given moment. Certainly at some juncture other types of treatment can be employed but, one thing that seems troubling absent to first identify the problem. If we fail in the most basic step it logically follows that solutions that are offered do little to resolve the problem(s) for the person. I have heard and seen the statistics about 22 a day and I am deeply troubled by such events. I am also acutely aware of the stigma some choose to attach to someone who actually does seek assistance to resolve their issues. Some of us are emotionally and physically stronger or more able handle such conflicts than we believe. That can be a strength and we necessarily must in turn find ways to be examples for those who may be struggling with issues that they feel overwhelmed by. My experiences with some confronting these situations has been to employ the aforementioned method to try and listen first before offering advice and solutions. Actually providing a chance to someone to talk is an opportunity for them explain the problem and potentially to hear in their own words what it is that concerns them. On some occasions it may even provide them a path to find their own solutions. Overall we need to give our brothers and sisters in arms the respect to be heard and accord them the dignity they have earned. Society does owe a debt for what everyone in uniform has given.

Response by CPO Nate S. made Dec 30 at 2019 3:38 PM

2019-12-30T15:38:03-05:00

Nichole Ayres War is not the ONLY source of traumatic experiences. Often times people bring baggage with them into the service. As a retired US Chief Navy Corpsman I cannot tell how many times sailors and marines have came to me knocking at my sickbay door at zero-dark-thirty needing to talk. Sometimes, it was about just needing an ear and someone who would not judge them. Other times, they knew they needed help and that I may not be the person to given the help they really needed, but they knew I would keep them safe in sickbay until I could get them the help they needed.

SGT Ben Keen is 100% correct people don't often get help immediately. Largely because of the fear of "...being labeled...." Our society talks about mental health but then punishes those who gain the courage to reach out, only to have doors slammed in their faces.

Ms. Nichole Ayres you are right regarding that there is some BS out there (aka people trying to get over); however, what PFC Donnie Harold Harris says when he uses "...Labeling is the quick descent into hell..." is very true. I have seen it too many times.

Finally, MAJ Ken Landgren says "It has been my experience that soldiers with PTSD often fall into two camps: Treat them like they have no problem, or focus on their treatment." I would say that those with PTSD fall into three different kind of camps:

Camp 1 - Those that have a FAMILY, a COMMUNITY (aks Social Network) and a COMMAND (aka Workcenter) atmosphere that values their humanity and understands the frailty of that humanity who are ready, will and able to help them heal without bounds (aka unconditionally.) This is very rare! But, is the best situation where each of these centers is in harmony to support the other.

Camp 2 - Those that have a FAMILY, but may not have a COMMUNITY and/or a COMMAND (workcenter) atmosphere that values their humanity and understands the frailty of that humanity who are ready, will and able to help them heal without bounds (aka unconditionally.) This means that outside their family their support network breaks down in the community and/or in the command when others who are able to help either don't know how or will not help. This is somewhat common.

Camp 3 - Those that don't have a FAMILY, but do have, a COMMUNITY and/or a COMMAND (workcenter) atmosphere that values their humanity and understands the frailty of that humanity. People, whose family situations don't allow for their openness who force them to be silent inside that particular circle of "desired trust" only to share their pain with others, albeit in a safe space, often finding themselves at the most at risk and at odds with those they need to trust the most - family!

In closing, keep up your good work! There is a lot to still do:

- Each FAMILY needs to receive the tools to empower them to be better givers of care under difficult situations;

- Each COMMUNITY needs to set standards of wholistic caring that don't form the quicksand of pity; rather, creates the bulwark that recognizes their needs and works to empower the community to be better givers of support for the care that is needed; and,

- Each COMMAND (aka WORKCENTER) must set the tone and behaviors expected that sets a higher standard of engagement so that each member of a team can continue to feel productive and valued while at the same time get the help they need without fear with out labels!

All three of these camps as SGT Ben Keen articulated, impacts "...the fear of being labeled...":

- Labeled in the Family!
- Labeled in the Community!
- Labeled in the Command / Workcenter!

With so many opportunities to be labelled (usually negatively), there is little wonder why people often feel overwhelmed and unprepared to seek the healing they know they need, they want and they deserve!

Just a few words for your consideration.

Response by CPT Dennis Stevenson made Jan 1 at 2020 9:42 AM

2020-01-01T09:42:05-05:00

In my own case, it came late (I was 65ish) and it was hard to tie to military service. But what helped me was to really work on mindful meditations. My own theory on this stuff is that it has to do with what's called the "default mode network", the thinking pattern that emerges when you are not focusing on something. Mindful meditation will interrupt the pattern.

Response by TSgt David Olson made Jan 3 at 2020 3:37 PM

2020-01-03T15:37:23-05:00

Sometimes it takes other things to get help. My case of PTSD is classic. Korea and Vietnam tours back to back. It was 40 years later that I was diagnosed with PTSD. It was when I was being evaluated for Agent Orange that the psychologist, part of the exam, said I was the most classic case she had seen to date 1998. I had no idea what PTSD even was or had even heard of it. One thing to another and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist as suffering PTSD. I was rated by the VA with 100% disability. I’m not cured, but with medication and counseling it is under control.

Response by SGT Peter Paden made Jan 3 at 2020 7:00 PM

2020-01-03T19:00:41-05:00

DoD very good at turning civilians into soldiers not so good at turning soldiers back into a civilian. VA just getting the message VET CENTERS have been at the forefront in helping vets with PTS and were among the first to remove the D which was a tag put on it by mental experts. So if u know a vet in distress or a active duty member tell them to go to a Vet Center for help. They understand and believe it they are like a lost brother as far as the VA in concerned

Response by SGT Everett M. Cheney made Jan 4 at 2020 8:08 PM

2020-01-04T20:08:59-05:00

Sought help , had to continue looking until I found someone that would put in the work In. My words are these, don’t give up keep getting back up , keep reaching out til you find that person or professional that “gets us”
this is the way .

