What is the funniest or weirdest thing you've ever seen a Soldier/Military Person do?

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 12:20:06 -0500

I had one soldier who shaved his eyebrows off. Another who we kept finding hidden in his wall locker. One fellow put a radio antenna in his mouth, claiming he got better reception that way. Another fellow raised rats in the trunk of his car...yet another had a piranha in a small aquarium and raised pizza money by charging admission when he'd toss in a live mouse... I remember one who set fire to his uniforms in the orderly room, thinking he was out of the Army...guess what? His discharge was effective at midnight; he was arrested and charged...and many more!!

Response by SSG Jason Cherry made Nov 4 at 2014 12:29 PM

SSG Jason Cherry — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 12:29:34 -0500

I have walked in on a Soldier shaving another Soldiers butt and legs because he thought it would make him more aerodynamic.... Like, completely bare ass standing at the sink while another dude is shaving him lol. I about died at the sight, and the reasoning haha

Response by COL Jean (John) F. B. made Nov 4 at 2014 2:19 PM

COL Jean (John) F. B. — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 14:19:34 -0500

Boy, I could probably write a book on this topic; or, at least, a newspaper column every week for a year. :-)

One that definitely sticks out as weird ... stupid, really ... is that I had a soldier turn down a Field Grade Article 15 and demand a trial by Court Martial for an offense there was no doubt he committed. And then, to the amazement of everyone, he pled guilty at the Court Martial during the initial opening session, before any witnesses had testified, any evidence presented, etc. In effect, all he had accomplished was increase the possible punishment he could receive by demanding a Court Martial and pleading guilty. The Military Judge threw the book at him.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2014 2:57 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 14:57:35 -0500

My unit had a soldier on extra duty who was mowing the lawn. In the process of refueling the lawn mower he managed not only to douze himself with the fuel but light himself on fire, he then proceeded to run through the company screaming till he got pushed down and rolled around.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2014 3:07 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 15:07:04 -0500

During a deployment there was a Soldier who got caught multiple times playing pocket pool at his desk. No matter how many times we caught him and he was reprimanded (and eventually punished) he would keep doing it.

Response by SSG Jason Cherry made Nov 4 at 2014 3:16 PM

SSG Jason Cherry — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 15:16:12 -0500

At basic, we were in formation and one of the guys in my platoon was caught talking. DS called him in front of the formation and ordered him to go upstairs to our bay to strip, wax, and buff the floors.

When one of our other DS's went to check on him after a few minutes we heard a stream of expletives coming from the windows and then a roundbrown hat pop out and yelled out that dude was barenaked, waxing the floors lol

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2014 3:52 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 15:52:05 -0500

During barracks inspection, lt checked soldiers drawers. While thumbing through sock drawers, he ask the soldier why he didn't dry his socks completely. Lol. As he held the socks up and told him these socks stink of a$$ and smelled them. Soldier looked at cdr and others and politely told lt that those were commonly referred to as happy socks. Lt did not know what a happy sick was. Cdr told him. Lol. Lt ran to bathroom, washed hands, and tried to beat up pvt over incident. Yeah, this guy had issues. Claimed he was a vampire, but he sucked energy out of people. Lol. I too could write a book about this topic. Three guys shaving each other's butts while I was pulling cq. Yup, I just walked away.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Nov 4 at 2014 8:37 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 20:37:38 -0500

One of my soldiers decided on the day he was to depart for PLDC he didn't want to go. Our readiness NCO called me and we talked him back into it. CSM (ret) Teddy Hebert, then SFC Hebert, drives the young lad to the Providence bus station in a driving rain storm and they just missed the bus to Logan airport in Boston, He gets halfway to Boston in the same storm and our young lad says forget he's not going and Teddy turns around and drives him back. All Teddy said to me 2 days later was NEVER to leave him alone with that MF so-n-so or he'd kill him.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Nov 4 at 2014 8:53 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 20:53:26 -0500

Summer of 95 I spent Jun, Jul & Aug drills running makeup ranges for the Bde. Anywho, I had an E-5, a former AF O-4 who was rifted and joined the NG, on one of my M16 ranges. this guy barely knows which end of the rifle goes down range - literally - and held the weapon like it was a limp noodle. FINALLY on the 4th attempt we get this guy to qualify (paper targets), literally by putting one of my AIs outside the foxhole with him for every shot. He says to me as we're packing up, "Sir, I want to thank you for all the help, If you wouldn't mind I'd like to go out and buy you a nice cold O'Douls to show my gratitude." My team and I are trying not to pee our pants laughing as I politely decline.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Nov 4 at 2014 9:18 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 21:18:25 -0500

One of ours had significant ears. Poor guy super-glued them down.

Response by SSG Maurice P. made Nov 4 at 2014 9:22 PM

SSG Maurice P. — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 21:22:02 -0500

HE GOT ON TOP OF OUR 4 STORIED BARRACKS AND JUMPED OFF WITH ONLY HIS BED SHEETS

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2014 9:44 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 21:44:11 -0500

We were in Germany and a Native American airman from our unit had a little to much to drink. That night at about 0300 in the dorms he started running around and shouting Custer was coming for him. Needless to say we didn't get a lot of sleep. And in the morning he didn't even remember.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Nov 4 at 2014 10:39 PM

MSG Brad Sand — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 22:39:44 -0500

This is one of the most troubling incidents I have ever encountered and I wish it was not a true story. We were doing a Winter FTX at Camp Ripley, MN and it was cold, and I mean cold…so cold that a person south of the Mason Dixon line cannot even comprehend. The highs were able to climb into the single digit negative numbers. We were sleeping in 10 man artic tents. We have the tent up and start working on our weapon systems and one of our privates come running over and tell us, “There’s a problem!”
Trying to get an idea of what the problem get us nothing but incoherent mumblings as we are being lead back to our tents…to see one of the most troubling things in my life.
The bitter cold had cause one of our soldiers to snap and I mean snap. We find a soldier stripped down to nothing but his white VB boots and his protective mask. The man had stripped off all his other clothing, and was walking a circle around the center pole of the tent mumbling incoherently. It is pretty obvious that the poor man was in trouble BUT what do you do for a naked man in pro mask and bunny boots? Someone thought to get the medic…but guess who had snapped? So we get our medic into a sleeping bag and finally are able to get him evacuated…from field training.
The final bit of the shocker was revealed later. The guys in that tent get their Yukon stove going that night and notice that once everything started to warm-up that everything smelled like urine? Turns out that once the tent warmed, he had pissed all over everyone’s gear.

Response by SPC James Mcneil made Nov 5 at 2014 10:19 AM

SPC James Mcneil — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:19:02 -0500

I remember a sergeant throwing down a coin in the electric shop one day. It was a MG coin, and he said we had to beat that coin or owe him 25 push ups. I had a MG coin too, but he specifically said we had to beat that coin. So I started doing push ups.
Then the sergeant turned to a warrant officer reading his newspaper in the corner. "Sir, can you beat my coin?"
The warrant officer declined participation and said, "It's best for you if I don't take part in your games."
The sergeant kept prodding the warrant officer until he pulled out a coin and said, "President Clinton. I warned you." And it was a coin from President Clinton.

