Why do soldiers' spouses feel the need to vent about their leadership on social media? Who else has this issue?

2016-06-10T10:00:34-04:00

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:01 AM

2016-06-10T10:01:51-04:00

Because some spouses feel they wear their SMs rank as well. And the SMs problems are the spouses problems as well.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:04 AM

2016-06-10T10:04:19-04:00

Because they care about you and are invested in your life. If they have a negative impression of your leadership, enough to post about it, it's because you come home complaining enough about it that it's an issue for her now too. Leave work at work, come home and take care of business separately.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:04 AM

2016-06-10T10:04:25-04:00

I see that it could be a problem with the spouses or with the leadership.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Jun 10 at 2016 10:10 AM

2016-06-10T10:10:46-04:00

Spouses like to vent. Spouses don't burp, fart, or cuss - if they didn't vent they would explode.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:16 AM

2016-06-10T10:16:20-04:00

A spouse's impression of the leadership is a direct representation of the gripes of the soldier. Spouses don't know what's going on at work until the soldier comes home and bitches about something. If you've got a bad soldier, you are going to hear about it. If all he does is go home and talk about what went wrong, you're going to hear about it. It's the soldier...not the spouse

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:17 AM

2016-06-10T10:17:05-04:00

One example of this issue is that a SM had to go out to the field. The spouse was flying in at midnight the night before. The spouses flight was canceled and rescheduled for later that morning when the SM would already be in the field. He asked his squad leader for advice and he recommended that the SM utilize the FRG channels as well as call on family. Last resort was to have the spouse take a taxi from the airport to home. So with all of this it's the leadership fault not supporting the SM's family. And then the social media rant begins. Do spouses not understand the importance of their SM' s training?

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:36 AM

2016-06-10T10:36:43-04:00

Having a negative impression of a command from a spouse's aspect can hurt the SM. Yes, things may get on the SM's nerves and they may have a point where they do rant (it happens). The rant should just be between the spouse and the SM. I don't think that posting it is necessarily helping the matter; it could add more fuel to the fire.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:38 AM

2016-06-10T10:38:15-04:00

My first question to that leader how does that leader know that the spouse is posting on social media? If you know what your soldiers and their families are posting on social media I feel your wrong. Yes you do need to be involved to a certain extent with their personal life but every soldier is different so you still have to maintain a certain standoff. I might be a little old school but my soldiers do not need to be involved fully in my life outside of work. I am not here for them to be my friend. I am their boss and you have to maintain that standoff. Now once they are no longer serving under you then that is a different situation, although even then I am very selective of who I add on my social media.We are all leaders we are not here to babysit and get concerned when someone says something bad about us on a social media site. Soldiers are going to gripe and complain, so be it as long as they give me 100 percent when they are at work I am good with that.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 10:43 AM

2016-06-10T10:43:49-04:00

Social media is a blessing and a curse. I get to see people I normally wouldn't be able to but man it acts as a platform for people to put anyone and anything on blast to millions of people. Spouses usually only get the one side of the story. Probably more than half the time they're married to a sub standard Soldier that gets corrected a lot so they think he is being treated unfairly. So right away they have to vent about things that they have no clue about. They are just mad that their Soldier isn't home at 1700 on the dot.

Response by SPC Sheila Lewis made Jun 10 at 2016 10:54 AM

2016-06-10T10:54:57-04:00

Since Service members are Professionals, maybe it is best not to tell any negative items to your spouse, that is what your Battlebuddy is for.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Jun 10 at 2016 11:16 AM

2016-06-10T11:16:45-04:00

Spouses need to be careful. Not just in the military. My first spouse (you've heard me mention her before, the bride from hell) embarrassed me in civilian life as well as during my brief military career. When they heard her, people thought they were listening to an echo of me.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 11:46 AM

2016-06-10T11:46:50-04:00

Sometimes they just don't understand. Sometimes, its good it happens, if done in a tactful manor. Blasting 1SG Snuffy all over FB because he 'doesn't like my husband' is not tactful.

