Why is it so hard for military members to say something when they see a fellow brother or sister in emotional distress?

LCpl Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 20:43:27 -0500

Response by SFC Greg Bruorton made Jan 7 at 2018 8:50 PM

SFC Greg Bruorton — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 20:50:37 -0500

Sometimes other service members see themselves in that same dilemma and still cannot offer consolation. It's like when someone close dies; what are the best words to use for the grieving loved one? Most of the time we can only offer silence and a held hand. It is best to have genuine empathy before commenting on the one in distress, but often an embrace will help.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Jan 7 at 2018 9:27 PM

SGM Bill Frazer — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 21:27:33 -0500

How do you respond if everyone is suppose a rock hard stud? It's hard to admit needing help to others, that's why we have the highest suicide rate in the nation.

Response by SSgt Dan Montague made Jan 7 at 2018 10:12 PM

SSgt Dan Montague — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 22:12:29 -0500

When I first came in, being emotionally distressed was a sign of weakness. If some Marine had issues the plt Sgt would offer his web belt to him. It was horrible because so many did. The idea of being seen as week if you have issues is still around and it needs to be done away with.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 7 at 2018 10:35 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 22:35:00 -0500

Are you seeing fellow Marines in emotional distress and asking them if they want to talk? Please elaborate on your experiences. I served from 1968 to 1972, and weakness was not tolerated. During my civilian career, I worked 33 years at a demanding high stress job because I loved the work and believed in the mission. Mental toughness helped me endure the bad times and have a successful career.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 8 at 2018 8:59 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 08 Jan 2018 08:59:26 -0500

There are several reasons. People may not want to seem like they're "prying". For a lot of people (men especially) emotional distress is seen as weakness. So some may stay away because they see the person as weak OR, they may stay away because they really do care for the person and don't want to embarrass them. They may feel that if they say something they'll be validating their weakness. Women, in my experience, are much better at this than men. I marvel at the way the women in my life can just open up to each other and pour out every emotion. I'm admittedly very bad at it. When I get emotional, I distance myself from others, bottle it up, and try to work past it myself. Even with a very trusted friend nearby the situation has to be perfect for me to open up. This brings me to another reason someone may not reach out to others. They feel like since they can't handle it very well, what good can they do for someone else.

Response by SSgt William Schooley made Jan 8 at 2018 1:02 PM

SSgt William Schooley — Mon, 08 Jan 2018 13:02:22 -0500

It shouldn’t be, I have IGY6 tattooed on my wrist to telegraph I’m here for you. If I see a fellow Vet in trouble what he/she is going to offend if I ask “are you ok?” So maybe they are pissed I would rather they be pissed than than join the 22 a day.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 25 at 2018 2:32 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 25 Jan 2018 14:32:43 -0500

I don't find it hard at all. It is first (as opposed to second) nature for me-- but then, as CPT Everett pointed out-- I am a female. I use my 'gentle gender' as a tool to seek out and help my fellow servicemembers. Senior, peers, junior-- doesn't matter. The 'tough guys' (up to and including recon-Marine types) are more willing to open up to me and let it out.

The problem is, if I walk behind a closed door one-on-one with a male, the immediate assumption is that something 'unprofessional' is going on behind that closed door. While I'm not going to deny that there are plenty of people whose inappropriate actions legitimize 'open door policies', it makes it very risky for me to lend that shoulder to cry on to those who would never dare open up if they thought anyone would ever see it. (I'm talking specifically on a ship-environment.) It is a risk I've taken many, many times, and that I've never regretted. It is unfortunate that I have to assume 'risk' to do it.