Response by SSG John Erny made Nov 5 at 2014 10:38 AM

SSG John Erny — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:38:42 -0500

CW4 Chrisman I think it was had the heavy drop Riggers duct tape a cherry LT to the crane and hung him upside down. Sorry then LT Jordan Croman if that brings back memories.

Response by LCpl Brandon Roberts made Nov 5 at 2014 10:36 AM

LCpl Brandon Roberts — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:36:56 -0500

We had an obese E-2 looking for some extra money so he decided it was a good idea to dress like a ninja and repel through the roof of a local pawn shop. To sum up the night while he was repelling in he dropped his military ID and didn't notice until he couldn't get on base the next morning. MP's were there waiting.

Response by CPT Chris Loomis made Nov 5 at 2014 11:35 AM

CPT Chris Loomis — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 11:35:33 -0500

Once upon a time and During the holiday season I walked into a G-3 office and found all Officers and Enlisted in the room were wearing ACU Santa Claus hats complete with bright rank insignia and name tapes. As stood there laughing a LTC walked from behind the desk exposing green elf shoes.

Response by CW5 Sam R. Baker made Nov 5 at 2014 12:00 PM

CW5 Sam R. Baker — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 12:00:46 -0500

Streaking in the barracks......it was 1987 and there were beer vending machines in there too!

Response by SSG Tim Everett made Nov 5 at 2014 1:18 PM

SSG Tim Everett — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 13:18:31 -0500

We should compile all these stories into a book or something.

I don't know that this counts but we had a once-in-a-lifetime Friday Fun PT session where we played softball instead of the normal pushups/situps/run thing. It was a cold fall day so we were in full PT sweats.

A guy made his hit and got to first base. Next guy comes up to bat. The guy on first knew he absolutely HAD to run, so he takes off. The ball basically drops right by second base so the runner panics because he doesn't have anywhere to go. 2nd and 1st basemen are trying to pass the ball between themselves so they can tag the dude out, instead of someone tagging the base.

The kid running finally had enough of the back and forth so he let 2nd base get close to him, then he tore off his sweat top, tossed it over the guy's face like a Bugs Bunny cartoon, *slides* underneath the guy, and manages to get onto 2nd.

This whole thing probably took a total of thirty seconds but it felt like half an hour of side-splitting comedy because the entire game stopped just so people could see what was going on.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2014 1:48 PM

CW2 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 13:48:46 -0500

While attending OSUT at Fort Knox, we were conducting live fire exercise (M1 Abrams). Shortly after finishing the day fire another soldier asked if I would accompany him to talk to the DS, as you are suppose to have a battle buddy. We walk up to the DS and he asks "DS are we staying out here until we conduct night fire or are we going back to the barracks and returning this evening?" DS replies, "I don’t know". Soldier then asks "well DS who the fucks in charge here".
That was the last time I accompanied that "battle buddy" to talk to the DS.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2014 1:49 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 13:49:57 -0500

deleted duplicate post

Response by COL Timothy S. made Nov 5 at 2014 3:02 PM

COL Timothy S. — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 15:02:07 -0500

No kidding...there I was...commanding a battalion in Iraq. Two of my female Soldiers got hold of some intoxicating beverages...a violation of General Order No. 1 in that theater...and started roaming from CHU to CHU, making a spectacle of themselves. They were turned in to their 1SG and eventually each faced a Field Grade Art. 15.

The Company Commander and 1SG were so embarrassed that their Soldiers were caught with alcohol, that they executed a health and welfare inspection in their company living area the next. After the inspection, the company commander came to report the results of the inspection to me. When I asked if any more alcohol was found, the commander said none was found and was proud to report that he believed that the issue of alcohol possession had been nipped in the bud for now. When I asked if any other General Order No. 1 contraband (specifically, porn) had been located, his face became a little pained, and he began hemming and hawing. When I pressed him for what was found, he started to beat around the bush with some story that they didn't find anything that could be confiscated. I then directed him to tell me what exactly was found, he lowered his head a little and said, "a self pleasure device, sir." Now...that term conjures up in my own mind a particular image, but I was in a bit of a sadistic mood that day and asked the commander, "what KIND of self pleasure device?" He began saying, "It...it...it..." while moving his hands like he was holding a large basketball. I cut him off and said, "Just say it!" He again lowered his head a little and said, "It was a butt, sir. Polyurethane...complete with orifices. I think it's an impression of Jenna Jameson's." When I asked why he didn't confiscate it he replied, "The Air Force Security Police who were helping us with the inspection said that it wasn't porn and couldn't be confiscated." I figured that either the Air Force had a different idea of what constituted "porn", or one of those SP's had the same butt back at his hooch.

Response by SGT Robert Hawks made Nov 5 at 2014 9:58 PM

SGT Robert Hawks — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 21:58:01 -0500

I had a soldier who put Nair all over his face so he would not have to shave in the field. He ended up with a chemical burn, he also didn't grow any facial hair for seven months.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2014 10:05 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:05:43 -0500

Don't forget to vote on the Q....you might win an electronic coin!

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 6 at 2014 1:50 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 06 Nov 2014 13:50:32 -0500

Thanks for voting on the Q 10 times!

Response by SGT Frank Leonardo made Nov 6 at 2014 4:42 PM

SGT Frank Leonardo — Thu, 06 Nov 2014 16:42:59 -0500

It was 1 of my soldiers fortunately. He got drunk on a Sunday and ran around the barracks in his underwear from 1 am to 3 am LOL. Then did not make formation at 0630 and I had to get his pasted out butt and take him down the MP station and then a Article 15 but needless to say I was not happy on Monday morning.

Response by CMDCM Gene Treants made Nov 7 at 2014 2:33 PM

CMDCM Gene Treants — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 14:33:51 -0500

We had a Sailor on my last ship who wanted out. He kept committing minor infractions that were just to minor to take to Mast (Article 15). Finally he went AWOL for 2 weeks and went to Mast upon return. When the CO (Navy Captain) asked him why he was doing all of the minor stuff and keeping in trouble he told the CO he just wanted out of the Navy.

In response the CO told him he would have to do something major like jumping ship. The Commanding Officer Reduced him one Pay Grade, fined him 1 Month pay, and Restricted him to the Ship for 30 days. After Mast I counseled him to make sure that he understood what the CO had done and that he could still redeem himself if he worked hard. He said that he understood everything and left my office.

Now, we were tied to the pier, Port Side to, in Pascagoula, MS at the time and I thought this incident was all over. So I went to the CPO mess for a cup of tea. As I sat down in the Mess, I heard, over the 1MC (General Announcing System), "Man Overboard, Starboard Side, Away the Inport Rescue Party!" I, along with half the ship, responded to the Starboard Side and there in the water was Fireman Smuckatelli, floundering in the water. He was pulled out and taken to sick bay.

