What can the military community do to better support Gold Star Mothers?

2022-09-26T10:31:57-04:00

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Response by COL Randall C. made Sep 26 at 2022 2:44 PM

2022-09-26T14:44:21-04:00

The number one thing that we can do as a military community is the same that non-military communities can do - stay engaged after all the initial expressions of comfort subside.

The overwhelming grief that is experienced doesn't go away in a convenient timeframe. After the days, weeks and even possibly months from the loss of their loved one pass by, many will drift off into their own lives and will occasionally give a passing thought to the tragedy someone else experienced.

Maintain the connection and watch out for difficult times they will experience. This will help a lot more than giving them a parking spot at the PX/Commissary or a free dinner at a restaurant (not that those aren't appreciated .. but staying engaged would help so much more).

Response by SPC David S. made Sep 26 at 2022 3:40 PM

2022-09-26T15:40:36-04:00

I've talked to a number of mothers that have lost their sons. One was the mother of a West Point grad another was the mother of a kid just out of high school. The one thing that they all had in common is that they all feared that their sons' names would be forgotten. They feared no one would continue to say their names and that their sacrifices would be forgotten.

I know this might sound odd but if you know a mother that is a Gold Star member ask them if they would like to talk about or share the story of the individual they lost. Ask them what you can do to keep their names alive.

Because honestly nothing, absolutely nothing, no task nor purpose will ever fill that void for a mother.

Response by CPT Aaron Kletzing made Sep 26 at 2022 7:53 PM

2022-09-26T19:53:38-04:00

Do everything we can to ensure that their Service Member’s name and sacrifices are never forgotten.

Response by Amn Dale Preisach made Sep 27 at 2022 12:02 AM

2022-09-27T00:02:01-04:00

Each Company have a fund that pools money from its members, officers / NCO's Specialists/ Corporals and Other enlisted ranks for those times when a soldier "gives their Tomorrows for the company's Today. "
Also , there used to be a sign up for an allotment out of the soldier's pay to be given to a charity(s) of the Soldier's choosing at the end of Basic Training. As well as the soldiers set the amount that goes to the Charity(s).
How about Tunnel to Towers/ Other charities and funds such as that be added to the approved list of charities. Each soldier could probably give the standard $11 a month donation . Multiply that by a greater percentage of all soldiers / Airmen/ Marines and Sailors giving into the fund ,...
As well as setting up a rotating specialty of full-time service members/ Reserves / Guard,... actually participating in A " Habitat For Humanity " type organization where units that need time logged in for unit proficiency , etc. in MOS actually have engineers / Masons, Electricians/ Civil engineers work pro bono for the bettering of the widows/ Dependents by building a type of housing complex complete with Parks / pet trails , ...
As well as other units such as 11 B etc. being the main muscle for what can be carried and supplied to the engineers/ construction battalions as well as help out where needed.
All this can easily be done. Gold star Mothers of unmarried service casualties will take precedence .

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Sep 27 at 2022 5:42 AM

2022-09-27T05:42:53-04:00

Thanks for sharing

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made Sep 27 at 2022 9:38 PM

2022-09-27T21:38:42-04:00

Check on then periodically over a period of a few years and assist with grief counseling and follow up counseling. Add them to the mailing list of the Family Readiness Groups of the unit the Service Member served with so that they too feel like they are part of the Military Family. Push for a day on the holiday calendar called "Gold Star Family" day

Response by A1C Constance Pearson made Sep 28 at 2022 6:07 PM

2022-09-28T18:07:26-04:00

Be there for the Gold Star Mother's with continued contact with them be it phone or personal visit. Have available resources that can be of great need to them. Be it psychological, financial, spiritual or moral.

Response by PO3 Dale Ashcraft made Sep 28 at 2022 6:08 PM

2022-09-28T18:08:25-04:00

Just call them and tell them you are there for them anytime and anyplace and your child is one of the few people on this earth to actually make a difference in our lives. Then finish with a thank you.

