Where can my husband be seen for a possible video game addiction?

Caitlin Williams — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 01:12:10 -0400

My husband literally goes to work and then comes home and video games all day everyday afterwards. Every time I mention spending time with our son or myself he makes it seem like a burden. We will be seeing a marital counselor after his field at the end of the month for other issues. We’ve been together 5 years,lil over 3 years ago he joined the military and 2 years ago we got married. He’s changed a lot like your suppose to but he seems more distant and non social/responsible. I really don’t want to say anything to his leadership cause I don’t want to get him in any trouble but I’m not sure if Im suppose to cause they could help with resources or what. I stay at home caring for our 1 year old son so I haven’t said anything to him because he does support us but $200 a month on video gaming is more than the $100 I’m putting into our savings,that doesn’t leave me or my son any extra money either for random misc spending that everyone has. I’m at a rift here on what I should do and my resources. I appreciate any advice.

Response by SMSgt Thor Merich made Jul 10 at 2019 5:49 AM

SMSgt Thor Merich — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 05:49:21 -0400

Calling his gaming habit an addiction might be a bit overboard at this point. An addiction is when someone can’t stop doing something despite the negative effects it has on their life. Your husband is still going to work and functioning. Most folks that are addicted to gaming don’t work, eat, bathe or sleep regularly. What you describe is not a gaming addiction even though his playing seems to have a negative effect on his home life.

But you are on the right path. Seeing a marriage counselor is the best way to start the process to determine if his habit is an addiction and needs to be treated. Many military folks (both men abs women) use gaming as a stress reliever. According to you, his gaming habit is having a negative impact on your marriage and counseling is the right way to address it at this point.

Hopefully the counselor can show him that his habit is negatively impacting his life and needs to be curtailed.

I wish you luck.

Response by PO2 Matt Waters made Jul 10 at 2019 6:17 AM

PO2 Matt Waters — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 06:17:09 -0400

Sounds like at this point you're trying to address the issue, but it's reached a point where you need some outside assistance. Also you're stating you are scheduled to see a counselor at the end of the month for other issues. If you are experiencing multiple issues in the marriage to the point you feel counseling is warranted then what you're seeing with the video games may simply be a symptom of the bigger situation. It sounds to me like you have things on a right course for now and you both just need to spend some time talking over your relationship with the counselor and see if some understanding can be reached. The very best of luck working through the current situation and getting some kind of resolution for you both.

Response by SFC Michael D. made Jul 10 at 2019 7:52 AM

SFC Michael D. — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 07:52:14 -0400

Just a question. Has he been deployed? Did all of this start after he got back (if he did deploy)? If so, you may want to direct him in the direction of a behavioral health specialist. The video games may be a distraction from things he doesn't want to talk about.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 10 at 2019 10:04 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 10:04:07 -0400

Contact your local base Military & Family Life Counseling office (MFLC). They specialize in family counseling and can provide multiple free counseling sessions for you and your husband in a way that meets your needs. They will meet you at a place and time of your choosing privately or together and best of all it is all kept confidential so long as nobody is in danger. Which in your situation does not sound like that's the case at all. I wish you and your husband the best and hope that helps.

Response by PV2 Duane Schlender made Jul 10 at 2019 2:31 PM

PV2 Duane Schlender — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 14:31:01 -0400

First and foremost, you need to find out WHY he games so much.
Is he trying to cope with something?
Is he part of a large community of Gamers?
Does he STREAM the game, and thus get money for it?
Does he test games for companies?

Find out WHY he games as much as he does. Then go on to step 2 of trying to work around the gaming which is causing family issues.

I game every single day all day. I do not get payed for it.
I was once a member of a gaming clan, but voluntarily left.

The reason I game is not because I am addicted, though how I game does fit the addiction definition. I game because I have mental health issues from military service which have never been addressed, even though I have tried like hell to get help. Being online in games, and talking to other Gamers and streamers helps me cope with my mental problems where the system refuses to help me at all. Gaming is my only positive way to stay safe, sane, and not go postal as they say.
I would rather have a gaming addiction than drink, do drugs, or go on shooting sprees harming others.

My specific example above is only an example which applies to me. Please do NOT apply it to your husband. However, DO find out why he games so much. If you can't get through to him, have me talk to him. He is a brother in arms and I have a duty as a brother in arms to talk to him.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 10 at 2019 5:26 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 17:26:38 -0400

Counseling session...with a divorce attorney. If that doesn’t wake him up, not much will.

Response by CSM Carl Cunningham made Jul 10 at 2019 10:02 PM

CSM Carl Cunningham — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 22:02:18 -0400

1) There is never anything wrong with addressing an issue to his leadership if its a problem that you think is affecting the family over all. Talk to his first line leader about it.
2) This sounds like a textbook behavioral health issue. While I doubt there is a support group for video game addictions, but it sounds like your husband needs to talk to a medical professional about it. A lot of time video games become a way for people to escape from reality. My wife and I call it one of the many things that lead to "escapism," which I think a lot of people suffer from when depressed, etc.
3). Don't think I am saying, and don't assume that any of this is your fault. Sounds like this does need a medical professionals attention.

Response by CH (CPT) Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 11 at 2019 10:02 PM

CH (CPT) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 22:02:57 -0400

Gaming is absolutely an addictive behavior and detaches people from life around them. Stats show that video game addiction is a huge force in ruining relationships. He may think it is therapeutic, dealing with stress, depression, or avoiding problems, but with the dopamine and isolating effects, it is enslaving. You're on the right track. The counselor can refer to the right sources for help. You need that 3rd party to tell him he has a problem, and unless he gets help he will lose everything he values. In the counseling room I don't pull any punches ... the straight forward, unvarnished truth is needed to get through to some people.

Response by SSG Dale London made Jul 11 at 2019 10:54 PM

SSG Dale London — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 22:54:18 -0400

Speaking as a chaplain, see your chaplain. He can do a lot while keeping it under the radar. It does not matter what religion you are or even if you don't have any. He's there to help, regardless.