Why I want to be an Officer- OCS

WO1 Jose R. — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 15:00:10 -0400

I am currently in the process of getting my OCS packet together, one of the requirements is to have an essay of “Why I want to become and Officer". This is a draft that I have done, during the interview it will be hand written. Any critiques are welcome. Thank you.
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Officers have the ability to overcome any situation, when knocked down, they have the ability to recover and successfully strive in completing whatever lay before them. When a stressful situation befalls them, they remain cool and collective and analyze the situation.

Being an adopted child of two parents who looked nothing like me, I was always told from outside civilians that I would not succeed, that I will not have the ability or drive to accomplish any tasks, that schooling would be out of my reach and jobs were a distant dream, that I had to be with my own kind and act like my own kind. This was my major obstacle, their words and beliefs were the hands that pushed me down, but my determination and resilience, were the legs that kept me up and moved me forward.

I had attended high school, during that time; however, I had received average grades, no honor student and was told I was not destined to graduate. I did not let that deter me and I graduated successfully. I then enlisted in the military to further myself and during that time I applied for college. During this time peers and aquaintances stated that college was tough, that it was near impossible to complete while working full time, that if I did complete college it would take me over the span of 5 years. I did not let that deter me. I successfully graduated college with two degrees, an Associates 3.61 GPA with honors, and a Bachelorettes degree, 3.51 GPA Cum Laude statuses, in a combined 3 years total.

If given the opportunity, along with my motivation, determination, and strive, I believe that I have the attributes of what dictates and officer. My confidence and responsibility will help lead soldiers and push them beyond what they think their limit is. My hard work and dedication will insure successful commands regardless of locations. These all mentioned above are the reasons I want to become an Officer. Thank you for your consideration.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2015 3:05 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 15:05:55 -0400

First of all, it's "college" and "aquaintances", not "collage" and "aquaints". I like how everything else looks, though. The overall message is uplifting and inspiring as well as convincing.

Response by CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2015 4:15 PM

CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 16:15:17 -0400

A great overall approach. It showcases the attributes that the rest of your packet cannot. I admire the fact that you attained a bachelor degree in its entirety while serving. That tough and will speak volumes about your work ethic and time mgmt skills.

Clean up some of the sentence structure and run ins and you have yourself a great short essay. Like I said before, you have all the credentials they are looking for. Make sure you get the packet in with all required documents and I don't see why you would not get picked up.

Response by LTC Bink Romanick made Oct 1 at 2015 7:13 PM

LTC Bink Romanick — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 19:13:51 -0400

WO1 Jose R. be careful what you wish for.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Oct 1 at 2015 7:42 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 19:42:50 -0400

I must confess that there wasn't any requirement for me to write an essay to attend OCS. I had a law degree when I entered the Army and I think they may have waived a few requirements (though a degree in law doesn't apply to the Infantry, does it?). Thus, your essay may be just fine regardless of my opinion of it. However, you asked and I'll answer. As CPT Private RallyPoint Member mentioned, you have a couple of mistakes to clean up. Keep in mind that an officer should be detail oriented. A person who can't pick up their own mistakes in an essay may become the officer who leaves behind a key piece of equipment or essential supplies.

Also I agree with CPT Jared Speaks when he mentions that you may have spent too much time on your history overcoming adversity.

Maybe you should begin by telling them what being an officer means to you. Then explain how you're prepared to fulfill that mission. (Hint: Commissioned officers take responsibility. As an NCO you already have some experience with leadership, however you always had - or should have had - an officer guiding you and taking responsibility for the mission. Are those the shoes you're now prepared to fill?)

Good luck. BTW, asking for guidance is a good beginning for someone seeking to become a junior commissioned officer. I wish I had more often. My career might have lasted longer...

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2015 7:55 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 19:55:17 -0400

SGT,

I won't critique your essay but provide you the following thought prompt- Read "The Armed Forces Officer", there is an electronic version dated 2006. For the true spirit of the document, try reading the original version. After reading this document and reflecting on your motivations you should be able to write a better essay of this nature. Good luck.

Response by CPT Brian Delrosario made Oct 1 at 2015 8:40 PM

CPT Brian Delrosario — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 20:40:56 -0400

Good to go. A couple small typos; "Bachelor's" in paragraph three and "ensure" in four.

