What's your funniest "The Military Just Came Out Of Me" moment in the workplace?

2015-04-06T15:19:21-04:00

We've all got one - that moment in your civilian job when the CPO came out of ya, or the LPO came out...maybe even the CO or XO rose it's head. What's yours? When did your military bearing come to play?

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 6 at 2015 3:21 PM

2015-04-06T15:21:29-04:00

lady came into my civilian job to perform a urine drug screen for employment. Apparently, I broke the instructions down so barney style, she actually complained to my lab boss that i should not talk to her like she is in the military

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 6 at 2015 3:25 PM

2015-04-06T15:25:34-04:00

Does having a field phone sitting on my desk count? If not, I guess I still gotta show up fifteen minutes early for shift and regularly use radio lingo when conversing on the phone.

Response by SGT John Wesley made Apr 20 at 2015 12:08 PM

2015-04-20T12:08:56-04:00

My Supervisor was not happy when I told him that his attempt at fixing a heavy piece of equipment had turned into a "Cluster F.....". He actually laughed, go figure?

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Apr 22 at 2015 6:32 PM

2015-04-22T18:32:26-04:00

PO1 Ricky Allen, while it wasn't at a civilian workplace, I'll share an event that happened in New Orleans, at a Bingo Hall! I hit the Bingo for a $500 pot and yelled BINGO so loud that it scared the u-know-what out of some of those around us, the yell knocked the glasses off one guy and one woman about dove under the table! It got very quiet and then everyone burst out laughing!

Response by Maj John Bell made Mar 2 at 2016 4:15 PM

2016-03-02T16:15:02-05:00

Unfortunately, when my daughter, in kindergarten, was learning how to use the monkey bars at the playground. R. Lee Ermey would have been proud as he was stomping a well-deserved mud hole in my fanny.

Response by Sgt Wayne Ariss made Apr 20 at 2017 6:17 PM

2017-04-20T18:17:09-04:00

Every time someone says something that I don't quite catch, I immediately and reflexively reply, "Say again." I get a lot of strange looks from civilians who have no idea what I'm talking about.

Response by CW2 Ernest Krutzsch made Apr 20 at 2017 7:01 PM

2017-04-20T19:01:30-04:00

This happened when I was in the Military, I was acting 1SG when the 1SG was attending school. I put a SP4 on the duty Roster, I had a GS12 call me and tell me that he was in PAO and was exempt, I told her to have the NCO in charge of him call me, as I was not going to discuss Army issues with a civilian. she told the Captain at the PAO, that I told her I hated civilians. He came storming in my office shouting, I told him to leave my office and to enter properly as an Officer. He came in, and told me that the GS12 said I hated civilians, I told him that was impossible, I married one and had 4 tiny ones living in my house, He left laughing

Response by PO1 RIchard Petty made Apr 20 at 2017 7:24 PM

2017-04-20T19:24:54-04:00

Um I still work with military as a Fleet Weapons Support Rep, but on the civilian side.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2017 8:45 PM

2017-04-20T20:45:23-04:00

Just last week, I told a member of the Senior Executive Service, which is the civilian flag officer corps of the federal government, to stop whining like a little bitch and learn to work with his subordinates. After he told me I offended him, I responded, "I've not yet begun to offend you tent peg." My boss loves my style.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Apr 20 at 2017 8:57 PM

2017-04-20T20:57:19-04:00

PO1 Ricky Allen My youngest son was trained on: "I can't hear you". That in the era of Larry Bird who was very soft spoken!

Response by SGT Matthew S. made Apr 20 at 2017 9:57 PM

2017-04-20T21:57:43-04:00

I'm on a volunteer fire department, and I often help with the annual fire station tours for the kindergartners. One particular time, while the Assistant Chief was heading the tour and I helped herd everyone around, I pointed to the area I wanted everyone to move to so they could see & hear the next part of the presentation. Without even meaning to, and not realizing it until the words were already out of my mouth, I instructed them to "form up over there".

Response by SPC Greg Campbell made Apr 20 at 2017 11:01 PM

2017-04-20T23:01:38-04:00

asked one guy at work 'what is your major malfunction buttercup?' quite loudly

Response by LTC David Cushen made Apr 21 at 2017 12:08 AM

2017-04-21T00:08:49-04:00

I was advising my boss to take it easy on a fellow supervisor... it came out, "Look, I know you want to cut sling-load on Bill... hell, everyone thinks he's FUBAR, he's spazzing all over himself; let him take a knee and drink water. He's doing cheetah flips to get you an answer. He just needs someone to help him tighten his shot group." After an awkward moment, my boss burst out laughing... he never heard the term 'cheetah flips'. Then he asked me to repeat myself, slowly, so he could understand what all the jargon meant.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2017 3:59 AM

2017-04-21T03:59:33-04:00

The boss was asking me if I thought it would be possible to fix the behavior issues of a couple of problem employees. I said, "sure, I just need to adjust some head space and timing". He just gave me a blank look, and then said "uh...OK".

Response by SGT Philip Roncari made Apr 21 at 2017 6:54 AM

2017-04-21T06:54:58-04:00

When told to go up to the office of the Chief of the station on my first day starting as a cleaner(pushing broom entry level job) I immediately went back to form ,smartly entered ,stopped three feet from his desk came to the position of attention and in a loud clear voice stated "SGT Roncari reports",he being a former Naval officer got quite a kick out of it.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2017 1:50 PM

2017-04-21T13:50:31-04:00

I tend to use suck it up better cup a lot. I have also told a subordinate that he was as useful as a soup sandwich and a football bat combined

Response by LCpl Bobby Matthews made May 9 at 2017 7:54 PM

2017-05-09T19:54:26-04:00

When I shot my neighborhood up It all came back like was there again like I ever left they put me in psych ward

Response by PO1 Kevin Dougherty made Sep 14 at 2017 11:58 PM

2017-09-14T23:58:15-04:00

The LPO not so much, I do catch myself using military terminology now and again, usually when people are looking at me like I have two heads. Usually it's something like belay my last, or where's the head, turn to ... I worked for years with a guy who was also ex CG, and we used military terms when we were working together all the time ... usually to the consternation of our co-workers.

Response by SSgt Boyd Herrst made May 5 at 2018 9:09 PM

2018-05-05T21:09:52-04:00

I was working the line and Chef hadn’t shown yet... and I had these new young
Cooks looking to me to see what’s going on.... I knew who the good leaders were and would back mr when I needed it.. and the others would fall in line.. So the s SSGT came out and I directed what each had to do... we had prime ribs in the auto-sham and I sent my nr. 3 guy to get one ..
meanwhile Chef Casie had.sn Oysters on the half shell working.... and I went to help her set it up.. I Seen she had it under control.... Young JR. Chef Kennie had a hunter fillet work’g ... “”chef Kenny is that hunter about ready?” “Pulling it out now, Chef !” He replied.. we worked another half hour and finally e’thing Was out in the window for pick-up. .... I found out Chef D was out in the lounge.. He’d ordered a Prime rib, Medium open face sandwich..
on toasted Kaiser.. with extra krispy bar fries... I ‘d done it and didn’t even think it was his order.. we’d been pretty busy..
Julie our head wait told me that if I had a few minutes he wanted to see me in the lounge.. I checked e’thing and clean-up was going good.. do I went out front and
He was there waiting.. “I heard you ran the line tonight..” “yes, Chef Billy called in again”..... “ looks like he moves down a slot and you move up, Chef !” .... Chef told me.. the Mgr. of the night was there and jotted it into his notes... “Can you stop in tomorrow ready to work, in case he doesn’t bother to show?” Sr. Chef asked me.. next night came and Chef billy was there.. but Chef Casie had called in.. how nice?.. not really, she was a good worker...
So A couple others stepped down a slot and I fell back a slot.. nothing new.. I moved people around to learn the different positions in case s’body doesn’t show.. the night went great.. we cleaned up and Sr. Chef D. gave Billy the bad news about being moved down a sot or two..
Chef Billie took the News so-so... There were a few of us that had their certification and some that were working on it.. So Sr. Chef D. Let me move them around to take turns being in charge and we were there to assist if needed.. We had one of our JR. Chef’s in the Nat’l Guard.. he was off at 2 week drill.. S’times he pulls an extra drill when he’s not scheduled for shift.. He was a dependable worker and would come in if called and available.. ..
Occasionally I was on the spot to run the show and it was a natural for SSGT to come out.. Thr only only I had a prob with wasn’t Chef Billie but another young lad we were training to work the line and do do prep set-ups.. and other items needed. He makes it known he’s not
One of the Airmen on my crew.. I’d be nice and let him know I do slip up and I mean upmost respect for him as I did the
Airmen on my shift when I was in the AF...
We get busy occasionally.... and have to be quick ... Billy would you.. Casie, could you.. Kenny would you get the .. all the workers know I mean no disrespect... So don’t get your shorts in a bunch.... Mr.——-

Response by CPT Robert Holden made Nov 20 at 2019 6:01 PM

2019-11-20T18:01:00-05:00

It took years after leaving the army to stop swearing like I did

Response by SSG Christopher Parrish made Nov 20 at 2019 10:31 PM

2019-11-20T22:31:07-05:00

Not directly related to me being "military" but one time I was in a meeting and in a lively discussion I was searching to find the right way to phrase something mid sentence and a Director started to "mock" me by making stutter sounds, since i was opposing his idea.