Response by MSG Charles Kaiser made Sep 28 at 2022 6:21 PM

2022-09-28T18:21:25-04:00

Invite them to ceremonies and picnics make them part of the community

Response by 1SG Jeffrey Bergeron made Sep 28 at 2022 6:24 PM

2022-09-28T18:24:06-04:00

We must stay connected with these Gold Star mother no matter where they live. Giving assistance when a Gold Star Mother need help emotionally and physically is the biggest point. Is the biggest support we can offer.

Response by Heather Murphy made Sep 28 at 2022 6:31 PM

2022-09-28T18:31:37-04:00

Having someone (consistently the same person or team, in order to build familiarity & trust) stay in contact with them for years would be ideal. Perhaps putting them in contact with another Good Star mom trained volunteer, like an AA sponsor or a mentor.

Response by PO3 Jeremy S made Sep 28 at 2022 6:53 PM

2022-09-28T18:53:57-04:00

I think just general recognition can go a long way. Maybe some do not not wish for this so it should be optional. But starting a channel which provides documentaries about the lives of the mothers and honoring the fallen service member can both show appreciation and honors.

How long and how often can vary., Also. You can have a full crew fly out and the sky is the limit. But I might suggest based on my opinion, to send out kits so it would be basically like a zoom interview. Provide pictures collaborate a video, and regularly share the stories of fallen servicemen and their families.

Response by SSG Archie Martinez made Sep 28 at 2022 7:01 PM

2022-09-28T19:01:13-04:00

Gold Star Mothers deal with an inexplicable grief given their loss and recovery is a life-long process. A Gold Star Mom should have easy access into forums where they can share how their loss has affected them. If such a forum isn’t available we should all chip in and support them in whatever capacity (i.e. cooking, listening, and praying)so they know they’re cared for.

Response by A1C John Eiring made Sep 28 at 2022 7:04 PM

2022-09-28T19:04:50-04:00

I would post the name and rank of their lost child the street they live, maybe just on the pole just under the existing street sign. It would also be nice to send all Gold Star moms a dozen roses on their child's birthday...if they don't live near their childs final resting place, put flowers on the grave for them and email or send a picture.

Response by A1C Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2022 7:12 PM

2022-09-28T19:12:59-04:00

Create a foundation and post fun volunteer led events online to alert people then use the event as a fundraiser to raise money and awareness while doing something fun around the USA.

Response by Joyce Newsome made Sep 28 at 2022 7:14 PM

2022-09-28T19:14:58-04:00

I think a major development would be to keep this more out front and in the public view instead of showing up once in awhile. As in maybe adopt a mom, let more people know that this support is even out there. If something like that is being done, then I have missed it. Thank you for asking.

Response by HN Greg Cox made Sep 28 at 2022 7:16 PM

2022-09-28T19:16:44-04:00

Treat their husbands better by eliminating "woke" indoctrination!

Response by Capt David Turner made Sep 28 at 2022 7:18 PM

2022-09-28T19:18:53-04:00

Every Gold Star mother will process the unfathomable tragedy differently. I can't even imagine what my own mother would have dealt with being a Gold Star mother. But I think that long term engagement combined with focused support immediately after is called for. While help is needed immediately afterwards for sure, the day their son or daughter WOULD HAVE turned 30 or 40, among other similar events (like the first Christmas or Thanksgiving) are times where help from the community might help.

Response by PFC Ali Honeycutt made Sep 28 at 2022 7:20 PM

2022-09-28T19:20:16-04:00

Exposure is a fine way to rally the troops. Social media is the best, fastest, most effective way to get the word out to people. The biggest problem with it is its ephemeral nature. Just as soon as people believe in something, they're quickly off to the next topic du jour.

I believe a sustained effort can win the day. People will listen to the military community. As long as we ensure a sustained social media campaign, I believe the collective voices of Gold Star Moms can be heard. And better yet, their issues can be furnished with long-term solutions.

