What should I do about my NCO talking bad about me to other lower enlisted soldiers in my unit?

PFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 21:56:44 -0500

My best friend (civilian) was on the phone with two friends of my husbands in his unit (Both PFC and so is my husband) and one of his NCO’s was in the car with them. His NCO did not know she was my best friend, and did not know she had the phone on speaker to where we could hear everything being said. It was not a private conversation, so she didn’t care that it was on speaker and that we could hear everything. They were talking about unrelated stuff, but then my husbands name was mentioned in a small part of the conversation, and his NCO immediately started bad mouthing about him. Mind you, the NCO was not in their conversation to begin with but the minute he heard my husbands name he started going off. Saying he is fat, lazy, has horrible work ethic, useless, annoying, has no business being in the army, and then he kept mumbling stuff we couldn’t hear because the two other people in the car started talking over him to change the conversation. My husband knows none of these things are true, he passes every single PT Test with a 280+, he is on the promotion list for this coming week because he is being waived to SPC 3 months early, he is currently working on a green to gold packet.. annoying - yeah well not everyone likes everyone so he doesn’t care about that. But what he does care about, is that an NCO in his company is talking bad about him to other lower enlisted soldiers in his company, and who knows who else this NCO is talking to like that about him. Does he leave it alone and continue to prove him wrong? Does he bring it up to his team leader? Does he ask to speak to the NCO privately? He wants to handle this situation correctly, if it should handle it at all.

*I am asking on his behalf because he does not have rallypoint*

Response by CW5 Jack Cardwell made Dec 6 at 2019 10:04 PM

CW5 Jack Cardwell — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 22:04:21 -0500

Time to drop the drama. Did YOU hear the conversation?

Response by SPC Michael Gifford made Dec 6 at 2019 10:26 PM

SPC Michael Gifford — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 22:26:21 -0500

i dont think about people as people at all. we are all soldiers. i know theres a whole new wave of soldiers with the"soldiers are people too" not in my day, we are all dogs! where there isnt anything to be hurt by if not true. other than 1 bigoted opinion vs 1 overly concerned opinion. where even if were true, i dont judge anyone based off of reputations, unless those reputations have found their way on to their record jacket. where even if there's shit on a record jacket, doesnt mean i will straight condemn or haze someone over it... as I would want to meet them and see how they interact with me themselves... where from that report is all that matters.

granted the worst this, is apparent displacement within unitary functionality. where if a proposed green to gold packet is being done then there is still nothing to worry about with the soon to be moving out transfer. btw that sounds odd being less than an E5 with a green to gold packet, with remarks to early SPC promotions. as last I recall, SPC/CPL isnt high enough to process an acceptance for a green to gold. where if that 1 aspect of what you said is plausibility not true, then the rest of what you said also might be bogus as well. where at which point, i cant really care about anything further on the matter and already an apparent waist of time to me.

Response by MSG Frank Kapaun made Dec 6 at 2019 10:31 PM

MSG Frank Kapaun — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 22:31:38 -0500

Use your GI Bill to take a course in basic English composition. Your grammar and writing are atrocious.

Response by MAJ Javier Rivera made Dec 6 at 2019 10:32 PM

MAJ Javier Rivera — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 22:32:59 -0500

So far is second-hand knowledge. It doesn’t mean the conversation didn’t happen but it would take some sort of investigation into the matter; and is a he said/she said situation so far. Anyway, your husband should gather some facts and ask his immediate supervisor for a little chat, ask him/her to get with the other NCO and have a face to face; all three of them. I’m old school so things might be different now days!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 6 at 2019 10:34 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 22:34:01 -0500

Here are my take aways:
1) Why was the NCO in a car with 2 PFCs? Was this a work related travel?
2) The NCO didn't know the phone was on speaker. Was this an attempt to entrap the NCO?
3) If you were not part of the conversation, this is hearsay at best as you didn't know the exact words that were said by the NCO.
4) This sounds like someone is trying to stir the shitpot.
5) Could the NCO have been mistaken as to whom he was talking about?

