What do you guys do to commemorate soldiers you've lost? It's been 6 years since I lost one of my soldiers, and it's still rough.

2016-06-23T20:03:13-04:00

PFC Anthony Justesen was killed 23 June 2010 in Farah, Afghanistan by an IED. I was his platoon medic, and I was with him that day. Every year around this time, I have a rough time dealing with his loss. What do you guys do to keep their memories alive but also not get beat down by depression?

Response by Amn Allen Burks made Jun 23 at 2016 8:07 PM

2016-06-23T20:07:38-04:00

Difficult one!!!

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2016 8:11 PM

2016-06-23T20:11:44-04:00

This is deep! I cannot relate to this, but you have already took a step in the right direction. Being able to openly discuss how you are feeling is a great show of courage! I would say, do what you can to never forget his memory. At the same time you must keep a clear and objective mind so that depression does not bring you down a dark path into irrational thoughts. Have you thought about being a speaker during Command level Resiliency training? I think your story and feelings would have a very huge impact on others Army wide. You may get many people dealing with depression to come out and actively talk about what they are dealing with.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2016 8:28 PM

2016-06-23T20:28:46-04:00

I can tell you for me I always do something in honor of the guys I lost. I've started a scholarship as well as a non profit organization called war on the Homefront that assists homeless veterans. Suggest u just do something that reminds you of them in a positive light and the person that he was.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2016 8:38 PM

2016-06-23T20:38:14-04:00

I was in the Maiwand district in 2010-2011. I was in country for less than a week when I had to do my first CID and eventually it became like vantage point. Hearing everything bad from every point of view possible and then living through my own junk. Then a month before I was set to go home - one of my good friends husbands was killed. I definitely struggled then and stuggle now with "keeping the memory alive" and I was good for 2 years and recently had a melt down on "why not me" etc.... However, not bottling it up is huge. I never used to talk about what I felt because I didn't want to seem weak and because I'm a female and all the other stereo types, but I finally went and talked to someone. It isn't for everyone, but knowing good coping strategies that work for you- definitely help on the bad days. I participate in a Memorial Day "troops in the spotlight" in his honor and one of the most important things (for me) is keeping in touch with friends and family. I used to cut everyone off. Bottling it up sucks and hurts more in the long run. Sorry for the long winded, not so much of an answer, but you are not alone. We all cope differently, but you are very normal for the rollar coster of feelings, that much I know. Don't be afraid to live your life- I'm sure that's what any of our fallen would want.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2016 8:41 PM

2016-06-23T20:41:05-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member Whenever I start going down a dark path, I will work on a task that keeps me very busy and forces me to focus my attention on this task. I lost friends in Vietnam. My father was an Air Force pilot (WWII, Korea) who was killed in a training mission crash in 1956. My four uncles served in WWII, with the last uncle dying January, 2015. I think of these men throughout the year, and try to think of the good times. Focus on the good times!

Response by CW2 Shawn Stevenson made Jun 23 at 2016 8:56 PM

2016-06-23T20:56:33-04:00

I do my best to help our brothers and sisters that are still with us in my work every day. I personally receive some help from the VA for myself. I would encourage you to contact behavioral health on your installation if you haven't already.

Response by MSG Les Amaya made Jun 23 at 2016 9:34 PM

2016-06-23T21:34:00-04:00

I was a medic and I lost a few , one of them was my medic buddy. Now I do a lot of charity work, help other vets. All in memory of my fallen brothers n sisters.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2016 10:17 PM

2016-06-23T22:17:13-04:00

Our unit lost Captain Nathan Nylander in April of 2011. We started a yearly "Nylander Day" where we run a 5k as a squadron and bbq through the day, and then read his Silver Star citation to everyone in attendance. We also named our building after him, and participate in the run for the fallen every year here in Tucson.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Jun 23 at 2016 10:28 PM

2016-06-23T22:28:54-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member Great suggestions abound on RP. Share and talk about your feelings, do not hesitate to chat with a professional. Stay ahead of the game, the sooner you start working on this, the more healthy you will be.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Jun 23 at 2016 10:30 PM

2016-06-23T22:30:31-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member - Each one of their names is hand-written on a piece of paper. I fold it and keep it in my pocket. Sometimes in church, I'll reach into my pocket and hold onto it. When it gets too weathered & worn, I re-write their names on a new piece of paper. They're always with me.

Response by CPT Chris Newport made Jun 23 at 2016 11:33 PM

2016-06-23T23:33:52-04:00

What I have done is put down two glasses and share a few drinks with their spirits privately, talk with them and maybe again in spirit, send some weapons along to ease their passage. Its quite Pagan but it suits me; I also promise never to forget them. That after all is the worst fate for a Soldier.

