SSG Robert Burns 23219 <div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;p&gt;The ONLY thing I enjoy about porta jons is reading all the Chick Norris jokes the defiant Soldiers wrote on the walls.&amp;nbsp; What&#39;s your favorite.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I like &quot;Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.&quot;&lt;/p&gt; 2013-12-18T15:36:08-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 23219

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;p&gt;The ONLY thing I enjoy about porta jons is reading all the Chick Norris jokes the defiant Soldiers wrote on the walls.&amp;nbsp; What&#39;s your favorite.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I like &quot;Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.&quot;&lt;/p&gt;

2013-12-18T15:36:08-05:00 2013-12-18T15:36:08-05:00 CW2 Joseph Evans 23222

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris? Haven't heard of her. ~ Chesty Puller

2013-12-18T15:39:30-05:00 2013-12-18T15:39:30-05:00 MAJ Private RallyPoint Member 23223

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands.

2013-12-18T15:39:31-05:00 2013-12-18T15:39:31-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 23230

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesnt call the wrong number, you picked up the wrong phone.

2013-12-18T15:47:34-05:00 2013-12-18T15:47:34-05:00 SPC Private RallyPoint Member 23233

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When a bear takes a **** in the woods, Chuck Norris punches it in the face.

2013-12-18T15:51:02-05:00 2013-12-18T15:51:02-05:00 SFC Michael Hasbun 23287

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees...

2013-12-18T18:11:15-05:00 2013-12-18T18:11:15-05:00 SFC Michael Hasbun 23290

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris had sex with Julianne Moore... Three months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford F350...

2013-12-18T18:12:18-05:00 2013-12-18T18:12:18-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 23544

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris got his driver&#39;s license at 15..........seconds.

2013-12-18T23:19:00-05:00 2013-12-18T23:19:00-05:00 SGM Matthew Quick 23565

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>How many push ups can Chuck Norris do? &amp;nbsp;All of them!

2013-12-19T00:08:35-05:00 2013-12-19T00:08:35-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 23695

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn&#39;t built up enough courage to tell him yet.

2013-12-19T07:27:32-05:00 2013-12-19T07:27:32-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 23949

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;font color=&quot;#000000&quot; face=&quot;Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;font-size: 12px;&quot;&gt;&quot;Chuck Norris doesn&#39;t wear a watch. He decides what time it is&quot;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/font&gt;

2013-12-19T15:22:58-05:00 2013-12-19T15:22:58-05:00 SFC Michael Hasbun 23960

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door..

2013-12-19T15:42:51-05:00 2013-12-19T15:42:51-05:00 SFC Michael Hasbun 23962

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball..

2013-12-19T15:44:14-05:00 2013-12-19T15:44:14-05:00 SFC Michael Hasbun 23963

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg...

2013-12-19T15:48:09-05:00 2013-12-19T15:48:09-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 24004

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

2013-12-19T17:10:14-05:00 2013-12-19T17:10:14-05:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 24008

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Jesus turned water into wine. Chuck Norris turned Jesus into the Total Gym.

2013-12-19T17:13:25-05:00 2013-12-19T17:13:25-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 24020

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can speak Russian.....in French.

2013-12-19T17:28:23-05:00 2013-12-19T17:28:23-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 24034

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Epic Holiday Greeting from Chuck Norris : <a target="_blank" href="http://www.military.com/video/forces/humor/epic-holiday-greeting-from-chuck-norris/">http://www.military.com/video/forces/humor/epic-holiday-greeting-from-chuck-norris/</a> [login to see] 001/<div class="pta-link-card"><br /><div class="pta-link-card-picture"><img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d21/unsecured/media/%20%5Blogin%20to%20see%5D%201/201312/3410/%20%5Blogin%20to%20see%5D%201_%20%5Blogin%20to%20see%5D%20001_chuck-norris-greeting.jpg?pubId=%20%5Blogin%20to%20see%5D%201"></div><br /><div class="pta-link-card-content"><br /><div class="pta-link-card-title"><a href="http://www.military.com/video/forces/humor/epic-holiday-greeting-from-chuck-norris/%20%5Blogin%20to%20see%5D%20001/" target="_blank">Epic Holiday Greeting from Chuck Norris</a></div><br /><div class="pta-link-card-description">Chuck Norris wishes you a Merry Christmas with this epic split in true Norris fashion.</div><br /></div><br /><div style="clear:both;"></div><br /><div class="pta-box-hide"></div><br /></div>

2013-12-19T17:53:12-05:00 2013-12-19T17:53:12-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 24071

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.