Response by LTC Dean Tremble made Sep 28 at 2022 7:25 PM

2022-09-28T19:25:43-04:00

Make sure that the local VFW and American Legion post know about them. We will help them in any way we can and also with their permission showcase them in our parades or special events. Also we may ask them to help with our special events, nothing like being surrounded by good people doing good things to help them feel appreciated for their sacrifices

Response by SPC John O'Bannon made Sep 28 at 2022 7:28 PM

2022-09-28T19:28:44-04:00

As the father of a fallen soldier it fell to me to tell my wife that we had lost our son. And 12 years later I still take care of her. We have had no contact from the military since the funeral with no news from anyone other than the TAPS organization who at least notified us when they got his name and picture put up in a remembrance room at Fort Sill. If nothing else the military might at least remember her on mother's day to let her know that her child's death wasn't in vain.

Response by SP5 Steven Powell made Sep 28 at 2022 7:48 PM

2022-09-28T19:48:25-04:00

Praise them for doing a good job and recognize them on the local news and give them an award in a public setting.

Response by CPL Jason Blackwood made Sep 28 at 2022 7:53 PM

2022-09-28T19:53:57-04:00

Create an agency within the military that finds ways to help mother's in anyway possible. It could be an ear for a heartbroken mother to speak to about her loss and grief. So, od course, counselors would be needed. But, these counselors should be available as soon as possible whenever called upon or within 24 to 48 hours. Also, these additional services should be available for a lifetime and this agency should regularly check in via email, phone, or by mail.

Response by SrA Froy Lockhoff-Thomas made Sep 28 at 2022 7:55 PM

2022-09-28T19:55:43-04:00

Gold Star Mothers need to be recognized more as I was not even aware that there is such a person while I was active duty. I think it is vital for the military community to readily support Gold Star families by extending help mentally, socially, and maybe even financially if applicable. Unit functions should always include the recognition of the fallen and honor Gold Stat mothers so that they feel supported as they are not alone in their journey. Every life of a military personnel and affiliated persons in the military is important regardless of their purpose and standing in the military. Bottomline is that these people, including myself, sacrificed a piece of themselves to protect and serve the country. Furthermore, (and I’m not sure if this is already implemented) but Gold Star mothers need to have base exchange and commissary access for life. In addition, there should be a form of healthcare that Tricare or the VA can be offered to these mothers. Its all about support. The military has proven that even if the country has been divided, we have been all about being one and setting aside differences is a priority to create an effective community.

Response by SGT Randall Reeves made Sep 28 at 2022 8:11 PM

2022-09-28T20:11:18-04:00

Pay them and treat them the same as you would a spouse. Keep them engaged with the unit spouses. Retired SGMs would be great for this role

Response by Sgt Norman Wilhoite made Sep 28 at 2022 8:22 PM

2022-09-28T20:22:43-04:00

see that the VA provides those mothers with CAC cards for base PX and Commissary access.

Response by Sgt Philip McManigal made Sep 28 at 2022 8:23 PM

2022-09-28T20:23:20-04:00

Start a list of veterans who are local to wives, of deployed and deceased military members, who can sign up for assistance. You might also screen veterans for ability and eligibility.

Response by SrA Letticia Garrison made Sep 28 at 2022 8:32 PM

2022-09-28T20:32:12-04:00

The military can support gold star moms by having more resources for the moms. Cheaper childcare for the moms. A place where moms can go to just go visit with other moms. I know as a mom of 3 that it’s tough in this world. I had little to no support with caring for my little ones. I think if I had more support then I wouldn’t be struggling as much now.

Response by PFC Alyssa Hubbard made Sep 28 at 2022 8:45 PM

2022-09-28T20:45:52-04:00

What a great way to give back to our veterans. Thanks for hosting this giveaway!

Response by PFC Gabriel Pimentel made Sep 28 at 2022 8:52 PM

2022-09-28T20:52:39-04:00

There are already a lot of benefits for gold star family members. The VA can open their sweepstakes to these members, like the VA hiring sweepstakes going on right now for the Toyota Tundra, for example. Giving our gold star families a chance to join in and participate will do a lot for their spirit.

