Why did God spare me?

SGT Russell Wickham — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 08:30:29 -0500

Part of reserve drill was a PT test. During the course of standing around between sets the topic of lost friends came up. The man I was talking to told how one of his company mates was killed when an IED detonated near their up armored HMMWV. The vehicle wasn’t damaged, but the man was killed by the shock wave. He was about 30 feet from the center of the blast.
The IED that destroyed my Stryker in Afghanistan, a blast which rolled the 20-ton truck onto its side, was just four feet from me, directly under my station. Four feet above an 80 lb. bomb, and here I sit pondering why I am still alive while someone else 30 feet horizontally away from a 155 round is dead. The blast crushed my work station, and had I been sitting down, it would have crushed me. As far as I’m concerned, it is a miracle I am alive, for there is no logic or reason to war. “For He looked down from the height of His sanctuary; from heaven the Lord viewed the earth, to hear the groaning of the prisoner, to release those appointed to death...” (Psalm 102:19,20)
The ways of the Lord are a mystery to me, why He would spare the life of His enemy, while His young faithful servant is laid to rest. This brief wake-up call touched me for a few weeks, but I continued to do evil, to be an enemy of God for another four years. Survivor guilt is normal, they say. Do not dwell on it, they say. They say a lot of things, but they cannot answer the deeper questions. Why did God spare me?
God said, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” (Genesis 2:16,17) Man disobeyed, and death entered the world. The sentence continues to this day, sin leading unto death. Yes, because of my sin I deserve to die.
God spared me on 25 July, 2010, and my unit removed me from the battlefield due to genetic defects discovered while being checked out at the CSH. On 19 December, 2010, the same truck (well, new truck, same bumper number) hit another IED which blew the engine out of the vehicle, killed my driver, and wounded the other three men on the vehicle. My replacement took shrapnel across his chin. I am two inches taller than he, and likely would have taken that shrapnel to my throat. Again I ask, why did God spare me? I was His enemy.
During the night as I mulled over the first half of this essay, this thought came to me, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) God did more than just spare His enemy. He sent His son to die for me while I was still His enemy! Romans 5 continues in verses 9 through 11, “Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.”
Jesus, who knew no sin, took upon Himself my sin, and died the death I deserve to die so that He could reconcile me to God. When Christ died for us, most of those He died for were His enemies. In the combat zone, it was my fervent hope to kill my enemies. I longed for the chance to put my skills to the test and kill those who sought to kill me, and I reveled to see them die when others did get the chance. So to die for them did not even enter my mind. Yet God did the opposite. He sent His Son, and His Son willingly died for His enemies. He gives us a hope and future because He took our sins upon Himself. He bridged the gulf between God and us that sin emplaced, and made a way that we can come to God, and He did so for those who hated Him. Yes, how can I not wonder at this?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 25 at 2017 7:52 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 19:52:34 -0500

You were lucky, the other guy wasn't. Its really that simple.

If you think religion or prayer saved your life, there are SIX MILLION JEWS and FOURTEEN MILLION CHRISTIANS who prayed and believed just as hard as you did, who died in Nazi death camps all the same.

Response by PO3 Phyllis Maynard made Dec 27 at 2017 10:45 AM

PO3 Phyllis Maynard — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 10:45:44 -0500

Those if us who are believers in the God of Heaven and HIS Son Jesus understand the end time battle is coming. We may not see it in the flesh but our seed (the 3rd and 4th generations are coming) and the mantle they will carry will be our prayers and wisdom passed down. My life as well as 5000 others were spared on a grande scale also. SGT Russell Wickham seriously speaking here; just like Saving Private Ryan, make your life count and God Bless you.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 27 at 2017 1:24 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 13:24:09 -0500

It's always great to see how God works in someone's life. You have a great testimony. I'd love to hear more about it.

Response by Bethina Lee made Jul 25 at 2024 4:27 AM

Bethina Lee — Thu, 25 Jul 2024 04:27:51 -0400

I have not experience anything close to what you have been through and I am deeply sorrowful that you experienced this...
I have been through my own kind of hell in my 40+ years and diagnosed with CPTSD and the other disorders that go along with this...
In my studies, reflections, prayers, and deep dives into mediation; this is what I had discovered.

I found that each individual is here on this planet for a reason known only to God...you have a path he means for you to follow. Your path will cross many others throughout your life, there will be events that seem like absolute HELL & makes you doubt your religion, faith, & beliefs...why does this happen? In my deep dive, prayers, and mediation, these things happens for reasons only known to God. However horrific, painful to be absolutely debilitating, shock, trauma, healing, and the complete loss of close friends/family/loved ones/children/spouses/etc.
There are reasons these happen, no it's not pretty or acceptable, but in these events are also deep lessons to be learned that God is teaching you. Each time we fail this lesson we are doomed to repeat it again until we finally learn what God is trying to teach you.
Life throws us curve balls, pits that we fall in, as well as many other obstacles, you either learn from it and grow as God intended for you to; or succumb to them in failure only to repeat them time and time again.
It is not for you to question God and his reasons...yeh they suck im not denying that. But he has a plan for every single one of us to fulfill before we leave this life. I realized from a man that committed suicide, in his letter he left behind, he wrote if there was a single person to smile at him or say "Hello" he would not have killed hisself. In reflection, you do not know what a kind word, a smile, encouragement, having the patience with a troubled friend, complimenting a cashier, or calling them by their name. You will never know what impact you have on that person in passing along your positivity. This goes for vets are well, there are some that mumble on and thinks that no one is listening, that is the loneliest feeling of them all....it's kind of like a small part of them dies in that no one seems to care for them.
In your life being preserved, God meant for you to be on this planet longer for whatever purposes? That is between you and him...count your blessings each day, for not everyone are blessed with the smallest things we take for granted each day that passes. Legs to walk, arms and hands to use, a bed to sleep on, clothes on your back, food in your stomach, a job, a vehicle, a roof over your head, the ability to function a full capacity as a human being...look at the rest of this world...who has those smallest blessings that you wake up with each morning that God blesses you with in that you open your eye, that he has gifted you with another day of life.
Reflect, give it pause for thought, pray, give thanks for the smallest blessings you have everyday, and find your path in life that God intended for you to take.
I deeply hope you find peace with yourself and what happened...it's not an easy path that God has set before you in life. Peace and Blessings my brother