What was your experience after joining as an older enlistee? How did you handle being told that you were too old to enlist?

2021-01-12T05:01:59-05:00

Hello Rallypoint, it has been a long while since I have been on here, but a situation that I had just the other day has been bothering me quite a bit.

A bit about me for those who don't know, I'm finishing up my Bachelor's degree (which I will complete this year) and plan to enlist within a year after that time. After I have been discharged from the military is when me and my fiancee plan to start our career and solidify everything. I am quite a bit on the older side - luckily still a few years below the max enlistment age for the branch that I am going into and the job I want (I'm 32). Me enlisting was always there in the back of my mind for a while now and a few certain factors prevented me from going forth with the decision previously right out of high school. It has been quite a long while since that day I even stepped into the recruiter's office, but after a vet friend of mine told me that many who had even a slight desire to enlist but didn't go through with it eventually felt a good amount of regret for the rest of their life, he told me that if I had any inkling about and was willing to put in the time that I should go forth with it. That was what propelled me finally, that and the factor that prevented me previously from enlisting was no longer there (it was not medical, just family issues that are no longer a problem any more).

With that said, my folks caught wind of the idea from a family friend playing gossip. My old man (former infantryman himself) wasn't against it but was pretty demeaning about it, said I was too old and that I would fail at it miserably. My old man said something along the lines like "Jake, I was in the Army, I know what kind of people make it and what kind don't, and I'm gonna tell you right now, you wouldn't make it past boot camp." and partnered with "I know what you're thinking, I know why you're enlisting, it's cause you just wanna be some damn 'Captain American' or some crap, that's it ain't it? Pfft, you know what they're gonna do, the drills are gonna look at you and laugh at how old you are. Jake, you had a chance long ago, but you missed it, it's done, just focus on your career, that's all." he just left it at that. That was about a few months back.

It wasn't until just the other day that I sat down with my mom for lunch at their place that she told me how she felt. Let me first say that my mom is a piece work, I'll be the first one to admit that. She's not racist or anything, but she does have some sense of elitism/classism with the way she thinks, which I can't stand at times, regardless she's still my mom (we just leave the yelling and arguing on holiday get togethers). When we sat there, we were talking and she bought my future enlistment up as quick quip. I questioned why she bought it up to which she told me she considered it an "unwise" decision.

When I asked her why she thought that, she simply stated "Well look at how old you are now, dear, you're in your 30's" to which I replied "Yeah, and?" she then replied with "Do the math, you'll be well into at least 37 or 38 when you get out, do you really want to start your career when you're 38? Seriously dear, do you honestly believe anybody wants to deal with a 38 year old new guy on the job who's got no experience in your field? Let that sink in for a bit, you'd be a rookie at your job AT 38! You'd be what they consider 'a walking joke' cursing your own poor decision making.". This hit me hard a bit, but I simply stated in retort "I may be a bit old, but all those years were spent doing something." and she quipped on about "Ugh! Nothing but an assortment of retail gigs and blue-collared odd jobs - what was the longest you held a job again? four, five years? They speak nothing well of you nor do anything for your resume, stop thinking like a child! If you had some time as bank manager or real estate agent, perhaps this wouldn't be so sad, but even then I think you would be making an unwise mistake. It'd be a step down.". That all eventually led to a bit of an argument in which I finished with "It's nice being able to freely think like that when you have others keeping you safe at night, right?" followed with a "Don't patronize your mother just because you want to go on a wild goose chase due to a mid-life crisis!". We still walked away amicably (Again...she's my mom...that's all I can say).

Sorry for ranting, but it's just, I'm not gonna lie, it got to me a bit. I've always thought about enlisting for a term in the military because...well, I guess it was always cause I was that kid that played "soldier", I was always reading about what the newest rifle, gadget, or strategy that some officer came up with, was always playing airsoft and out flanking the other players with my friends back in high school. Until a family issue that kind of anchored me down for quite a while came up, but again, that issue has passed a couple years back and a vet friend of mine inspired me to rethink my future enlistment. Since I matured a bit, my new reasons now (along with my original one) would be because I want to know what my veteran friends went through and understand the thing that only vets understand between each other. To be part of a community that is less than 10% of society, and of course, to be able to hold my head up high and say "yeah, I did do something". I guess the bottomline is that I mostly wanna enlist due to service and pride of having earned such a title. Benefits and all are merely the cherry on the top for me.