2013-12-19T19:21:04-05:00 2013-12-19T19:21:04-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 24074

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>He's allowed to talk about fight club.

2013-12-19T19:25:10-05:00 2013-12-19T19:25:10-05:00 SFC Ricardo Ruiz 24264

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris once farted on Clark Kent he became Superman.&amp;nbsp;

2013-12-19T22:54:25-05:00 2013-12-19T22:54:25-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 24289

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;span style=&quot;color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 204);&quot;&gt;Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.&lt;/span&gt;

2013-12-19T23:47:13-05:00 2013-12-19T23:47:13-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 24290

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;span style=&quot;color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 204);&quot;&gt;When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn&#39;t try to survive. The zombies do.&lt;/span&gt;

2013-12-19T23:47:36-05:00 2013-12-19T23:47:36-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 24291

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;span style=&quot;color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 204);&quot;&gt;Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.&lt;/span&gt;

2013-12-19T23:48:05-05:00 2013-12-19T23:48:05-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 24292

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

2013-12-19T23:48:25-05:00 2013-12-19T23:48:25-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 24294

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;span style=&quot;color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 204);&quot;&gt;Chuck Norris&#39;s daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.&lt;/span&gt;

2013-12-19T23:50:13-05:00 2013-12-19T23:50:13-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 24298

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. <div><br></div><div>he was in an interview reading these jokes and said this was one of his favorites</div>

2013-12-19T23:51:13-05:00 2013-12-19T23:51:13-05:00 LTC Private RallyPoint Member 24317

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><br /><br /><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal">They once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper.  </p><br /><br /><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal">It didn’t work because “Chuck Norris takes shit from no one!”</p><br /><br />

2013-12-20T00:31:13-05:00 2013-12-20T00:31:13-05:00 SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL 24323

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is

2013-12-20T00:45:51-05:00 2013-12-20T00:45:51-05:00 1SG Steven Stankovich 24368

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris&#39; hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush...

2013-12-20T03:19:30-05:00 2013-12-20T03:19:30-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 24388

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

2013-12-20T04:22:16-05:00 2013-12-20T04:22:16-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 24389

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>when Chuck Norris does push-ups he pushes the earth away from his body.

2013-12-20T04:22:59-05:00 2013-12-20T04:22:59-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 24390

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

2013-12-20T04:23:40-05:00 2013-12-20T04:23:40-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 24392

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris's tears could cure cancer.  Too bad for the world Chuck Norris never cries.

2013-12-20T04:24:33-05:00 2013-12-20T04:24:33-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 24393

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>A blind man once bumped into Chuck Norris upon realizing who he bumped into he regained his sight. &amp;nbsp;Less than a second later he died from a roundhouse kick to the head.

2013-12-20T04:25:55-05:00 2013-12-20T04:25:55-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 24874

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>The waft of air from the first roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris all those years ago is what started the Earth revolving around the Sun.

2013-12-20T19:27:57-05:00 2013-12-20T19:27:57-05:00 Cpl Anthony Pearson 24894

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Nice timing... <div><br></div><div>Just had this shared with me via Facebook, and it's pretty good. Apparently a 'one-up' video, and it features good ol' Chuck Norris. </div><div><br></div><div><br /><a href="http://www.ijreview.com/2013/12/102925-chuck-norris-just-put-van-dammes-epic-volvo-ad-completely-shame/">http://www.ijreview.com/2013/12/102925-chuck-norris-just-put-van-dammes-epic-volvo-ad-completely-shame/</a><br><br /></div><div><br></div><div>Enjoy.</div><div class="pta-link-card"><br /><div class="pta-link-card-picture"><img src="http://d1ovi2g6vebctw.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/WP-ChuckNorrisSplit.jpg"></div><br /><div class="pta-link-card-content"><br /><div class="pta-link-card-title"><a target="_blank" href="http://www.ijreview.com/2013/12/102925-chuck-norris-just-put-van-dammes-epic-volvo-ad-completely-shame/">Chuck Norris Just Put Van Damme's Epic Volvo Ad Completely to Shame</a></div><br /><div class="pta-link-card-description">I just became a Chuck Norris fan all over again.</div><br /></div><br /><div style="clear:both;"></div><br /><div class="pta-box-hide"></div><br /></div>

2013-12-20T19:57:28-05:00 2013-12-20T19:57:28-05:00 CMC Robert Young 24895

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

2013-12-20T19:59:44-05:00 2013-12-20T19:59:44-05:00 CMC Robert Young 24898

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

2013-12-20T20:00:47-05:00 2013-12-20T20:00:47-05:00 CMC Robert Young 24899

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. That would imply the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing!

