What's your best Chuck Norris line?

SSG Robert Burns — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 15:36:08 -0500

The ONLY thing I enjoy about porta jons is reading all the Chick Norris jokes the defiant Soldiers wrote on the walls.  What's your favorite. I like "Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice."

Response by CW2 Joseph Evans made Dec 18 at 2013 3:39 PM

CW2 Joseph Evans — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 15:39:30 -0500

Chuck Norris? Haven't heard of her. ~ Chesty Puller

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2013 3:39 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 15:39:31 -0500

Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 18 at 2013 3:47 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 15:47:34 -0500

Chuck Norris doesnt call the wrong number, you picked up the wrong phone.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2013 3:51 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 15:51:02 -0500

When a bear takes a **** in the woods, Chuck Norris punches it in the face.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Dec 18 at 2013 6:11 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:11:15 -0500

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees...

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Dec 18 at 2013 6:12 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:12:18 -0500

Chuck Norris had sex with Julianne Moore... Three months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford F350...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2013 11:19 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 23:19:00 -0500

Chuck Norris got his driver's license at 15..........seconds.

Response by SGM Matthew Quick made Dec 19 at 2013 12:08 AM

SGM Matthew Quick — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 00:08:35 -0500

How many push ups can Chuck Norris do?  All of them!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 7:27 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 07:27:32 -0500

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up enough courage to tell him yet.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 3:22 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 15:22:58 -0500

"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is"

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Dec 19 at 2013 3:42 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 15:42:51 -0500

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door..

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Dec 19 at 2013 3:44 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 15:44:14 -0500

Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball..

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Dec 19 at 2013 3:48 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 15:48:09 -0500

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg...

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 5:10 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 17:10:14 -0500

Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 5:13 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 17:13:25 -0500

Jesus turned water into wine. Chuck Norris turned Jesus into the Total Gym.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 19 at 2013 5:28 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 17:28:23 -0500

Chuck Norris can speak Russian.....in French.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 5:53 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 17:53:12 -0500

Epic Holiday Greeting from Chuck Norris : http://www.military.com/video/forces/humor/epic-holiday-greeting-from-chuck-norris/ [login to see] 001/

Epic Holiday Greeting from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris wishes you a Merry Christmas with this epic split in true Norris fashion.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 19 at 2013 7:21 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 19:21:04 -0500

Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 19 at 2013 7:25 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 19:25:10 -0500

He's allowed to talk about fight club.

Response by SFC Ricardo Ruiz made Dec 19 at 2013 10:54 PM

SFC Ricardo Ruiz — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 22:54:25 -0500

Chuck Norris once farted on Clark Kent he became Superman. 

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 11:47 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 23:47:13 -0500

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 11:47 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 23:47:36 -0500

When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 11:48 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 23:48:05 -0500

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 11:48 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 23:48:25 -0500

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 11:50 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 23:50:13 -0500

Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2013 11:51 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 23:51:13 -0500

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

he was in an interview reading these jokes and said this was one of his favorites

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2013 12:31 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 00:31:13 -0500

They once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper.

It didn’t work because “Chuck Norris takes shit from no one!”

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Dec 20 at 2013 12:45 AM

SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 00:45:51 -0500

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is

Response by 1SG Steven Stankovich made Dec 20 at 2013 3:19 AM

1SG Steven Stankovich — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 03:19:30 -0500

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2013 4:22 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 04:22:16 -0500

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2013 4:22 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 04:22:59 -0500

when Chuck Norris does push-ups he pushes the earth away from his body.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2013 4:23 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 04:23:40 -0500

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2013 4:24 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 04:24:33 -0500

Chuck Norris's tears could cure cancer. Too bad for the world Chuck Norris never cries.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2013 4:25 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 04:25:55 -0500

A blind man once bumped into Chuck Norris upon realizing who he bumped into he regained his sight.  Less than a second later he died from a roundhouse kick to the head.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2013 7:27 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 19:27:57 -0500

The waft of air from the first roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris all those years ago is what started the Earth revolving around the Sun.

Response by Cpl Anthony Pearson made Dec 20 at 2013 7:57 PM

Cpl Anthony Pearson — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 19:57:28 -0500

Nice timing...