He said he had originally wanted to climb the Mast and jump, but it was to high and he was afraid he was going to get hurt, so he jumped from the Bridge. The bridge is still about 80 feet above the water line, so he had along drop and hard landing, he was lucky to not get knocked unconscious. After his psych eval, he was found to have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) he got his discharge after he "Jumped Ship."

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Nov 9 at 2014 4:11 AM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:11:03 -0500

I got up early at 0430 to shave. I heard a loud voice in the back ground. It was my platoon sergeant (SFC type) and he yelled at me, "Why are you shaving at 5 in the morning". Maybe it was too early, maybe it was late. I kept on shaving though.

Response by SFC Melker Johansson made Nov 9 at 2014 9:57 AM

SFC Melker Johansson — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 09:57:19 -0500

My first unit was an Aviation Brigade. We had a warrant officer trying to build his own OH-58D Kiowa Warrior by stealing spare parts one piece at the time.

Take it away, Johnny! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2riRAGzNzvQ

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 9 at 2014 6:34 PM

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 18:34:46 -0500

We had a trainee who felt it necessary while the MTI was gone to announce to the flight that he was going into the latrine to pleasure himself. Another trainee who did a spot on impression of the MTI walked in about a minute behind him and in the MTI's voice yells out "what's this I hear about trainees jerking it in MY latrine?"

That ruined the trainee's mojo and he wasn't able to finish the deed that day.

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Nov 9 at 2014 8:27 PM

CMSgt James Nolan — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 20:27:06 -0500

How about, while deployed, a TSgt (E-6) pulls his Hummer in front of the Wing Commander's Hooch (broad daylight) as a Security Forces member (armed and on duty). Climbs up on the hood and fires up a cigar, leans back against the windshield and proceeds to enjoy it. Fast forward 15 minutes and out comes the Wing King. Fast forward a few seconds later and over comes the Security Forces Chief, bada bing bada boom he is off the hood, cigar is out and he provides the explanation: "nobody ever taught me how to be a TSgt".
Upon return home-Two choices:
a-retire today
b-don't retire today, and you will retire, as a SSgt (E-5)
He retired.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 9 at 2014 11:31 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 23:31:10 -0500

I had a Soldier who cleaned the entire inside of a HMMWV with Pine-sol. Another who attacked some MPs with, I believe, a hatchet and a sword yelling "You'll never take me alive."

Response by SSgt David OGrady made Nov 10 at 2014 2:13 AM

SSgt David OGrady — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 02:13:46 -0500

I had an Airman that worked for me, climb on top of the club on base. He thought it would be funny. We were at the club having a few drinks. We all had a hard week of work. No was was drunk. The Airman just disappeared for a while. So we went looking for him. He yelled at us from the roof. We told him to get down or he was going to get an alcohol related incident. He decided to climb down, on the way down he miss jumped and straddled a 55 gallon barrel. He lost part of his privates. He spent almost two weeks in the hospital and received an alcohol related incident.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 2:28 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 14:28:34 -0500

Ok, another war story...attended a wedding in Korea where the Groom wears a nice white suit. Trouble is, it was cheap white suit. Photog flash went right through it. In all the wedding pix you could see his dark boxer shorts....

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 2:42 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 14:42:59 -0500

In Basic, we had a soldier who repeatedly was found without a battle buddy , they made him carry a maniquin everywhere he went and then on AD a solider ate a dead drogonfly also found on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqAVoLUO8ho&list=UUX5t8o7tEqFgUknSEZUjfkQ. LMFAO! I know its not very professional but i thought i'd share it with everyone. By the way I had the luck victims consent to post to youtube. At least he got money for his dare-devilish stunt. His name will not be metioned however. If you recognize him please be couteous and throw this video in his face. LOL im jk, dont do that!

SURVIVAL SKILLS? LOL!

This video was uploaded from an android phone.

Response by SFC Dave Joslin made Nov 10 at 2014 3:25 PM

SFC Dave Joslin — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 15:25:47 -0500

We did a surprise room inspection on a Saturday morning in the barracks and one of my Joes had passed out with a full pepperoni pizza in his bed. Evidentially it was the warmest thing he had snuggled up to in a while.... What a mess.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 5:18 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 17:18:04 -0500

While deployed to Afghanistan and on a route clearance patrol, we came up on another route clearance patrol that we didn't get along with( they were ate up and didn't know how to conduct their missions or control traffic). My gunner seen them coming and climbed up in the turret and mooned the WHOLE patrol. As you know we drive about 5 mph while looking for IEDS so everyone in their patrol got a face full of but cheeks. A couple days later their CO emailed our CO with a picture of him in all his glory. I still laugh at the thought of what they must've been thinking as we passed them.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2014 6:58 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 18:58:08 -0500

Once upon a time, when we had the old black desk field phones/and garrison phones--my guys would put a dab of black shoe polish on the ear piece....in those days you could unscrew the voice reciever...so one time we got the general's aide in on a gag for the PAO...the aide called and the PAO kept shouting...another time we went to the "Information Management Office" to get a huge bag of "chads" from the keyhole punches...and dumped them in every desk drawer of He Who Shall Remain Nameless. Long before the rest of use learned what a chad was during elections, He was still picking them out of his desk until PCS.

Response by SSG Ralph Innes made Nov 11 at 2014 2:52 PM

SSG Ralph Innes — Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:52:10 -0500

In Vicenza, four of us shared a room. One weekend, one of my roommates decided to move into another room for more space. After moving all his stuff, he came back in pissed off wanting all of his left boots. We just laughed and told him we didn't know what he was talking about. All weekend he searched our room for his left boots. At Monday morning formation and he is in highly shinned jump boots that are normally reserved for dress. Tuesday morning formation, he is wearing his regular black boots. We asked him where he found his left boots. He had to admit that when he looked at the 10R printed on the top of the boots, he thought the R meant right. He just assumed he had all right boots. He is now a college professor.

Response by SSG John Erny made Nov 12 at 2014 2:24 PM

SSG John Erny — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:24:08 -0500

SGM Dan Coberly,

CW2 Hatfield, “Erny Mow the lawn/ PT Field! Me, “ roger that chief.” I get the lawn mover out and just then a post engineer drives by on tractor mower, I flag him down and he mows the lawn in about 10 minutes. I clean up the edges and put the mower away and go back to my desk.

CW2 Hatfield, “Erny I told you to mow the grass” Me, “I did Chief.” CW2 Hatfield, “Bull shit!”
Me, “look outside Chief.” CW2 Hatfield, “how the hell did you do that so fast!” Me, I am just that good Chief” CW2 Hatfield, bullshit, how the hell did you do that!” Me, I am just that good Chief”
CW2 Hatfield starts to turn red so I let him in on how I did it. CW2 Hatfield, “OK, you can go back to your desk”

Response by LTC Paul Mullins made Nov 12 at 2014 2:46 PM

LTC Paul Mullins — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:46:13 -0500

This goes back to my earlier response about $0.39 liter beers...