Response by SGT Michael Firtos made Sep 28 at 2022 8:56 PM

2022-09-28T20:56:53-04:00

Remember the sacrifice made by sending a flower arrangement to each mother on Mother's Day expressing the county's acknowledgement and gratitude. The sacrifice made is not forgotten.

Response by LCpl Maurice Demers made Sep 28 at 2022 8:59 PM

2022-09-28T20:59:03-04:00

Install a flagpole in her yard

Response by SGT Jeffrey Stanley made Sep 28 at 2022 9:05 PM

2022-09-28T21:05:25-04:00

The service should provide a way to stay connected to the mother and provide her with thorough discussions of developing and current benefits she is entitled to.

Response by SFC Sharon Roberts made Sep 28 at 2022 9:05 PM

2022-09-28T21:05:25-04:00

The loss of a child never heals, but the first few weeks are the most difficult for any family member. The quiet after all of the extended family, friends, and neighbors go home and stop bringing meals can be loud, even with immediate family in the home. The local Gold Star Mothers group should be provided with the mother's name and address to contact when everyone goes home. Having others who have experienced a child's loss to talk to may ease the overwhelming grief. The commander should contact the local Gold Star Mother group and provide the information to the mother when he or she writes the condolence letter that should be included with the personal items that must be sent home. If the mother lives near the military installation, the FSG should also provide support and information.
The Gold Star Mother's group and the installation family support should never give up; if the mother and family say they are fine, they are not. It could take some time before the mother and family are ready to allow others in on the pain - a pain that never goes away. If one of the unit members visits, they should do so cautiously. The family may not be ready to see someone close to or with the fallen member. No matter the direction the military or local community decides to go, caution should be taken, but never give up, but do not be overbearing.
I'm not a Gold Star Mother, but I have experienced the sudden unexpected loss of a child. Thank you for taking the time to read my response.
Sharon Roberts, SFC (ret)

Response by SPC Robert Young made Sep 28 at 2022 9:29 PM

2022-09-28T21:29:00-04:00

Monthly flower delivery and card for the first year.

Response by Cpl William Oswald made Sep 28 at 2022 9:35 PM

2022-09-28T21:35:10-04:00

have their backs, support and reach out on a person to person basis

Response by PO1 Charles Wadlington made Sep 28 at 2022 9:35 PM

2022-09-28T21:35:42-04:00

In the community of the Gold Star Families, have a Professional Handyman be on retainer to handle the small jobs that the Fallen may have accomplished otherwise: Light painting, faucet/drain/toilet repair, light structural. Of course, there would need to be procedures, limitations, and a 'clearinghouse' to connect Families with Handymen, and then manage the financial side. If a repair exceeds the level of expertise of the Handyman, or a pre-set dollar amount, it would be referred to an agency that 'Big Ticket' things.

Response by Sgt Tony Vigil made Sep 28 at 2022 9:44 PM

2022-09-28T21:44:52-04:00

The Military community could partner with private companys that deal in plumbing, electrical, and carpentry to ensure their homes are safe and up to code.

Response by PFC Chad Morken made Sep 28 at 2022 9:53 PM

2022-09-28T21:53:18-04:00

all them access to all on base shopping, allowing them to opt into military insurance coverages

Response by SN Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2022 9:53 PM

2022-09-28T21:53:34-04:00

Anything necessary, above and beyond the call of duty. Give until it hurts, then give more. I am not only talking about money (some of us don't have much) but lend all the support that you can, moral or financial, we can never give more than those mothers have given. Love, understanding, and respect can go alot farther than anyone can realize.

Response by LTJG Caesar Hill made Sep 28 at 2022 9:58 PM

2022-09-28T21:58:16-04:00

The veterans community should launch a massive condolence card/letter campaign to be forwarded to the mothers by the veterans administration in keeping with the the Privacy Act of 1974. Drop them off a VA clinics and hospitals to be funneled to the forwarding authority for mailing. This huge outpouring of recognition will, hopefully, add a small measure of comfort during their time of grief.