2013-12-20T20:02:23-05:00 2013-12-20T20:02:23-05:00 SPC Brendan Kearns 24900

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>There is no evolution. Only the list of animals Chuck Norris let live.

2013-12-20T20:04:14-05:00 2013-12-20T20:04:14-05:00 SPC Brendan Kearns 24904

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can cure cancer with his tears, except Chuck Norris never cries

2013-12-20T20:07:47-05:00 2013-12-20T20:07:47-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 25143

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris won the Lifetime Achievement Award.....twice.

2013-12-21T02:08:50-05:00 2013-12-21T02:08:50-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 25144

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris has never walked through a spider web.

2013-12-21T02:10:26-05:00 2013-12-21T02:10:26-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 26770

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris gave his dad "the talk"

2013-12-24T11:05:37-05:00 2013-12-24T11:05:37-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 28002

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>His 10 gallon hat holds 20 gallons.

2013-12-27T16:07:52-05:00 2013-12-27T16:07:52-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 28003

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>His blood smells like cologne.

2013-12-27T16:09:13-05:00 2013-12-27T16:09:13-05:00 SPC Private RallyPoint Member 33910

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

2014-01-06T20:56:24-05:00 2014-01-06T20:56:24-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 33917

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet. The pool gets Chuck Norris!

2014-01-06T21:11:48-05:00 2014-01-06T21:11:48-05:00 CMC Robert Young 34086

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can&amp;nbsp;start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together!

2014-01-07T07:08:56-05:00 2014-01-07T07:08:56-05:00 CMC Robert Young 34087

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter!

2014-01-07T07:09:47-05:00 2014-01-07T07:09:47-05:00 SFC Robert Putzer 37118

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>The bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris &amp; Pals!"

2014-01-12T22:49:02-05:00 2014-01-12T22:49:02-05:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 50524

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>After finding out the Magic Johnson had AIDS, Chuck Norris gave him a call to express his sympathy. At some time during the conversation Chuck Norris overcome with emotion simply stated, If I could do something about it brother I would.  <div><br></div><div>We all know how that ended!!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>

2014-02-03T19:54:57-05:00 2014-02-03T19:54:57-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 50532

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Wow....

2014-02-03T20:14:03-05:00 2014-02-03T20:14:03-05:00 SSgt George Brown 50546

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;h2 style=&quot;margin-bottom: 1em; font-weight: normal; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 19px; line-height: 24 [login to see] 2129px; color: rgb(84, 48, 19); text-align: start;&quot;&gt;Chuck Norris Is So Fast, That He Can Run Around The World And Punch Himself In The Back Of His Head!&lt;/h2&gt;

2014-02-03T20:44:29-05:00 2014-02-03T20:44:29-05:00 SSgt George Brown 50547

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>After he was born, Chuck Norris drove himself back home.

2014-02-03T20:45:54-05:00 2014-02-03T20:45:54-05:00 SPC Private RallyPoint Member 50548

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse

2014-02-03T20:45:55-05:00 2014-02-03T20:45:55-05:00 TSgt Scott Hurley 50550

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>There are so many good ones its hard to choose.<br><br>This one is new but it seems legit with big heroes.<br><br>Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke.... That truck is now known as Optimus Prime<br><br>

2014-02-03T20:46:32-05:00 2014-02-03T20:46:32-05:00 SSgt George Brown 50551

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>grizzlies fall on the ground and play dead when they see Chuck Norris.

2014-02-03T20:46:55-05:00 2014-02-03T20:46:55-05:00 SSgt George Brown 50556

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris folds airplanes into paper.