I stopped speaking, turned to him and simply stated "no, I am not the one to do that to." The rest of the meeting was kinda tense and quiet.

Response by SPC Rick LaBonte made Nov 21 at 2019 5:29 AM

2019-11-21T05:29:37-05:00

I was working as a mechanic in a local garage. Guys were laughing at my two handed hand signals guiding them onto the alignment hoist. That is until one laughingly explained it to his brother who is also an Army vet, his brother goes “those are tanker ground guide hand signals!”

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 21 at 2019 8:16 AM

2019-11-21T08:16:58-05:00

I used to work at a party rental place before coming back on active duty it was a summer gig so a lot of kids on summer break would work there....there was one particular 16year old that would just run his mouth and talk trash to the older guys one day after working an overnight and the kid starts running his mouth again After drawing my knife hand I assertively advises him to shut his c*ck holster and get back to work

Response by PO1 Kevin Dougherty made Dec 16 at 2019 12:44 AM

2019-12-16T00:44:36-05:00

Posted before, but just thought of one. Power failure at the hospital where I was in plant operations. Generator not starting, hauling down the hall I could see a gaggle of people gathered staring toward where the generator should be roaring by now ... I yelled the first thing that came to mind "Make a hole!" That of course only resulted in them staring at me like I was a crazy man. I don't think I knocked any over as I barrelled through ... a few had to step smartly though ...

Response by MSgt Walt Swint made Mar 17 at 2021 4:06 PM

2021-03-17T16:06:41-04:00

When I retired and began working in the military sector, my co-workers started calling me colonel because of my directness and snap to attitude!

Response by SP5 Rich Goulet made Sep 2 at 2021 2:29 PM

2021-09-02T14:29:24-04:00

I was standing in line at the DMV and they moved me up because I was a senior citizen. The guy (a navy vet) came out and sails “I didn’t mean parade rest.” I was got out over 50 years ago.

Response by LCDR Chuck Kasinger made Sep 5 at 2021 10:51 AM

2021-09-05T10:51:43-04:00

Several years ago at my post-Navy civilian job, my boss asked me where he could find a certain office. Without thinking I responded “take the ladder topside and go halfway down the passageway.” His look was priceless.

Response by MSgt Harold Harris made Sep 5 at 2021 1:40 PM

2021-09-05T13:40:38-04:00

I was the Chief Of Operations and briefing my staff. In the middle of the briefing, I was challenged by a member of the staff as I was explaining why their position was not acceptable. The Police Commander decided she knew a little more than me and told me how things were going to be. I was not interested in feedback at the time as orders had come down to my desk. I raised my right hand and was about to slam it on my desk when for some reason I saw the glass panel on my desk break into a thousand peaces. I caught myself in mid-swing and stood up and said I had to go to the restroom. I was about to say "I be god-damn" But I knew it would not end well for anyone in the room at the time. I simply stood up and ended my rant with "I got to go to the bath room".

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 5 at 2021 11:04 PM

2021-09-05T23:04:26-04:00

Apparently mines a touch more…. Enlisted…. Here’s the cliff note version, disagreement turned into full fist fight in the shop.. we both shook hands and were buddies after that. Boss didn’t want to fire us because we were both good mechanics.. i think he ended up quitting and getting into drugs.. I rejoined the Army. Life’s crazy, huh..?

Response by A1C Michelle Pagan made Sep 7 at 2021 11:08 AM

2021-09-07T11:08:11-04:00

Everytime, I needed to get focused. I'm like white on rice or a dog with its last bone. lol

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2021 12:07 PM

2021-09-07T12:07:22-04:00

Safety meating at work. When it came my turn to read the next page, everyone in the breakroom were talking and not paying any attention.
I stood up, slapped the table and yelled at ease!
Now listen up!
Read my piece and sat down.
Nobody said a word.
Later I was asked by the boss not to do that again. He nearly sh..t himself and another employee said I was mean.
I guess I was the only adult in the room

Response by LTC Warren Miller made Sep 7 at 2021 4:27 PM

2021-09-07T16:27:05-04:00

I am now a school teacher. At the end of class the kids were standing by the door waiting for the bell. I needed out of the room, so as I was walking toward the door I yelled “Make a hole.” Nobody moved, other than to turn and look at me funny with a “Huh?” look on their faces.

Response by LTC Warren Miller made Sep 7 at 2021 4:34 PM

2021-09-07T16:34:36-04:00

Another good one. “This one time, at band camp…,” I was a marching band director having a frustrating band camp rehearsal when I decided I needed my band’s undivided attention for a moment. There was another band holding their camp rehearsal 250 yards away facing a different direction. When I, using my well trained “command voice,” called my band to attention, 6 kids from the downrange band also snapped to.

Response by SPC Larry Weigel Jr. made Sep 8 at 2021 8:35 AM

2021-09-08T08:35:58-04:00

It happens now and then especially more now that I’m a CDL instructor. The best one so far was this little AF puke who thought his rank meant something to me, he found out the hard way that this old Bulldog doesn’t take lip from a 20 something! Busted him down with a good lashing which ended something like “any time you think you can handle what I got, get off the chair and out of the office and we’ll see whatcha got!” I got in trouble for that one, not that I cared.

Response by SPC Karen Coyle made Sep 8 at 2021 9:16 AM

2021-09-08T09:16:54-04:00

Years ago I was mapping for the electric company that involved driving each road, mapping each pole and all lines, then going in the office and drafting it all ink on mylar. (Many years ago) I drove up to a National Guard unit and after seeing the flag pole, had to go inside to talk to whoever was in charge that day. The flags flying outside the unit were wrong. The Connecticut State flag was on the top and upside down, the US flag was then below. I was apoplectic. It apparently was no problem to those inside.

Response by LCDR Carl Jewett made Sep 8 at 2021 9:49 AM

2021-09-08T09:49:03-04:00

My second civilian job after retiring from the Navy was a managing director position at a digital marketing firm. I had two of my dept heads come to my office to inform me of a problem they discovered (and a suggested fix - because I had trained them well). I agreed to their proposed solution and told them that they were responsible for implementing it, and authorized to make the decisions and task personnel as they saw fit in order to implement that solution. They then proceeded to start discussing - still in my office - ideas they had about how to proceed, as if somehow they thought it was necessary for me to be privy to those discussions in order to further agree to the details as to how they would proceed. After about a minute of this - with me trying to go back to what I was working on - I interrupted them and said “Ladies, I have assigned the two of you the responsibility of implementing your proposed plan of action. And I have given you the authority you need to make decisions as to how to implement it. Now get the f**k out of my office!” They both started laughing, as they knew me quite well by this point, so they knew I was just “letting the military come out of me.” They got up, said “Sorry boss,” left and closed my office door behind them. They loved telling that story at company parties for anyone who hadn’t heard it already.

Response by GySgt Marc Dickerson made Sep 8 at 2021 10:30 AM

2021-09-08T10:30:07-04:00

I teach certification classes and handgun qualification for License To Carry (open & concealed pistol) permits here in Texas. I often find myself reverting to military style in the classroom. And having been the SNCOIC of a pistol range once while on active duty, the grunt/drill instructor attitude often rears it's head when dealing with civilians and loaded firearms. In the classroom, after drawing my best knife hand, I always begin with, "Good morning people. My name is Marc Dickerson, and I will be your primary instructor for this period of instruction. For all of you that have ever heard that nonsense about there being no such thing as a stupid question, you were lied to. There ARE stupid questions. And they will NOT be tolerated in my classroom today." And on more than one occasion, I have had to forcibly remove a pistol from a shooters hand for being either stupid or dangerous. And that usually involves hurting someone's feeling by explaining to them in a military manner that they should not be allowed to ever be near a loaded firearm. Good times.