Response by PV2 Keith Young made Jan 5 at 2020 9:13 PM

2020-01-05T21:13:50-05:00

I was sexually assaulted in basic training. It took me 35 years to come to grips, let alone report it. The VA is jerking me around and it is and still is hard to deal with. Yeah, I have had some real bad days and nightmares. I have a standing appointment at the Vet Center to deal with it. It takes a warrior to deal and ask for help

Response by SGT James Perander made Jan 8 at 2020 7:00 PM

2020-01-08T19:00:51-05:00

The real question is? You can never get the care in Washington state Lakewood wa is the worse hospital in country, you can ask for help all you want, I’ve been asking for years and I’m still living in pain because there the most incompetent doctors ever. If you don’t believe me stick around and when fucking 20 years by and your words that what you were when you got out they won’t give a shit about you, and that’s a fact!

Response by SGT Jerry Cossette made Jan 8 at 2020 7:20 PM

2020-01-08T19:20:24-05:00

I tried 1989 to 2011. some counselors are flakes. Some group members are flakes. Had lots of bad experiences. Then when I complained I was lied to. I know what the truth is. They know I know what the truth is. But I'm just another crazy Vietnam veteran that has no integrity as far as they are concerned.

Response by PO3 Dave Naylor made Jan 8 at 2020 7:22 PM

2020-01-08T19:22:19-05:00

One of the major problem is TriWest getting us appointments I know.

Response by SN Matt Bonaker made Jan 8 at 2020 7:30 PM

2020-01-08T19:30:37-05:00

I myself could use assistance. I was diagnosed with mental illness which got me out of the Navy. That was 1996. I have been without veterans benefits all these years and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The trouble is I served 13 months and I have been told that that's not long enough. Is there anything I can do to get mental heath assistance through the VA and benefits?

Response by MSgt Juan Salinas made Jan 8 at 2020 7:55 PM

2020-01-08T19:55:11-05:00

what now, I'm confused.

Response by PO1 Ray Stephens made Jan 8 at 2020 8:39 PM

2020-01-08T20:39:23-05:00

I feel that we all deal with the stresses of service in different ways. I had chosen to deal with my stresses by immersing myself in my work for decades. Made me successful professionally, but a failure in relationships. And yes, none of us wants to be labeled by others. Hell, I think we do it to ourselves far faster than others put the label on us. Doing charity work for those who serve/d, has done a great deal to help me through the bad days. I simply ignored the PTSD for years. I guess its kind of like being an addict, the first thing is to admit that healing cannot be done alone. Sometimes it takes help, in some form or another. Sometimes just talking to a brother or sister. We dont get the help we need because we got trained to push through any situation. We simply do not have to do that any more. It took me many years to admit that!

Response by SPC Vaughn Orndorff made Jan 8 at 2020 9:36 PM

2020-01-08T21:36:08-05:00

I think many former military people , especially those living in rural areas like to hunt, target practice , desire a home defense weapon or just enjoy plinking. The way things are today if a person tries to get help for any kind of mental issues , they risk getting their firearms confiscated so they just go on as best as they can.

Response by MSgt Roger Callewaert made Jan 8 at 2020 10:13 PM

2020-01-08T22:13:05-05:00

Unfortunately the VA doesn't stand behind all military members equally. My daughter served 6 years in the Wisconsin Air National Guard and was honorably discharged. She has been struggling with serious depression issues. I convinced her to allow me (24 year retiree) to take her to the Clement Zablocki VA hospital in Milwaukee for evaluation. Upon registering, she was informed since she did not serve any active duty time, she was not eligible for treatment. Very poor service for their military members.

Response by SPC James Brooks made Jan 8 at 2020 10:42 PM

2020-01-08T22:42:15-05:00

Tried getting help from the VA for over fifth-teen years. I was made to feel like I was begging for scraps. I'm not made that way. I filed out application after application because I was encouraged by my fellow vets not to give up. The last time I applied for help, I received a response saying that I wasn't in the area that I said I was in and they don't have any proof that anything ever happened. They said that I never served in the DMZ. That is the biggest insult that one can receive. I sent along with my application my DD214, letters of accommodation proving the incidence and more.
It seems like no one ever read anything or cared to. I am through. I just stopped begging and I feel that my friends/brothers gave their lives for a good reason but didn't know that they would not get the support that was promised had they survived. Now I know why we didn't get a welcome home party. Just venting because I read my turn down again this morning.

Response by Lt Col Leslie Bryant made Jan 8 at 2020 11:12 PM

2020-01-08T23:12:42-05:00

That question sounds so simple. But imagine you have served 28 yrs as LGBQT under Don’t Ask , Don’t Tell Military Policy and don’t Come Out until several years after retirement because you still think you have to follow military regs. It’s taken 37 yrs for me to Come Out. I struggle with Depression daily as a result of a policy that should never have been. I spend 25% of my pension on mental health because being Gay and how we were treated doesn’t count. Did I not think my mental health a priority, I would be dead. I have contemplated suicide twice in the past year and still do. Finding a LGBQT Community Center and a LGQBT Psychologist has helped but it never escapes me that I’m a veteran having to seek civilian community resources and would be dead were it left to the Veterans Administration.

Response by SGT Philip Dunckel made Jan 8 at 2020 11:58 PM

2020-01-08T23:58:27-05:00

I ETS in 1988. I have never had insurance and never filed with the VA. Did not want to be a leach. I tried to register and was told I made "just abut too much. " I could not even get a VA card to get a 10 percent discount at Lowes. The hell with the VA.

Response by SPC Nancy Greene made Jan 9 at 2020 2:17 AM

2020-01-09T02:17:12-05:00

Excellent Share Nicole!

