What critique or advice do you have for my OCS essay?

2019-03-16T05:00:53-04:00

Becoming an army officer means responsibility, leadership, and being a positive influence to those around me.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2019 5:48 AM

2019-03-16T05:48:48-04:00

You have some missing some conjunctions and misusing some words (ie; aspire). Also you’re a really scattered. You go from the job requiring leadership, to sacrifice to, representing your family, to upholding traditions in a matter of 3-4 sentences.

I suggest deciding on an over all theme of how you want the essay to sound, then doing an outline. Don’t reinvent the wheel there is plenty of content it what you wrote figure out what will help you and get rid of the stuff that won’t.

If you’re in college try should have a academic retention/ achievement office. Go to them and get some help. There isn’t any wrong with that, part of being an officer is knowing when to have other people help to accomplish your mission.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Mar 16 at 2019 9:06 AM

2019-03-16T09:06:29-04:00

Do it English 101 Style:
Para 1: Thesis with reasons
Para 2-X: Reason 1 with explanations (and examples (proof) if not using 2a-Xa paragraphs)
Para 2a-Xa (if necessary): Explanation expanded with proof
Para Last: Summary and restated Thesis

This should help you expand out what you already have, provide greater depth, without creating filler (which can be spotted in an instant) and without going off topic.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2019 8:05 PM

2019-03-17T20:05:47-04:00

Hello future possible after I retire Sir,
You want to be the one writing evaluations for enlisted service members. It does not instill much confidence if you have to ask how or what to write. Part of the job of senior enlisted is training and educating junior officers. We can help with informing you of capabilities and possible ways to accomplish a mission, but the orders and words are yours and you alone are responsible for them.
definitely not short and I did not read all of it.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2019 2:44 AM

2019-03-24T02:44:17-04:00

Continuously building your expertise in the warrior arts.
Active listening, especially to your senior NCOs who understand the real world consequences of orders you may give as an officer.
Genuinely caring for the welfare of your troops and their families. Get to know your troops, their names, their spouses and kids' names, their hometowns, their interests, fears, concerns, etc. NCOs can help you do this. If your Soldiers know that you are concerned about them and their families, they will reciprocate by showing their loyalty to you when the chips are down.
Leading by example. Don't ask your Troops to do anything you aren't willing to do yourself.
Maintaining integrity in your professional and personal life. Officers set the tone for their Troops.
Developing strong interpersonal skills in collaboration and teamwork. The "Army of One" slogan is long gone (thankfully).
Setting aside your ego and personal agenda for the benefit of the team and the mission - and motivating others around you to do the same. This can be hard, but it is essential if you want to be an excellent Officer - as opposed to someone just standing around waiting to retire (or as one friend put it, being an "Oxygen Thief.")
Being mission focused - and recognizing and accepting that accomplishing the mission is likely to involve considerable costs in blood and treasure - which has to be factored in to your planning.
Being willing and unafraid to speak up when necessary - and knowing the proper time, place and context to do so. It is important to understand your audience and your ability to influence outcomes positively. Antagonizing someone to the point that they block good ideas just because they don't like you personally is counterproductive and impairs the mission. This may require workarounds.
Striving for excellence - and helping those around around to strive for excellence.
Understanding that every bureaucracy tends to kill initiative and favor mediocrity (aka a zero fault environment) - and working to overcome the inherent tendency of large organizations towards inertia.
Never giving up even when the odds seem insurmountable - and recognizing that efforts that seem futile at the time may yield meaningful results in the future.
Attain what is attainable, and strive to attain that which is not - it may turn out that you can actually attain that which you thought impossible.
Maintaining mental agility (Improvise, Adapt, Overcome aka Semper Gumby), which is another way of saying avoiding tunnel vision and thinking creatively about how to address unexpected situations when things inevitably go awry.
Holding your friends close - and your enemies closer. Potential adversaries and competitors can sometimes be won over.
Freely share (or even give away) credit for good ideas and outcomes. Doing this with your subordinates tends to build their loyalty to you as a mentor and protector. Doing this with your superiors tends to build their willingness to trust that you have their backs and are interested in their welfare - which in turn may make them more likely to mentor you and consider you part of their team. Just be sure that any officers to whom you link yourself to are officers you respect and consider having the qualities that make an outstanding (not merely good) officer. You want to surround yourself with excellence.
This is obviously only a partial list. You might try reading The Leader's Smartbook, 5th Ed. (TLS5): Leadership & Training inn a Complex World, published by The Lightning Press. You should find it in the books section of the Exchange. Cost is about $30. It has good, concise descriptions of things you should be thinking about as an Officer. And, of course, you can plod through the Army Officer's Handbook, the Ranger Handbook, and other sources of information that should help inform your essay.

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2021-01-14T16:51:36-05:00

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