Response by MSgt Erik Kershner made Sep 8 at 2021 11:30 AM

2021-09-08T11:30:23-04:00

My civilian post-retirement job is part of a major city library system, about as far away from the military as it gets. I constantly drop into using Brevity Code Words on the phone. And when I hear someone say, "M as in Mary" i about lose it. It puzzles me how clarity of speech and assertive professionalism on the phone surprises people. I miss being able to understand people the first time, lol. But i know sometimes i take it too far. One day my audio/visual supervisor asked me to call the sorting department about a new order we'd put in, we needed them to cancel the first form and send a second one, along with other information previously requested about the order. he listened in as i left a voice message. i hate leaving messages, so i default to the language i'm best at. I said something like, "Sorting Supervisor, A/V, transmitting in the blind. Breakoff last acquisitions notice, resend to my end. Request words. Local time 12:06 hours. Out."
made sense to me, haha!

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 8 at 2021 2:34 PM

2021-09-08T14:34:16-04:00

I was talking to my team who complained they didn't know how to do something. I told them essentially "I've given you my intent, now figure it out and present me some COAs - I'm not going to tell you how to suck the egg."

They were stunned for a moment then chuckled and moved out.

Response by PO2 Shane Freund made Sep 8 at 2021 5:39 PM

2021-09-08T17:39:19-04:00

I was working in a wood furniture building shop. At the end of the day I started sweeping up. I was getting the dust off all the the horizontal surfaces and doing a field day like I learned in the Navy. The boss stopped me and told me we only do the nooks and cranies once a week or so. But by the time he stopped me I was practically done. I could have had that place ship shape in less than a week given a chance.

Response by SPC Jovanni Garcia made Sep 9 at 2021 9:52 AM

2021-09-09T09:52:24-04:00

Four months after transitioning from active duty to my civilian job, my manager walked into my cubical and told me that a customer had made a complaint about my tone over the phone. I walked into the managers office and he explained the sitution. I confirmed that i had gotten a bit agitated with the customer and explained my side of the story. My manager then gave me a verbal warning and as I walked out I said "F&$king Civilian HR bulls&!^" haha...

Response by MSG Jim Ballinger made Sep 9 at 2021 12:22 PM

2021-09-09T12:22:44-04:00

Shortly after retiring from the Army as a MSG, I was managing a switch facility for a large national telecom company. A veteran subordinate asked me about a project he was working on and needed advice on how to proceed. I offered some comprehensive suggestions and he responded with "What?" Without hesitation I spouted "Pay attention, I didn't stutter". After a very pregnant pause, we both burst out laughing.

Response by TSgt Chuck Mankin made Sep 10 at 2021 8:06 AM

2021-09-10T08:06:04-04:00

Was working on an accident scene as a volunteer firefighter. We were landing a medevac helicopter and there was a person walking in the field. The military voice came out with a very loud, "YOU! HERE! NOW"! He came a running, I looked at him and yelled "GET THE F OUT OF HERE, THAT WAY!" People around me just looked like who the heck was that guy!

Response by MSgt Ronald Ebbing made Sep 10 at 2021 8:33 AM

2021-09-10T08:33:06-04:00

I’m retired from the USPS I was a lead automotive technician and the fire alarm went off so I yelled for everyone to go to MOPP 4 all the non-Veterans said what the hell. They were always on to me too let the military go you left that life. I guess I’ll never get out of that mindset. I will always count my service as an HONOR AND A PLEASURE

Response by SGT Troy Escomiendo made Sep 10 at 2021 8:58 AM

2021-09-10T08:58:58-04:00

Came out when I was stationed in Japan. Another NCO thought he had jokes so I had jokes of my own with a rear naked choke..”Come at bro!”

Response by Capt Al Parker made Sep 10 at 2021 9:04 AM

2021-09-10T09:04:50-04:00

As a civilian working for the Navy, there was a Navy reserve Captain that tried to use his rank to order one of my Engineer coworkers. Well I changed the name tag on my cubicle to Capt (large letters) USAF, Ret) (small letters). I got a lot of laughs .

Response by CPO Hope Carbonell made Sep 10 at 2021 9:17 AM

2021-09-10T09:17:51-04:00

six years after i got out i was walking with my civilian boss to check out a building across the street. as we approached the door to leave, i reached for my belt to pull my cover (which i no longer carried, of course!) and my boss said "why do you always do that when we go outside? some kind of ritual?" she got a kick out my explanation and said "old habits die hard. "

Response by BG Edward Burley made Sep 10 at 2021 9:40 AM

2021-09-10T09:40:18-04:00

Knife hands. Every day. Every time I point at anything.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 10 at 2021 11:01 AM

2021-09-10T11:01:32-04:00

When I was interviewing for my current job in IT I was asked to explain a specific process as if I was walking a technology illiterate person through it over the phone. I started with "Let me break this down Barney style for you" without thinking. Got the job still here 5 years later.

Response by PO1 Ricky Allen made Sep 10 at 2021 11:47 AM

2021-09-10T11:47:40-04:00

This post has aged well! LOL!

Response by PO2 Nathaniel Miller made Sep 10 at 2021 12:22 PM

2021-09-10T12:22:25-04:00

I was tired, still working through my first coffee as I rolled into work. My boss and a coworker were in the comms room and I poked my head in to see what was going on. My boss muttered something and asked me to monitor a blinking light in the rack, so I did. A few minutes later he came back and saw I was still there, sipping from my thermos. He told me he had been joking, and I shrugged, got my things and walked out. He apologized for not being clearer in his initial sarcasm and asked how long I would have stayed there. I told him he had not provided conditions under which I was allowed to leave my post. Was the first, or last time they forgot to tell me when I was to "give up" on something and were surprised by the results.

Response by SGT Barbara Wilt made Sep 10 at 2021 1:20 PM

2021-09-10T13:20:59-04:00

Nurse here so I use military lingo at work. I've been caught muttering SSDD, FUBAR, Hurry up and wait and big and tall watch them fall when drawling blood. My staff at the long term care facility call me nurse do it right or not at all.

Response by SPC Trinity Downing made Sep 10 at 2021 4:56 PM

2021-09-10T16:56:58-04:00

I was in my first engineering job. I was leading 2 different teams and there was a problem on one of the teams. This very young teammate went straight to our site manager to get the issue solved. When it finally came to me it was all blown out of proportion. My very first response was to say "You just had to jump the chain of command? Why did you not come to me first?" I never heard the end of it the rest of the time I was with that company.

Response by SSG Cam Prince made Sep 10 at 2021 9:50 PM

2021-09-10T21:50:53-04:00

I only spent six years on active duty, but ets'd as a SSG and had been an acting PSG for the final year. One morning, on my way to work, I saw a PFC strolling down the street with his hands in his pockets, in uniform. Never thought about it, just pulled over and chewed him out. i realized after I was driving away, that I had been a civilian for almost a year.

Response by SGT Cynthia Rouse made Sep 12 at 2021 9:04 AM

2021-09-12T09:04:47-04:00

Eons ago I worked in HR employee benefits. The company implemented a new healthcare plan and the line outside my office was so long you would have thought the IG was in the building. The chatter got so loud it was impossible to hear the guy complaining. I very professionally got up from my desk, walked into the hallway and shouted "at ease people." The hall suddenly became deafeningly quiet, except for my AF reservist boss who was laughing hysterically. As a follow-up to that day my son bought me a "take a number" setup for my desk that was comprised of a fake grenade with numbers attached to the pin.

Response by SPC John Dodge made Sep 12 at 2021 11:39 AM

2021-09-12T11:39:42-04:00

I an Acute Dialysis Nurse in Tulsa (former 91B20 Army Medic) and rushing to get my dialysis equipment (2 LARGE eqipment carts) to the ICU unit for a critical patient. When I got to the elevator, there was a mass of nursing students in the way. When the elevator doors opened, I asked nicely: "I need to get to ICU, pardon me." Not one of these young skulls full of mush moved, let alone acknowledged my pressence. So I just stated in my clearest drill field voice: "MAKE A HOLE, PEOPLE!" The mushheads moved, got out of the elevator and I was on my way.

Response by Cpl Jeffrey Lehman made Sep 12 at 2021 1:57 PM

2021-09-12T13:57:08-04:00

About a month after ending active duty in the Marine Corps, I was working a new job. They were doing an efficiency study and had small worksheets to complete after each case (I was working as an orderly in an OR). I was astonished and admitted so to the room when they later told us that the study was invalidated because not enough people completed the forms. I stared at my coworkers and said, “how could you not complete the surveys?” It didn’t occur to me that they didn’t consider this request an order. I though all “requests” were “orders.”