Response by SFC Don Vance made Jan 9 at 2020 2:22 AM

2020-01-09T02:22:28-05:00

I didn't get the help I needed until it was almost too late. I got the help I needed, got sober, and was fine for several years. Then my life started falling apart again and no one around me could see it because my wife's attitude had pushed them away. I realized that I needed help and that the only way to get better was to leave my wife because she was doing everything that my counselors had told her not to do. Today I'm living in a hotel in a different city, haven't talked to her in four months and I'm truly beginning to heal. Counseling and talking with other veterans is the best way to begin healing.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 9 at 2020 7:08 AM

2020-01-09T07:08:10-05:00

For me, I don’t because the help isn’t available. I’m in the chronic pain clinic at Walter Reed, but they’re always backed up 2-3 months. For example, my last appointment was on January 3 and I took the next available, on February 20. Add to that the fact that the 3 hour round trip on the Metro also causes stress and pain, and there’s not much to do. When I went to patient advocacy, they just shrugged and said the hospital is underresourced.

Response by MSG Brenda Neal made Jan 9 at 2020 8:54 AM

2020-01-09T08:54:55-05:00

VA crisis line experience. You are asked if you feel like harming yourself or others. I was in crisis but did not in anyway want to kill myself. Therefore to them a crisis does not exist. You are informed they will put in a referral for you to the VA. I can hear them listing off canned questions that puts a person into a worst crisis because they don't apply to me personally. I've been a square peg pounded into a round hole at the VA since the 1980s. No accountability and programs that put Vets on a deadline to recover in mental health is absurd for chronic PTSD and the criteria is based on symptoms that are even posted on the internet so it's possible to claim the diagnosis to receive a check. Sadly I see this happening and see the difficulty it places on those who truly suffer. It's biological not mental, should be assessed from childhood and is better helped through a neurologist who isn't influenced by VA regulations whose standard is whole inadequate for actual long term treatment.

Response by PO3 Garland Krause made Jan 9 at 2020 4:38 PM

2020-01-09T16:38:57-05:00

I have a Less Than Honorable Discharge from 1984 and An Honorable Discharge from !972. Am I S.O.L. with the VA

Response by Sgt Walter McLaughlin made Jan 9 at 2020 8:30 PM

2020-01-09T20:30:11-05:00

Because the VA is the culprit and they are not friendly when you protest or hold them accountable!

Response by SSgt William Simon made Jan 9 at 2020 9:30 PM

2020-01-09T21:30:22-05:00

I was in denial of my PTSD for 35 years. I knew I was having chronic symptoms but couldn't admit to myself how I was impacted by my Viet Nam experiences. I looked fine in the mirror, so how could I have PTSD? Eventually I couldn't hold it together any longer, and it was not pretty. I finally had to admit to myself that I need help to go on.
Went to the VA, got help with how to manage symptoms that never have gone away.

Response by SP5 Dennis Mccauley made Jan 10 at 2020 4:42 PM

2020-01-10T16:42:24-05:00

MY HUSBAND DENNIS C. MCCAULEY IS 100% SERVICE CONNECTED AND I AM HIS WIFE ALSO DISABLED AND I TAKE TOTAL CARE IF MY SPOUSE BUT CANNOT LIFT HIM. HE IS IN DIRE NEED OF A LIFT CHAIR BUT THE TAMPA VA SAYS THEY DO NOT GIVE THESE. HE HAS FALLEN SEVERAL TIMES TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE RECLINER HE USES. CAN ANYTHING BE DONETO GET HIM A RECLINING LIFT CHAIR? THANK YOU, ROBERTA D. MCCAULEY, SPOUSE

Response by SPC Mark Mattson made Jan 11 at 2020 11:58 AM

2020-01-11T11:58:49-05:00

I have fought my battles privately for 40 years. I never shared my tramatic event, not even with my wife. Even though, I met here while on medical leave. After months in the hospital, recovering in a burn unit for three more months I was given 45 days medical leave. I met her on day 4. Obviously she knew I was in the Army and recovering, yet the subject was off the table. I had nightmares nights. At times they get violent. We had to sleep in separate bedrooms. My children had to endure boot camp when they miss behaved. The military and a fraction of a second has been a heavy burden to carry. I have been homeless a couple times, and at the top of my game. I have worked through every morning minor and major injury. I'm stuck in a wheelchair, and still fight my mental and physical injuries. Seven months ago a visit to a VA emergancy room and the deep depression that had me in a dark place got me refered to mental health. I got discharged after my discharge date; discharged from the hospital. I have been in this fight and running away from it my entire life. I reached my limit, so I joined PTSD groups. I'm still in my fight, but now I am armed better. I don't deal well with athority, so I just made sure I was in charge. I never left the military. Thanks to VA mental health, I'm now on meds and finally getting treated. It's not gone, and I doubt anyone other than a veteran of war will ever understand the price we pay. One flash of hot burning flames, witnessing your best friends tragic event, as well as your own...wow. it was and remains bad. But getting into mental health, has helped so much.

Response by CPL Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 11 at 2020 2:32 PM

2020-01-11T14:32:18-05:00

I lived in denial for the better part of 40 years, never really understanding why my life was a wreck, divorce, prison, anger, o friends. Finally DAV helped me out. I am not proud of the fact that I am 100% disabled as a result of my inability to function normally, but I know why and that has helped me to cope

Response by AN Steve Matin made Jan 11 at 2020 3:50 PM

2020-01-11T15:50:02-05:00

When seeking help the doctors I feel just stop helping you. Constant pain and I'm kept waiting for treatment. And once it starts I feel like they stop wanting to help.

Response by SSgt Carroll Straus made Jan 14 at 2020 7:32 PM

2020-01-14T19:32:57-05:00

Half hour appointment with a therapist? Useless.

