When you die, do you want a military funeral? If so how entailed?

2014-08-16T10:34:21-04:00

My father passed away a couple of days ago and was an Army vet from the early 60's. He did not see combat but never really spoke about his time in.

My brother who was active Coast Guard and just retired from the CG Reserves was against any Veteran's protocol. At this point he wants nothing when he dies either. Another brother who did an active tour in the Navy and myself, Marines, both want full military honors.

Dad is being cremated so we ended up agreeing with a flag for his coffin and a marker. No need for condolences but how do you feel? The only thing he told mom was he wanted to be cremated.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 16 at 2014 12:00 PM

2014-08-16T12:00:55-04:00

I want a party, with lots of drinking and revelry, I want to be celebrated for having lived, not mourned for having died. Burn, me and scatter me... not shrouds mourning at my grave...

Response by MSG Wade Huffman made Aug 16 at 2014 7:05 PM

2014-08-16T19:05:15-04:00

The most important thing is that the wishes of the deceased and the family are met and it seems that has been accomplished with dignity and honor; not an easy task with mixed feelings in the family.

All end of life choices, military honors or not, full funeral or not, cremation or burial, and so many more can be very difficult to make at the time of need. So many things to consider and the inevitable "what would he/she have wanted" debate makes things even more challenging.

I am a staunch believer in funeral pre-planning. Not pre-paying necessarily, that is an entirely different discussion. Just about every funeral home will allow you to completely plan your service and have it on file. Your loved ones will appreciate it when the time comes, no last minute decisions to make. just my two cents.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 16 at 2014 7:53 PM

2014-08-16T19:53:33-04:00

I will only ask this - What does your mother want? Funerals are for the living, not the dead. I'm not a theologian or whatever the shrinks call themselves that deal with this issue, but I know what I've seen. The dead don't care once they're dead. The living are the ones that care. The military has a compact with its troops - we will take you home for your family if KIA. We aren't always able to do that - but we strive mightily. The funeral is for the living. The military has a distinct method we ascribe to when we do the service - it represents our military commitment to our brother/sister - but it is a PUBLIC display of that commitment. It's intended to be a public display for those at the service. Funerals are for the living.....

Response by SSG Laureano Pabon made Aug 16 at 2014 8:02 PM

2014-08-16T20:02:49-04:00

Condolences for your father passing away Cpl George Goodwin , I really have to read up more about this so I can start to see what I need to do and make my family aware of what I want and how to go about getting it done.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 16 at 2014 8:13 PM

2014-08-16T20:13:29-04:00

Cpl George Goodwin Even though I retired 18 yrs ago, I am most remembered by those who were/are connected to my Army Service. And that is the way I've chosen to go when clocks ceases to tick. My wife knows the plan and will make it happen, unless of course, I outlive her! I wish to be creamated, military honors, and then what ever she chooses to do with me....is fine by me!
It's never to early to make those desires known either verbal, in writing, or in a Will. It's not the time or an event to come to family differences, take any decision making out of everyone's hands as all may not make it about you, but themselves and hard feelings afterwards. When my time comes to go to "Fiddler's Green", I want to get there just like I've done everything else in my life, and that's "MY WAY!" Best wishes to you, your Mom and your family.

Response by SGT Suraj Dave made Aug 16 at 2014 8:44 PM

2014-08-16T20:44:39-04:00

I personally would not get one. My personal opinion on the matter (which will probably make everyone hate me), is that only active service members who died in combat should get them. They made the ultimate sacrifice, they deserve this honor much more then the rest of us.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 16 at 2014 8:48 PM

2014-08-16T20:48:22-04:00

I want to be buried in a military cemetery. Not for me, but for my kids. Same reason I collect things in my office - I want my kids to know that their dad at least did something.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Aug 16 at 2014 9:07 PM

2014-08-16T21:07:53-04:00

PREPARE TO COPY!!! I have given great thought into this subject.