Just had this shared with me via Facebook, and it's pretty good. Apparently a 'one-up' video, and it features good ol' Chuck Norris.

http://www.ijreview.com/2013/12/102925-chuck-norris-just-put-van-dammes-epic-volvo-ad-completely-shame/

Enjoy.

Chuck Norris Just Put Van Damme's Epic Volvo Ad Completely to Shame

I just became a Chuck Norris fan all over again.

Response by CMC Robert Young made Dec 20 at 2013 7:59 PM

CMC Robert Young — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 19:59:44 -0500

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Response by CMC Robert Young made Dec 20 at 2013 8:00 PM

CMC Robert Young — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 20:00:47 -0500

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Response by CMC Robert Young made Dec 20 at 2013 8:02 PM

CMC Robert Young — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 20:02:23 -0500

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. That would imply the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing!

Response by SPC Brendan Kearns made Dec 20 at 2013 8:04 PM

SPC Brendan Kearns — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 20:04:14 -0500

There is no evolution. Only the list of animals Chuck Norris let live.

Response by SPC Brendan Kearns made Dec 20 at 2013 8:07 PM

SPC Brendan Kearns — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 20:07:47 -0500

Chuck Norris can cure cancer with his tears, except Chuck Norris never cries

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 21 at 2013 2:08 AM

SSG Robert Burns — Sat, 21 Dec 2013 02:08:50 -0500

Chuck Norris won the Lifetime Achievement Award.....twice.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 21 at 2013 2:10 AM

SSG Robert Burns — Sat, 21 Dec 2013 02:10:26 -0500

Chuck Norris has never walked through a spider web.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 24 at 2013 11:05 AM

SSG Robert Burns — Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:05:37 -0500

Chuck Norris gave his dad "the talk"

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 27 at 2013 4:07 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Fri, 27 Dec 2013 16:07:52 -0500

His 10 gallon hat holds 20 gallons.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Dec 27 at 2013 4:09 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Fri, 27 Dec 2013 16:09:13 -0500

His blood smells like cologne.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 6 at 2014 8:56 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 20:56:24 -0500

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 6 at 2014 9:11 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 21:11:48 -0500

When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet. The pool gets Chuck Norris!

Response by CMC Robert Young made Jan 7 at 2014 7:08 AM

CMC Robert Young — Tue, 07 Jan 2014 07:08:56 -0500

Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together!

Response by CMC Robert Young made Jan 7 at 2014 7:09 AM

CMC Robert Young — Tue, 07 Jan 2014 07:09:47 -0500

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter!

Response by SFC Robert Putzer made Jan 12 at 2014 10:49 PM

SFC Robert Putzer — Sun, 12 Jan 2014 22:49:02 -0500

The bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris & Pals!"

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 7:54 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 19:54:57 -0500

After finding out the Magic Johnson had AIDS, Chuck Norris gave him a call to express his sympathy. At some time during the conversation Chuck Norris overcome with emotion simply stated, If I could do something about it brother I would.

We all know how that ended!!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 8:14 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 20:14:03 -0500

Wow....

Response by SSgt George Brown made Feb 3 at 2014 8:44 PM

SSgt George Brown — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 20:44:29 -0500

<h2 style="margin-bottom: 1em; font-weight: normal; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 19px; line-height: 24 [login to see] 2129px; color: rgb(84, 48, 19); text-align: start;">Chuck Norris Is So Fast, That He Can Run Around The World And Punch Himself In The Back Of His Head!</h2>

Response by SSgt George Brown made Feb 3 at 2014 8:45 PM

SSgt George Brown — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 20:45:54 -0500

After he was born, Chuck Norris drove himself back home.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 8:45 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 20:45:55 -0500

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse

Response by TSgt Scott Hurley made Feb 3 at 2014 8:46 PM

TSgt Scott Hurley — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 20:46:32 -0500

There are so many good ones its hard to choose.

This one is new but it seems legit with big heroes.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke.... That truck is now known as Optimus Prime

Response by SSgt George Brown made Feb 3 at 2014 8:46 PM

SSgt George Brown — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 20:46:55 -0500

grizzlies fall on the ground and play dead when they see Chuck Norris.