Response by SPC Zam Iel made Jan 17 at 2020 2:12 PM

2020-01-17T14:12:09-05:00

When I realized I needed help I tried to figure out how to juggle work with what the VA offered. This ended with me literally begging the VA for almost a year to help me. The "crisis hotline" only cares if you are suicidal... if not they message your local VAMH facility. The local MH facility calls you to check your name off a list, they bring you in.. talk to you for 5 minutes and throw pills at you without actually taking the time to know what you need...then you get thrown into "no available appointment" merry-go-round. Seven more months of fighting I get community care... which leads to a whole new set of problems. Two years after seeking help all I have is more questions and more problems... worse off than when I started.

Response by SPC Steven Nihipali made Feb 3 at 2020 12:01 PM

2020-02-03T12:01:13-05:00

It's all about the labeling... missing out on training because you have an appointment with psych and team leader, squad, section whatever has to make that up. Range time, rock March, e.t.c... its all the Army's way of saying shut up or get out

Response by SPC Richard Zacke made Feb 15 at 2020 9:04 PM

2020-02-15T21:04:30-05:00

I know several veterans that are affraid to seek help because their state has the Red Flag law and all it takes is a mad ex or even a neighbor to report you for anything to do with guns and the police raid your home and seizes your guns. It has happened to one veteran we know from church and becuse he did'nt know who was bangging on his door he was armed. They took him to jail on a Saturday and he had to withdraw from his pain meds that he desperatly needed. There is no easy fix to this problem but we can't keep losing all these great troops because they saw the horrors of war while protecting our country. IT HURTS losing someone you love that gave so much. These 3 and 4 deployments are more than anyone can handle but their affraid of reprisal if they seek help.

Response by CPO Nate S. made Feb 16 at 2020 11:01 AM

2020-02-16T11:01:27-05:00

Nichole Ayres what SGT Ben Keen and PFC Donnie Harold Harris said regarding "...fearful(ness) of being labeled..." that it is "... the quick descent into hell..." from an ole Corpsman perspective cannot be MORE TRUE!

Additionally, what MAJ Ken Landgren says about PTSD care "...fall(ing) into two camps: 1. Treat them like they have no problem, 2. or focus on their treatment..." is about increasing the "military cultural competency" of providers. Folks like SPC Nancy Greene are rare. Trained to heal and having the "street cred" to talk straight, especially with veterans. Additionally, MAJ Ken Landgren mentions that "...Standards are often a concept we espouse. However, with PTSD the care is not standardized...." some people might 'misinterpret his statement as 'once size fits all", but we know what works for one veteran does not work for another veteran. Yet, he is correct in terms of the standards for desired outcomes across a wider community-forum. To this point it is about strategy alignment.

Think of "strategy alignment" as "battle planning". Here is a link to a community in Colorado (Weld County). They are using a tool called InsightVision designed to increase community transparency about various healthy community goals. This link is to their Health Mind & Spirit approach:

http://thrivingweld.com/healthy-mind-spirit/

It amazes me how communities like Weld, CO also don't have more of a veteran (aka warrior) centric approach embedded into to initiatives like their Healthy Mind & Spirit community-base strategy. Leveraging "Best Practices" as an objective in their strategy should recognize those best practices specific to veterans as part of more wholistic process. I believe, this is more inline with what MAJ Ken Landgren is trying to say. But, I could be misunderstanding his commentary.

Regardless, 1SG Private RallyPoint Member mentions is perhaps the biggest impact on current or future job related issues: e.g. security clearances, etc. Highly trained veterans with special skills often don't seek care, because this means locking them out of current or future opportunities they are otherwise highly technically qualified for. Pure 'fear' of not being able to provide for themselves or their families by doing what they are trained for or love to do, but for which this kind of access or engagement requires. When 1SG Private RallyPoint Member says regarding mental health this statement "...Anyone who says that there isn't a 'stigma' for seeking help - or even needing it - is a damn liar. Yes there is...." is a statement that is 10 million% on target! When the pressure point between being able to support your family or "burying yourself in your work to maintain" is the defense you attain vs risking "stigma" is a behavior forced on people because of how seeking "mental health" is all too often "weaponized". When that weaponizing behavior is also witnessed in the media and politics and the rhetoric that goes along with it more often than not intensified, their is little wonder that many veterans choose not to risk being stigmatized in favor of "getting by".

Finally, I also find [~508389-sfc-casey-o-mally]'s comments interesting:

"...If I have a broken leg, long before I go to the doctor, I put a splint on it myself. If I have a toothache, I grin and bear it. If I have depression, I put on a happy face so that no one else has to deal with my sh...uhhh... stuff. I was raised - both as a child, and in the Army - to always be the helper, never the helpee...."

Yes, if the helper's broken leg is splinted and that person is hiking in the back country getting to advanced help can be delayed. The broken leg, depending on the type of break, could become infected and the blood poisoning could see in and if not treated could also kill you. If you have tooth pain from an abscess and the infection from that abscess migrates to the brain then grinning and bearing it could kill you with a smile on your face. You'd die happily in pain. If you have depression, you can put on a happy face and for a while others may not know you are dealing with "stuff". Or, those who can see past your defenses are forced to be "politically correct" and thus render neutered when all they want to do is help you life put down your overload. There are those times that in order to be able to help others, you have to 1st help yourself. This is so much easier said and done! But, it has to be - done! As a Navy Corpsman, as I often said in other posts I have seen more than my share of those entering sickbay in pain not resulting from physical wounds. Some, I was able to help and some not.

Without going into great detail, there was an incident on active that cause me great pain. Others could see it. I could not. But, I was offered and I took a chance. At the end of the program, I still had the experience which remains with me today. The difference is - I have to tools to deal with it and recognize the experience for what it is. Those with whom I was surrounded at the time helped me, as I know I was able to help some of them.

In closing, let me leave the RP family with this:

"We can never refuse to grasp the hand that is reaching up out of the thick ground fog of life to lead the way to clearer vision, because someday the hand reaching up from the fog of life may be - my own!"