2014-02-03T20:49:49-05:00 2014-02-03T20:49:49-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 50564

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it

2014-02-03T21:12:31-05:00 2014-02-03T21:12:31-05:00 MSG Private RallyPoint Member 50668

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked the earth Billions of years ago.....It's still Spinning. <br>

2014-02-03T23:07:05-05:00 2014-02-03T23:07:05-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 50669

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris once drowned a fish underwater<div><br></div>

2014-02-03T23:07:42-05:00 2014-02-03T23:07:42-05:00 SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member 50677

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;p&gt;Chuck Norris once kicked someone in the soul.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Chuck Norris once kicked someone on the INSIDE of the face.&lt;/p&gt;

2014-02-03T23:15:07-05:00 2014-02-03T23:15:07-05:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 54076

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Here are some of my favs:<br /><br />Chuck Norris can ranger roll a Kevlar.<br /><br />When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, the machines get stronger.<br /><br /><br />Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built himself.<br /><br />Chuck Norris can find a needle in a haystack.<br /><br />Chuck Norris can smell what The Rock is cooking, The Rock is Chuck Norris&#39; personal chef.<br /><br />Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

2014-02-09T00:54:45-05:00 2014-02-09T00:54:45-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 54087

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can speak German in three languages....  OR  Chuck Norris counted to infinity, TWICE.

2014-02-09T01:24:27-05:00 2014-02-09T01:24:27-05:00 PO2 Private RallyPoint Member 69833

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn&#39;t mow his lawn, he just stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

2014-03-05T07:09:26-05:00 2014-03-05T07:09:26-05:00 SFC Michael Hasbun 69840

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris already has the results for the FY14 SFC board! =o)

2014-03-05T07:49:49-05:00 2014-03-05T07:49:49-05:00 SrA Zachary Bolling 69844

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>US Military Rifles only have 2 settings, Single shot and Chuck Norris!

2014-03-05T08:18:14-05:00 2014-03-05T08:18:14-05:00 SrA Zachary Bolling 69845

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When Chuck Norris was in the AIR FORCE, his BMTI addressed HIM as "Sir".

2014-03-05T08:22:21-05:00 2014-03-05T08:22:21-05:00 SrA Zachary Bolling 69846

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>They once made a "Chuck Norris" toilet paper, but there was a problem. It wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.

2014-03-05T08:28:13-05:00 2014-03-05T08:28:13-05:00 1SG Private RallyPoint Member 69847

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits"

2014-03-05T08:33:25-05:00 2014-03-05T08:33:25-05:00 SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member 69865

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Every year on Chuck Norris' birthday he picks one lucky kid, and round-house kicks him to the sun

2014-03-05T09:14:19-05:00 2014-03-05T09:14:19-05:00 PFC Kyle Corcoran 69874

<div class="images-v2-count-1"><div class="content-picture image-v2-number-1" id="image-1756"> <div class="social_icons social-buttons-on-image"> <a href='https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line%3Futm_source%3DFacebook%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_campaign%3DShare%20to%20facebook' target="_blank" class='social-share-button facebook-share-button'><i class="fa fa-facebook-f"></i></a> <a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=What%27s+your+best+Chuck+Norris+line%3F&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line&amp;via=RallyPoint" target="_blank" class="social-share-button twitter-custom-share-button"><i class="fa fa-twitter"></i></a> <a href="mailto:?subject=Check this out on RallyPoint!&body=Hi, I thought you would find this interesting:%0D%0AWhat&#39;s your best Chuck Norris line?%0D%0A %0D%0AHere is the link: https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line" target="_blank" class="social-share-button email-share-button"><i class="fa fa-envelope"></i></a> </div> <a class="fancybox" rel="b8bcfd23b1f2261a2adf7cee6ac83665" href="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/001/756/for_gallery_v2/46823363.jpg"><img src="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/001/756/large_v3/46823363.jpg" alt="46823363" /></a></div></div>General Patton was once asked his favorite Chuck Norris line.

2014-03-05T09:23:06-05:00 2014-03-05T09:23:06-05:00 LTC Kevin Kugel 69898

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris failed jump school....its hard to parachute to the ground when you can fly.