Response by SGT Michael Thorin made Jun 24 at 2016 1:01 AM

2016-06-24T01:01:56-04:00

SGT Bernard Ceo, SSG Brian Conner, CPL Samuel Boswell.

October 14th, 2005, Taji, Iraq, OIF III-IV

Every word and piece of advice you are reading is great, and I think, we all are looking for the way to have and manage that balance.

We all discussed at one time or another how we would all handle the others deaths, and it was unanimous that we would each want the others to live long and happy lives, our memories bringing only strength to our buddies lives.

These 3 men were great men, and each had their own special flavor of life.

I awaken every day to October 14, because that is the day that 3 brothers held me accountable to a promise, and the very best way to honor them is to make sure that I believe they would look down on me and give me a thumbs up and a pat on the back.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 24 at 2016 4:41 AM

2016-06-24T04:41:12-04:00

I remember the funny things they did or said. When that does't work I remembered what I wanted done if I died. I want them to climb mountains...anything over 4k feet but prefer the Adirondacks. I wanted them to tell my story to the wind, even if no one was listening. It is an honor to carry their memory and a duty to share it. How would you have us remember YOU.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Jun 24 at 2016 6:10 AM

2016-06-24T06:10:25-04:00

In front of the Armory we have a memorial stone, each person that has died , their name is put on it with the year, month ,and day. I also have contact with the families, and we share good memories of the people we knew.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 24 at 2016 6:42 AM

2016-06-24T06:42:06-04:00

I commemorate their lives and ultimate sacrifice time every time I wear the uniform, every time I salute the flag, every time I deploy, and everytime I go the extra mile to help a Soldier.

Response by SSG Leo Bell made Jun 24 at 2016 9:21 AM

2016-06-24T09:21:03-04:00

I always have a beer for my friends I lost especially SPC Jackson which was a real close friend. It was the worst because he died back here in the states on a field problem. Always in May around that time I think of him, I get depressed and have one beer for him. That's the last thing we did before he went to the field. I always pray for others I have lost and for there families.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 24 at 2016 9:23 AM

2016-06-24T09:23:40-04:00

While I haven't experiences this but I've lost friends throughout high school. One way to commemorate is a little party. My buddy Brian died from a car fire and we had what was called Renopalooza where friends would gather, have a cookout, play games, band would play music, drink and just focus on the positive things Brian did.

Response by SSG Charles Lovelace made Jun 24 at 2016 9:24 AM

2016-06-24T09:24:59-04:00

You just have to remember them and keep them alive in your heart!

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 24 at 2016 9:56 AM

2016-06-24T09:56:22-04:00

This may be biased coming from someone who works in Behavioral Health, but I highly recommend seeing a psychologist at one of the clinics on post. It's not weak or stupid to see someone if you're having trouble handling it on your own. Have someone who works with depression professionally offer some guidance on the issue.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Jun 24 at 2016 10:59 AM

2016-06-24T10:59:19-04:00

I dont know that it ever gets better, easier... The Docs call it survivor guilt..Why them and not me, what did I miss that could have changed the event...and the best one....The self loathing.. they are the ones dead, missing legs and arms, burned over 60%..how dare i feel bad for myself...

You keep it in and down in your own way until you can't...

You can't share, who would understand..you can't keep it in you'll implode, you can't talk to a Doc for fear of being labeled defective. Your significant others says they want to talk, they want to know.. but you know in your heart ..sharing will not make it better...and may cost you everything when they realize you failed to keep your men safe, to bring them home as promised, men that trusted thier lives to you died, were blown up, shot and burned to death... Why would anyone want to stay with such a failure. .. so you keep it in, until you can't.....then you decide.
Today when i work up I decide to keep it in..and to see what tomorrow brings...tomorrow who knows.

To answer the question directly.. Its not a day, or a time that I remember, I always remember..Its an event, thing, spoken word that brings it from a simmer to a full boil.... over the top it goes and then things get back to a simmer.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 24 at 2016 11:05 AM

2016-06-24T11:05:01-04:00

I give my fallen brothers a piece of my skin. No, I don't cut myself or anything like that. I make a memorial tattoo for them. I have three so far. They were not MY soldiers, but they were by buddies, and they deserve the memory.

Response by SSG Byron Hewett made Jun 24 at 2016 11:57 AM

2016-06-24T11:57:13-04:00

I'm retired now from the Army and when I medevaced out Baghdad Iraq to Germany my cousin days later was hit with an IED in Afghanistan and medevaced to the Army hospital in Landstuhl Germany where I was at and I never was told that he was there at the same time as I was until I was released from the Wounded Warrior Battalion at Fort Lewis and was at home and by the time I was told he had been placed in medically induced coma to help relieve the pressure on his brain.
He still died and the Army sent him from Germany to home with a special escort, and I was part of his funeral honors detail.
I have several really good friends have killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, so what I do is I participate and volunteer for funeral honors and honor guard and I still wear my dress blues uniform and do this to honor my cousin and my friends and their memories, and I feel responsible for my cousin because after I joined the Army and had been in for 5 years he started asking questions about the Army and if I liked it and whether he should join or not and I guess you could say I said some stuff that must have really clicked with him including the risks and he joined the Army right out of highschool and he did really good in Army and he was successful, but I feel responsible for him getting killed because I talked him into joining the Army. So like said I volunteer for funeral honors and honor guard duty and it's easy to when your retired they always need a extra person. Hope this helps you.