Just saying..........from a Corpsman's perspective!

Healthy Mind & Spirit

STRATEGY MAP SCORECARD

Response by SMSgt Lawrence McCarter made Feb 16 at 2020 2:51 PM

2020-02-16T14:51:28-05:00

Often people didn't seek help as they didn't want to be labeled or even worse being removed from their regular duties and not being part of things with their fellow working partners. The were often considered a risk and not being allowed to perform the duties they had trained for with their buddies and got more a feeling of isolation and not belonging. Being an active part of a team is just so important to the men and women who serve, take that away ever for a while that's not easy to handle and may result in even worse depression. I sure hope some of that problem had been resolved, I know that had a lot to do with people that may have needed help not asking for it. They didn't want to be outsiders and not feel an active part of the team.

Response by PO3 Helen Hill made Feb 16 at 2020 3:56 PM

2020-02-16T15:56:11-05:00

Many Veterans don't get help right away and if they do they are often pushed aside like our Vietnam Veterans who suffered from PTSD and were told to suck it up...when our Veterans returned home from Vietnam there was no name for what they were suffering from and it wasn't til later (the first Gulf war) when it was finally addressed as PTSD...now many of our Vietnam Vets are getting the correct help for this.. Many of our now returning Vets try to solve their problems with either alcohol or drugs before looking into getting help at their local VA's...I work at a local VA in my hometown and I have spoken to many of our returning hero's as well as many of our Vietnam Veterans and they know that they can always count on me to be there if just to listen and not judge. I have a few on Facebook that I am friends with and if I don't see them up at the hospital or haven't seen them on line for a month or so then i will message them and ask them how they are doing. They always respond back to me and always thank me for checking on them, they know they can count on me for moral support no matter what.

Response by CPL Sarah Stilwell made Feb 18 at 2020 8:43 AM

2020-02-18T08:43:06-05:00

Because they still dont know what's wrong with me. Review my 14 years of being home:
2006-present day: NREM parasomnia (sleepwalking and confusional arousal 12+ times per night every night) no nightmares, no anxiety, no shame no guilt, just night induced sleepwalking choas), 4 broken bones and second degree burns.
Broken feet three times
Broke hand once
ran hands under hot water till skin peeled off
Feel in my friends pool
Threw a pillow at a nurse and yelled at her to turn off the white light
Played out a sleeping bag and "jumped to safety"
Was convinced I shot a man trying to car jack me only to realize it didn't actually happen
Climbing through windows
Thinking I'm being watched by snipers in my room
Moving furniture looking for my footlocker with my "chips"
Medical history: hit by 120mm mortar while walking through doorway (damage to three cranial nerves and hydrocephalus)
Sleep study showed sleepwalking every 20 minutes (18 times in 5 hours)
When I'm awake I'm fine, I dont remember what happens to me at night. People tell me.
EEG showed activity in temporal lobe

You figure this one out you let me know lol

Response by SGT Oladipo Ogunyomi made Feb 25 at 2020 5:48 PM

2020-02-25T17:48:11-05:00

Had stroke

Response by SGT W S made Mar 1 at 2020 10:12 PM

2020-03-01T22:12:36-05:00

I wont get help that I need because I do not need ,, help" on paper......And I think most of the Veteran who left service will not trust no one and will not believe nothing anymore.. I do not need to go to sick-call or got referral to specialty doctor just to got Motrin and drink water....

Response by SFC Richard Williamson made Mar 16 at 2020 8:49 AM

2020-03-16T08:49:39-04:00

Thank you, Niichole, for a powerful message. It took me many years after my military service to realize that what I was doing everyday wasn't working, and that I was actually killing myself from within. 7 years ago, I sought help. I didn't know what I was getting help for; I just knew that I needed something. Initially, I thought "Detox/Rehab" would suffice, but it was only the beginning. 4 years ago, I couldn't control my temper and I would fly into a rage in a nanosecond. Then I requested to see a therapist and VA obliged. The first two years, I didn't trust her, but I kept going once every two weeks, then once every week for an hour each time. Now, I trust her with my life. I urge any and all, who are struggling to please ask for help! Know that you are not alone, although it seems like a lot of the time.

Response by PO2 David Allender made Mar 18 at 2020 10:53 AM

2020-03-18T10:53:46-04:00

After Nam, I noticed my attitude changed about the myself and the service. I was no longer happy in the service I wasn't on top of things as I once was. I was having too many night mares, and not caring anymore. It took me 25 years before I went to get help. It cost me a marriage and nearly my job. Once I achieved help, things changed back to the better. I was in control again. I met a wonderful woman whom I married and life turned around. Yes, Those that serve have problems. Ask any vet. Most will tell you the same thing. Every vet coming back from combat needs to get help, if they feel they are not in control of things. If the nightmares are just too hard to handle by your self. Do not be ashamed. Do not hold back to get help as I did for 25 years.

Response by PO3 Samantha Knight made Mar 23 at 2020 4:07 PM

2020-03-23T16:07:39-04:00

First of all, I'm so sorry it came as close as it did. No shipmate should ever feel driven that close to wanting to end things because they feel alone and unable to reach out. Reach out to another shipmate, and realize that you have shipmates that will stay up with you all through the night if needed. Secondly, for me, my experience and thinking are such a part of me now that I have learned to embrace the good and the not-so-good parts. I don't think I will ever be able to explain this right, but here goes: The things that I don't get help for are such an integral part of who I am now as a woman, that I'm not sure I want to change my PTSD or mental health. I hold my PTSD close to me, and if I went into therapy for it, it would change me as a person, and in all actuality, I'm happy with who I am. I just have issues. Those that know me and love me know this about me, and for the most part, I can work through triggers. The point is, I would stay up with my shipmate(s) for as long as they need me to get them through crisis, and this understanding about myself and love for my shipmates led me to become a Counselor.