Response by CPT Kate Karwan Burgess made Sep 28 at 2022 9:59 PM

2022-09-28T21:59:46-04:00

Celebrate and remember their child. Start a scholarship or program or something in their child’s name. Give them something to do to use their loss for good. Remind them regularly their child mattered. They matter and we won’t forget.

Response by PFC M Christo made Sep 28 at 2022 10:11 PM

2022-09-28T22:11:35-04:00

Set up a GoFundMe page which verified GSM's could use for important events events and gatherings.

Response by SPC William Bedford made Sep 28 at 2022 10:28 PM

2022-09-28T22:28:53-04:00

Anything and everything we can do to ensure that they know their loss is not in vain. To some that may look like a financial form of help to others some different act or form of acknowledgement would off more. I think asking those that have experienced this loss and from all times in the past would give you a proper idea of what would actually help or be appropriate and appreciated.

Response by Brian Willson made Sep 28 at 2022 10:34 PM

2022-09-28T22:34:23-04:00

My mom Inez Willson a former Private Child Advocate with her taking care of over 50 foster children ,before adopting me & my 2 little sisters in 1973. As a former ,"Rosie the Rivetors as a member in 1943 as Tinkers first all girl crew & titled online as "Air Force History/The Rosie's", with 6 or 7 women standing above a B-25 aircraft engine in 1943, there should be a continuous monitoring by the Army ,who my father William L. Willson was a combat veteran in WW2 & the Korean war who may I add loved his country so much. But 16 years after his death at 76 years old my 86 year old mother was " scared", off her homestead acreage of 61 years and me being a " developmentally disabled adult" on SSI & Medicaid can find no help in Oklahoma City . I even have a witness that my mother's neighbor was the person that did this ,,n

Response by PO1 Angel Green made Sep 28 at 2022 10:34 PM

2022-09-28T22:34:33-04:00

Call them. Just call them, and then. . . listen.

Response by Brian Willson made Sep 28 at 2022 10:35 PM

2022-09-28T22:35:59-04:00

I even have a witness that this was done. The neighbor who did this has owned my mom's homestead acreage now 12 or 13 years .

Response by Brian Willson made Sep 28 at 2022 10:37 PM

2022-09-28T22:37:38-04:00

If anyone cares in this entire world . Please feel free to give me a call at [login to see] Brian Willson. [login to see]

Response by PVT Nicole Tennant made Sep 28 at 2022 10:41 PM

2022-09-28T22:41:55-04:00

Stay more engaged with the mothers, check on them more often, and have more fundraisers and events to honor them and their loved ones.

Response by SPC Charles Cofer made Sep 28 at 2022 10:49 PM

2022-09-28T22:49:56-04:00

they can continue to honor and help them with employment

Response by LCpl Fred Hunsinger made Sep 28 at 2022 10:50 PM

2022-09-28T22:50:40-04:00

Make sure SOMEONE is always there for them to reach out for.. neighbor,family,clergy make phone numbers avaliable an always keep them in your prayers. help with food babysitting getting to medicl appts.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2022 10:53 PM

2022-09-28T22:53:02-04:00

I’ve found it is far better to show up as often as possible and say I’m her to help with anything you need right now. Have tools with you, or food, or books to read to the kids, a day off and we take the kids, whatever it takes to say we are here. Worst thing to do is put it back on them by saying please let us know how we can help! Just show up! Be present for them.

Response by SSG Michael D. made Sep 28 at 2022 11:02 PM

2022-09-28T23:02:39-04:00

Encourage military moms of all generations to visit Gold Star Mothers and provide comfort, support, and sharing of experiences.

Response by SPC John Williams made Sep 28 at 2022 11:03 PM

2022-09-28T23:03:14-04:00

To show respect for their mothers they should be provided something more. We could draw attention to those that have departed by establishing a Gold Star Mothers public Holiday.