Apologies for ranting and raving for so long, but what my folks - and sadly some of my friends and extended family as well - said are all starting to just bog me down and making me second guess everything. To be honest, I guess I'm just wondering if any of you guys went through this? Any vets who went in a bit late on here...or sadly in my case, quite a bit late? My fiancee is annoyed with the idea of starting our career later, but wholly believes in and supports me going after what I want, she's onboard with it and already jokes about being a "dependa-potamus" with all the benefits (and no, she is quite fit and well-shaped, thank you).

Anyways, hope you guys are all doing well.

Response by CPT Lawrence Cable made Jan 12 at 2021 7:34 AM

2021-01-12T07:34:11-05:00

I was 27 when I enlisted, the oldest guy in my OSUT class was 35. but he was a retread. I have a friend that joined the National Guard at 40 and made it through just fine. If it's what you want, go for it. Pick a MOS that you want to serve doing and go for it. I don't regret joining.
If you chose that path, a couple pieces of advice since the Army is a bit more Anal about certain things today. Find the weight standard for your height and age and make sure you meet that before going to MEPS. Get in shape, the PT program is a bit up in the air right now, but google the new Army Combat Fitness Test and be able to pass it going in the door. It just makes your life a lot easier.
You will probably be hit with a leadership position right out of the gate. In my company, all the prior service guys and older recruits were at least the starting student leadership. I got squad leader, being squad leader to IET soldiers can be like herding squirrels, but you get the experience anyway.
The last thing to remember is that it is in a large part about getting your head in the right place. You will find out that you can be a lot more miserable than you thought possible and survive and eventually you will understand that the Drills are there to get all your sorry asses though it.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 10:20 AM

2021-01-12T10:20:30-05:00

There was a guy in my daughter's AIT class who was 41. I got commissioned and went through BOLC at 40. If it's something you want to do, go for it, if for no reason other than to stick it to your old man. lol

Response by SFC Kelly Fuerhoff made Jan 12 at 2021 10:27 AM

2021-01-12T10:27:34-05:00

Ok I'm not reading all that but got the gist.

Your parents are dumb. Basic really doesn't sound that hard anymore. I joined at 22. Most of my platoon was 18, 19. A few other college grads. We had a former Marine who was 41 I think (this was 2004 when max age was raised). He was the high male PT scorer. And the drills didn't mock him.

You do you. Forget what others say. I can't speak on basic now but I know it's changed a lot in my 16 years.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 11:21 AM

2021-01-12T11:21:33-05:00

Jake:

There is a bit to unload here.

1. You’re not too old. You’ll certainly be older than most of the recruits you meet in Basic. I was twenty when I came in, and I was older than most.

2. I bet your dad was a Vietnam era vet. That makes him salty. What he remembers and what you’ll experience will be the same at times and different in others.

3. Your mom doesn’t want you to put off your intended end game career until you're almost 40. So enlist in an MOS that supports what you want to do later. It will add real world experience and enhance your professional network. Or don’t go active duty. Join the Guard/Reserves; meet your commitment and pursue your career at the same time. Realize Guard/Reserve personnel are not the weekend warriors the cinema and those who don't know any better will have you believe.

4. This is my only warning, Jake. Sometimes, life will keep you from pursuing the things you want to pursue. That’s reality, and there is nothing wrong with that. But if this opportunity has been weighing on you a while, if you regret so feverishly not joining earlier, that regret will follow you forever.

Response by SP5 Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 12:26 PM

2021-01-12T12:26:34-05:00

Jake Lang Your life. Your decision. Your career. Your satisfaction. And thanks for wanting to serve.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 12:26 PM

2021-01-12T12:26:36-05:00

"I guess the bottomline is that I mostly wanna enlist due to service and pride of having earned such a title. Benefits and all are merely the cherry on the top for me. After I have been discharged from the military is when me and my fiancee plan to start our career and solidify everything." Jake, joining for the benefits or joining to earn a title are not good reasons to join the military. You are holding off on starting a career until after your military discharge. When you complete your degree, why not start a career instead of the odd jobs that you have held to date?