2014-03-05T09:52:43-05:00 2014-03-05T09:52:43-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 69903

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Moses didn't really part the Red Sea.  Chuck Norris had passed through earlier and the water was still scared.  <br>

2014-03-05T09:56:24-05:00 2014-03-05T09:56:24-05:00 MSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member 69915

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><p>Gosh, there are sooooo many great ones:</p><p> </p><p>---Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.</p><p> </p><p>---Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.</p><p> </p><p>---Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.</p><p> </p><p>---Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.</p><p> </p>

2014-03-05T10:08:08-05:00 2014-03-05T10:08:08-05:00 SSG Robert Burns 82441

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris knows where that plane is.

2014-03-22T22:00:28-04:00 2014-03-22T22:00:28-04:00 CSM Private RallyPoint Member 84907

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris dosn't do "push ups" he does "Earth downs"

2014-03-25T17:27:08-04:00 2014-03-25T17:27:08-04:00 LTC Daniel Rogne 86389

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When Chuck Norris falls into the water he doesn't get wet ... the water gets Chuck Norris-ed.

2014-03-27T07:07:24-04:00 2014-03-27T07:07:24-04:00 LTC Daniel Rogne 86394

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>ONCE A COBRA BIT CHUCK NORRIS' LEG. AFTER FIVE DAYS OF EXCRUCIATING PAIN, THE COBRA DIED.

2014-03-27T07:12:52-04:00 2014-03-27T07:12:52-04:00 SrA Zachary Bolling 86480

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris wrestled and Anaconda for 3 weeks........then realized he was masturbating.

2014-03-27T10:04:59-04:00 2014-03-27T10:04:59-04:00 CPL Stephen Kirt 96157

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

2014-04-07T21:05:56-04:00 2014-04-07T21:05:56-04:00 LTC Private RallyPoint Member 110467

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris once peed in a semis gas tank as a joke. That semis now known as Optimus Prime.

2014-04-24T21:38:56-04:00 2014-04-24T21:38:56-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 110468

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a Nevada State Trooper. Being a man who respects the law, Chuck Norris let the trooper off with a warning. XD

2014-04-24T21:39:12-04:00 2014-04-24T21:39:12-04:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 119643

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris once revived a dead baby lamb by giving it a 20 min beard rub, once the lamb sprang to life Chuck Norris broke it's neck stating that "What the good Chuck giveth the good Check taketh away"

2014-05-05T21:02:22-04:00 2014-05-05T21:02:22-04:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 119671

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris has the best poker face, he won the WSOP holding a Uno card, a get out of jail free card and a joker

2014-05-05T21:31:16-04:00 2014-05-05T21:31:16-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 119776

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can clog a urinal.

2014-05-05T23:05:39-04:00 2014-05-05T23:05:39-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 119777

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

2014-05-05T23:06:14-04:00 2014-05-05T23:06:14-04:00 CPT Jacob Swartout 119780

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I saw this on a wall, "When all else fails, what would Chuck Norris do?"

2014-05-05T23:09:51-04:00 2014-05-05T23:09:51-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 144523

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris can kick you in the back of the face.

2014-06-05T15:13:22-04:00 2014-06-05T15:13:22-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 144525

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris recently visited the Virgin Islands. They now simply known as the Islands.

2014-06-05T15:14:41-04:00 2014-06-05T15:14:41-04:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 144535

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter

2014-06-05T15:26:21-04:00 2014-06-05T15:26:21-04:00 CPT Kyle Schembechler 144549

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris gets speeding tickets while out for a jog.<br /><br />Chuck Norris lost one of his testicles sparring with a wolverine. It is now known as Jupiter.<br /><br />Chuck Norris qualifies expert on the M240B range with an M9

2014-06-05T15:42:06-04:00 2014-06-05T15:42:06-04:00 SrA Private RallyPoint Member 144555

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I love all the Chuck Norris lines that I've heard....the good ones, anyway. Some are corny and dumb but I love Chuck Norris. I have been a fan for years. Here's one of my faves since I love Google. I Google everything. In this case, Google can't do it all, lol.<br /><br />"Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you."

2014-06-05T15:44:28-04:00 2014-06-05T15:44:28-04:00 Capt Brandon Charters 144571

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>SSG Burns - I think you should use this thread as ammo to invite the big chief himself. He is a USAF Vet with a DD214. Can you imagine the influence points you might get for that bounty?<br /><br />"Chuck Norris is the only pilot to never fly in a crosswind...why? Because no wind would dare cross Chuck Norris!"

2014-06-05T16:03:02-04:00 2014-06-05T16:03:02-04:00 COL Private RallyPoint Member 144805

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn't walk on water. He can, but he prefers swimming through dirt.