For example, One month I had duty like 3 times, twice on weekends and it ended up that every four day weekend I had duty.

All she is focused on is every four day weekend I have duty. So she vents on FB that she cant make plans, etc. etc, etc. Some spouses don't pay attention to FB that much, like me, I have a FB, but I rarely read other updates even my wifes. So I would be unaware she is venting on FB.

Where I see the real problem. Someone is screwing up the DA-6. Badly. I take the proper steps to get it worked out and all is well. She is frustrated, and frankly I'd rather FB hear about it than me having to listen to it and explain over and over how the Army works.

Some Soldiers just don't know any better. There is a Unit here that while down range, held Soldiers mail and either a. opened packages, went through them, and then let the Soldier collect the package, or b. required the Soldier to open the package in front of Senior Leadership an go through it. Well, it was going on for a while, and some wives posted on FB about it, well guess what, someone important saw the posts. BAM. The opening of mail stopped. (both a and b are actually illegal, and the mail handler should have stepped up and said something, because he was really the person that got in trouble)

Another one, wives complained on Garrison ICE and FB that the SM unit was performing their own housing inspections semi weekly. Both on and off post. That got stopped fast and in a hurry, as it is also unauthorized unless the SM and Spouse WILLINGLY allow it. Using intimidation tactics of moving the SM into the barracks if they refused were used as well, and that was nipped in the bud too.

If done tactfully, venting can help. Its the useless bitching that hurts the whole situation more because for better or worse... if your Command finds out, while they may not be able to actively do anything to you other than give you a stern talking to, they will have a disposition towards you in the future... like when you want that last minute leave form approved......-cough-

Response by SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz made Jun 10 at 2016 12:12 PM

2016-06-10T12:12:16-04:00

http://the5b.com/the-dependa/

The Dependa

We all know of that one person in the military that has "That Spouse" the one's who think they are entitled to the whole world, who don't have do do anything but eat twinkies and make babies. Floors cluttered with old diapers and wrappers from 6 day old cheeseburgers. Well... we got one, and we're happily giving her back to you.

Response by SPC Jillian O'Malley made Jun 10 at 2016 1:00 PM

2016-06-10T13:00:01-04:00

I got out, but my husband has continued his career, so now I am a soldier's spouse. I am not one to vent on social media about my husband's leadership, but there may be a few reasons behind those that do. This is what I have observed over the years:

First, many spouses are lonely in the friends department. Many of them are at home all day caring for the children and the house. They will vent on social media because of the isolation and loneliness they are feeling and oftentimes, their spouse is all they have at the moment. If leadership is keeping the spouse late at work, on the weekends, or not letting the spouse go to appointments and what not, the spouse feels threatened at their only "person" is being taken away from them. Because of this frustration, they will vent on social media because they feel they have no place left to go. Now, in no way am I justifying it at all, I am a lonely and isolated spouse myself with not many friends here at Fort Riley, but I pour myself into school and triathlon training, so I don't feel the need to vent about any irritations on social media. Plus, as a veteran, I don't want to be one of "those wives"

Second, lets say the spouse does have several fellow spouse friends on social media. She will see one spouse posting about her husband having time off, being able to go to appointments with her, being able to take passed on non 4-days, getting special privileges, etc. The spouse becomes jealous that her spouse isn't given the same privileges so she will sum it up to leadership being against her spouse and so she will put it on blast that her spouse isn't given the same privileges other spouses are getting, bad mouthing the leadership. Once again, I am in no way justifying it, it is in very poor taste and makes the soldier look bad.

I think said spouses should find something to pour their energy and frustration into. I am finishing my bachelors and am a decent triathlete. I have tried to empower other spouses to do more and be more, but many of them just want to be miserable.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Jun 10 at 2016 2:24 PM

2016-06-10T14:24:06-04:00

After reading your thread title
The first thought was....
Spouses don't have leadership, their soldier does.