A roomate I had in the barracks had been signed into the Army by his mother when the recruiter found him. When he arrived in Belgium, he had not ever drank. So, we fixed that. The result was waking up the next morning with him all irate at us for something. Turned out he had peed in his sock drawer, but was convinced we had done it He would not believe he had done it. So, we repeated the event and two of us stayed up to take a polaroid that clearly showed he was peeing in his own sock drawer!

When I was in the Guard as a ROTC Cadet, I came in one morning and noticed a new guy in the back of the formation and that he had a bleeding skull tatoo with a dagger through it. What is the deal I asked. I am a Satan worshipper he replies. So, on Sunday the Battalion Chaplain comes by and is asking if there are any special needs worshippers for Annual Training this summer. Buddy of mine and I look at each other and said, "As a matter of fact there is." I never hear a chaplain say the things I heard that day. He then proceeds to lay into the Satanist. He then goes into the CO CDR's office. About 30 minutes later the CO comes out and say, "You 2 think you are pretty funny don't you? Follow me." Oops, that backfired. But, it was still entertaining.

Response by SSG Jeremy Siebenaller made Nov 12 at 2014 5:53 PM

SSG Jeremy Siebenaller — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 17:53:46 -0500

Has anyone ever had a soldier on guard tower (with a fully loaded 240B) remove the rear trigger assembly pin? Allowing it to fire 20-30 rounds off into down town Baghdad? Come on!!!! I can't be the ONLY one?!

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 12 at 2014 7:04 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 19:04:35 -0500

New story--Once upon a time I was happy to get some new replacements. Greeted a new female soldier at the airport fresh out of AIT. Her hair was dyed jet black, etc. Her first words to me were: "I think you are a Sgt. Major! How nice for you! Where's the nearest tattoo parlor?"....small wonder she didn't remain a soldier for very long. Then came the male Sp5 whose first words were "how do I get reassigned?"... The next one, also a female had no hair. Wore a wig, painted eyebrows...her first words were "I hope you are Politically Correct because I am." And next was a male SSgt who wanted me to call his wife and volunteer him for overseas duty "it just couldn't be his idea"...winners, all.

Response by Cpl Eric Samuels made Nov 12 at 2014 7:10 PM

Cpl Eric Samuels — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 19:10:30 -0500

we would send the new guy to look for an id10t form he would have to go to different units on the entire base of Pendleton to get one.

Response by SSG Ronald Rollins made Nov 12 at 2014 8:49 PM

SSG Ronald Rollins — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 20:49:02 -0500

At Fort Campbell, had a desserter get returned and assigned to another unit as I was Rear D and unit was gone. The room he had in our barracks was a mess. I just walked in and walked out it was so bad. I go get him and tell him to clean it up because they were redoing the barracks. I go to check his progress about 3 hours later. I just opened his door and walked in and see him In a long yellow dress, high heels, make-up, and a wig. He had 2 wall lockers filled with womens clothes shoes and jewelery. I just called the CSM. Told him he had to see this!! They fast-tracked his discharge!!

Response by PV2 Abbott Shaull made Nov 13 at 2014 12:42 PM

PV2 Abbott Shaull — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 12:42:30 -0500

Back in 1989 while in the 82nd Airborne. The 1/325th was DRF9, and delegation of Soviet Generals and I believe the Defense Minister himself were going to be on Fort Bragg for peep show. Well as the support unit for the time, we went just to the area around Sicily Drop Zone and set up viewing area for the show the next day. Well about 1530 hours someone got the bright idea in chain of command with the Soviets Generals and their staffs, some of whom were Special Ops staying at on base, it would be good idea to set up unofficial at the last minute. Since there was artillery, APC, IFV, and helicopter sitting out on display. Well close of business formation comes around, and our company got gig for the 6 man detail. Two privates from each platoon were 'drafted' for this surprised, I happened to get on this detail since I was still on profile, I could do the lifting to help during the day, I got that. I was basically back at the barracks sitting on my butt, so pulling this surprise, detail wasn't big deal, an pretty much was the reason why our company got it, we all knew it. So we get out there, we weren't even given a radio to call if anything did happen, and no one had coordinated anything. Well hour after we been out there, I happen to meet up with aviation maintenance person who got gigged for the same reason, at least he had a radio, he was the only one out there. They felt little uncomfortable leaving a bird out there unguarded. Well it was funny, I was E-2 and longest in the unit, and should of been E-3 like months previous, but due to broken my leg on jump, never got that promotion. Well 3 of us were E-3 only in the unit for 3 months and they were acting like they were take charge of this big shit detail arguing about which of them would be in charge and making grand plans. After listing to this for about 10 minute back and forth among the three. I always got tired of the hurry up and wait, and I had even less patience when people were pissing contest over trivial shit like who the fuck was in charge. I final said, "None of you are in charge, I have been here longer than all three of you, and we are out here on shit detail. Why else would they spring it on us at the close of business. Of course, we get tomorrow off, it Saturday. Now let's take walk around get lay of the land where the equipment is set up at, figure out the watch order, and where we are going to set up and sleep tonight." Everyone mouth hung open for minute. The three PFC started to move their mouths like they were going to say something, and it hit them, that yeah, if it wasn't due to my broken ankle, I would of made PFC too so they shut up about that argument was taken out of their sail. The argument of being shit detail on having Saturday already off was very true, and they started to realize the unspoken reason we were out there was me. Which wouldn't help to dwell on, we had job to do, so just make best of it, and last part was all we could do.

What got to us, we were 'promised' we would return to the barrack first thing in the morning.
But, do you remember me telling no one else knew we were out there. Here comes the zinger, well the MPs closed off the area and there snipers all over the place to protect the Soviet Delegation. So only those who authorized to go in, got in, and no one came out until the show was over. So the 6 of us and the mechanic had to hide while the delegation was shown all the equipment which was no big deal and seated. Then we sat behind the bleachers to watch the show of the Air Drop and still quit impressive fire power that we put on them. Oh the Air stuff was most impressive. Also watching M1 and M2 fire for the first time up close and watch Tow fire for the time. Made the Dragon look not so impressive, but it was still. Watching the ADA use their guns was inspiring. I always thought they were waste in trying to shoot down aircraft, but much more effective anti-personnel and anti-material, but that just me.

It one of those details, that I am glad on hand to have seen, it give you greater respect of what lot of these weapons can do, because lot of time, you don't really get see what they can do. You don't get perspective of them working together or firing in close order, in the short time I was in. When you do have it, you usually in the middle of all it, so you don't have time, to soak it all in, and gain a much healthier respect from a different perspective that we all should have chance to get at least once while in.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 13 at 2014 12:54 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 12:54:51 -0500

....several barracks inspection stories come to mind, one of which we shall now share: No pets were allowed in the barracks and yet we kept finding gold fish, piranhas, mice...Once upon a time....we entered a room that smelled of urine. Within seconds, a really pissed off cat flew through the air toward the open door, jumped on the Company Commander's shoulder and dug in. You'd think we were under mortar fire the way we jumped, ducked, and CPT America screamed...and I could not stop laughing. Needless to say,cat confiscated and turned over to the vet; an evening formation was held, the riot act read, a personal intervention between the cat, the cat owner, the First Sergeant and the Company Commander brought us all to see the light.