Even in death I don't like money being spent on me. I'm thinking 2 gallons of gas and a match. I won't feel it anyway. I want all the ashes collected up and taken to the wake. At the wake, don't even think about being sad or saying tender and insightful remarks. Everyone there will have a mission. $10,000 from my life insurance will be the prize money. Everyone has a month to take their portion of my ashes to the most beautiful places they can think of and let me go. Then, bring back a picture of the act and then everyone involved in the "mission" gets judged by my children and a winner will be declared. You have to go into great detail of why you took me to your "grace land." Now that everyone is back together, you will all know the most beautiful things about each other. That way, I can achieve one last beautiful thing in death, that I should have done in life.................then PARTY.
PS...If anyone of you kills me to get the prize money.....deals off.

Response by MAJ Jim Woods made Aug 16 at 2014 9:16 PM

2014-08-16T21:16:26-04:00

Comply with his wishes.

I have a thumb drive with all of the particulars in case of my death (no Church service; cremation, graveside or wall-side Military Honors at the Idaho Veterans Cemetery). When I go out of country, I give it to my best friend so my wife doesn't have anything to worry about.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 16 at 2014 10:13 PM

2014-08-16T22:13:44-04:00

I have had an idea of what my funeral would be like since college. I was asked to consider the cost of my passing (and what the service would consist of) in a finance class.

I want to be cremated in an environmentally non-damaging way. I want my ashes packed into a rocket (similar to a 'science fair' rocket; ever seen the movie October Sky?), fired as high as possible into the atmosphere, and then have it explode at peak altitude. My remains should be scattered as far as possible. I don't want any of my surviving family to have place they feel they need to visit to remember me; there will be a little bit of me everywhere.

Response by SSG Jim Handy made Aug 17 at 2014 9:47 PM

2014-08-17T21:47:37-04:00

I want the whole ceremony! I want the full burial detail and I want as many Veterans in attendance as possible. I would prefer to have ALL NCO's on the detail with no OIC.

Response by Sgt S.P. Woodke made Aug 18 at 2014 11:56 AM

2014-08-18T11:56:43-04:00

NO for me....I want NOTHING from the Feds or anything that would cost taxpayers ANYTHING on my behalf....with that said...my company MAKES Military burial flags
5x9½ - and Military burial flag cases IF - you know of anybody looking...We are 100% owned and operated by former U.S. Marines.

http://fbsind.com/burial_flag_cases.htm

Response by SSG Jeffrey Spencer made Aug 18 at 2014 1:00 PM

2014-08-18T13:00:23-04:00

I'd like the military honors. I am proud to have served and wish to honor that at my passing. I'd prefer to be interred at my post, at Ft. Ord if they have a veteran's cemetery there.

Response by TSgt John Marshall made Aug 18 at 2014 1:28 PM

2014-08-18T13:28:37-04:00

It's not about the veteran. Just like retirement ceremonies, it's about those who are left behind. I've tendered honors and passed plenty of flags to NOKs and it's all for them.

Response by SGT Mitch McKinley made Aug 18 at 2014 1:37 PM

2014-08-18T13:37:39-04:00

My son asked me if I want to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery when I go. My response, "Absolutely not!" Arlington, to me, should be reserved for those that made the ultimate sacrifice and Presidents, generals, admirals etc.

I told them that I am fine with a spot in the DFW National Cemetery. That way, I am laid to rest with my brothers and sisters. And my children can bring their children and grandchildren to the cemetery, not just to visit my grave, but to say thank you to every marker they pass on the way to mine and pay honor to all those who lay beside me for their love of this country and the sacrifices they made in her defense.

Response by PO1 Floyd Clark made Aug 18 at 2014 1:51 PM

2014-08-18T13:51:15-04:00

I want to be cremated and then tossed off the side of a carrier. Always loved the ocean.

Response by SSG Robin Rushlo made Aug 18 at 2014 1:59 PM

2014-08-18T13:59:47-04:00

Just want to be placed in and arty shell and shot out over a military base some where. You see I just want a BIG BANG when I go.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Aug 18 at 2014 2:52 PM

2014-08-18T14:52:48-04:00

I would just want a simple funeral detail from my old unit, 3 volleys, Taps and a flag for my family.