Yea, not everyone can like everyone and not everyone can be liked by everyone. Even if your husband brought this up with the NCO in question, it would become a matter of He Said/She Said. Without actual recording or direct hearing of the conversation, how can this truly be proven? Your husband can either talk with the NCO......which could possibly not go well. Or, your husband can just drive on, ignore the comments and prove the NCO wrong. I suggest that since you did not hear the conversation, nor did your husband hear the conversation, that your husband just move forward and blow it off.

Response by CPL Gary Pifer made Dec 6 at 2019 10:59 PM

CPL Gary Pifer — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 22:59:11 -0500

I'd keep my mouth shut.. I have a problem with the speaker phone aspect. .. when I am on speaker I always get permission for others to listen in.

Response by SSG Red Hoffman made Dec 7 at 2019 12:30 AM

SSG Red Hoffman — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 00:30:15 -0500

Whoa...drama anyone? If this entire story is true and not an attempted entrapment of an NCO, then you tell your husband to handle it. Might suggest that he get Rally Point so he is not talked about by his wife to a very large group of strangers

Response by SPC Stewart Smith made Dec 7 at 2019 1:51 AM

SPC Stewart Smith — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 01:51:05 -0500

Sounds like that NCO needs an NCO check if it's true.
"No one is more professional than I. I am a non commissioned officer, a leader of soldiers..."
Couple things though: It sounds like your husband is squared away. Are you sure this NCO was saying this? Did you hear it? Does your husband have issues with this NCO now or in the past? Do you really care about others 'badmouthing' you or your husband?
Both you and your husband are going to have multiple people talking shit about you now and in the future. Learn to let it roll off your shoulders. Grow thicker skin and understand that the only opinion you should care about is your own. People will talk shit. Take it as a growing opportunity and learn from it. Look at the positives, not the negatives.
When someone starts talking about another behind their back I'd recommend you change the subject to something positive(like talking about how to fulfill your goals). You'll have a much happier life.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 7 at 2019 3:23 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 03:23:29 -0500

Don't let that NCO live rent free in your mind. Haters are going to hate. Focus on the things in life that matter, letting things like this go will make your life a lot better.

Response by SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz made Dec 7 at 2019 5:06 AM

SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 05:06:13 -0500

Most NCOs (in my personal experience) who like to badmouth other Soldiers is because they are pathetic themselves and hate the fact that everyone is moving on and so they become jealous little girls. By the way, I’m sure someone here is going to be hurtful by my comment. In 3,2,1... go.

Response by SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz made Dec 7 at 2019 5:16 AM

SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 05:16:09 -0500

Though to answer your question you (or your husband) should do nothing. Just keep moving on, and do not look back. Karma is the ultimate b***h (Personal Experience).

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Dec 7 at 2019 7:24 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 07:24:45 -0500

Even if this is true, this Junior NCO will at some point get his due. Here you have the looming question, why was the phone on speaker? The explanation above is weak as to addressing this question. Does your husband work for this NCO, if not it would be a waste of time. If your husband is being coached and mentored, and his unit is promoting him with waivers, assisting with a Green to Gold packet then what this other guy (NCO) thinks is mute. Thank you for your service.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 7 at 2019 8:17 AM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 08:17:30 -0500

"As the World Turns".

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 7 at 2019 8:32 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 08:32:53 -0500

Unless this NCO is his squad leader or in some form of supervision over him then who cares what he thinks? If your husband is fast tracking as much as you say he is then he will surpass the hater in rank or position in the unit soon enough and to me surpassing people who love to talk down to others is the best payback there is.