2014-06-05T19:43:55-04:00 2014-06-05T19:43:55-04:00 Sgt Jason Preston 145329

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Kareem Abdul-Jabar claimed to have slept with 10,000 women in his life time. Chuck Norris calls that a lazy afternoon.

2014-06-06T11:30:37-04:00 2014-06-06T11:30:37-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 151151

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>The Boogie Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris!

2014-06-11T13:56:08-04:00 2014-06-11T13:56:08-04:00 SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member 151449

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

2014-06-11T18:08:02-04:00 2014-06-11T18:08:02-04:00 1SG Private RallyPoint Member 152683

<div class="images-v2-count-1"><div class="content-picture image-v2-number-1" id="image-4601"> <div class="social_icons social-buttons-on-image"> <a href='https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line%3Futm_source%3DFacebook%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_campaign%3DShare%20to%20facebook' target="_blank" class='social-share-button facebook-share-button'><i class="fa fa-facebook-f"></i></a> <a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=What%27s+your+best+Chuck+Norris+line%3F&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line&amp;via=RallyPoint" target="_blank" class="social-share-button twitter-custom-share-button"><i class="fa fa-twitter"></i></a> <a href="mailto:?subject=Check this out on RallyPoint!&body=Hi, I thought you would find this interesting:%0D%0AWhat&#39;s your best Chuck Norris line?%0D%0A %0D%0AHere is the link: https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line" target="_blank" class="social-share-button email-share-button"><i class="fa fa-envelope"></i></a> </div> <a class="fancybox" rel="4cee93949eb8449d9b94fdfb82d02e19" href="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/601/for_gallery_v2/1176143_10202017528706851_574263939_n.jpg"><img src="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/601/large_v3/1176143_10202017528706851_574263939_n.jpg" alt="1176143 10202017528706851 574263939 n" /></a></div></div>Got this picture from Omar Avilla's facebook page. I served with him in Baghdad and he was severely injured during an IED strike.

2014-06-12T19:56:22-04:00 2014-06-12T19:56:22-04:00 Cpl Robert Clark 153313

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I heard that when Chuck Norris goes to sleep at night, he checks under the bed for Gen. Mattis...

2014-06-13T13:07:40-04:00 2014-06-13T13:07:40-04:00 Cpl Brett Wagner 154512

<div class="images-v2-count-1"><div class="content-picture image-v2-number-1" id="image-4675"> <div class="social_icons social-buttons-on-image"> <a href='https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line%3Futm_source%3DFacebook%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_campaign%3DShare%20to%20facebook' target="_blank" class='social-share-button facebook-share-button'><i class="fa fa-facebook-f"></i></a> <a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=What%27s+your+best+Chuck+Norris+line%3F&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line&amp;via=RallyPoint" target="_blank" class="social-share-button twitter-custom-share-button"><i class="fa fa-twitter"></i></a> <a href="mailto:?subject=Check this out on RallyPoint!&body=Hi, I thought you would find this interesting:%0D%0AWhat&#39;s your best Chuck Norris line?%0D%0A %0D%0AHere is the link: https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line" target="_blank" class="social-share-button email-share-button"><i class="fa fa-envelope"></i></a> </div> <a class="fancybox" rel="e2658c4560f7ec7cbd656fb7e2e3f071" href="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/675/for_gallery_v2/CHesty_on_Norris.jpg"><img src="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/675/large_v3/CHesty_on_Norris.jpg" alt="Chesty on norris" /></a></div></div>Here is my best Chuck Norris line...

2014-06-14T18:32:37-04:00 2014-06-14T18:32:37-04:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 154538

<div class="images-v2-count-1"><div class="content-picture image-v2-number-1" id="image-4676"> <div class="social_icons social-buttons-on-image"> <a href='https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line%3Futm_source%3DFacebook%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_campaign%3DShare%20to%20facebook' target="_blank" class='social-share-button facebook-share-button'><i class="fa fa-facebook-f"></i></a> <a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=What%27s+your+best+Chuck+Norris+line%3F&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line&amp;via=RallyPoint" target="_blank" class="social-share-button twitter-custom-share-button"><i class="fa fa-twitter"></i></a> <a href="mailto:?subject=Check this out on RallyPoint!&body=Hi, I thought you would find this interesting:%0D%0AWhat&#39;s your best Chuck Norris line?%0D%0A %0D%0AHere is the link: https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line" target="_blank" class="social-share-button email-share-button"><i class="fa fa-envelope"></i></a> </div> <a class="fancybox" rel="da21913faa3314ed70937fe335066c6f" href="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/676/for_gallery_v2/IMG_4117.JPG"><img src="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/676/large_v3/IMG_4117.JPG" alt="Img 4117" /></a></div></div>&#39;Nuff said!!!