Response by SSgt George Brown made Feb 3 at 2014 8:49 PM

SSgt George Brown — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 20:49:49 -0500

Chuck Norris folds airplanes into paper.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 9:12 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 21:12:31 -0500

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 11:07 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 23:07:05 -0500

Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked the earth Billions of years ago.....It's still Spinning.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 11:07 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 23:07:42 -0500

Chuck Norris once drowned a fish underwater

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2014 11:15 PM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 23:15:07 -0500

Chuck Norris once kicked someone in the soul. Chuck Norris once kicked someone on the INSIDE of the face.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2014 12:54 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 00:54:45 -0500

Here are some of my favs:

Chuck Norris can ranger roll a Kevlar.

When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, the machines get stronger.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built himself.

Chuck Norris can find a needle in a haystack.

Chuck Norris can smell what The Rock is cooking, The Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2014 1:24 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 01:24:27 -0500

Chuck Norris can speak German in three languages.... OR Chuck Norris counted to infinity, TWICE.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 5 at 2014 7:09 AM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 07:09:26 -0500

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he just stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Mar 5 at 2014 7:49 AM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 07:49:49 -0500

Chuck Norris already has the results for the FY14 SFC board! =o)

Response by SrA Zachary Bolling made Mar 5 at 2014 8:18 AM

SrA Zachary Bolling — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 08:18:14 -0500

US Military Rifles only have 2 settings, Single shot and Chuck Norris!

Response by SrA Zachary Bolling made Mar 5 at 2014 8:22 AM

SrA Zachary Bolling — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 08:22:21 -0500

When Chuck Norris was in the AIR FORCE, his BMTI addressed HIM as "Sir".

Response by SrA Zachary Bolling made Mar 5 at 2014 8:28 AM

SrA Zachary Bolling — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 08:28:13 -0500

They once made a "Chuck Norris" toilet paper, but there was a problem. It wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 5 at 2014 8:33 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 08:33:25 -0500

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits"

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 5 at 2014 9:14 AM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 09:14:19 -0500

Every year on Chuck Norris' birthday he picks one lucky kid, and round-house kicks him to the sun

Response by PFC Kyle Corcoran made Mar 5 at 2014 9:23 AM

PFC Kyle Corcoran — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 09:23:06 -0500

General Patton was once asked his favorite Chuck Norris line.

Response by LTC Kevin Kugel made Mar 5 at 2014 9:52 AM

LTC Kevin Kugel — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 09:52:43 -0500

Chuck Norris failed jump school....its hard to parachute to the ground when you can fly.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 5 at 2014 9:56 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 09:56:24 -0500

Moses didn't really part the Red Sea. Chuck Norris had passed through earlier and the water was still scared.

Response by MSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 5 at 2014 10:08 AM

MSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 10:08:08 -0500

Gosh, there are sooooo many great ones:

---Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

---Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.

---Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.

---Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Mar 22 at 2014 10:00 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Sat, 22 Mar 2014 22:00:28 -0400

Chuck Norris knows where that plane is.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2014 5:27 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 17:27:08 -0400

Chuck Norris dosn't do "push ups" he does "Earth downs"

Response by LTC Daniel Rogne made Mar 27 at 2014 7:07 AM

LTC Daniel Rogne — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 07:07:24 -0400

When Chuck Norris falls into the water he doesn't get wet ... the water gets Chuck Norris-ed.

Response by LTC Daniel Rogne made Mar 27 at 2014 7:12 AM

LTC Daniel Rogne — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 07:12:52 -0400

ONCE A COBRA BIT CHUCK NORRIS' LEG. AFTER FIVE DAYS OF EXCRUCIATING PAIN, THE COBRA DIED.

Response by SrA Zachary Bolling made Mar 27 at 2014 10:04 AM

SrA Zachary Bolling — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 10:04:59 -0400

Chuck Norris wrestled and Anaconda for 3 weeks........then realized he was masturbating.

