What is the funniest excuse a soldier has even given you?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Jun 2014 08:02:58 -0400

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 1 at 2014 11:26 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 11:26:03 -0400

I stubbed my toe this morning on the steps so I cannot come in....

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Jan 8 at 2015 8:04 PM

SGT Michael Glenn — Thu, 08 Jan 2015 20:04:20 -0500

We had a kid claim to be a vampire and tried to talk the medics into giving him a p-3 against the sun.he would bite his roommates at night and got the crap beat out of him many times, tried to hang up-side down in his wall closet until he slipped off the bar and damn near broke his neck! I believe the final straw was when he hid under his bed and refused to come out to formation and top had to go get him. Dont know what happened up there but from the screams I think top threw holy water on him.

Response by MSgt Michael Durkee made Jan 9 at 2015 12:22 PM

MSgt Michael Durkee — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 12:22:50 -0500

Just as our 2330 - 0730 shift was to begin, I received a call from one of my Airmen:

SrA - "MSgt, I'm running late.

Me - "Where are you?"

SrA - "I'm at the Shoppette, did you want me to pick you up anything?"

Me - "Yes, you...here...now. I'll have something for you to sign when you get here."

Response by Sgt Robert Kelly made Jan 9 at 2015 1:08 PM

Sgt Robert Kelly — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 13:08:20 -0500

Was Platoon SGT in reserves for a weekend drill. After morning formation and roll call. Had to
Call anyone who did not show up. A female marines mother ansered the phone and
told me her daughter said the marines gave her the day off. Told mother tell her daughter
to come in asap.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 9 at 2015 2:35 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 14:35:04 -0500

Soldier fell asleep during class. So I banged the tin table with a helmet and soldier jumped up, scared the shit outta him. Yelled at him and asked why he was asleep. He said he was praying. I yelled at him more. He asked me, SGT., why do you hate God and he began to cry. Lol. I had to let him off. Was hilarious. One more. Csm silva walked into the bathroom at green ramp before a jump. We were all crapping. He asked for toilet paper. This guy next to him said, who are you? He said I'm sergeant major silva. SPC d said, well who's the sergeant major now. Lol. He made the CSM say, "you're the Sgm before he release some shit paper to him". When asked later why he did that to the Sgm, he said, I didn't know it was CSM silva. I thought whoever is was was just shitting me. He was already on the toilet.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Jan 12 at 2015 10:26 PM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Mon, 12 Jan 2015 22:26:51 -0500

Once when on DS status I had the TRADOC Commander tell me, "Drill Sergeant you're pole vaulting over fly sh!t" as he had me locked up in front of my platoon. I just replied "Yes Sir!" What else was I to say?

Response by SPC Jeffrey Bly made May 24 at 2015 10:03 PM

SPC Jeffrey Bly — Sun, 24 May 2015 22:03:24 -0400

Monday morning, in ranks inspection:
1Sgt-Turner, take off them sunglasses
Turner-No 1sgt
1Sgt-Are those prescription sunglasses?
Turner-No 1Sgt
1Sgt-Then take them off
Turner-Yes 1Sgt
1Sgt-Put those sunglasses back on.

Turner was missing only one eyebrow that had got shaved off when he passed out drunk at a party over the weekend.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 5 at 2016 1:25 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 Dec 2016 13:25:36 -0500

Had a Soldier come to sick call with a possible STD. Turns out he had the Drip. When asked if he had unprotected sex within the last 2 weeks, he said just his girlfriend........then quickly threw in there that she's the only one he's with and he's the only she's with. The PA and I both raised our eyebrows at the same time.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 6 at 2016 1:02 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 06 Dec 2016 01:02:57 -0500

"I can't make it to drill. My wife is conceiving and I want to be there."