Response by A1C David Meyer made Sep 28 at 2022 11:05 PM

2022-09-28T23:05:09-04:00

Have a volunteer or a professional psychologist assigned to the family for monthly visits in order to provide comfort and assessment of their mental, physical, and psychological well-being. There are countless individuals who are working in the psychology and counseling realm that need to get many hours of real-world experience as they accumulate hours towards a degree.

Response by PFC Roberto Padron jr made Sep 28 at 2022 11:10 PM

2022-09-28T23:10:23-04:00

Dispense all rights and benefits to immediate survivors

Response by SPC Darius Underwood made Sep 28 at 2022 11:23 PM

2022-09-28T23:23:36-04:00

The military can stay in constant communications with those mothers. The pain of losing a military loved on will never go away. Those mothers need to be receiving medical, financial, psychological benefits and have access to them immediately. Without our mothers, NONE OF US would be here on this planet to ever get a chance to serve. Every last one of those women’s needs should be met. Whether it’s food or finances.
I believe all Gold star women should have a annual retreat hosted by the military. This is because they can be around someone they can RELATE TO!

Response by Lt Col Timothy Cassidy-Curtis made Sep 28 at 2022 11:42 PM

2022-09-28T23:42:57-04:00

Whatever benefits these people would get, these benefits should be protected with all the enthusiasm we have. It might not be much; with that said, whatever it is needs to be done in full and in gratitude.

Response by Elena Lewis made Sep 28 at 2022 11:46 PM

2022-09-28T23:46:39-04:00

I can't even imagine the depth of loss and grief that is felt by a mother who becomes a Gold Star Mother. What can any one person or organization say or do to console her soul? Every mom is different. Some are angry and some are forgiving but those aren't even the extent of each personal experiences. If our military community can patch a broken heart, then that is what these matriarchs need the most. Again, every mom is different, but I strongly believe that there has to be some comfort in knowing that her son or daughter made a heroic difference, that they were part of what is so precious about America, and that there are so many folks out here that appreciate the sacrifice. Way more than those who do not. When I hear critics who are predisposed against national pride, bravery, and patriotism complain about casualties, I am not convinced that they really comprehend the concept that service to our country is absolutely voluntary, that freedom isn't free, and that our fallen heroes knew the risks yet still showed up because they were called to serve. I can testify that my whole family feels the same way that I do. Maybe the message that more people than Gold Star Moms realize, not just Americans, appreciate the commitment of their sons and daughters. This truth needs to reach all Gold Star Mothers. Letters from a grateful humanity need to be written. We need to know they exist. The magnitude of gratitude needs to be expressed, and hopefully eventually felt. God Bless Our Troops and God Bless America.

Response by PVT Marygrace Guerrero made Sep 28 at 2022 11:47 PM

2022-09-28T23:47:31-04:00

It's nature, RELAX be congenial

Response by SP5 Anna Drca made Sep 28 at 2022 11:51 PM

2022-09-28T23:51:03-04:00

Organise community run to remember events that raise money to pay for unforseen essences caused by their loss.

Response by SPC Manuel Cabrero made Sep 29 at 2022 12:36 AM

2022-09-29T00:36:02-04:00

Take out one for dinner.

Response by AN Jennifer Lopez made Sep 29 at 2022 12:41 AM

2022-09-29T00:41:47-04:00

I believe what the military community do to better support gold star mothers is open up an organization where widows/mothers can have someone who shares a similar grief. Maybe build a feew foundations throughout the US where these families can get together and hang out with other families.

Response by PO2 Danny Low made Sep 29 at 2022 12:59 AM

2022-09-29T00:59:51-04:00

Give them a voice in what matters most --> suportting our children!

Response by SPC Michael Bazinet made Sep 29 at 2022 1:00 AM

2022-09-29T01:00:51-04:00

I don’t know if they already are available but do they have a special license plate for them? Free for them that don’t have to be renewed?