2014-06-14T19:03:55-04:00 2014-06-14T19:03:55-04:00 1SG Chris Brown 154559

<div class="images-v2-count-1"><div class="content-picture image-v2-number-1" id="image-4680"> <div class="social_icons social-buttons-on-image"> <a href='https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line%3Futm_source%3DFacebook%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_campaign%3DShare%20to%20facebook' target="_blank" class='social-share-button facebook-share-button'><i class="fa fa-facebook-f"></i></a> <a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=What%27s+your+best+Chuck+Norris+line%3F&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line&amp;via=RallyPoint" target="_blank" class="social-share-button twitter-custom-share-button"><i class="fa fa-twitter"></i></a> <a href="mailto:?subject=Check this out on RallyPoint!&body=Hi, I thought you would find this interesting:%0D%0AWhat&#39;s your best Chuck Norris line?%0D%0A %0D%0AHere is the link: https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line" target="_blank" class="social-share-button email-share-button"><i class="fa fa-envelope"></i></a> </div> <a class="fancybox" rel="5d2240e73aa2ac24d0f2b845d8829afa" href="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/680/for_gallery_v2/IMG_1127_1_.JPG"><img src="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/680/large_v3/IMG_1127_1_.JPG" alt="Img 1127 1 " /></a></div></div>My last time downrange was with 1st MI Battalion out of Germany. It's a fixed wing intelligence gathering unit and I was the detachment 1SG during one of the rotations. The unit was on an enduring mission, leaving equipment in place and rotating personnel back and forth to Bagram every few months. As the unit is still there today (been there since 2007), the joke was that we were there "Until Chuck Norris makes the sun explode". We even had it printed on our downrange coins.

2014-06-14T19:45:43-04:00 2014-06-14T19:45:43-04:00 1LT Shawn McCarthy 160276

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris once got an erection.<br />There were no survivors.

2014-06-21T16:43:40-04:00 2014-06-21T16:43:40-04:00 1LT Shawn McCarthy 160280

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. <br />He goes killing.

2014-06-21T16:46:54-04:00 2014-06-21T16:46:54-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 165628

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>"I was bitten by a Cobra. After three days of excruciating pain, the Cobra finally died."

2014-06-27T22:54:23-04:00 2014-06-27T22:54:23-04:00 Capt Jeff S. 177463

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>"Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience."

2014-07-13T22:16:48-04:00 2014-07-13T22:16:48-04:00 Capt Jeff S. 177471

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

2014-07-13T22:23:08-04:00 2014-07-13T22:23:08-04:00 SFC Mark Merino 250020

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>"Nazi Germany surrender to the United States on May 7th, 1945. Chuck Norris was born on May 6th, 1945. Coincidence, I think not."

2014-09-21T19:05:59-04:00 2014-09-21T19:05:59-04:00 SPC Darin Taylor 250147

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

2014-09-21T21:38:24-04:00 2014-09-21T21:38:24-04:00 SGT Richard H. 250887

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia.<br />Fear of tight spaces is called Claustrophobia.<br />Fear of wide open spaces is called Agoraphobia.<br /><br />Fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

2014-09-22T14:36:58-04:00 2014-09-22T14:36:58-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 281693

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn't have to cut his steak with a knife. The steak sees him coming and neatly divides itself into equal bite size portions out of respect!

2014-10-17T10:18:37-04:00 2014-10-17T10:18:37-04:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 289177

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>"what day Chuck Norris was born? A day before ww2 ended"

2014-10-22T18:15:39-04:00 2014-10-22T18:15:39-04:00 SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member 289281

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris has a nightlight not because he is afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of him.

2014-10-22T18:56:12-04:00 2014-10-22T18:56:12-04:00 LT Private RallyPoint Member 289522

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, the problem is, Chuck Norris never cries.