Response by Cpl Ronald Everitt made Apr 15 at 2020 9:22 PM

2020-04-15T21:22:49-04:00

I used to think and as wrong as that way of thinking was (just for us Vietnam Vets) but anyway of all the miseries any of us may of had after being discharged I thought why shouldn't it of been that THE VERY LAST ORDER given us and whether as enlisted or drafted on the day of having received our walking papers-DD 214/signed by the O.I.C. AND NOW YOUR LAST ORDER IS LEAVE THE MILITARY TO US...HA as I recall the first order we got at MCRD SD just as getting off the bus was GET ON THOSE YELLOW FOOTPRINTS (our fist platoon formation) but anyway in these times with the such escalation of suicides both by active as well discharged personnel maybe the better "tell all of that order use" might make a BOOT CAMP TOOL as the order is not yet given but a not to forget what they're there and will be following training there...something as that anyway though I can imagine an enthused raw Recruit saying Whose looking forward on getting out????

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2020 9:24 AM

2020-04-20T09:24:26-04:00

For me, it's because I didn't get the help I needed when I asked. I am permanently disabled and am retiring this year. I have lots of challenges just doing my daily job, not to mention doing retirement preparation, daily physical therapy exercises, VA claims, medical appointments, job hunting, helping my wife find a school, etc., etc., and that's before my physical therapy, dry needling, chronic pain appts, deep tissue massage, and battlefield acupuncture all got canceled for COVID-19.

So, most of this other stuff gets pushed aside because I can barely do my day job with my chronic pain.

An O-6 in the Navy Wounded Warrior Program at WRMMC recommended I apply for the program so that they can assist with me dealing with the non-job things, but they declined to induct me and closed my case, which to me translates to "he can deal with life himself, he's just whining." So since I'm completely exhausted at the end of each day from my day job, I get the choice of overexerting myself such that I'm not able to work the next day, or laying down to recover for tomorrow and not getting my retirement preparations done.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 22 at 2020 2:24 PM

2020-04-22T14:24:10-04:00

I am compelled to respond to you as I perceive your passion ,and passion should be cultivated and nurtured.

Through my experiences, the onset of PTSD was the most horrific and scariest event of my life. It turned my life upside down and I did not know who I was. In addition, I was riddled with insomnia, stress, anxiety, depression, and felt like being 5% of a functioning adult. Essentially it was the hardest fight of my life. For a couple years I wallowed in my self pity, but I had a revelation, I had the ability to look into someone's eyes and say, "I know how you feel."

Yes we are trained to never quit, persevere, and fight on. Some of us think if we eat well, get rest, exercise, and lead a normal life, we will be able to control our own destiny. But it is not like that. PTSD becomes worse as we realize we lost control of ourselves and our lives. It totally humbles us and the seeds of despair start growing in us. Then some of us walk on a mental bridge and think there is no fix, there is nobody who understands us, there is no hope. Will I always live in the dark? This is a critical moment and a critical time. The seminal moment in my fight against PTSD was to eliminated reasons for killing myself to reasons to live. Give me one reason, give me one reason to cling on to give me direction and hope. My reason was to live for the family. That was all the guidance I needed.

Many therapists have no clue how to treat PTSD. I have found therapists who can give good logical solutions to be rare. For me, the utility of therapists and group therapy was to give me a good venue to feel safe and express myself. I created most of the coping skills I have used. I was assigned to a WTU for a year and met several soldiers and NCOs with PTSD. I saw their empty stares, pain, and a vast sense of disconnectedness to the world.

It helped that I was a MAJ and outranked them. I went to each and everyone with PTSD and looked them straight into their eyes. I rattled off their symptoms and they concurred they had them. Then -- and told them I wanted to help t hem. I took them under my wings and some improved drastically. I recall telling an E-6 and E-7 who I helped, "You two are smiling because life is good!" To which they replies, "Yes sir!." That gave me an azimuth in my life.

I have had 6 years to ruminate about PTSD and my experiences. What I felt and how I coped. I have thus written down my thoughts on a PTSD paper that I call Love Squared. I firmly believe that love in a persons heart is an imperative. It makes life more tolerable, it gives guidance, it makes one stronger, and it gives hope. I will enclose a link to the paper should you desire to read it. Please do what you may with it. The only thing I ask is just a little feedback. Thank you for what you do, let your passion guide you.

https://www.wellnesswishes.org/post/love-squared-a-journey-of-healing-from-ptsd

"Love Squared": A Journey of Healing from PTSD

Last year, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Major (Retired) Ken Landgren who graciously offered for me to read a paper he put together on his experience with PTSD and healing. I read through the paper twice, often fighting tears, and was so moved, I excitedly jumped on his offer to make this paper available for

Response by TSgt Robert Moore made May 16 at 2020 9:41 PM

2020-05-16T21:41:43-04:00

When I was in the military I sat suicide watch a time or two. Since I retired from the military after 20 years, Unfortunately, the VA is worthless here in Maine at Togus and you might as well shoot yourself. I have not had any help from them for physical problems, as well!!!!!!!

Response by SGT Rebecca Walker made May 20 at 2020 10:29 PM

2020-05-20T22:29:18-04:00

I think it's more of a label for most. I know it was/is for me. I finally recently went in to be seen and talk about "things" at the VA hospital. Talking about it makes it feel like it's happening all over again. I stopped going after a few appointments because it was harder to talk about it than just "deal with it" myself. Then a few weeks after I stopped going to my appointments I figured maybe I would try again. I called the VetCenter to get help. They asked me a few questions first, have I been in a combat situation or deployed, MST victim, and a few others. When I said yes, they said I qualified for a appointment but they were booked up. They took my info and told me they definitely would call to schedule a appointment but not sure when. This was over a month ago and still haven't gotten any call. So there are Veterans who try to get help, but maybe don't know where to go, or are being told places are to booked too get an appointment.