Response by CPL Stephen Kirt made Apr 7 at 2014 9:05 PM

CPL Stephen Kirt — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 21:05:56 -0400

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 24 at 2014 9:38 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Apr 2014 21:38:56 -0400

Chuck Norris once peed in a semis gas tank as a joke. That semis now known as Optimus Prime.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 24 at 2014 9:39 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Apr 2014 21:39:12 -0400

Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a Nevada State Trooper. Being a man who respects the law, Chuck Norris let the trooper off with a warning. XD

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2014 9:02 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 May 2014 21:02:22 -0400

Chuck Norris once revived a dead baby lamb by giving it a 20 min beard rub, once the lamb sprang to life Chuck Norris broke it's neck stating that "What the good Chuck giveth the good Check taketh away"

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2014 9:31 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 May 2014 21:31:16 -0400

Chuck Norris has the best poker face, he won the WSOP holding a Uno card, a get out of jail free card and a joker

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2014 11:05 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 May 2014 23:05:39 -0400

Chuck Norris can clog a urinal.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2014 11:06 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 May 2014 23:06:14 -0400

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Response by CPT Jacob Swartout made May 5 at 2014 11:09 PM

CPT Jacob Swartout — Mon, 05 May 2014 23:09:51 -0400

I saw this on a wall, "When all else fails, what would Chuck Norris do?"

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2014 3:13 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 15:13:22 -0400

Chuck Norris can kick you in the back of the face.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2014 3:14 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 15:14:41 -0400

Chuck Norris recently visited the Virgin Islands. They now simply known as the Islands.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2014 3:26 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 15:26:21 -0400

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter

Response by CPT Kyle Schembechler made Jun 5 at 2014 3:42 PM

CPT Kyle Schembechler — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 15:42:06 -0400

Chuck Norris gets speeding tickets while out for a jog.

Chuck Norris lost one of his testicles sparring with a wolverine. It is now known as Jupiter.

Chuck Norris qualifies expert on the M240B range with an M9

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2014 3:44 PM

SrA Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 15:44:28 -0400

I love all the Chuck Norris lines that I've heard....the good ones, anyway. Some are corny and dumb but I love Chuck Norris. I have been a fan for years. Here's one of my faves since I love Google. I Google everything. In this case, Google can't do it all, lol.

"Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you."

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Jun 5 at 2014 4:03 PM

Capt Brandon Charters — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 16:03:02 -0400

SSG Burns - I think you should use this thread as ammo to invite the big chief himself. He is a USAF Vet with a DD214. Can you imagine the influence points you might get for that bounty?

"Chuck Norris is the only pilot to never fly in a crosswind...why? Because no wind would dare cross Chuck Norris!"

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2014 7:43 PM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 19:43:55 -0400

Chuck Norris doesn't walk on water. He can, but he prefers swimming through dirt.

Response by Sgt Jason Preston made Jun 6 at 2014 11:30 AM

Sgt Jason Preston — Fri, 06 Jun 2014 11:30:37 -0400

Kareem Abdul-Jabar claimed to have slept with 10,000 women in his life time. Chuck Norris calls that a lazy afternoon.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 11 at 2014 1:56 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Jun 2014 13:56:08 -0400

The Boogie Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris!

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 11 at 2014 6:08 PM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Jun 2014 18:08:02 -0400

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 12 at 2014 7:56 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 12 Jun 2014 19:56:22 -0400

Got this picture from Omar Avilla's facebook page. I served with him in Baghdad and he was severely injured during an IED strike.

Response by Cpl Robert Clark made Jun 13 at 2014 1:07 PM

Cpl Robert Clark — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 13:07:40 -0400

I heard that when Chuck Norris goes to sleep at night, he checks under the bed for Gen. Mattis...

Response by Cpl Brett Wagner made Jun 14 at 2014 6:32 PM

Cpl Brett Wagner — Sat, 14 Jun 2014 18:32:37 -0400

Here is my best Chuck Norris line...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 14 at 2014 7:03 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 14 Jun 2014 19:03:55 -0400

'Nuff said!!!

Response by 1SG Chris Brown made Jun 14 at 2014 7:45 PM

1SG Chris Brown — Sat, 14 Jun 2014 19:45:43 -0400

My last time downrange was with 1st MI Battalion out of Germany. It's a fixed wing intelligence gathering unit and I was the detachment 1SG during one of the rotations. The unit was on an enduring mission, leaving equipment in place and rotating personnel back and forth to Bagram every few months. As the unit is still there today (been there since 2007), the joke was that we were there "Until Chuck Norris makes the sun explode". We even had it printed on our downrange coins.

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Jun 21 at 2014 4:43 PM

1LT Shawn McCarthy — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 16:43:40 -0400

Chuck Norris once got an erection.
There were no survivors.