2014-10-22T20:52:05-04:00 2014-10-22T20:52:05-04:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 289537

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease. He shook it off.<br /><br />Chuck Norris can divide by 0.<br /><br />Chuck Norris once came up with the idea of marketing his urine as a beverage. We now know this as Red Bull.

2014-10-22T21:10:44-04:00 2014-10-22T21:10:44-04:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 289992

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>While filming Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a dead lamb into the studio. He breathed the breath of life into then snapped its neck, thus proving Chuck Norris giveth, and Chuck Norris taketh away.

2014-10-23T04:58:52-04:00 2014-10-23T04:58:52-04:00 MAJ Raúl Rovira 291543

<div class="images-v2-count-1"><div class="content-picture image-v2-number-1" id="image-11488"> <div class="social_icons social-buttons-on-image"> <a href='https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line%3Futm_source%3DFacebook%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_campaign%3DShare%20to%20facebook' target="_blank" class='social-share-button facebook-share-button'><i class="fa fa-facebook-f"></i></a> <a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=What%27s+your+best+Chuck+Norris+line%3F&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rallypoint.com%2Fanswers%2Fwhat-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line&amp;via=RallyPoint" target="_blank" class="social-share-button twitter-custom-share-button"><i class="fa fa-twitter"></i></a> <a href="mailto:?subject=Check this out on RallyPoint!&body=Hi, I thought you would find this interesting:%0D%0AWhat&#39;s your best Chuck Norris line?%0D%0A %0D%0AHere is the link: https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-s-your-best-chuck-norris-line" target="_blank" class="social-share-button email-share-button"><i class="fa fa-envelope"></i></a> </div> <a class="fancybox" rel="7d48761724f68d3b3605f040eb3d9d2e" href="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/011/488/for_gallery_v2/chuck-norris-joke.jpg"><img src="https://d1ndsj6b8hkqu9.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/011/488/large_v3/chuck-norris-joke.jpg" alt="Chuck norris joke" /></a></div></div>I'm sorry, I have 4 to share. 3 + the picture.<br /><br />Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.<br /><br />Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead. It’s just afraid to move.<br /><br />Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in just three moves.

2014-10-23T23:57:21-04:00 2014-10-23T23:57:21-04:00 PO1 Private RallyPoint Member 291544

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When I write a line about Chuck Norris, he won't let me finish and I don't know how. He simply...

2014-10-24T00:01:48-04:00 2014-10-24T00:01:48-04:00 MAJ Jeff Coulter 292010

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin. His beard hides another fist.

2014-10-24T11:57:26-04:00 2014-10-24T11:57:26-04:00 SSgt Private RallyPoint Member 292161

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

2014-10-24T13:16:18-04:00 2014-10-24T13:16:18-04:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 295029

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars,<br />Chuck Norris still has more money than you.

2014-10-26T15:50:46-04:00 2014-10-26T15:50:46-04:00 MSgt Private RallyPoint Member 311963

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Stephen Hawking found out the hard way not to mess with Chuck Norris

2014-11-05T12:32:32-05:00 2014-11-05T12:32:32-05:00 CAPT Kevin B. 648740

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I'm sorry, I'm old, hence prefer Yogi-isms.<br /><br />So Chuck counting to infinity, twice, is deja vu all over again.

2015-05-07T11:21:43-04:00 2015-05-07T11:21:43-04:00 PO3 Steven Sherrill 688758

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When Chuck Norris stares at the sun, he doesn't get sun spots, the sun gets Chuck Norris Spots.

2015-05-22T12:58:48-04:00 2015-05-22T12:58:48-04:00 SPC Private RallyPoint Member 698939

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

2015-05-27T09:52:49-04:00 2015-05-27T09:52:49-04:00 SGT Steve Oakes 927879

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>The only thing Chuck Norris can not do is. Find something that Chuck Norris can not do!

2015-08-30T06:44:39-04:00 2015-08-30T06:44:39-04:00 SrA Private RallyPoint Member 1260141

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>You guys are full of it. If Chuck Norris is really so tough and smart and unstoppable then he would kick in my door and slam my face right into my keybJHefiy&amp;Y3FH@#789y432fiuhl/erJKHSDFILUreh;rvjweweiugtriDIH

2016-01-26T15:04:49-05:00 2016-01-26T15:04:49-05:00 2013-12-18T15:36:08-05:00