Response by LTC Paul Labrador made Jun 24 at 2016 12:08 PM

2016-06-24T12:08:23-04:00

Is part of it that you were the medic on scene and you couldn't save him? The hard part of being medical (especially those of us who work in trauma) is accepting that you cannot save everyone, and that there is no onus of blame attached if we do lose someone. It becomes that much harder when your patient is your buddy, because you then it becomes very hard to objectify the patient.

Response by SGT Michael Smith made Jun 24 at 2016 4:51 PM

2016-06-24T16:51:28-04:00

I have a strange tendency to rub my right shoulder , my doc once told me that's me rubbing my combat patch , a muscle memory habbit... We all as vets develope something for tour changes your no matter what ...

Response by SPC Brian Mason made Jun 24 at 2016 11:16 PM

2016-06-24T23:16:34-04:00

I wasn't real close with the ones I did lose. More new friends than anything, but the bond created during war is unique. It's long enough now that it's easier, but never completely done. It hits hard and fast when you spent time with or spoke with them the day before, they go on a mission and you hear they got killed.
As a Medic, having to do a personal inventory of a friend that a sniper had killed was physically painful.

Response by SSG Samuel Sohm made Jun 27 at 2016 11:44 AM

2016-06-27T11:44:32-04:00

I pause every year, smoke my best cigar, and drink my best liquor, and think of them. I can think of no better way.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 27 at 2016 7:54 PM

2016-06-27T19:54:03-04:00

Talk to friends
Have a drink in their honor
Reach out to their family
Cry
Hug the people still here
Tell them you love them
And know that you made a difference even though it feels like you let the world down.

Response by SGT Alicia Brenneis made Jun 27 at 2016 10:50 PM

2016-06-27T22:50:54-04:00

On July 2nd I go to their memorial at FT Campbell, have a drink or two, and go home.

Response by SGT Dara DeLong made Jun 28 at 2016 12:02 PM

2016-06-28T12:02:09-04:00

Grief over lost ones is extremely hard. I lost many and had to work with mortuary affairs on my last deployment. I've learned that it's okay to grieve...to allow myself to feel the pain even though I want it to stop and go away. You are already keeping the memories alive.... by sharing them, thinking about him, and experiencing pain over the loss. I commemorate losses by trying to help and reach out to others who are feeling the same pain....whether it is through volunteering to help vets at the VA, jotting down memories in a book, or trying to connect with others who have experienced the same time of loss. Our battles would want us to live life to the fullest....something we have to strive for even through our pain.

Response by SSG Paul Zertuche made Jul 18 at 2016 10:48 PM

2016-07-18T22:48:23-04:00

live life to the best you can, and honor their sacrifice by living a good life and raising children who will remember their sacrifice. Stay strong bro.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Apr 27 at 2018 9:48 PM

2018-04-27T21:48:18-04:00

I go the National cemetery here, not only on Vets Dat and Memorial Day- and visit the friends I have here- and remember those in other places. During the anniversary dates (my wife hates that title) I will sit quietly at sunset, and raise a wee dram of good single malt and think of them.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 7 at 2018 3:11 PM

2018-05-07T15:11:34-04:00

I’m from a military family as well as being a medic. Anyone who has passed and means anything to me is remembered with tattoos on my arms, it’s just my way. The way you have to look at it to not get down is to be objective and whether or not you’re religious you just have to realize and accept everyone has a time to go and death is the inescapable destiny for all men regardless of age. Once you realize and truly accept it you will be able to remember those who have gone before you, celebrate their lives in your own ways and be able to do it with out becoming depressed or blue.

Response by LCpl Shane Couch made May 7 at 2018 6:00 PM

2018-05-07T18:00:40-04:00

I visit one of my buddies grave every time I can make it down to San Antonio. For the most part, every memorial day and every Nov. 10, I BBQ and drink a bud light in his memory. When I can, I will also get in touch with other Marines that knew him and we always talk and share our memories of him.

Response by LCpl Shane Couch made Oct 22 at 2018 2:22 PM

2018-10-22T14:22:44-04:00

We made a Facebook page dedicated to one of our Marines. Whenever one of us feels we need to talk to him, we post on his page. Every year on the anniversary of his death, his page is flooded with memories we all shared together. Semper Fi Ssgt Gene Ramirez.