How does a spouse complains about something they do
Not have?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 2:56 PM

2016-06-10T14:56:41-04:00

I ran into it a few times, but I always briefly addressed it with the Soldier. If it was extreme , I would give the Soldier a negative counseling about bringing discredit to the Unit. The Soldier should always handle the issue themselves before it gets too out of hand, but spouses will always wear their husband's rank.

Response by Maj John Bell made Jun 10 at 2016 4:27 PM

2016-06-10T16:27:56-04:00

I'll try to make this long story, short. Before the internet, at a wives only call, The LtCol's wife opened the "wives communications channel". I was the only 1stLt Company CO. She used a bunch of theoretical examples that if the wives didn't like what the "Lt" was doing, they should feel free to say whatever they wanted, since wives do not wear rank.

She also made it clear that if their Marines were NCO's they knew more about the Marine Corps than any Lt. When my wife told me what was discussed, I was pissed. I went to the CO and asked him when the change of command ceremony between me and his wife was scheduled. His wife visited my wife at home "I am so sorry. You must think I'm a real bitch." My wife responded "Yep" and closed the door.

On training exercise, a Cpl left a piece of comm equipment in the field. I took the company back out to the field to look for it, hoping to not charge the Cpl. He knew what was at stake. I asked the OOD to frost call wives and tell them the Marines would be home late.

It started to rain vile, foul-mouthed, hate calls on my wife when we were still in the field 6 hours later, she informed them I was still in the field too. It took a day and a half to find the comm gear. My wife just let the answering machine record the angry calls. The most foul and angry of the wives was the Cpl's wife. When I found out what my wife went through, I played the tape for my married Marines. I shut off the tape when it was done. The only thing I said was "Gentlemen, you are dismissed." Over the next two days, my wife received apology call's from everyone of the wives who called before, plus some who did not.

The LtCol gave the answering machine tape to his wife.

Response by SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 10 at 2016 6:24 PM

2016-06-10T18:24:33-04:00

I have seen a few comments about a solider venting to his spouse at house about work. Well that's their business on who they want to vent to. It's having a spouse that understands that there are conversations that should stay in the household. That seems to come with time and understanding. Once in a leadership role that's when the talk of what needs to stay at house should be done. You can also go so far as having that talk with your soldiers explaining to the how spouses can get themselves in trouble using social media. Explaining to them that they will have to answer for their spouse of the situations becomes a problem.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Jun 10 at 2016 6:35 PM

2016-06-10T18:35:44-04:00

Good Question and most definitely Inherently Politically/Socially Dangerous in our line of work where opinions are best kept to oneself.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Jun 11 at 2016 8:08 AM

2016-06-11T08:08:13-04:00

Are you concerned about the Outlet or the Issue?

Keep in mind that OUR Outlet is our spouses, and that creates a domino effect, to their social networks. OUR Issues get passed along to them, but in a "telephone game" style. They get half a story (just the bad). They get a VERY limited view of what is going on, and their view of who is responsible tends to be the "leadership." To them, that's who is at fault for their spouse being stressed, upset, unhappy, etc.

In general, they don't care about the "military" other than a means to an end. It is a "job" to them. They likely understand it's a job that can't be quit, but they are massively affected by all the second order effects.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 11 at 2016 1:57 PM

2016-06-11T13:57:18-04:00

Here you go :)

https://m.army.mil/article/73367/Social_media_misuse_punishable_under_UCMJ

Social media misuse punishable under UCMJ

Soldiers who use social media must abide by the terms outlined in the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

Response by SSG James Elmore made Jun 11 at 2016 2:33 PM

2016-06-11T14:33:39-04:00

Drives my wife crazy when a dependent does this...

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 12 at 2016 8:13 AM

2016-06-12T08:13:35-04:00

This is not limited to the military. Happens in civilian companies also.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 25 at 2016 11:10 AM

2016-06-25T11:10:35-04:00

It has a lot to do with how much the spouse knows as well. It could be as simple as the spouse not being involved with the organization and not knowing who to turn to. That's why we spend countless hours trying to organize events that show the spouses all of the organizations that assist them in VALID complaints regarding the COC, SHARP, their NCO support channel, etc.