Response by SA Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2021 4:36 PM

2021-09-12T16:36:19-04:00

I pushed someone into a display when the siren went off. Reached for a gun I didn't have. Then explained proceedure point by point and stuck to them while we went through it by rote.

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made Sep 12 at 2021 7:47 PM

2021-09-12T19:47:38-04:00

Posted the original statement before about saying 'they actually pay us to do this' when flying over fall foliage in New England. In my civilian job working with animals I made a similar statement and the biologists all looked at me like I was crazy.

Response by LTC Dave Leppanen made Sep 12 at 2021 8:35 PM

2021-09-12T20:35:19-04:00

I used to bark at the start of my shift at a distribution center. Startled a few people. I had just returned from Iraq. I started doing it to annoy the managers. However, a couple of co-workers (one was a former Navy guy) thought it was cool and started barking also. According to my former co-workers, the tradition continues.

When my security clearance came up for renewal, the legal department wouldn't allow the co-workers to be interviewed due to privacy/legal issues. I paid a visit to Corporate and asked to see the Vice President of Human Resources, the Vice President of the Legal Department or their designated representative. I was ready to stand on someone's desk. The issue was addressed and resolved by one of the assistants. Didn't get to the VPs.

When I redeployed from Afghanistan our unit couldn't leave from Fort Bragg due to some kind of paperwork issue. Finally, I called one of my Senators and talked to his assistant. We were on a plane the next day.

Response by SGT Russell Good made Sep 12 at 2021 10:17 PM

2021-09-12T22:17:28-04:00

Husband Russ, former Army mortar platoon leader, at steel mill. When trucks come in Secretary yells "incoming" at which time he hit the deck in, full white shirt & tie. Came up covered in bkack steel dust & they asked him if he was ok!

Response by SPC Terry Page made Sep 12 at 2021 10:27 PM

2021-09-12T22:27:00-04:00

I did an awful lot of telephone support over the years, and still to this day use the correct phonetics when spelling things out and other radio communication protocol... and particularly as my hearing has gone south, a lot of "Say Again".

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 12 at 2021 10:33 PM

2021-09-12T22:33:04-04:00

After being at a military school for a month was walking down the hallway at work trying to get into the office so I wouldn’t be late. A couple people were walking really slow talking in the middle of the hallway so I couldn’t pass. They looked back, saw me, and then kept on talking and walking slow and I yelled “bear to the right!” In a loud voice. They jumped and moved.

Another one was one day on the phone with a vendor and they kept asking me to repeat a name. Finally in the middle of our work room I spoke the name loudly in the military alphabet and said “do you copy?” And everyone looked at me like I was nuts.

I’ve also used knife hands a few times with patients and coworkers.

Response by SPC Lyle Montgomery made Sep 12 at 2021 10:55 PM

2021-09-12T22:55:37-04:00

I was installing conveyors with a crew in a hospital. There were a bunch of Vietnames and cambodians working in the kitchen where we were installing the conveyor. They wouldn't move out of our way although I know some knew english, so I told them Ditty mau. This turned many heads but they moved. I guess they knew what that meant

Response by PO1 David M Burns made Sep 13 at 2021 6:38 AM

2021-09-13T06:38:19-04:00

While working at the post office I told an idiot that he was the dumbest homo sapient I ever ran across! He reported me to the EEO for calling him a queer!

Response by PFC Larry Cunningham made Sep 13 at 2021 7:26 AM

2021-09-13T07:26:04-04:00

Answering the phone with "HHC CEI Battalion, this is PFC Cunningham. This line is unsecure, how may I help you ma'am or sir."

Response by TSgt Toni Linneman made Sep 13 at 2021 7:33 AM

2021-09-13T07:33:05-04:00

Just last week at work, actually! 15 years after being discharged, I still instinctively came to attention and saluted when the day manager was handing the keys to the night manager at my Sam’s Club. Something about the way they were standing and doing the exchange must’ve triggered my change of command muscle memory. At least a few people waiting in line at the cash registers got a laugh.

Response by SP6 Raymond VanBuren made Sep 13 at 2021 7:45 AM

2021-09-13T07:45:51-04:00

Still happens often but if I make a mistake, I always say "as you were".

Response by MSgt Gloria Vance made Sep 13 at 2021 8:43 AM

2021-09-13T08:43:19-04:00

LOL!! Mine cones out when I’m mad! I use my “dont f with me voice “…… calm and controlled!!

Response by PO3 Timmons Terry made Sep 13 at 2021 6:27 PM

2021-09-13T18:27:13-04:00

Was training a new security officer at a site I worked a few years ago. Kid showed with his shirt untucked, hair was mess, belt was hanging down the side of leg, pants were wrinkly. Kid was an absolute dirtbag. So, with knife hand in the air, I forcefully told him to do a front flip and un-f**k himself and to drop and give me 20. The astonishing part is, the kid actually dropped and started doing push-ups. Not exactly sure why I snapped on him like that. I apologized for it a few days later and asked why he did the push-ups. He said it was because of the look in my eye that he was afraid to not do them.

Response by PO3 Michael MacKay made Sep 14 at 2021 2:24 AM

2021-09-14T02:24:38-04:00

Mine was in the early 2000's quite a while after being out, and I did not even realize I was doing it when a senior company executive told me, "Get off the ship and into the office." Still don't recall to this day which part of "me" he was talking about...it is just me.

Response by SSG Lew Wilson made Sep 14 at 2021 7:49 AM

2021-09-14T07:49:00-04:00

was on a civilian job site and the duct work was only about 14" off the roof. me being the older guy and weighing almost 2x that of my partner i told him you go up and work the top of the wall we were building. a little bit later the boss came around and this guy starts complaining , this area is really tight how am I supposed to get in to do the job correctly . the boss tells him well if i was you i would put your partner up there and let him deal with it. i looked at the boss and said " in my years of working construction i have seen and heard many stupid things but have never heard anything that stupid , go apologize to the plants for the oxygen you just wasted." i then looked at my partner and told him to quit whining and get back to work cause the less time he spent whining and actually working the quicker the job would get done. 20 minutes later the boss came back with my pay check. said i was dis respectful to him

Response by Cpl John Taskay made Sep 14 at 2021 8:41 AM

2021-09-14T08:41:43-04:00

When at my workplace, our Union President came and had a meeting with all of us to discuss upcoming contract issues. Now some of the "guys" had issues with what the union was doing but we had enough respect for the Union President to let him speak. Not this one coworker, who constantly interrupted him. After several outbursts from this dirtbag, I stood up and yelled as loud as I could "Sit down and shut the Fuck up!" I guess my Marine Corps voice did the trick. Everyone except this guy started clapping and hooting and hollering "WAY TO GO!"

Response by SP5 Charlie Love made Sep 14 at 2021 10:38 AM

2021-09-14T10:38:39-04:00

Get your Shit together

Response by SSG Roberto Alvarez Jr made Sep 14 at 2021 10:46 AM

2021-09-14T10:46:41-04:00

The funniest was when I replied "HUA!" to my supervisor at a meeting, and everyone one of us broke out laughing.

Response by SGT Jonathan Persons made Sep 14 at 2021 11:13 AM

2021-09-14T11:13:24-04:00

I was working in retail and a customer because verbally abusive and started threatening one of my coworkers.
The NCO in me came out, my coworker ended up behind me, and a promise that they would meet God that day if they raised their hand at my coworker was made.
Store manager was called to the front of the store, I was asked what happened, and I told my story. The manager was the son of a veteran and told me that policy didn't approve of my actions and I needed to walk on eggshells for a bit.
I left the job a year later.

Response by SPC George Allen made Sep 14 at 2021 4:12 PM

2021-09-14T16:12:04-04:00

That would be walking into a cell where 5 inmates were fighting and yelling "At Ease" in a very authoritative voice, yes it worked they had no idea what I meant but in the echo chamber of the cell they all stopped to look at me.