Response by SGT Rebecca Walker made May 20 at 2020 11:04 PM

2020-05-20T23:04:02-04:00

I posted already but somehow it didn't actually get posted. So for alot of Veterans I think it has to do with being labeled. It was/is for me. I finally went to the VA hospital recently to be seen by a mental health provider to "talk about things". But as I was going to my appointments I realized that talking about it makes it feel worse. It is like it's happening all over again. I ended up stopping going to my appointments. After a few weeks I called the VetCenter and asked about taking to someone. They first asked questions like, was I in a combat situation or deployed, a MST victim, and a few others. When I answered yes, they told me I qualified for a appt but they were booked up. He said I would need a orientation appointment but since the Covid virus, they stopped doing them. He told me that they are willing to do those over the phone, but again couldn't tell me when. He took my information and told me someone would definitely call me to schedule but couldn't tell me when. This was over two months ago and still no call. Many Veterans who want to get help do try to. Or they don't know where they can go.

Response by Alex Os made May 21 at 2020 11:17 AM

2020-05-21T11:17:53-04:00

http://www.aafmaa.com/survivorassistance

survivorassistance

Response by Alex Os made May 21 at 2020 11:18 AM

2020-05-21T11:18:57-04:00

https://www.aafmaa.com/

Response by SGT Keith Smith made Jun 4 at 2020 1:03 PM

2020-06-04T13:03:31-04:00

To everyone
You can not be strong all the time. For those days when you can not be strong, you have the people around you to make up the slack. It is not weakness it is strength. It builds bonds that will allow others to come to you when they need help. We all need help at one time or another. You may not be able to go on but we will carry till you can, it is what you would do for us. The most decorated soldier in our history slept with a loaded pistol under his pillow, suffered horrific nightmares and got addicted to sleeping pills. So if he needed help and got it, why can’t you? Just leave the drugs out and the alcohol. Putting depressants into a depressed person makes no sense.

Response by SGT Keith Smith made Jun 4 at 2020 1:31 PM

2020-06-04T13:31:21-04:00

I have also learned that, with PTSD, people tend to label you as a drug addict, abuser, or alcoholic. Even when those labels do not fit, those people just think you haven’t been caught yet.

Response by Wayne Soares made Jun 14 at 2020 9:23 AM

2020-06-14T09:23:07-04:00

Great share Nichole

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2020 1:27 AM

2020-06-15T01:27:56-04:00

I was always told "no stigma for seeking help" so I sought help. Then Tri West (where I was getting my TriCare Reserve Select) demanded my therapist's notes to continue paying for treatment. And my therapist's company finally gave me a referral to someplace else because they got tired of trying to get paid from "Tri (to see if we) Care," which basically set back my therapy because of the rapport I had with my therapist. In fact, that clinic dropped everyone with Tri West. And didn't take us back when Reserve Select changed to United Healthcare. Another kicker was that every year when I had a PHA, again there was the demand for my therapist's notes - until the unit got those, I was under a temporary profile. So the "no stigma" thing just felt like lip service to me. No that I am out and with insurance through my employer, I feel like my mental health is in better hands - no demands for my therapist's notes, just a word from the therapist that I need to continue treatment.

Response by Kathlean Keesler made Jun 15 at 2020 4:35 PM

2020-06-15T16:35:10-04:00

Thank you.

Response by PFC Matt Ochmanski made Jun 18 at 2020 12:17 PM

2020-06-18T12:17:47-04:00

Unfortunately we don’t think that we need the help! We were able to overcome everything that the military trained us to. Unfortunately asking for help in a mental health issues would make us less than. Thankfully things are coming around, if we needed air support we ask, if we needed part of our team to adjust fire, we would ask for it, if we needed a medivac, we would ask for it, now if we needed help with ourselves, we need to ask for it! There should be no shame in it! That’s something that should be addressed in pre deployment and post deployment. We are trained by the best country in the world, we have the best equipment, we have the best medicines available to us, now we need the best help when asked for it! Just my thoughts! 22 is too many! 1 is too many when all we have to do is reach out!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2020 4:37 PM

2020-06-23T16:37:14-04:00

Jonathan Shay's book "Achilles in Vietnam" makes the case that many cases of PTSD revolve more around betrayal of what's right by leadership than around actual traumatic events, and that our ability to socially trust is damaged as a part of PTSD. In my experience, this is true.

I did my job in Afghanistan; but the chain of command was negligent and people died as a result. There were investigations, but ultimately, no consequences for that negligence. And throughout my career in the Army, though I've seen many competent officers, I don't trust the system any more. With several officers that I've seen over the years, I've only seen one officer face real consequences for misconduct; he was kicked out of our organization for fraternization. The rest all ended up with simple reassignments or no consequences at all.

On one occasion, following a life-altering injury, a CSM decided that making personal threats about destroying my career and my ability to provide for my family was the proper way to handle a particular issue I had.

Other times the system has only screwed me over financially; a dental appointment that wasn't covered by insurance that cost me money that my family couldn't afford, thousands of dollars of pay that I lost out on because of leadership that didn't give enough of a damn to process simple paperwork in a timely fashion, tuition assistance money that was double-billed out of my pay and never straightened out...

Even something as simple as going on leave required me to get my car inspected by somebody who knew next to nothing about cars when I've been wrenching on them for years, up to and including doing engine rebuilds. And on the one occasion where I actually did ask for help, I'm sent to some dismissive academic in his hunting jacket who decides that what I need is to go buy a book about how anger is a CHOICE. After a few visits, I quit going because I came to the realization that he wasn't interested in actually digging into my problems and finding solutions for PTSD; he was interested in charging the Army hundreds of dollars per hour while stroking his goatee and having me talk ad nauseum, wallowing in emotion and offering no insight or support.