Response by PFC Robert Rede made Sep 29 at 2022 2:02 AM

2022-09-29T02:02:06-04:00

Offer free counseling services

Response by TSgt Ken Richter made Sep 29 at 2022 2:02 AM

2022-09-29T02:02:09-04:00

What the hell is a good star mother. How are they different from a standard mother?

Response by Karen Chagnon made Sep 29 at 2022 2:53 AM

2022-09-29T02:53:43-04:00

I think the biggest thing is continued communication and support. It is beyond painful to lose a child. It is even worse when the country they selflessly died to protect forgets about the ones left behind. And being human we do have a tendency to forget. That is simply unacceptable. We all need to do better for our veterans. They are the ones who fought for this freedom we live in. They should always receive our undying gratitude and forever be seen as the heroes they are and their mothers who birthed them

Response by PO3 Rosalind Robbins made Sep 29 at 2022 4:38 AM

2022-09-29T04:38:13-04:00

I think it would be nice, if possible, to offer the Gold Star Mother trips/stays at previous station (your of duty) of those they lost. Sometime seeing the military/sites from their eyes would help understand the spirit of those they lost, the military community, and the flag they're loved ones fought and died for..

Response by Robin Johnson made Sep 29 at 2022 4:54 AM

2022-09-29T04:54:02-04:00

Read and submit

Response by SFC Sean Gardner made Sep 29 at 2022 5:43 AM

2022-09-29T05:43:34-04:00

Create a day of remembrance for Gold Star Mothers.

Response by PO1 Randy Balaszi made Sep 29 at 2022 5:47 AM

2022-09-29T05:47:54-04:00

How about find a way to pay off their mortgages.

Response by Sgt Jim Weeder made Sep 29 at 2022 6:46 AM

2022-09-29T06:46:10-04:00

Well, more can be done. Here's your flag, goodbye is not enough. Getting through all the parts of a loved one can be difficult. Bills, distributing effects to other family members, and care of pets left behind are just a few items. There should be a dedicated team that helps. Getting Grandchildren taken care of can be a daunting task if the mother is burdened with the issue. There are so many day-to-day things that need to be handled that they can be overwhelming to a grieving mother. Then comes dealing with the loss for years to come. There are many support groups for mothers that have lost sons and daughters from many causes that can be used as a template to get the ball rolling.

Response by A1C Anna Bradley made Sep 29 at 2022 6:53 AM

2022-09-29T06:53:35-04:00

As a young veteran and a mother I know nothing would hurt more then losing a child. I believe that counseling should be provided by the military to help cope with loss because not all Gold Star Mothers understand the sacrifice their child made for this country or start a virtual support group for them it helps to know your not alone. Lastly keep them close as a mother without your child you begin to lose your sense of purpose and life begins to feel meaningless so every now and then invite them to banquets or to meet and talk with younger soldiers because often times they end up finding a young soldier that’s lost hurt and in need of a mother figure and our Gold Star Mothers miss being moms let them fill their voids by filling someone else’s. P.s. a gift card on the holidays would also help.

Response by SPC Briana Rodarte made Sep 29 at 2022 6:57 AM

2022-09-29T06:57:11-04:00

The military community can build life-long relationships with these mothers. That can take many forms. The pain of losing a son or daughter will never go away. These mothers depend and survive on any connection they can have to keep their memories and love alive.

Response by CPL Steven Kanoza made Sep 29 at 2022 7:32 AM

2022-09-29T07:32:47-04:00

Sign them up with the VFW, American Legion there's lots of caring, loving veterans and their families who would become like family to them.

Response by PO1 James Hill made Sep 29 at 2022 7:36 AM

2022-09-29T07:36:53-04:00

Provide no cost support groups which gives the opportunity to share their grief with other Mother's.

Response by LT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2022 8:11 AM

2022-09-29T08:11:32-04:00

Invite them to unit dining in/out/balls.