Response by SGT Edward Thomas made Nov 13 at 2014 2:04 PM

SGT Edward Thomas — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 14:04:54 -0500

In September 1996 I was attended the Basic Airborne Course at Ft Benning. I was the squad leader of 24 troops. One of which was an MP from 16th MP brigade at Ft Bragg. One day he comes to me and says Sgt Thomas I lost my poncho. I told him to go to clothing sales at the end of the day and buy one. He comes back to me the next morning with a rolled up woodland pattern of what appeared to be a poncho. I asked him "Did you replace your poncho?" His reply was "yes Sgt I did." It rained that afternoon and he puts on a wet weather jacket. I had some splaining to do with the Black hats. Another day we had finished our pt run and we are marching and he says in formation, "Sgt I gotta pee". I said wait until we get back. Three minutes later he turns his back to the formation and pisses right there by the 250ft towers.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 13 at 2014 2:07 PM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 14:07:44 -0500

We had a sailor from my division who got really drunk during a port call to Izmir, Turkey. He apparently got lost in a multi-story apartment building, residential part of town. When the local police tried to arrest the obviously drunken foreigner he ran. They chased him into a stairwell of one of the apartment buildings where he proceeded to kick one of the officers back down the stairwell. Then he made it to the roof and began jumping from roof top to roof top. Eventually he landed in a sky light which is where they finally caught up to him, hanging half in, half out, of the sky light.

He told me later he woke up with a local cop banging his head on the table before the JAG officer came in and saved his bacon.

In the end he earned his nickname. From that point on everybody called him Spiderman.

Response by LTC Paul Mullins made Nov 14 at 2014 2:04 PM

LTC Paul Mullins — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 14:04:21 -0500

When I was stationed in Belgium, we went down to Paris one weekend in my hoopty BMW and we were retruning around 0300 and had an accident involving a semi truck. The truck hit us in the front left fender and sent us spinning. he was doing about 120mph and we were doing around 80mph. Our rear bumper hit squarely on the guard rail, we continued to spin another 90 degrees before coming to a stop looking like we had pulled over. My buddy was driving at the time and another was asleep/passed out in the back seat. The two of us in the front get out to look at the front left fender not even realizing at this point about the trunk of the car getting smashed into the guard rail. the guy in the back seat gets out, pops the top on another Heineken, and walks around to the rear. About 20 seconds later he says, "Dudes, I know what happened to us!" What? He then says, "We were shot by Indians!" and holds up an arrow. It slowly dawns on me that I had stored a compound bow and arrows in the trunk during the previous weeks Health and Welfare to avoid the First Sargeant! I told him, "Throw the beer in the ditch, and get back into the car and go to sleep!" Which he did and after some arguing with the French tow truck operator, is where he stayed while the car was towed!

Response by PO1 Michael Burdick made Nov 14 at 2014 3:19 PM

PO1 Michael Burdick — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 15:19:17 -0500

A couple of knuckle heads actually tried to send me to go get Fallopian tube hose even though I had actually been in the work center for over a year. In case you’re not familiar with female physiology, a Fallopian tube is a part of their reproductive system and of course it won’t be found anywhere on an aircraft. So anyway, I was a little annoyed they thought I was so stupid that I would fall for such a prank but then it hit me; I was going to take advantage of the situation. I decided to play along and so I proceeded off on to my adventure “looking” for fallopian tube hoses and went to the gym. I worked out; I swam a few laps, than I decided to finish off my adventure by going home and taking a nap.
So when I was heading back to work I decided that I would get some shrink hose from our electricians, get a copy of the illustrated parts break down (IPB), copy it and white out the nomenclature and I typed in “Fallopian Tube Hose Assembly” and burned another copy making it look like I had legitimately found it. I gave this to those who thought it would be so funny to send me on a snipe hunt and they were absolutely gob smacked that I actually found it. Of course I told them of my harrowing journey that took me to far off places all over the base in searching for the illusive Fallopian Tube Hose. I never did let them know what I had really done and if they ever found out they never said a word to me.

Good Times!

Response by MSG John Wirts made Nov 15 at 2014 1:12 AM

MSG John Wirts — Sat, 15 Nov 2014 01:12:14 -0500

Right after I ETS's from the Active Army, I was hired as a heavy packer At Sacramento Army Depot. I had a desk with a drawer, when I opened the drawer I found old paperwork and an OD steel bar with a tag glued on with the nomenclature for this part "SHAFT 1ea" I left that position for another and every time a person would complain "I got the shaft" I really wished I had taken that part(no one even knew what it was for).

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2014 10:34 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 16 Nov 2014 22:34:43 -0500

Had a Soldier come to formation one morning wearing a panda suit.

Response by MSgt Roger Lalik made Nov 17 at 2014 6:12 PM

MSgt Roger Lalik — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:12:05 -0500

The Marine Corps has a special PT platoon in every command. Affectionately referred to as the "Hog Body Platoon".

The Marine Corps weight to height matrix was always very tough back then (probably still is). In 1983 there was this certain Lance Corporal. Very short in stature but by civilian standards his weight was just fine. However, not by Corps standards unfortunately and he was subsequently appointed to the Hog Body Platoon.

One day, said Lance Corporal came to me and in an exasperated but very serious voice announces that he if he was taller he wouldn't be fat ....

And I just look at him thinking ... ok ...

Response by MSgt Roger Lalik made Nov 18 at 2014 5:49 PM

MSgt Roger Lalik — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 17:49:51 -0500

I was Gunnery Sergeant and the Maintenance Control Chief in an F4S outfit. I won't say which one as that would give the characters away and I wish to ensure their anonymity. I will refer to them as to the billet they were filling and their ranks.

Year was 1982. Cubi Point Naval Air Station, Republic of Olongapo oops I meant the Philippines. After a 6 week deployment from MCAS Iwakuni via South Korea. We are leaving (sigh). All 12 aircraft are "turning and burning" as is said. Our XO a Major and Pilot is in his aircraft with our AMO a Major and pilot in his. Their aircraft are next to one another on the flight line. XO and AMO have a history of pranking one another.

As the crews in both aircraft are put through their post start checks. A plane captain sneaks up on the XO's aircraft out of sight from the pilot (XO) and the RIO back seater. But of course everyone else on the flight line can see the events unfolding. That sneaky plane captain was perched under the nose wheel well. He has a spare nose wheel and tire assembly.

The plane captain in charge of the XO's aircraft gives the pull the chocks hand signs to his helpers underneath the aircraft. Out come the chocks! She's free and ready to take the active runway and fly! Plane captain gives the crank the RPM up a tad to get the aircraft rolling and finally give a hand salute as the bird heads towards the active.