Response by SN Michael Smith made Sep 15 at 2021 8:41 AM

2021-09-15T08:41:43-04:00

My story relates to my being raised by an SK. I was hired to work a summer for a community pool and the POSAG that was incharge had a way pissing off every vendor for supplies. I asked about placing orders for pool chems and was told to go for it. I got the catalog and wrote down SKU's of what I knew we needed then called the supply vendor. When I started reading off the SKU's the clerk was going "Whoa wait a minute, what are you reading?" I told him and he tells me to wait and let him get into the right computer screen.
My order was placed at 0930 and by 1600 that same day we had the supplies. The property manager asked me how I had ordered and gotten everything delivered so quickly. Told her it was just the way I was trained by my father. We never had any further problems with that vendor for the five years I worked those pools.
As for the POSAG he ended up quitting his position as head of maintenance and left before I closed the pools that first year.

Response by SPC Tamara Trammell made Sep 15 at 2021 4:00 PM

2021-09-15T16:00:09-04:00

Staying at my brother's house following family issues.
Was outside watching to make sure the dog didn't start digging again. Got bored. Started sweeping their patio. The look on my nephew's face was priceless. There's sweeping, and then there's Army sweeping.

Response by SPC Glen Gearhart made Sep 15 at 2021 6:38 PM

2021-09-15T18:38:46-04:00

I will preface this with the fact that I was 44 at the time and dealing with a group of 18 to 21 year old "kids".
I was conducting the first day of training for a group of new hires at a call center I worked for that shall remain nameless. I could not get them to quiet down so we could get the second half of the day started. Without realizing it, I shouted, "AT EASE!" I have never seen that degree of fear in peoples' eyes before and I bust out laughing

Response by Capt Doug Pillsbury made Sep 18 at 2021 2:57 AM

2021-09-18T02:57:06-04:00

Oh, yeah it did! Several years after separation from service (4 years, USAF, Vietnam era), as V.P. & director of training for a multi-office real estate firm, I was teaching a 2-week class of 20+ newly-licensed Realtors in the fine art & science of how to succeed real estate sales. One day, in week 1, I noticed this one clown who was sitting at a table on the back row reading a comic book. A f---ing COMIC BOOK!!
I paused for about 30 seconds in the middle of my presentation, walked calmly up to him, leaned over, hands on hips, & said- in my finest (& loudest) DI/command voice: "AM I BORING YOU, MR. JACKWAGON (real name withheld)!??? I'm also a 3rd generation Army brat, so I knew full well how to do it. You could have heard a pin drop.
After a few moments of stammering on his part, I said, "HAUL YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF MY CLASSROOM, & GO BACK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, & EXPLAIN TO HIM WHY YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT "CAPTAIN MARVEL" IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN THIS CLASS! NOW!! You are an insult to every other Realtor in this class; to me; & to the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE!"
Ah, the good old days. The late, great, Lee Ermy would have been proud.

Response by MGySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 19 at 2021 1:47 PM

2021-09-19T13:47:58-04:00

Luckily and thankfully after 30 yrs of service, USMC, and proper financial planning I don't have to work for a living. I realized very soon after I retired (2016) that I was not going to be able to function in the civilian work environment. Every do often though, I have to bite my lip and walk away when dealing with people out here.

Response by SSG Gregg Mourizen made Sep 20 at 2021 12:20 PM

2021-09-20T12:20:36-04:00

Best WTF moment ever.
I worked with a former squad leader on a volunteer fire department.
One day, his Fire Engine crashed. He was trapped, with his leg pinned inside a vehicle. He was in a lot of pain.

He kept yelling he had to get out, and no matter how much pain he was in, he kept trying.

Out of nowhere, I yelled "AT EASE" at him.

He stopped and forgot all of his pain, looked up at me and said "I out rank you. you M...F...".
He laughed for a half second and calmed down, long enough for him to be extricated.

Out of one of the harshest conditions, both of us had ever been in, We managed to have an funny moment.

Response by Cpl Henry Busby made Sep 22 at 2021 10:14 AM

2021-09-22T10:14:48-04:00

In my job I work with and for veterans. My work is primarily with homeless veterans or veterans in imminent danger of becoming homeless. Until he retired earlier this year, my partner was a retired Gunny. We had a Marine vet come into the office and he was not being truthful and also belligerent. We tried to maintain office decorum, but this guy was just not getting it. All of a sudden the Bulldog Marine came out of Gunny and I followed suit. We read this guy the riot act as though he was in Basic. We intimidated him to the point that he was calling us both Sir. He even tried to salute as he left the office, but was told that wasn't proper because we worked for a living. Apparently this is what he needed because he turned out to be a successful engagement. He got a job and we found him a permanent residence and he went on to obtain his college diploma. Sometimes in this job Tough Love is called for.

The funny part to us was that the rest of the office heard us through the conference room door. We share an office with Human Services, which is primarily staffed with females. They informed us that we had them sitting up straight at their desks. It was the joke of the office for months.

Response by SGT Tim Fridley made Sep 23 at 2021 1:31 AM

2021-09-23T01:31:37-04:00

It wasn't in the workplace but at a family reunion. One of my cousins was trying to get folks attention but all the folks kept on talking and so on. I gave a command voice of the old Army "Listen Up". You could hear a pin drop

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Sep 23 at 2021 11:08 PM

2021-09-23T23:08:43-04:00

I found big flat rocks. When someone did something stupid but funny, we put the person's name and date on the rock.

Response by MSgt Nancy Wilson made Sep 26 at 2021 12:24 PM

2021-09-26T12:24:20-04:00

Oh, this is funny.
I was working in a totally, kinder and gentler civilian job, and my task at hand was to interview a person. In a cubicle, in my work office. Which is supposed to be private, but you know -- this is an office with cubicles, so how much privacy you get depends on the discretion shown by the co-workers.
A nosy co-worker came to the cube and began staring (Army veteran, long since left the service), and in a classic style, I said, (in a loud and firm voice) STEP OUT OF THE CUBE.
Everybody turned to stare, and all I could do was just ignore everybody and press on.
hahahahaha, funny now but...

Response by SSG Rene Uhler made Oct 27 at 2021 7:06 PM

2021-10-27T19:06:14-04:00

When I went to Iraq in Balad air for seven years with KBR have a foreman.

Response by CPL Dale Winblad made Oct 27 at 2021 8:12 PM

2021-10-27T20:12:43-04:00

SP/4 , Straight leg Infantry. Dale Winblad Early 1960's

Response by CPT Cavett Ishihara made Oct 27 at 2021 9:43 PM

2021-10-27T21:43:43-04:00

A meeting got out of control. I was not in charge, but took charge by saying, "Let me break it down fo you...." I was thanked by many and hated for years by others. "Drive on Bravo!"

Response by CPO Bernie Penkin made Dec 2 at 2021 1:58 PM

2021-12-02T13:58:53-05:00

Had a coworker knock my coffee cup into the trash. I immediately yelled: “That’s my coffee cup! You crap sack!” Howls of laughter came from the other room. I overheard: “Bernie went Chief all over Mike.”

Response by SPC Lyle Montgomery made Dec 14 at 2021 3:47 PM

2021-12-14T15:47:53-05:00

We were tight wire aligning a steam turbine. It involved stretching a music wire through the turbine shell and tieing a calucated weight on the end of the wire. This wire was stretched for about 20 feet anong the floor 6 inches above the floor. I saw someone walking tward the wire and yelled Stop Trip wire. The guy frose in his steps. I found out later that he was a combat vet like me and he said that it scared the hell out of him. Some flashbacks never go away.

Response by SFC William Linnell made Jan 7 at 2022 4:10 PM

2022-01-07T16:10:18-05:00

Well....not so much in a civilian job or work place as I am 100% retired. But my darling wife is the Pres of her insurance firm. Which at the time had 3 partners, 3 claims adjusters and 2 receptionists. Man I tell you want. Hearing her unload her frustrations on me when she comes home.....I tell her that I am a qualified EOR in the Army. I'll have them ALL straightened out in no time. They'd never want me to unholster the knife hand. No. NO. She replies. You won't fix anything except me getting sued for hostile work environment and you using your Army terms. I'm like, they'll be all the better for it. Tighten up anyone's sensitivities and keep their shot group tight. She laughs and mutters, What am I going to do with you? Or, What is wrong with you? LOL I'm a tanker. Over 27 yrs active. HELLO

Response by SPC Lyle Montgomery made Jan 8 at 2022 12:57 PM

2022-01-08T12:57:33-05:00

As a millwright we were installing conveyor in a new wing of a hospital. There were a lot of Vietnamese and cambodian and other Asians from that part of the world working in the area we were working in. They were always getting in our way. We were pushing a large section of conveyor down a narrow hall. They would not move out of our way. I starter sayind "DIDI MAU" which meant move or get out of the way.They understood, looked at us and slowly moved.They were rude and seemed to have a sense of entitlement.I was repromanded but ignored it and continued working.