Response by MSgt Lancia Stewart made Aug 18 at 2014 4:12 PM

2014-08-18T16:12:13-04:00

Nothing fancy. My husband and I decided that, whoever goes first, will be cremated and kept until the other dies. Then the ashes will be mixed together and spread somewhere.

Response by PO1 James Friedman made Aug 19 at 2014 4:17 PM

2014-08-19T16:17:47-04:00

My cremains will be buried at sea by the US Navy.

Response by Sgt S.P. Woodke made Aug 20 at 2014 11:11 AM

2014-08-20T11:11:05-04:00

just approach her and Ask

Response by CDR Thomas Gatliffe made Aug 20 at 2014 1:33 PM

2014-08-20T13:33:44-04:00

I have told my wife that I would like to be buried at sea as that is where I found the most peace on long bridge mid-watches (0000-0400) transiting in the Pacific. The Navy will assist but I understand that the family is ultimately responsible for the transport and delivery of the remains to the designated ship's home port (often it is a reserve tin can scheduled for some daily ops beyond the 12-mile limit). My only ceremonial request is that they don't schedule interment simultaneously with "Sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms. Give the ship a clean sweep-down fore and aft. Take all trash to the designated collection points. Oh, and toss Commander Gatliffe's ashes over the side when you're done."

Response by SSgt James Stanley made Aug 26 at 2014 12:16 AM

2014-08-26T00:16:41-04:00

No, can't stand the thought of my body being stuck in the ground and covered up with dirt. All of my family knows that I want to be cremated and my ashes spread out under an oak tree on a hill.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 26 at 2014 3:29 AM

2014-08-26T03:29:21-04:00

While the final decision is up to the family, I think that every honorably discharged service member should be given military honors upon death, as a recognition of their sacrifice to serve. Consider it one last honorable act.

Response by 1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2015 10:24 AM

2015-10-27T10:24:56-04:00

Absolutely.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Oct 27 at 2015 10:25 AM

2015-10-27T10:25:58-04:00

Without a doubt

Response by PV2 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2015 10:27 AM

2015-10-27T10:27:22-04:00

Yes and no. Yes, because every male in my family has had one, and its honoring our sacrifices. But no, because I was just doing my job. I don't know, that's a conflicting one, to me. I'm split down the middle. Whatever I get, I get, I guess.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Oct 27 at 2015 10:30 AM

2015-10-27T10:30:46-04:00

Yes absolutely my first choice for a funeral is to be buried at West Point, NY because it is my alma mater and there is a great view of the Hudson River and surrounding hills for anybody who wants to visit my grave.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2015 10:33 AM

2015-10-27T10:33:06-04:00

I do, with the horses and wagon at Ft. Sam. I've already discussed it with my family.

Response by Col Joseph Lenertz made Oct 27 at 2015 10:36 AM

2015-10-27T10:36:50-04:00

Yes, for my wife and kids, to have some finality to it. A memory and a point in time so they could look back, and then look forward.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2015 11:08 AM

2015-10-27T11:08:03-04:00

@Ricky Allen Yes

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2015 11:43 AM

2015-10-27T11:43:49-04:00

I'll leave that up to my kids.

Response by MAJ Jim Woods made Oct 27 at 2015 1:36 PM

2015-10-27T13:36:21-04:00

Yes. Everything I want is on a USB drive that I update every time I leave home. Our Idaho State Veterans Cemetery has a Mausoleum that also accepts spouses. Just a graveside Military service after cremation.

Response by SFC Thomas Howes made Oct 27 at 2015 3:06 PM

2015-10-27T15:06:49-04:00

My dad was retired Navy WWII, Korea, Vietnam he had a military funeral I am retired Army and I would like a military funeral I be leave my brother who is also retired Army would like one also I feel we did are time and we are entailed.