Response by SSG Lance Davidson made Jan 12 at 2021 12:59 PM

2021-01-12T12:59:17-05:00

It's truly up to you what you want to do. If you are really that stressed or worried about what your family is thinking then maybe look at trying to go the officer route. That may assuage any concerns your parents have and you would be setting yourself up for a better position upon getting out of the military. Since you are 32 you are not too old as you only have to ship to training by your 33rd birthday and accept commission by 34. Honestly it would be a better route for someone who has a bit more life experience anyway. As for being told you can't do it, who cares what others think. My family thought I couldn't make it through basic when I joined about 16 years ago and they all shut their mouths when I invited them to graduation of basic training. Only you can determine what you are willing to go through in order to succeed.

Response by SPC Cathy Goessman made Jan 12 at 2021 1:45 PM

2021-01-12T13:45:05-05:00

Join the Army like you want to and stop letting your parents that far into your head. You're in your 30s. Cut the umbilical cord already and live your own life.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 2:54 PM

2021-01-12T14:54:15-05:00

I love this topic. Here I sit typing this as a 48 y/o CPT that entered as a 38 y/o SPC without a guaranteed path to Officer. You have 6 years on me and could be a MAJ at my age.

If you enlist, just remember Basic Training is a coming of age period for most recruits. Just stay clear of that, and focus on "checking the box" in regard to your required training.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 3:02 PM

2021-01-12T15:02:28-05:00

I was 32 when I enlisted back in 92 and was not the oldest in my basic training company. Back in 2005 I was cadre at Ft. Jackson and I bet 1/3 of every BCT company that came to my qualification range was wearing specialist rank meaning they graduated college then joined.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 3:29 PM

2021-01-12T15:29:40-05:00

Dude... You're 32 years old. You should know by now that not everyone is going to be blowing sunshine up your butt and celebrating every step you take in your life. That's high school stuff right there. It's adulting time.

How do you handle it? Like an adult. You assess your needs, you assess the options, you make a decision and move out to execute. Then you reassess. Unless these people are paying your bills they don't really get a say in your life at the moment. When I left for Basic my family thought I wouldn't make it. Six months later I was standing at the Ranger Memorial donning my beret as a new member of the 75th Ranger Regiment. You are the result of your own choices

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 6:32 PM

2021-01-12T18:32:51-05:00

I joined the reserves at first then after coming back home I went to the recruiter and asked about going active and he said no problem. I did have an officer ask me why I was not an officer after seeing what I was checking out to read at the Post Library. Told him I was to old according tot he Army.

Response by Cpl Vic Burk made Jan 12 at 2021 7:13 PM

2021-01-12T19:13:08-05:00

We had a recruit in our platoon that had been in the Army two years (Draftee) got out and joined Marines. He was twenty-six and out of shape but determined to make it and earn the title. He did because he wanted to and was determined. You have to decide if it is really what you want. If it is, go for it. The only really stopping you is you.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2021 11:38 PM

2021-01-12T23:38:48-05:00

I joined the Army at 27 years old, a few weeks later I was in a near fatal accident that resulted in a laundry list of injuries, and a month in an ICU burn unit. My mother a nurse, my father a wall street executive. I had NO reason to join the military, besides I WANTED TO. I didn't need to. I didn't have parent that loved the idea. But, I WANTED TO.

Best decision I ever made. Never once have I faced any adversity for being older, besides earning the nickname of Gramps. We had a 50 something year old guy just blaze through Ranger school.

If you want it, get it.

Response by SFC Alex M made Jan 13 at 2021 11:30 AM

2021-01-13T11:30:42-05:00

Sir, be all you can be, older soldier provide more maturity and guidance to younger soldier. It’s your life choose what makes you not to regret later. I always wanted to be a soldier. I did it at 24 yrs old and still enjoying it after retirement dealing with younger soldier. Do what makes you happy!