You'll get asked by the OCS board about your "why" and likely again while at OCS. It helps both you and the audience if you can succinctly enumerate the entire essay. For example, "I have three reasons to serve as an Officer: (1) To better lead the Army toward its goals, (2) to give back even more to my community, and (3) to make my family even prouder for all that they have given me."

If you can shorten it to three words such as "Three reasons: motivation, determination, and strive," that may help even more. Remember that although yes the board is asking, "Why should we pick you?", this particular question asks, "Why should you pick us [versus your other options]?"

My board (my situation is uncommon) asked questions all about my prior service in the Marine Corps and why I'm choosing Army OCS versus Marine OCS. I joked and said, "I spent nine years in the Marines. I was confused, but now I see the light." They laughed. I scored 25/25 from all three interviewers.

It may seem a bit sneaky, but also remember that your audience wants to know what's in it for them. So try not to talk about "what I want." It's obvious that you want it and presumed that you want it for the obvious tangible gains. Instead, explain "how I can best serve you" and "how I can better serve you [better, that is, than the other board interviewees]."

Good luck.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2015 10:58 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 22:58:23 -0400

I would say you are on the right path. I was SGT Rosa at a time long ago. I thought the same way. I didn't listen to the nay sayers. I am the only one that can stop me. As you can tell I commissioned. Still there are those that cast doubt. I just smile as I climb higher. Eventually you will climb high enough you won't hear them anyone.

Response by LTJG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2015 12:30 AM

LTJG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 00:30:21 -0400

This was my write up for when I applied to OCS. The best advice I had received was focus on how you would better your service. Being an officer isn't really about you, it's about how you can affect all those you serve with.

"Stagnation is my greatest fear. It is because of this fear that I had decided to join the Navy and pursue my goal of being a naval officer. The way that I stave off my fear of stagnation is though constantly bettering myself and those around me both professionally and personally. I look forward to all the challenges and opportunities that I will encounter as a naval officer and I know that I will provide an exemplary model for the junior troops and push them to excel. I am confident that my strong work ethic and determined spirit will motivate and guide my fellow sailors in reaching their highest potential and goals. Through this emphasis of creating an environment of constant achievement I will enhance the mission readiness and overall success of my troops and the Navy as a whole. My personal goals of achieving my architect’s registration coincide with my professional goals of leading my fellow sailors as a CEC officer. Additionally, my professional capabilities will compliment my tenacious and motivated nature within the CEC community. Most importantly for me is that I recognize my shortcomings and find paths to overcome them. It is with this mentality in mind that the CEC community will guide me in expanding my project management and construction administration skills continuing to foster my commitment to grow and excel while keeping at bay my greatest fear."

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 11 at 2015 4:42 AM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 11 Oct 2015 04:42:02 -0400

I did not have to write an essay but I did have to orally explain my reasoning. My first attempt was similar to yours in motivation, determination, and desires. You have written a good essay, but everything you have stated are the same qualities we want in our NCOs as well. I would not expect less. My mentor gave me the following explanation that has resonated with me through the years. You will find your reasons in whatever mix of influence and priority you choose below. There are essentially 5 reasons why someone might want to be an officer and not an NCO. The first one is authority. Officers command by establishing policy and through issuing orders. NCOs enforce and carry out those commands. The second one is (and sounds vane) is prestige. Units are identified by their officers: Eisenhower, Patton, Puller, Nimitz, etc. answer this- who were their senior NCOs? The third one is opportunity, officers get to do things that NCOs are not generally afforded such as command at various levels of the military and other government agencies. The fourth reason is potential for serving in higher capacities such as cabinet members, secretaries of state, and even President. The final reason is pay. Officers get paid more money over the course of a career than do NCOs. You can choose how much influence each of these might have or not have on your reasoning.

Godspeed on your journey and always strive for excellence in everything you do in service to your God, Family, and Country regardless of you power, position, prestige, potential, or profit.

Response by SGT Jose Perdelia-Torres made Oct 11 at 2015 11:21 PM

SGT Jose Perdelia-Torres — Sun, 11 Oct 2015 23:21:12 -0400

I noticed a few grammatical mistakes within your report. And using the word "and" , instead of an.

If given the opportunity, along with my motivation, determination, and strive, I believe that I have the attributes of what dictates and officer.r

Should be- If given the opportunity, my motivation, determination, and strive; will legitimize my becoming an Officer. I think it flows better.

I would suggest getting your letter viewed by someone in an English course or better yet a teacher, or looking into sites on the internet that can fix grammatical errors and spelling errors.