What's the funniest excuse you've heard someone give on the range?

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 03:23:40 -0400

Reason why they didn't shoot well... We've all heard them, from the weapon not being cleaned to the sensitivity of the targets

Response by SN Kevin Neff made Aug 8 at 2016 4:37 AM

SN Kevin Neff — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 04:37:41 -0400

Commenting for the lulz.

Response by TSgt Joe C. made Aug 8 at 2016 5:12 AM

TSgt Joe C. — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 05:12:50 -0400

It was too cold...being stationed at Grand Forks AFB, ND during 8 winters...I heard that a few times.

Response by 1stSgt Eugene Harless made Aug 8 at 2016 5:36 AM

1stSgt Eugene Harless — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 05:36:25 -0400

I was a Range SNCO for a detail and I had an indignant Woman Marine and her Coach come up to me after she had went "Unq" ( unqualified) on the range. The coach was adamant that there had to be a conspiracy going on in the butts because she was doing well all week ( actually she had been just meeting the standards) and there was no way she could have shot so bad on the last string of fire ( 500 Yard line prone)... She had only hit the target 3 times, and missed qualifying by a whopping 35 points.
I told her to let me see her weapon, and sure enough she hadn't adjusted her sights after she left the 300. I straight up told her " You just dont know you weapon Marine". She went off crying and I pulled the coach to the side and ripped him a new ass. Instead of looking after the shooter and reminding them to check their sights he was flirting with her. I then called the Marine over and asked her if the coach had reminded her about the sights. She said no and told me how he was promising to buy her dinner if she made Sharpshooter. Right after she went Unq he was telling her he "knew people" and would have CID do an investigation on who was pulling her target.
Needless to say she was highly pissed at the guy. I'm sure he was mad that I cock-blocked him as well. But screw him, he should have just did his job and tried to pick up a stripper insteasd of a fellow Marine, like any self-respecting Devil Dog would do.

Response by SPC David Hannaman made Aug 8 at 2016 7:04 AM

SPC David Hannaman — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 07:04:07 -0400

While I was stationed in Korea I was the lone combat livesaver in my company, so I by default went to every range.

One range day the 18 year old farmers daughter that worked in the orderly room was telling me about how nervous she was, it had taken her several tries to qualify in basic (my unit assigned her the SAW, how ironic).

Anyway, never being assigned an M-16, I knew we would need to start from scratch, zero, etc. We talked about the fundamentals of sight picture, breathing, squeezing the trigger and letting the shot surprise you, etc., and I brought my 60x spotter scope along to the range the next day.

In the foxhole, she *seemed* to be doing OK, breathing, squeeze, wasn't jerking... everything seemed fine, but her shot groups SUCKED! I'm scratching my head, looking for something loose, etc... when the guy in the next foxhole says "Dave! She's closing her eyes!"...

I had to go all "drill sergeant" on her.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2016 9:52 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 09:52:05 -0400

Not that he was giving an excuse....but he did say that all his rounds were shooting low and couldn't figure it out. Finally after the third attempt to qual, the range safety right next to his firing position discovered he had his rear sight set on the wrong setting.

Response by SGT Daniel Schirmer made Aug 8 at 2016 12:43 PM

SGT Daniel Schirmer — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 12:43:58 -0400

Him: it's rattling and I think the sights are bent... a little... to the right I think....
Me: It's a brand new rifle fucker they just got issued to us out of the fucking box.
Him: well I know it broken cause I've never missed in Battlefield.....
Me: let me see that rifle... (handed him a whistle at this point) I WANT TO SLAP YOUR MOM FOR NOT WASHING YOU OUT! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOD DAMN WRONG WITH YOU!? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE IT THIS FAR WITHOUT DYING IS FUCKING BEYOND ME! DO PUSH UPS TILL YOU UNFUCK YOURSELF!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2016 1:25 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 13:25:01 -0400

M9 Range ... He didn't get a chance to ZERO with that pistol.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 8 at 2016 1:48 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 13:48:41 -0400

The one I used (as a joke) After a poor ... well dismal performance on a night fire I explained to my SQD LDR that "the sun was in my eyes". He got a laugh and I got smoked

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Aug 8 at 2016 1:53 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 13:53:02 -0400

There was a deer in the way!

Response by CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner made Aug 11 at 2016 11:32 PM

CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner — Thu, 11 Aug 2016 23:32:11 -0400

While the battalion chaplain at Fort Jackson I heard plenty! "I can't see with my helmet on!" "The target looks like a person!" "I can't shoot the way the Drill Sergeant wants me to shoot!" I keep saying I am going to write a book! LOL!