Except... that sneaky plane captain is walking along side the bird just below the pilots cockpit. Once the bird is rolling, the plane captain is giving the XO the come ahead hand signals. Just as the bird has taxied about 20 feet. XO's plane captain starts to frantically give the brakes/stop hand signal to the XO with a terrified look on his face! An F4 (probably most aircraft) when it's taxing and you jump on the brakes. The nose will dramatically dip and then bounce on its nose gear strut 2 or 3 times.

Just as the nose lunges downward. That sneaky plane captain rolls the wheel and tire assembly out from underneath the nose of the aircraft on a line that would indicate the path of the once taxing F4S.

XO nearly fell out the starboard side of the cockpit when he saw that nose wheel just happily rolling down the flight line. Several maintenance trouble shooters came running to the aircraft like they where going to help repair it. But they just gathered in sight of the XO on the port side. Laughed and pointed fingers at him. About that time the AMO hit him up on the UHF over the squadron frequency. Probably said something like "Got'cha XO!".

XO went on to retire as a full bird. AMO retired as a Major General. Both were great Marines to serve with.

How come we gotta get old guys....?

Response by SPC Todd Hanson made Nov 18 at 2014 6:49 PM

SPC Todd Hanson — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 18:49:25 -0500

I had a fellow soldier in my old unit lose it while deployed to Kuwait. He was takend to the hospital and tell they doctor he wanted to see president Obama he had a theory on how to fix the economy. He got MEDVAC out of country and go sent home. He went AWOL from a base in VA and tried to jump the fence at the White House. The Secret service call my command to tell us this while I was in guard duty.

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Dec 31 at 2014 2:41 AM

SGT Michael Glenn — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 02:41:21 -0500

When I was re enlisting I requested my Lt (LT Heinzer) perform the ceremony. So here we are standing in BN HQ with my CO and BN Cdr attending and as Lt Heinzer says "repeat after me... I... state your name" I reply with "I... state your name" he looks at me funny and says " No Spc Glenn you say your name to which I nodded and he started over. "I ...state your name" to which I responded with "I...state your name" My Co threw his arms up and walked out, the BN Cdr laughed and my lt just stood there with a blank stare on his face.... I calmly said " 3rd times a charm, sir" to which the Bn Cdr had to leave the room, eventually both came back in and I was asked if I could get through it with out que cards.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 17 at 2015 4:32 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 17 Jan 2015 16:32:12 -0500

One of the earliest ones was while walking a buddy saluted an officer that was on his right and gave the greeting of the day, no issues, but then he saw another officer approaching on his left, so brought up his left hand to salute!
When I saw they decided to give him personalized attention, I went the other way, quick!

Response by SPC Christopher McClaskey made Jan 17 at 2015 10:14 PM

SPC Christopher McClaskey — Sat, 17 Jan 2015 22:14:15 -0500

We where in iraq and the bugs where bad had a fellow solider spray off on his hole body including his junk i heard him yell cause it was bruning so bad

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 17 at 2015 11:03 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 17 Jan 2015 23:03:03 -0500

LARPING.

Response by PVT Dominique Stewart made Jan 18 at 2015 2:33 PM

PVT Dominique Stewart — Sun, 18 Jan 2015 14:33:25 -0500

I was a soldier who did something weird/strange. My company commander can vouch.

I contacted every single general in the European command (1 star to 4 star) via email asking for letters of recommendation to get into the green to gold program.

I was a green private fresh outta AIT who didn't think about proper chain prior to asking for recommendation.

Every senior officer in my brigade knew my name from then on.

HHC company commander CPT Trejo wasnt as Mich upset as I was afraid he would be.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 21 at 2015 10:33 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 10:33:14 -0500

In Kuwait, in the right outside of Camp Buehring there was a dead horse that had been there a while. When driving past it one day we saw a couple of Soldiers putting up a sign that said "Free Horse"

I laughed for a long time. Actually I'm still laughing about it

Response by CAPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 21 at 2015 4:23 PM

CAPT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 16:23:55 -0500

I had a sailor in my command (an ace of a mechanic) who, during a port call, found a shop in Malaysia that would wax his entire body. I had to coax the story out of him, and amidst the snorts and giggling in his shop - he proclaimed that he never felt better - faster, etc. About a week later I asked him how he was feeling now that all that body hair was coming back in. In a weeks time - it had gone from his "best" port call decision to the worst.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2015 9:36 AM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 24 Jan 2015 09:36:47 -0500

I knew two guys that in an effort to not have to shave everyday they put nair on their face. The only thing that happened was their eyebrows fell out.

Also, one of those two guys got Gold Bond foot powder thrown on him while he was in the shower. It ended up causing his "junk" to burn and he ran downstairs completely naked to ask our Drill Sergeant to help him. The Drill Sergeant just told him to go back upstairs and get back in the shower.

While I was in AIT, we had two guys that went around wearing just a pistol belt, boots, and their helmet. They were knocking on peoples doors pretending to be MPs.

Response by SPC James Mcneil made Jan 24 at 2015 8:07 PM

SPC James Mcneil — Sat, 24 Jan 2015 20:07:11 -0500

Picture it. Fort Eustis, VA. One of the trainees had a problem with saying what he was thinking in completely inopportune times. He went to talk to the drill sergeants in their office. Down the hall, I heard the drill sergeant asking him what he needed. When he told them he needed to talk to them, I heard one of them saying that it had better be important. What I heard next I wish I was making up. I heard him say that he had a new business idea, and he wanted their opinion. His idea? "It's called Hoes on Wheels. It's kinda like Meals on Wheels, but different." One drill sergeant started laughing so hard I thought he was gonna pass out. The other one did not share his sense of humor.

Response by A1C Jacque Chandler II made Feb 10 at 2015 2:26 PM

A1C Jacque Chandler II — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 14:26:18 -0500

I saw an Airman (E-2) slap the holy bejesus out of a 3...THREE...star General in the chow hall. The guy had to be about 120 lbs soaking wet while the General looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger on steroids! It took a whole chow hall of cadets to pull the General off of this guy. Before it was all over the Airman got dragged across two stir-fry grills face first and launched into a fish aquarium. Talking about hilarious! I wish I had recorded it so bad.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 23 at 2015 9:42 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 23 Apr 2015 09:42:09 -0400

We had a guy one time after a night underway replenishment (unrep) striped down to his skivvies broke open a bunch of the glow sticks we used in for the unrep, then covered himself in the gel and commenced to running around on the weather decks. Needless to say he was not the most sane sonar tech we had onboard.