Response by 1SG James Kelly made Jan 16 at 2022 8:51 AM

2022-01-16T08:51:48-05:00

Long story:
So the judge looks at me and says 'well Mr. Kelly I'm sure you know not to point a gun at someone; I replied 'The only time I point a gun at someone is if I'm going to kill them'; to which he said ok (quietly).
;)

Response by Sgt Javier Romero made Jan 23 at 2022 2:13 AM

2022-01-23T02:13:01-05:00

Before transferring to retail I was Security Officer at Disneyland. I had the graveyard shift since I had insomnia and don't sleep much at night and the pay wasn't bad either. It's about 0400 or something like that and it was our job to check the bag and containers of all cast members. I turned on my loud voice and reminded everyone to have their bags and containers open before they got to the table so that it would speed up the process (it was also listed and big sign they walked by) i even tried some humor. But when the cast members would get to the screening table to the other officers, they would complain and then open their bags and be like "why is he so energetic and so loud? This isn't the army" I got a laugh every time. My supervisor just laughed when the complaints got to him and he said "Good freaking job"

Response by TSgt Ken Vandevoort made Jan 31 at 2022 12:34 AM

2022-01-31T00:34:15-05:00

Have you ever started to stand for the National Anthem in a civilian theater?

Response by Capt Richard Chason made Feb 2 at 2022 9:44 AM

2022-02-02T09:44:47-05:00

This is not about me but my Dad and Brother. It was back in 1976 while I was a SP4 in the ALA Army Guard that this happened. I was out of the Air Force and one of my jobs was to work for my Dad at his cabinet shop on Fridays. Well about 1300 this Friday when every saw, jointed, plainer, air gun and the paint boots were going full bore an Air Force SSGT coms driving up to the shop and ask one of the guys loading a truck outside for SGT Chason. Now my TSgt older brother was home on leave so that put three possible people he could be looking for, my TSgt brother, my dad (a SGT with County Sheriff's auxiliary), and myself. The person the SSgt approached ask which one the SSgt acted like the employee was a three headed snake. My dad and brother saw the staff car pull up and went outside together to see what was going on. My dad introduced him self as the shop owner and ask how he could help the SSgt. Again the SSgt ask to speak to Sgt Chason and Dad and my brother both said together "I'm Sgt Chason what can I do for you?" Again the lost stare came over the young SSgt (recruiter). My dad said "Son who are you looking for and use the first name this time. He said Sgt Richard Chason. My dad (yanking his chain) told him "Son there is no Sgt Richard Chason here." This was technically true s I was not in the USAF and I was a SP4 in the ALA ANG. The SSgt looked at dad like he was in trouble and said "but sir this is the work address I was give for him and I was assured he would be here. Dad said "Richard Chason is here but he is not a Sgt unless you have papers to make him one." The SSgt said Sir that is what I have would you please have someone get him for me?" At that time my brother and my dad, in their best TI and DI voices, called out "Ricky outside". Dad later told me that that SSgt must have jumped 3' off the ground. Turns out that I was being recalled to active duty due to my expertise on some classified equipment. The USAF had allowed to many people to leave in 1975 and did not have enough to maintain the equipment in the five locations around the world. They recalled the last three that they had given a discharge to.

Response by SSgt Russell Stevens made Feb 3 at 2022 5:07 PM

2022-02-03T17:07:20-05:00

I was walking through a church and a great many children were crowding the hallway. I let slip in a deep NCO voice and said "Make a Hole". A few of the children even snapped to attention.

Response by SSG Stacy Carter made Feb 26 at 2022 11:35 AM

2022-02-26T11:35:04-05:00

Christmas 2002, my family are all sitting at the dinner table discussing very loudly how my grandfather was going to be buried. My grandmother tried to say something but no one heard her. She turned away and went to her room crying. I saw this and it pissed me off so in my loudest drill sergeant voice I yelled “at ease”. The table went quiet and every eye at the table turned to me with daggers of death glaring at me. You see everyone at the table outranked me. I was a lowly Sergeant at the time while there were 2 Air Force Master Sergeants, an Air Force Colonel, a Marine Staff Sergeant and an FBI Lawyer. I told all of them to stop arguing about what they wanted, once their older sister got there she would tell them what was going to happen. I informed them that their bickering is upsetting their mother and it needs to stop now! The discussion ended immediately… my aunt came in the next morning and chewed everyone’s ass for upsetting her mom…..

Response by PFC Pamala (Hall) Foster made Feb 27 at 2022 4:50 PM

2022-02-27T16:50:06-05:00

I called someone a "Blue Falcon"at a wrestling event. A wrestler was near me and said that he'd like to use the phrase and asked what it meant...I told him and the wrestler I called a 'Blue Falcon' was Jeff Jarrett.

Response by HA Jace Gallagher made Feb 28 at 2022 1:28 AM

2022-02-28T01:28:07-05:00

One of my employees came in late and I told her she needed to go unfuck herself and reevaluate her life choices

Response by CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2022 1:02 PM

2022-02-28T13:02:24-05:00

Apparently it is frowned upon to tell your coworkers to unfuck themselves.

Response by SrA Travis Ebmeyer made Feb 28 at 2022 8:40 PM

2022-02-28T20:40:28-05:00

Was in a large group of people, which already had annoyed me. I was amped up and arguing about were to go next with my spouse. As she took off through the crowd, my blood boiled and without even thinking about it, i spouted off, “MAKE A HOLE” as headed off chasing after my wife. It was actually amazing to see the sea of people just split apart and make a hole all while glaring at me like who does this ass hole think he is. Haha

Response by PO3 Glenn Letts made Apr 28 at 2022 12:40 AM

2022-04-28T00:40:11-04:00

While on a Boy Scout multi troop wilderness survival merit badge theme weekend campout, we had invited several army rangers to give a demo to the boys and join us for the weekend. They did a great job of telling the boys about the camping gear they had. After their talk they asked for questions. The smallest and youngest boy raised he hand and asked why they put their campsite in the middle of the poison ivy patch. Seeing the red faces on the 3 sergeants (E5 and E6) was priceless. Yes, they moved the campsite

Response by Sgt Bob Leonard made May 24 at 2022 2:07 PM

2022-05-24T14:07:01-04:00

This is a little graphic. I hope it doesn't offend anyone.

After being discharged, I went to college. One of my classes was Anatomy and Physiology. I and two of my classmates (two young ladies, just out of high school) were reviewing for a test in the student union building.

The prostate gland was one of the organs we were reviewing. One of its purposes is to store semen until ejaculation, at which time, strong contractions cause the expected results. While reviewing this sequence of events, the phrase "Load and lock one round." popped into my head.

I lost it!

I spent at least the next five minutes laughing uncontrollably. After I settled down a little, I tried to explain to them why I thought it was so funny. They didn't seem to get it. I guess you had to have spent time in uniform and have my quirky sense of humor.

Response by SFC Ralph E Kelley made May 24 at 2022 8:58 PM

2022-05-24T20:58:31-04:00

I was in a bar after a long day and had two guys get into a stupid LOUD argument about a circuit box on a generator. After about 10 minutes listening to them getting louder and more stupid I barked out, "You two Bozos are interfering with me enjoying my beer! GO OUTSIDE OR SHAKE HANDS BUT SHUT UP!
They and everyone else was shocked and it was quiet for about 30 seconds then the Barkeep laughed and slapped a free beer down in front of me. They shut up and shortly left.

Response by Sgt Daniel Mountin made May 25 at 2022 10:08 AM

2022-05-25T10:08:12-04:00

Sanitizing the "F-Bombs" from my vocabulary in normal conversations.... especially with my Mother!

Response by CPL Mary Ross made Jun 11 at 2022 8:01 PM

2022-06-11T20:01:25-04:00

Many times I have been accused of being too Army, and I left the service in '74. When I was working at the Humane Society in adoptions I was often told that I was "too strict and stop going Army on people" Every civilian job I have had I adhered to the rules I was given only to be told that sometimes there are grey areas. I've always answered that if they don't want me to follow a rule, don't tell me it is a rule. On the other hand, I never had trouble doing taxes. Not because there are strict rules, but because there actually aren't. Most of the time in taxes there are built in grey areas or you can choose another rule.