Message received. Even when you're lucky enough to get officers who give a damn, they're limited as to what they can do to help you with anything, because there's always some bureaucrat to be talked to and some other form to be filled out. Any time Congress authorizes resources to help soldiers, they get wrapped up in so damn much red tape and bureaucracy, you're probably better off finding your own solutions to your problems, because the one thing the Army's good at above all else is giving jobs to bureaucrats. But if you want a solution to be forthcoming, don't hold your breath. I'll get further faster and more effectively doing my own reading and finding my own answers to things rather than being enlisted fodder for an officer welfare machine that doubles as a way for bean counters to make sure that the Army can avoid liability lawsuits.

No offense.

Response by Cpl Henry Busby made Jun 30 at 2020 7:57 AM

2020-06-30T07:57:14-04:00

This is such an important issue today but there is more help today than at any other time in history. In my job I am offered the chance to attend Mental Health First Aid for Veterans every other year. I became certified but honestly, I still feel so inadequate when I encounter a veteran who is clearly having issues. But the ones that scare me the most are the ones that try to hold themselves together when speaking with someone because of the labeling stigma. Mental Health First Aid for Veterans though provides us with knowledge of certain subtle signs of anxiety and stress. It is not easy on either side and I use my referral resources in trying to help.

I recommend seeking out your local Vet Center and the Veteran's Crisis Hotline https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/get-help/hotline?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIz_3R67up6gIVFLbICh2jqQfIEAAYASAAEgLy9vD_BwE

When you have one thought of harming yourself, do not ignore it, because that is when you should first reach out to someone. Do not let what someone else thinks determine your course. Look out for yourself and your family. Also, know and believe that you are not alone. One of my best friends have been attending his group every Monday for years and he admits that it is an important part of maintaining. Don't let your pride come before a fall. There is help but you have to seek it.

Should you want to remain anonymous there is also this; The Veterans Crisis Line is also available by text or online chat:
Chat
Text 838255

Stay strong Brothers and Sisters

hotline

Response by Lt Col Rick Roberts made Jul 9 at 2020 8:13 AM

2020-07-09T08:13:14-04:00

I did not seek the help (2005) I needed until it was a life or death situation. I did not seek help because I did not feel I had a safe space to do so...and I know many other vets who share this sentiment. I knew as soon as I went to mental health, they would forward my records to the Medical Evaluation Board (MEB) to make a determination on whether I could continue to serve or not. If it was determined that I needed to be discharged, then that would add to my list of problems as I would lose my source of income/financial stability for me/my family. If I was allowed to continue to serve, there was a risk of losing my security clearance, deployment/job opportunities, promotion, etc. These "institutional barriers" are not unique to me, they apply to all those serving. And, until the military services eliminate or modify these "institutional barriers", some veterans will likely not get the help they need.

Response by Lt Col Rick Roberts made Jul 9 at 2020 8:19 AM

2020-07-09T08:19:18-04:00

I did not seek the help (2005) I needed until it was a life or death situation. I did not seek help because I did not feel I had a safe space to do so...and I know many other vets who share this sentiment. I knew as soon as I went to mental health, they would forward my records to the Medical Evaluation Board (MEB) to make a determination on whether I could continue to serve or not. If it was determined that I needed to be discharged, then that would add to my list of problems as I would lose a part of my identity and my source of income/financial stability for me/my family. If I was allowed to continue to serve, there was a risk of losing my security clearance, deployment/job opportunities, promotion, etc. These "institutional barriers" are not unique to me, they apply to all those serving. And, until the military services eliminate or modify these "institutional barriers", some veterans will likely not get the help they need.

Response by SSG Ralph Watkins made Oct 27 at 2021 7:05 AM

2021-10-27T07:05:47-04:00

Back in the day when our daughter was born in Hawaii, my wife ended up in a mental hospital. Severe postpartum depression. She was sent out to a civilian hospital. Thankfully. I had a newborn baby to take care of, handling my wife's hospitalization, & then coming home a total train wreck. All of those support systems the Army says they have for troops. Mostly lies. Those services are very limited. Out in the community there were all kinds of services available. They were not allowed to provide services to military families living on base. In my wife's condition, she kept having fears of hurting the baby. Somebody called the MPs & then they called Child Protective Services. Out in the community. CPS came in & threatened to take away our child. I told the case worker what walls we encountered & he was on our side. I had a high security clearance & my wife's condition could affect me losing my clearance. If I reported issues about myself, an even bigger threat. I got my wife sent back to the mainland for family support & real help. When I transferred to Maryland, the wonderful doctor at Walter Reed took her off her meds. She doesn't need them. She was doing well. She lost it again. My unit was more supportive. They sent me to get help at the base mental health clinic. What a POS place that was. Huge strips of paint peeling off the ceiling & rusty pipes. Painted the standard white & green barracks style. So much for getting help for myself. The staff too busy with phones & business to bother to listen. I had to take my wife into the ER one night on base. This quack Army doctor (major) gave her a new diagnosis after seeing her for 5 minutes. She was treated like a prisoner. She wasn't even allowed to go pee. We got into the ER about midnight & were told she would be sent out to local hospital by the day shift. We left the ER. I got home to the phone ringing. The quack doctor trying to pull rank on me. I hung up on him. I think he was drunk. Really good one when the the Army shrinks are drinking & writing orders. Later the next morning I got a call from an angry head of nursing. A woman full bird. She was upset but compassionate. I told her how we were treated. She contacted the Army doctor at Walter Reed & he put her back on her meds. Then I get a phone call from the quack we dealt with. His tone was very different. He sounded hung over but was very humble & apologetic. He told me how he got called into the head nursing office & got his butt reamed by the nurse. The full bird colonel. I got off active duty a year later. From what I have seen when I came back from Iraq in 2005 & what I am seeing now, nothing has changed. The system seems to have gotten worse, not better.