Response by SSgt Dan Montague made Apr 23 at 2015 9:49 AM

SSgt Dan Montague — Thu, 23 Apr 2015 09:49:13 -0400

Many years ago, the Marines had a love hate relationship with Johnsons paste wax. We used it to buff the decks to get them like glass. To do this, you made a handle from a coat hanger and wrapped it around the can. The you lit the can on fire to melt the wax. To put the fire out you simply put the lid on the can. Pour the wax on the deck then buff. Simple.........
My roommate Bart and I had to buff the battery office deck after hours on field day. Bart lit a new can on fire. When he put the lid on, the can had swelled up and the lid fell into the can splashing hot wax all over his boot and the deck. To make it worse, the wax he spilled was on fire!. Bart yelled and made a mad dash down the hall towards the exit carrying the wax that was on fire. We didn't know the XO was in his office. He peaked his head out yelling "what the hell is going on!!!!" What he saw was me stomping out the fire trail Bart was leaving, and Bart running outside with a huge ball of fire in his hands and his boot on fire.
Years after that, there was a couple black spots where the wax scarred the tile.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2015 12:59 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 12:59:00 -0400

When I was a Drill Sergeant, I had a PVT pull a classic escape scene from a bad movie. He tied bed sheets together to try and scale down from the 3rd story window. What he should have done was take a knot tying class. Just as he crossed over the ledge, he noticed the sheet tails from the knot getting shorter. Oh no, so he thought it would be in his best interest to hurry on down. Well, the tails soon disappeared as did the knot!! He fell onto the rocks and broke his leg in 2 places. BIT WAIT THERES MORE!! He waited until PT in the morning and pretended to fall down the damn stairs! Yep, he was laying in the stairwell with a broken leg. Later, we put two and two together regarding the strange screaming the night before. We interviewed the room mate and got the full, strange and funny, tragic event.

Response by SP5 Joel O'Brien made Jun 23 at 2015 2:05 PM

SP5 Joel O'Brien — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:05:39 -0400

We had a guy try to go AWOL and calling a cab to do so.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2015 2:19 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:19:09 -0400

During the draft era, upon quick promotion to SP5, I did what all soldiers do-- quickly get the stripes sewn on fast to my khakis... A few days later a WAC Drill Sergeant chewed me out for being a smart ass. I had no idea what she was talking about. Turns out the stripes issued to me had the lone Stripe and the Eagle....but the Eagle had no wings....

Response by SrA Edward Vong made Jun 23 at 2015 3:22 PM

SrA Edward Vong — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:22:41 -0400

Many new flight line workers are sent out for "special ops"

Some of the ops include:

Obtaining K9P
Obtaining "Pneumatic Fluid"
Finding the continuity of grounding points
Retrieve "exhaust samples"
Retrieve "3 yards of flight line"
Mopping the floor with full PPE
And obtaining cans of compressed P3PSI

Response by SGT William Howell made Jul 1 at 2015 2:30 PM

SGT William Howell — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 14:30:51 -0400

We were on patrol though the southern part of Bagdad and stopped at a check point to chat up an Abrams crew up and drop off some cold water for them. Only the driver was in the tank. One of the guys calls over to the guy in the drivers seat of the M-1, "Hey Spanky you want some cold water?"

The guy calls back, "Nah."

I had to ask one of the guys why they call him "Spanky"? He casually says (I shit you not), "He masturbates all the time and don't care who is around when he is doing it." He then hollers at Spanky, "How many times today?"

"Eight", says Spanky from the drivers seat.

The guy looks me in the eyes and just as casual as you please says, "We don't ever get in the drivers seat, ever."

It was just like a normal day at the beach for them. Needless to say we had plenty to talk about home from the patrol.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Jul 2 at 2015 2:24 PM

CAPT Kevin B. — Thu, 02 Jul 2015 14:24:01 -0400

I have to tell this one on myself. I was an Ensign at my first change of command in full dress whites standing in front of my small department. When the order came out "Officers draw swords!" I smartly and swiftly complied. Problem was the sword blade came out of the hilt and whipped through the air only to impale itself into the podium. When everyone looked at me, the butt knob fell and rolled around on the grinder much longer than physics allow. I got hung with the nickname "Blade".

It didn't end there. When we deployed to Antarctica, our mess decks had the usual metal food trays. I had a fork on the edge of it and managed to hit it with my palm, sending it back somewhere. When I turned around, the Skipper was handing my fork back which his whole cake serving attached saying "Kev, this Shit has to stop!". Everyone's ribs were sore with laughter. So it was decided I should redo "knife and fork school" and was subjected to "lessons" the rest of the deployment. Still have the graduation certificate somewhere along with my "Dummy Award" for another stellar example of leadership prowess.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 2 at 2015 2:30 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Thu, 02 Jul 2015 14:30:27 -0400

It was not funny then. My platoon was to lead an Armor TF. My driver fell asleep and we banged on his hatch door to no avail. The whole TF passed us up.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 3 at 2015 3:27 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 15:27:54 -0400

I had a good buddy who had horrible luck. He fell off a chinook during maintenance, got ran over by a car and received a ticket, he was at my place and and the TV stopped working, and I got into a car accident with him. I will stop here as the rest is not funny.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 7 at 2015 4:12 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 16:12:41 -0400

I laughed as 14 soldiers in a GPM medium tent scream like girls when they saw a camel spider enter their tent.

Response by SSgt Terry P. made Aug 8 at 2015 9:49 AM

SSgt Terry P. — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 09:49:00 -0400

Emergency Head Call (Marine boot 1968) recruit holds his arm over his head making circles and sounds as a siren while double timing to the head (latrine).

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 17 at 2015 2:56 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 14:56:41 -0400

In OCS one of the candidates put on his boots, helmet, and wore the ascot like a loin cloth. He walked around the hallway and did a parody of OCS. We laughed our asses off.

Response by SFC John Birks made Aug 27 at 2015 9:22 PM

SFC John Birks — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 21:22:38 -0400

Those are some good ones. I too had a Soldier shave his eyebrows. But then he decided to wash all of his uniforms right before a formation. So he reported to the formation wearing his bed sheet. Needless to say he got sent out for a psych-eval.. Never saw him again..

Response by SSG Leo Bell made Aug 28 at 2015 9:08 AM

SSG Leo Bell — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 09:08:23 -0400

While stationed in Germany when out old 2 1/2 were rusting out we would flatten out soda cans and repair the holes with the cans and paint the camo color.

Five of us trying to figure out how to get a fifty cal ring mount on the back of a Duce n a half by hand and without equipment

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 28 at 2015 3:49 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 15:49:51 -0400

12 soldiers screaming like girls when they see a camel spider enter the GP medium tent.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 31 at 2015 3:45 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 15:45:31 -0400

Watching a platoon sized element of 2LT Infantry Officers get on line to find a land nav point, with flashlights. I lost a lot of respect for them.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 31 at 2015 4:11 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 16:11:09 -0400

Saw a kid coat his jump boots in something flammable, light them...then go marching around the squad bay singing, "We're from he-ell...we're from he-ell!". To say the least, I tried to stay clear of him on the range ;)

Response by 1stSgt Eugene Harless made Feb 26 at 2016 8:19 AM

1stSgt Eugene Harless — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 08:19:40 -0500

With or without clothes on?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 26 at 2016 11:15 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 11:15:41 -0500

not funny and kinda heartless on my part. But as a 2LT I was at Ft Leonard Wood for MP conversion training (we were ADA being converted to MP) and I was at the MP station for right seat/left seat BS. They had a guy in holding who had been convicted of molesting his 14 y/o step-daughter and was awaiting shipment to Leavenworth. I spent about 10 minutes telling him all the things his fellow inmates were going to do to him once he got there.

