What is the "CORE" Reason for not having enough Fathers in the Homes?

SPC Andrew Griffin — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 11:16:09 -0500

Not enough fathers are in the homes. Our children suffer from it and it affects all of us a whole. What are some reason we continue to see this?

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Nov 4 at 2015 11:22 AM

LTC Stephen F. — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 11:22:55 -0500

I expect the core reason is lust and irresponsibility on the part of the men coupled with reliance on sperm donors because they woman does not want a "man" in her life SPC Andrew Griffin

Response by MAJ Jim Steven made Nov 4 at 2015 11:25 AM

MAJ Jim Steven — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 11:25:27 -0500

I think two things...one, the belief that a woman can do anything a man can (they cant be a father) and two, phrases such as "baby daddy" and "dont hate the playa, hate the game"
It used to be that being a father and provider was the norm, now, people want special recoginition for it..

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Nov 4 at 2015 11:34 AM

Capt Seid Waddell — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 11:34:25 -0500

The lack of responsibility on the part of men, and the government assistance that makes a man's presence in the home unnecessary for survival.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2015 11:46 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 11:46:49 -0500

As a single father of three, I can tell you without a shadow of doubt that there is a good reason why children need both parents in their lives.
Try as I might, I can never substitute for their mother's caring and empathy.
I struggle mightily to ensure that they are well-rounded and see her as much as possible, but when they are sick and want their mommy... I can't lie. It hurts.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2015 11:55 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 11:55:17 -0500

Apathy. Insensitivity. Hit it and quit it mentality. Selfishness. I could go on and on and on.

Response by SSG Buddy Kemper made Nov 4 at 2015 11:55 AM

SSG Buddy Kemper — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 11:55:55 -0500

Sin.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2015 12:03 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 12:03:47 -0500

Poor choice in partner by the mother perhaps (most likely the case) and he is a deadbeat. Bad luck (which I highly doubt is the case), husband left because was treated like crap by the wife, etc, etc.

Response by TSgt Kenneth Ellis made Nov 4 at 2015 12:15 PM

TSgt Kenneth Ellis — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 12:15:08 -0500

This is what I have heard for the last twenty years. And I have not checked it for facts. But if the family is on welfare they can loose the benifits if the father is in the house. That's just one reason. But know my opinion, no fault divorce. it makes it easy to end a marriage. And just walk away from your responsibilities.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Nov 4 at 2015 12:16 PM

Capt Richard I P. — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 12:16:56 -0500

1. The drug war. More men imprisoned for non violent crimes, less fathers there for kids.
2. Weak individual accountability and discipline.
3. Legal systems that recognize a need for a father's money to support children, but not time and love.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2015 12:24 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 12:24:36 -0500

People no longer take relationships and marriages seriously. That's really all it comes down to. They date for a little while, they get married for who-the-hell-knows-why, then they divorce when it isn't working out like they hoped. People have no spine for the difficult part of a relationship anymore. "Well, we just weren't meant to be together." - That's odd, since you got married... right? At some point they thought they were meant for each other. Instead they engage in the stupidity of chasing after the "perfect" person or relationship, which all the non-idiots in the room know doesn't exist. So they divorce and get to play the victim, get all the attention, have all their friends tell them how perfect they are and how awful their spouse was. Then they get to have the excitement of dating again! And possibly marriage/divorce again!

All the while, these idiots are having children. Then they're divorcing and moving around, transplanting those children from one town to another, one school to another, ruining their social skills and development, all for the sake of the selfish parents' bullshit reasons.

TL;DR

People don't work on relationships anymore because divorce is easier and people love drama and being the center of attention more than they love their spouses. Kids suffer for it.

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made Nov 4 at 2015 12:30 PM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 12:30:03 -0500

SPC Andrew Griffin I am a step father of four. I came in when my eldest was 16 and youngest was four. They are my kids, maybe not biologically, but there is no denying that they are my kids. I do not know why any man or woman would abandon their children. Are there times when I wish that putting their head through a wall wasn't illegal? Of course there are. After I calm down I realize that it is not so much that they are stubborn, as much as it is that they learned well from me and their mother. I do not necessarily agree that the children suffer for being in a single parent home. I have known some great people who were from a single parent home. It is a matter of character. The character of the parent will reflect in the actions of the offspring. Strong family whether single, dual, or other combination will yield a strong person. Weak family, weak person. I mean that from a character perspective. Next year I will celebrate the graduation of my youngest daughter from High School. My greatest achievement: My daughter saying that I better be around to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.

So much damn dust in the air. I hate you for that Mr. Griffin.

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Nov 4 at 2015 12:33 PM

SSG Warren Swan — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 12:33:20 -0500

Too broad bro, with too many variables. There is no "hardened" truth as to why, yet there are many excuses, and depending on your view, the answer you give will reflect that. I'd recommend a narrowing of the question to get better and more directed answers.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 4 at 2015 1:08 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 13:08:20 -0500

I am guessing it might be generational. I do this, single mothers and their kids are at a great disadvantage in society, because many children of single parents make up their rules.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 4 at 2015 1:15 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 13:15:17 -0500

This is an important question, and I can talk about a couple of the reasons (I'm sure there are many more).
First, the denigration of the role of men in our society in general. In the past, a man was seen as the leader and basically commander of his family and home, and held a position which was looked on with respect and obedience. Now, men still have nearly all of their traditional responsibilities, but very little of the authority and respect that should accompany those responsibilities. Over 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women, who take the kids and half of the man's livelihood. Men may not see the family as a good place for them anymore.
Second, the fact that abortion on demand is widely available and very easy to pay for. Many people seem to believe that because the Supreme Court said it's ok, that means it is ok, very sad but a matter for discussion elsewhere. Think about what the widespread practice of elective abortion means. What it means is that people see allowing a kid to be born as simply one of two options, take your pick. Men now see the birth of a child, not as the logical conseqence of human sexuality, but rather as the product of a deliberate choice on the part of the female. Why should he have to take responsibility for a kid that the woman decided to allow into the world? She could just as easily have decided otherwise. Many other issues exist, no doubt, but these two jump to mind immediately.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 12 at 2016 1:58 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 13:58:18 -0500

So as a guy who grew up without his father - never met his father...and only knows of him because his name is on my birth certificate (I carry his last name). I think the reason this exist isn't because it's a recent thing (I was born in the 70s) - but more because it's a mentality thing. Some young men tend to think they can run away from responsibility (especially if the woman is ok with the father not being there) for whatever reasons they may have (i'm too young, a child will ruin my chance at school/good job/etc...), but I put the blame on a lack of focus on morality within our culture. We do not need to be a Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or any other religion in order to know right from wrong - yet we don't put enough emphasis on what is right and wrong when it comes to pregnancies and parental responsibilities.

I know one thing - I knew I would never be like my "father". The day my ex-wife gave birth to our daughter - I knew I would do everything I could to be the best father to her.