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Jun 21 at 2014 4:46 PM

1LT Shawn McCarthy — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 16:46:54 -0400

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.
He goes killing.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 27 at 2014 10:54 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 27 Jun 2014 22:54:23 -0400

"I was bitten by a Cobra. After three days of excruciating pain, the Cobra finally died."

Response by Capt Jeff S. made Jul 13 at 2014 10:16 PM

Capt Jeff S. — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 22:16:48 -0400

"Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience."

Response by Capt Jeff S. made Jul 13 at 2014 10:23 PM

Capt Jeff S. — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 22:23:08 -0400

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 21 at 2014 7:05 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Sun, 21 Sep 2014 19:05:59 -0400

"Nazi Germany surrender to the United States on May 7th, 1945. Chuck Norris was born on May 6th, 1945. Coincidence, I think not."

Response by SPC Darin Taylor made Sep 21 at 2014 9:38 PM

SPC Darin Taylor — Sun, 21 Sep 2014 21:38:24 -0400

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Response by SGT Richard H. made Sep 22 at 2014 2:36 PM

SGT Richard H. — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:36:58 -0400

Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia.
Fear of tight spaces is called Claustrophobia.
Fear of wide open spaces is called Agoraphobia.

Fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2014 10:18 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 17 Oct 2014 10:18:37 -0400

Chuck Norris doesn't have to cut his steak with a knife. The steak sees him coming and neatly divides itself into equal bite size portions out of respect!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2014 6:15 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 18:15:39 -0400

"what day Chuck Norris was born? A day before ww2 ended"

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2014 6:56 PM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 18:56:12 -0400

Chuck Norris has a nightlight not because he is afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of him.

Response by LT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2014 8:52 PM

LT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 20:52:05 -0400

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, the problem is, Chuck Norris never cries.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2014 9:10 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 21:10:44 -0400

Chuck Norris was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease. He shook it off.

Chuck Norris can divide by 0.

Chuck Norris once came up with the idea of marketing his urine as a beverage. We now know this as Red Bull.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 23 at 2014 4:58 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 04:58:52 -0400

While filming Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a dead lamb into the studio. He breathed the breath of life into then snapped its neck, thus proving Chuck Norris giveth, and Chuck Norris taketh away.

Response by MAJ Raúl Rovira made Oct 23 at 2014 11:57 PM

MAJ Raúl Rovira — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 23:57:21 -0400

I'm sorry, I have 4 to share. 3 + the picture.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead. It’s just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in just three moves.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 24 at 2014 12:01 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 00:01:48 -0400

When I write a line about Chuck Norris, he won't let me finish and I don't know how. He simply...

Response by MAJ Jeff Coulter made Oct 24 at 2014 11:57 AM

MAJ Jeff Coulter — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 11:57:26 -0400

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin. His beard hides another fist.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 24 at 2014 1:16 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 13:16:18 -0400

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 26 at 2014 3:50 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 26 Oct 2014 15:50:46 -0400

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars,
Chuck Norris still has more money than you.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2014 12:32 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 12:32:32 -0500

Stephen Hawking found out the hard way not to mess with Chuck Norris

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made May 7 at 2015 11:21 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Thu, 07 May 2015 11:21:43 -0400

I'm sorry, I'm old, hence prefer Yogi-isms.

So Chuck counting to infinity, twice, is deja vu all over again.

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made May 22 at 2015 12:58 PM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Fri, 22 May 2015 12:58:48 -0400

When Chuck Norris stares at the sun, he doesn't get sun spots, the sun gets Chuck Norris Spots.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2015 9:52 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 May 2015 09:52:49 -0400

Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Response by SGT Steve Oakes made Aug 30 at 2015 6:44 AM

SGT Steve Oakes — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 06:44:39 -0400

The only thing Chuck Norris can not do is. Find something that Chuck Norris can not do!

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 26 at 2016 3:04 PM

SrA Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jan 2016 15:04:49 -0500

You guys are full of it. If Chuck Norris is really so tough and smart and unstoppable then he would kick in my door and slam my face right into my keybJHefiy&Y3FH@#789y432fiuhl/erJKHSDFILUreh;rvjweweiugtriDIH