The army has this great motto I have found to be true even outside of the army. “Don’t get mad get promoted”

I wouldn’t waste time about what someone said and I wonder if your husband even cares since he didn’t make an account to come here and ask for himself.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 7 at 2019 11:52 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 11:52:52 -0500

Honestly, why do you or your husband care what they think... results speak louder than opinions. Keeping moving forward and drop the highschool drama crap.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 7 at 2019 12:54 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 12:54:19 -0500

He could certainly bring it up with his leadership who would sit that NCO down and have a talk with him about professional military bearing.

But, he's going to be an officer and he's going to need some thick skin. You can't go running to the leadership every time someone says something bad. You just continue to do well and leave those nay-sayers in the dust behind you. There's no revenge like passing someone in rank after ten years and then seeing they're still the same rank. That's the most satisfying revenge ever.

Response by SGT Michael Koukaras made Dec 7 at 2019 1:03 PM

SGT Michael Koukaras — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 13:03:16 -0500

To all the people yelling "entrapment of an NCO" go jump off a cliff. Entrapment is getting someone to do something the would not ordinary do. The spouse freely admits she heard the conversation personally. Now that being said. Living well is the best form of revenge that has ever been invented. Brush it off grow a little thicker skin ( sometimes easier said than done) and just enjoy your life.

Response by 1SG Dennis Hicks made Dec 7 at 2019 5:25 PM

1SG Dennis Hicks — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 17:25:06 -0500

The short answer is ignore it, you were not there, the comments mean nothing and drams never pans out in the end. Bad words or comments mean nothing if they are not true, so don't give them any power or credence. Your husbands chain of command appears to have diffidence in him s who gives a flying fudge about an outsider spewing verbal diarrhea.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 7 at 2019 5:27 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 17:27:27 -0500

So you're fighting your husband's battles yet he is going to be a future officer? Anyway, people will always have varying opinions of you as a person. The best thing to do is to speak life and work hard and most importantly, ignore naysayers. However, if someone is convicted in their belief of a person's productive habits, one may think that there is a possibility of truth? I know you think highly of your husband but he is your husband and your professional perception of him may be skewed.

Regardless, best of luck!

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Dec 8 at 2019 7:40 AM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Sun, 08 Dec 2019 07:40:37 -0500

Assuming any or all you said is accurate, the best revenge is your husband doing well. He’s on a good track now. Stick with it. Use this incident to help get the Green to Gold package done.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 8 at 2019 8:12 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 08 Dec 2019 08:12:08 -0500

This needs to be presented to your NCO chain to at least the 1SG level if not the CSM.

Honestly the CPT may have no idea what she is doing to the climate in the unit but she needs to and she's made it clear she doesn't want to hear it from you.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 8 at 2019 12:25 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 08 Dec 2019 12:25:37 -0500

Well if that's the case their just a sergeant......and not an NCO ....theirs a difference...

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 8 at 2019 6:27 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 08 Dec 2019 18:27:42 -0500

lol this is the way I see it hater gone hate they can talk shit all day long if they wanna handle it or discuss it they know where I work . He should just continue doing him this sounds like some straight high school bullshit leave it alone

Response by SFC Kelly Fuerhoff made Dec 10 at 2019 10:39 AM

SFC Kelly Fuerhoff — Tue, 10 Dec 2019 10:39:16 -0500

Who cares? Tell your husband to just let it roll off his back. The only way this becomes an issue is if this NCO is in his support channel and has any say over your husband's career. If not, just ignore the hater. Obviously that NCO has some issues.

Your friends should probably stop hanging around the NCO too. Not sure why they are to start with if it wasn't work related. This NCO sounds like a douche.

Response by PV2 Frank Henson made Jan 6 at 2020 12:57 PM

PV2 Frank Henson — Mon, 06 Jan 2020 12:57:59 -0500

Prove fraternization. That'll teach him. It's very unprofessional for a sgt, backbone of the army, leader in training, to bad mouth about any soldier. After all we all wear the same uniform and provide the same protecting freedoms as we have assumed those duties. So my suggestion is handle at lowest level and try to fix issue. If issue persists go for gold and prove fraternization. Written statements, you name it.