Response by PO3 Pamala McBrayer made Jul 7 at 2022 10:12 AM

2022-07-07T10:12:46-04:00

I was a civilian contractor. I came back from lunch for a Family Advocacy Hearing for which I was program admin support. A state child protective service agent was sitting at my desk with her feet up, yakking with a couple of young airmen. She was talking smack about some of the military members/families “out of school”.
I promptly asked her to get please leave my desk and to NEVER sit there again, and told her and everyone else in that office that my desk was OFF LIMITS. Borrow the chair…fine, but you need to find something else to do besides gossiping about clients.
I discussed it with another team member later and maybe it was unprofessional but I let slip that I thought she was just a power trippin B&$ch. I later got called out on saying that about her (she overheard)…but the LTC was a bit unhappy to discover what I had stumbled into and that his airmen had piled on with her willingly. I got advised to treat “guests” of the command with more respect. She got advised not to be caught trash talking the people she was involved with “helping”.

Response by AN Kimberley Espy made Sep 10 at 2022 7:25 PM

2022-09-10T19:25:57-04:00

I’ve been known to ask if the house is secure…also “I can’t hear you” but my favorite is when someone asks why I’m doing that and my reply is “just for GP”. The confusion makes me laugh.

Response by SPC Mike Schredl made Nov 13 at 2022 9:54 PM

2022-11-13T21:54:27-05:00

I was working as a deputy probation officer at a juvenile detention facility, when a fight broke out on the gym floor. SOP was to order all detainees to the floor then restrain the offenders to break up the fight. First words out of my mouth as I ran over: "Awgaf, te-ra a-meek!" Did I mention I had only been back from Iraq a year or two?

Response by SPC John Dodge made Dec 15 at 2022 10:00 PM

2022-12-15T22:00:30-05:00

I have used my 'Clear and Direct, Absolutely NO MISUNDERSTANDING' voice on various nephews over the years to correct their lapses in proper conduct.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 5 at 2023 11:35 AM

2023-01-05T11:35:09-05:00

I was in an office during orientation of my new job when this guy was hovering outside the door. He must have wanted to ask a question but I stopped him and said take three steps back and let me finish what I’m doing In here before you come in to ask your question. He looked at me and laughed nervously. I finished my paperwork and walked out saying how stupid people are and that I hate people. I really need to stop drinking so much coffee it’s making me irritable.

Response by SMSgt Michael Gleason made Jan 9 at 2023 11:05 AM

2023-01-09T11:05:02-05:00

I was substitute teaching at the local VoTech High School, several years after retiring. In the middle of taking attendance, one of the students in the front row interjected, "You military?". I said, "Why do you ask?". He replied, "Your hair's short, you're standing tall, and you're pretty 'squared away'". I was flattered, and surprised that anyone even noticed, much less said anything!

Response by SN Russell Helberg made Jan 14 at 2023 11:07 PM

2023-01-14T23:07:14-05:00

i was on board the san francisco lightship on station when a little mud hen duck showed up alongside. it was hurt in some way and we were trying to get it with a long salmon net so it would not swim under the engine room discharge and get soaked with oil. but it did manage to do it and a day or two later it was to week to swim away from our net. we took it aboard and tried to save it but to no avail. it died and so we got a board and a flag and wrapped it up in plastic with a weight and did the burial at sea thing. of course we swore it in as a honorary coast guardsman and gave it full honors circa 1962 russ

Response by CPT Larry Hudson made Jan 28 at 2023 1:28 PM

2023-01-28T13:28:18-05:00

While a unit commander, I had two NCO's with the same name. One was white, one was black. My first sergeant was white and while I knew he was absent from the Orderly Room, the black was asked to stand in for him. I yelled for the first sergeant and the reply was he is not here. My reply was I knoe, I want the carbon copy. The entire NCO staff fell out laughting. It was all in good humor and my Black sergeant was on the floor rolling with laughter. You see, I learned fast, the people who make the wheels roll is the NCO Staff, not the second lieutenants or first lieutenants. Commissioned officers only establish a chain of who is to be blamed for the mistakes and it always is the commissioned officers. Get along with your NCO's.

Response by CMSgt Caryn Chipman made Apr 19 at 2023 11:10 PM

2023-04-19T23:10:45-04:00

I was a flight attendant working a flight with a team of 10-year old soccer players and their chaperones. The boys were running up and down the single aisle like they’d had chocolate milk and donuts for breakfast. As the seatbelt light came on, the announcement was made to “please take your seats“ … The boys did not. I stood at the head of the aisle and in my most commanding voice shouted, “SIT DOWN!” Those kids immediately dropped; their tushes landing on the people in aisle seats as well as in the aisle on the floor as they stared up at me with wide eyes. The other passengers, to include chaperones, looking a little shocked, gave me a sitting ovation. One of my coworkers asked if I was a mom, I said, “Nope! A Sergeant.” It was one of many memorable flights.

Response by LTC John Daly made Jun 29 at 2023 11:26 AM

2023-06-29T11:26:44-04:00

It was my first event with the HS band students and parents in a purely civilian setting on a Saturday morning, few other military in the area. The Band Director was trying to get the kids to take their assigned seats. Lots of milling around. Suddenly, one parent in a loud and commanding voice started counting down from 10. By 6, everyone was seated and quiet. I asked one student who was that. Answer: that's "Colonel Mom". Turns out she was a retired JAG parent that all the kids called Colonel Mom. Awesome!

Response by SPC Cory Thomson made Jul 9 at 2023 8:13 PM

2023-07-09T20:13:19-04:00

I was helping a E-0 by housing him till he finished school and then went to basic. He came back and was going Guard and was talking about a girl he liked and I wasn’t paying attention because I didn’t care and or want to hear about teen love until I heard the key words about her finishing high school and I went full military, with knife hand, and put him at parade rest and told him to explain himself. Upon finding out that she was not 18 yet I informed him that he was going to break it off and that if he didn’t I was going to take his ass before his command and inform them about his plans with a minor. Needless to say he was upset but after reflection about it he was thankful because of the trouble he avoided from her.

Response by PO2 Mike Keyes made Jul 13 at 2023 8:54 AM

2023-07-13T08:54:01-04:00

I stopped by my brother's boat at his marina, which also happens to be home to a lot of blowboats. He and I were both submariners, so when I saw the guy across the dock from him wrestling with his sail I couldn't help but say "there are men working in the sail; do not raise, lower, rotate or radiate any mast or antenna". We both got it, but the people on the boat next to his looked confused.
I use the old "make a hole" on occasion, and if that fails or circumstance warrant a quicker reaction, bellowing "Hot soup coming through" usually gets the appropriate response.

Response by CW3 Tamara Peruzzo made Jul 14 at 2023 11:58 PM

2023-07-14T23:58:11-04:00

I was new to working in a MEPS as the IT person for the station. The transportation guy was a Marine veteran who had problems with his voice operating at loud decibels. He was trying to explain the travel rules to some new recruits on their way to wherever they were going. Said recruits were too busy loudly chatting with one another to pay any attention to what the transportation guy was saying. I got annoyed fast. I sounded off with "AT EASE!!!" Then chewed the lot of them out for not shutting their mouths and opening their ears so they could find out what they needed to do to get to their destination without getting lost or missing flights/busses. The MEPS commander told me not to do that again. It's their drill sergeants job to put the fear of God in them, not mine before they even left the MEPS building. He said this trying really hard not to laugh. Transportation guy thanked me for stepping in later in the day when he got the chance.

Response by SPC John Dodge made Jul 16 at 2023 4:17 PM

2023-07-16T16:17:06-04:00

When I have to instruct or orient new or fellow employees in the urgent care clinic I currently work at, if I must point at something, I use the 'hand blade' gesture. When asked 'Why?', I explain that if you point with one finger, three more are pointing back at you. That confuses people and I do not allow confusion in my clinic.

Response by SPC David Young made Jul 16 at 2023 9:23 PM

2023-07-16T21:23:14-04:00

There are times when my 4 dogs (Shepherd, Beagle and 2 Chihuahuas) go into a massive barking fit and I shout "At ease!" The funniest thing is that they know what it means and they usually follow orders. The Shepherd and Beagle seem to have a better understanding and only have to hear the order once. The ankle biters have no discipline whatsoever!

Response by SrA Lisa Hunt made Aug 19 at 2023 2:44 PM

2023-08-19T14:44:44-04:00

I was substitute teaching middle school when 2 students, both bigger than me, were about to come to blows. I bounded across the room at yelled at the top of my lungs, "Stand down! Sit down NOWWW!" They both sat down quick! The rest of the students were sitting there with their mouths dropped open. The door flew open as one of the administrators heard me from two doors down. She asked what happened, but it was like I was in some crazy trance--I just stood there unable to say anything. A student told the administrator for me, the she took them away. I became the substitute teacher you didn't want to mess with, lol!