Response by SPC(P) Carlos Santini made Apr 20 at 2016 5:01 PM

SPC(P) Carlos Santini — Wed, 20 Apr 2016 17:01:04 -0400

I really hate to tell you this but when we were training with the Canadian military we had a barbecue on the last day of training and the Canadians were trying to get us to play this stupid game that I new it was bullshit but I figured if anyone is dumb enough to play it then go right head. Anyway the had a roll of quarters where you hand to pickup with your ass cheeks and drop in a tin can. Well this one private was trying to do it and after dropping the quarters several times he blurts out my ass is too loose. All I could do was laugh and walk away.

Response by 1SG Harold Piet made May 24 at 2016 9:22 AM

1SG Harold Piet — Tue, 24 May 2016 09:22:08 -0400

I had a number of them, I had a soldier in Alaska that gave his SQD LDR a hard time, Sqd LDR brought him to me. I wrote him up. He told me you can work me long but you can not work me hard. I worked him long. We talked one evening and he was so negative, I made the statement that the MP at the gate only keeps people out, he does not stop people from leaving. never seen that soldier again. lol. I was Plt Sgt at the time.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 24 at 2016 4:42 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 24 May 2016 16:42:05 -0400

basic training Lackland AFB. We were on sidewalk sweeping detail at the base CDRs office. Airman Peter Parker (I shit you not that was his name) decided to go inside and proceeds to start jerking off in the latrine. Not in a stall, mind you, standing in the middle of the latrine, pants around his ankles, jerking off. How do I know this? because some LTC walked in and caught him. He got recycled and we never saw him again.

Response by Cpl Don Cleek made Jun 5 at 2016 4:09 PM

Cpl Don Cleek — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 16:09:55 -0400

I was a LCpl team leader. We were having a boots and utes inspection by the BC. Inspection was at 0800, but of course, we had to be standing tall at 0630. At 0625, one of my Marines was not on the parade deck. I went to check on him in his room. When I entered, he was standing in the middle of the room, wearing only his boots (on the wrong feet, I might add). I asked him what the heck he was doing. He replied "I can discuss, at length, the rise and fall of the Roman Empire, I can completely disassemble and rebuild a 350 motor in 6 hours and I can work any math problem to the blah blah blah, but sometimes (and he said this with a tear in his eye) I can't get my boots on the right feet"

Response by CSM Mike Sweeney made Jun 5 at 2016 8:42 PM

CSM Mike Sweeney — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 20:42:36 -0400

So many in 30 year career..... I was the senior DS in a BT unit and one trainee was reported to be causing troubles. He was from Puerto Rico and a former Catholic Priest. He was claiming to not understand English so I confronted him in the Mess Hall with another DS who spoke Spanish. Turned out the Trainee was freaked out by me because he thought I was the devil. I'm not sure what I said, but he screamed and ran down the center of the main street that ran down from Tank Hill at Ft Jackson. He was still in the Psych ward 6 months later.

Response by SGM Joel Cook made Jun 6 at 2016 3:51 AM

SGM Joel Cook — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 03:51:31 -0400

As 1SG I was instructed by the Battery CDR to conduct a health and welfare inspection of a certain number of rooms. Paying particular attention to wall lockers looking for Marijuana. I had a PLT SGT with me as an assistant/witness. Got to a Medics room, soldier starts begging me to not look in a brown paper bag in his wall locker. I explain I have to because it's a health and welfare. Then he starts crying and saying it's not drugs but embarrassing. Long story short he had a vibrator, and five or six other sex toys I will not mention. I told him I wouldn't tell any stories around the Battery but I said it might get a good laugh around the camp fire.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 6 at 2016 6:04 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 06:04:12 -0400

Here in Vicenza, Italy, saw a soldier in ACUs get out of his car into the rain with an umbrella. Was so funny nobody stopped laughing to correct him till he walked into a building.

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made Jun 6 at 2016 5:16 PM

Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 17:16:53 -0400

At Pease AFB we had a Captain who was pulling his last SAC alert tour before going off to school to become a chaplain. After confirming there were no scheduled alert exercises coming we boarded up his door after he went to bed on his last night on alert. We then coordinated with his wife to call him at 0600 with some fake emergency. She pulled it off perfectly and convinced the alert orderly to page him that there was an emergency at home. Watching him trying to get out of his room with the entire rest of the alert aircrews and crew chiefs outside his door was fantastic.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 8 at 2016 1:38 AM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 08 Jun 2016 01:38:44 -0400

After a Marine told me that his girlfriend had cervical cancer, I convinced him that he might have "Caught" her cancer by having unprotected sex with her. When he went to Medical with this problem, a Corpsman gave him a shot of tapwater In the arm.

Response by SFC J Fullerton made Jun 9 at 2016 11:11 AM

SFC J Fullerton — Thu, 09 Jun 2016 11:11:10 -0400

I had a CSM from 92-93 who was a VN veteran and Ranger HOF member who may not have been playing with a full deck. But most of us loved him as he was quite a character. He sometimes would randomly drop to the ground and start to low crawl for no apparent reason, while mumbling something incomprehensible. He was a tough disciplinarian and believed in tough realistic training. My mortar platoon would sometimes run live fire STX ranges for the line companies and I would be in charge of the ASP. One time he rolled up in his vehicle and came to the ASP hollering "give me some G_Damn ammo". My PL who was RSO explained that the range was cold and that the last rotation already went through. He didn't care, rambled on that he wanted to shoot, so we opened the range hot just for him and they took him down to the trenches so he could shoot. He loaded up 7 magazines for his "smoke pole" as he called it. He wanted grenades too but I was told to hide them and tell him we were out. He emptied all 7 magazines on the targets, all by himself, then came back talking all kinds of trash about how that compared with sexual gratification.

Response by CPT Robert Boshears made Jun 10 at 2016 2:24 PM

CPT Robert Boshears — Fri, 10 Jun 2016 14:24:48 -0400

A buddy of mine put super glue on one eyelid and the same side of the mouth of a constant drug user...when he came too, he was convinced he had a stroke.

Response by SMSgt Patrick Sampson made Oct 11 at 2016 10:47 PM

SMSgt Patrick Sampson — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 22:47:55 -0400

PNOC at the planet. Someone was burning wax to shine his boots and dropped it on the wooded floor. We couldn't get the wax up, so someone went and got a few gallons of glossy black paint. So we painted the floor and hoped the instructor didn't figure it out on Monday. During the inspection he commented on how shiny the floor was, looked.. then realized it should be brown wood-not black. We spent the next 2 night pealing the paint off the floor and rewaxing everything.