What do we (as family members) do when we catch our soldier's wife cheating while he is away?

MaKayla Robbins — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 23:27:25 -0400

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Apr 16 at 2018 11:36 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 23:36:54 -0400

What can you do? Tell while they're deployed and destroy their morale? I suppose that whatever you do can wait until they return

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2018 11:42 PM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 23:42:07 -0400

Well that is a conundrum.

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Apr 17 at 2018 12:03 AM

Capt Daniel Goodman — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 00:03:34 -0400

Chaplain maybe? Purely as a thought, that rather strikes me as pretty much something in their bailiwick, you know? I mean, that might ne a somewhat naive viewpoint, I'll admit, however, it see!s to !e rather something they're there fore, that's all I'm saying, of anyone would handle such things, that's my only point....

Response by Capt Dwayne Conyers made Apr 17 at 2018 2:27 AM

Capt Dwayne Conyers — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 02:27:57 -0400

Horsewhipping followed by tar and feathering?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 17 at 2018 8:46 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 08:46:25 -0400

Maybe a better question is what do we as soldiers do when we know a soldier who is cheating on his wife while we are on deployment??

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Apr 17 at 2018 9:22 AM

SGM Bill Frazer — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 09:22:44 -0400

You know you are entering a minefield with this right. Regardless what you do, it is going to blow up. I can't/won't give anyone advice on this one. You need to think and go with what you think is right as a family member. I would NOT bring this up during a deployment- life is a big enough bitch then without the added stress.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 17 at 2018 9:54 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 09:54:20 -0400

If you're friends with the wife I'd tell her to tell him ASAP. He deserves to know. I see the point others have made about waiting until after AIT but bad news does NOT get better with time. If she doesn't tell him, someone needs to. There will never be a "good time" to hear this. The sooner the better in my opinion.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 17 at 2018 10:55 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 10:55:05 -0400

Agree 90% with MSgt Hoffman. The other 10% is-- would the revelation really come as a surprise to your brother (or would he have seen it coming), and is it possible that they are in an 'open marriage' type arrangement.

I'm guessing the answers are yes and no based on the caution you take in posting the question, but just covering all bases.

DO NOT tell the wife you 'know' anything first. She's the one with Power of Attorney (most likely) so is in a position to trash your brother's finances if not life for the foreseeable future if she thinks she's about to be ratted out BEFORE your brother can take financial precautions against it.

Tell him so he can contact his financial institutions and limit her access to his assets BEFORE she suspects anything... If he indicates that he wants to immediately confront her when you tell him about it-- recommend he cut off her access to his finances before he calls her on it.

Response by SFC Kelly Fuerhoff made Apr 17 at 2018 11:14 AM

SFC Kelly Fuerhoff — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 11:14:40 -0400

How did you catch her cheating? Like full on in the act? Having sex with someone else? Kissing someone else? What is the proof? Did you take pictures?

Are you friends with her or is their animosity? If there is animosity he may not believe you.

I honestly don't know if I'd want to know. I always found out myself my ex husband was cheating on me. Actually his first ex wife would tell me things they did and I didn't believe her. If my family had told me I would have not believed them at the time and may have confronted him but I don't know.

This is a touchy subject. Very touchy. Depends on how long they've been married, if she has a history of it, if he has a history of it so on. Tread lightly.

Response by SGT David T. made Apr 17 at 2018 12:55 PM

SGT David T. — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 12:55:59 -0400

I have a different take on it. Do nothing. It is between them and it is best not to get involved in such things. There can be unintended consequences that can be worse overall. Or they can have an arraignment that allows such behavior (seen this a few times). Either way, if it were me, I wouldn't get involved.

Response by MSG Frederick Otero made Apr 17 at 2018 1:01 PM

MSG Frederick Otero — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 13:01:14 -0400

Mind our own business.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2018 1:02 PM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 21 Apr 2018 13:02:49 -0400

Stay out of it

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2018 12:27 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 27 Aug 2018 12:27:12 -0400

This is a difficult situation to be in as an outsider to someone else's relationship. Getting involved is going to be determined by many factors like: 1) your motivations for telling or not telling the returning service member; and 2) the impact of this information on his psychoemotional functioning and his ability to focus on the mission since he is still deployed to name a couple. Depending on your relationship with the service member's spouse, you could attempt to speak with her about what you know and encourage him/her to seek relationship counseling to address his/her dissatisfaction with the marriage, but be prepared to be told to "butt out" as is often the case. Don't take it personally. it a common reaction. If all else fails, pray for this couple that God will heal and strengthen their marriage.