Response by SSG Gregg Mourizen made Sep 8 at 2023 2:27 AM

2023-09-08T02:27:34-04:00

I used to be a firefighter. One of my fellow firefighters use to be my squad leader in the Army, and we were pretty good friends.
One day, the fire engine he was riding crashed and rolled over, right in front of me. There were two in there. The driver got himself out, but my buddy was trapped inside, suspended upside down. All I could do, was get in and support him until they could extricate him. I held and treated him, for 45 minutes while they pealed his leg out of the bent metal.
He was bleeding, hurting crying, and really pissed off. At one point he started to panic..."Get me the hell out of here!!!". Pulling and twisting.
Out of nowhere I yelled "AT EASE!"
He stopped.
Looked at me and said "Son of a bitch, I out rank you!"
It was so absurd, that we both laughed. He calmed down and let us do out job.
We got him out and to the ambulance.
He survived his injuries and came back to us.
That was 24 years ago. We still talk occasionally, and sometimes joke about it.

Response by MSgt Brian Williams made Sep 12 at 2023 12:00 AM

2023-09-12T00:00:24-04:00

The first time I told my girls high school basketball team in Maryland that practice was from 0800-1000 hours on Saturday and they all said what time is that? The funny thing is I told the same thing to a high school team of all military brats overseas and they all knew what time to be in the gym.

Response by MSgt Brian Williams made Sep 12 at 2023 12:05 AM

2023-09-12T00:05:38-04:00

Soon after I had retired I answered my house phone with the number and insecure line. Told the person to standby while I got my wife on the phone.

Response by PO1 Julie Lau made Nov 3 at 2023 5:23 PM

2023-11-03T17:23:32-04:00

I was getting ready to teach a class with a new to the department nurse, when water started dripping through the lights. I went into barking orders mode. I told her to call the boiler plant to get someone over here stat and so on. She didn't even know what the boiler plant was at that point in her start at the VA Hospital.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 9 at 2023 12:35 PM

2023-12-09T12:35:57-05:00

As a civilian with the Corps of Engineers, I attended a staff meeting where our boss emphasized the importance of IDPs. He meant Individual Development Plans. I asked him which project involved Internally Displaced Persons.

Response by SP5 Donna Barr made Dec 11 at 2023 11:52 AM

2023-12-11T11:52:14-05:00

I tell the ranking people in this country - citizens (they outrank all civil servants, including anything in any uniform) - that all military despises the people who clothe and feed them and provide them health care, education, and family care - and this thread proves it.

Response by Amn Joseph H. made Dec 12 at 2023 5:51 AM

2023-12-12T05:51:36-05:00

Got stopped the day I bought this 71 Mercedes 220 four door, four speed sedan, was coming up a ramp to enter the highway and no sooner got in a lane then a bubble gum machine went off in my rear view mirror:) Go through the mundane crap and he asked if I knew how fast I was going? Said could not have been too fast, it was a 4cycliner, 45 year old car, he said 70!! With a smile I said one of us must be smokin?:) He said copy that? And I said air force helicopters? We both started laughing, and I did not get a ticket that day:) Felt good, got a little flashback to training and remembering some buds. At 77, 60 years years since I signed up, after forging my parents signature:) My memory is sometimes less than it was, but that moment made my day:)

Response by LTC George Morgan made Dec 12 at 2023 12:47 PM

2023-12-12T12:47:00-05:00

I had been attached as the Regimental Medical Officer Assistant to an Infantry Battalion. On the day in question, I was in the Chief Clerk's office when the Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM) stormed in, saying to the Chief, "I'm doing Sergeant So-n-so's confidential. What can't I write"? The Chief outlined what should not be said, and the RSM, with a "humph," stormed back to his office, slamming his door in the process. It could not have been two minutes before he returned, and threw a Confidential document on the Chief's desk, saying, "Write it up, Chief."

What he had written was: "This Provisional SNCO sets himself a low standard and fails to achieve it. By being here, he is depriving some village of an idiot"! Said Sgt. was rapidly reduced to his substantive rank of Cpl.

Response by PVT Ted Rodosovich made Dec 15 at 2023 8:30 PM

2023-12-15T20:30:17-05:00

Thanking "wall, post, etc leaners" for holding it up.

Response by Cpl Craig Howard made Dec 19 at 2023 8:23 PM

2023-12-19T20:23:03-05:00

I had been out for a few decades, and had learned to temper my voice and words when dealing with family and coworkers. At an event I lost it when two girls were dancing on the pool table I just shelled out big bucks to get a new felt on. (It was a gift to the owner.) My loudest Command Voice was heard by all. Then I stepped back and looked at the 6 and 4 year old I had just yelled at. Holy Crap that was wrong. Still feel bad years later.

Response by SPC John Dodge made Jan 22 at 2024 9:19 PM

2024-01-22T21:19:02-05:00

Working in a large city ER, it was an asset to have that 'command' tone of voice when the injured drunks, rednecks, and idiots started rolling in on the weekends. "AT FREAKING EASE< SNOWBALL! Anymore crap out of you and you get that enema you don't need"

Response by CPO Bernie Penkin made Mar 6 at 2024 2:24 PM

2024-03-06T14:24:26-05:00

I was in the breakroom at work one afternoon. One of my coworkers knocked my coffee cup off the shelf and into the trash bin. I yelled “That was my coffee cup….You crapsack!”. The crew heard me out in the dispatch center and immediately started laughing. The kid practically dove into the trash can to retrieve it.

Response by 1SG Dean Mcbride (MPER) (CPHR) made Mar 17 at 2024 8:59 PM

2024-03-17T20:59:49-04:00

First civilian position out of the military (after finishing grad school with a Master of Personnel and Employee Relations degree). I had a temporary assignment at a Texaco Refinery to resolve some "old" labor relations issues. While reading through one, I noticed the complaint was that the "Employee ran over a Tank". My first thought was "what in the hell was he driving!? Fortunately, I did not ask anybody about it... The "Tank" in the report was a 600,000 gallon oil storage tank that he put to much oil in, not an M1 Abrams as I initally thought! Lesson learned: Terminology from Military to Civilian can take some drastic changes!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Mar 31 at 2024 8:41 PM

2024-03-31T20:41:56-04:00

Warfare is like sex. There is the frontal, side, and rear attacks. lol

Response by 1SG Steven Malkowski made Jul 1 at 2024 6:09 AM

2024-07-01T06:09:53-04:00

I was on patrol in my job as a police officer (I was also a 1SG in the National Guard at the time). I passed by a local high school around dismissal time and saw one of the JR ROTC cadets in front on the steps. He was in his dress greens with his garrison cap on backwards. I stopped and jumped out of the car and, shall I say, gave him a stern talking to. On the spot corrections are always proper.

Response by SGT Mark De Simone made Jul 29 at 2024 6:46 PM

2024-07-29T18:46:59-04:00

After I left the Army, I took a job in the oilfield. It took me about 6 months to stop calling my hard hat a Kpot

Response by SSG Christopher Conklin made Aug 3 at 2024 6:24 PM

2024-08-03T18:24:31-04:00

My first day of BT. Just get of the cattle car. All the DI yell at us. I yell back to one one and called him sir. He followed me. Drop me a few times and one for good for fun. The DI was a fire red haired man. When we wait for our names to go to our platoon, I was praying that I would not get him and I did not. But 9 weeks later, he found me again and drop me again, when I recovered he shake my hands.

Response by SGT Ken Sisson made Aug 3 at 2024 6:46 PM

2024-08-03T18:46:06-04:00

I don't remember all the circumstances but I was a fresh E5 and had been home only a few days or so after Annual Training (National Guard). My kids were really frustrating me and not doing what I asked or doing it half-assed. As I walked away to regain my composure I mumble something about F***ing Privates!

Response by CPO Elaine Robson made Aug 4 at 2024 12:14 PM

2024-08-04T12:14:26-04:00

Just retired from the Navy and was going to community college for an Associates degree. Came to attention when the professor walked in. So embarrassing.

Response by SFC Kevin Childers made Nov 2 at 2024 11:13 AM

2024-11-02T11:13:52-04:00

I once worked for a company that provided tech support to several international companies. On a call from Korea where language and the connection were making things difficult I fell into the old habit of using the phonetic alphabet. I realized this might not be helpful and apologized to the caller. To which he responded, "No problem, I was KATUSA. Message received, 5 by5, out."