Response by PO2 John Parma made Sep 29 at 2022 8:28 AM

2022-09-29T08:28:19-04:00

lawn care for free

Response by SCPO Doug M made Sep 29 at 2022 8:38 AM

2022-09-29T08:38:36-04:00

We as a Nation take GREAT pride in remembering our heroic loved ones on Memorial Day. Unfortunately, we often forget those left behind who day in their own heroic ways in trying to live without their fallen loved ones. It's time that we as a Nation identify a day dedicated to them and their sacrifices and every day struggles. In addition, provide them with the same benefits as that of a Veteran (Base Commissary use; free vehicle registration "Gold Star" plate etc.). It's time that we remember them.

Response by SPC Mark Marrison made Sep 29 at 2022 8:48 AM

2022-09-29T08:48:43-04:00

I would draw attention to Gold Star Mother Tina Peters and the absolute thugary of cops who hauled her away in hand cuffs for trying to expose election fraud in Colorado. We support Tina, that would be a great start.

Response by A1C Trameka Cleveland made Sep 29 at 2022 9:38 AM

2022-09-29T09:38:13-04:00

By staying in touch with the members and making sure they are ok. Helping with their needs and showing support for them in all that they have accomplished.

Response by SPC Steve Dufek made Sep 29 at 2022 9:56 AM

2022-09-29T09:56:16-04:00

On the birthday of their lost one,(not death day), send flowers. The birthday is a happy memory.

Response by SPC Clark Hinton made Sep 29 at 2022 10:03 AM

2022-09-29T10:03:24-04:00

Mothers have lost a child, probably about the saddest thing that can happen to any mom.
Many young people in the military have lost a mother for one reason or another, about the saddest thing that can happen to a child.
Why not set up a program to connect these moms with a loss and the children who have lost a mom.
The both are hurting and they both need love and to share their love.
Set up an adopt a mom and adopt son or daughter program.
They can text, call, Facebook and maybe even meet each other face to face if the relationships develop.
There would need to be a good application and screening process. Maybe even set it up like a dating web site.

Response by PV2 Brandon Avila made Sep 29 at 2022 10:18 AM

2022-09-29T10:18:15-04:00

Make more

Response by Sgt Lisa Waller made Sep 29 at 2022 10:38 AM

2022-09-29T10:38:12-04:00

Continued benefits for the mother and her children; this family made a decision to dedicate themselves to the safety of this country; now the country should take care of them; at some point the children will grow and be able to take care of themselves, at which point they no longer need to be covered, however the mother has lost alot, emotionally, physically and spiritually, she should still be covered as long as it takes; benefits, counseling, assistance, healthcare, etc.

Response by SPC Steven Hunter made Sep 29 at 2022 10:45 AM

2022-09-29T10:45:31-04:00

Prayers and some sort of financial assistance for those left behind. They've lost a loved one and sacrificed for our freedom.

Response by CMSgt Elbert E. Clayton made Sep 29 at 2022 10:48 AM

2022-09-29T10:48:38-04:00

I would start this with an assumption it will be deleted for possible political overtones. I do not intend it that way. It is very difficult to believe that any National sentiment exists for "Gold Star Mothers" or for that matter, "Gold Star Fathers", when the last POTUS disrespected a Gold Star Mother and Father on National Television. I respect any mother and father whose offspring serves, and if their lives are lost during and for that service, all the more so. Attending VA Veteran Center Group Meetings and expressing to each other attendee your feelings for any of their parents who may have been "Gold Star Parents" seems to me a good way to spread this sentiment. God bless all GOLD STAR PARENTS!

Response by MSG Chris Jacobs made Sep 29 at 2022 11:13 AM

2022-09-29T11:13:45-04:00

I would like like to answer a question with a couple of questions.
1.How does the military community identify who is a Gold Star Mother?
2. Is the entire military community familiar with what a Gold Star Mother is?
3. Does the Gold Star Mother want to be identified and labelled as such?

I ask these questions because they will help identify what we can do better. It is easy to say that we can do more and we can make our support better. It is not unreasonable to assume that we can do better. It is important to know what percentage of Gold Star Mothers want the label or any further involvement with the military. I am sure that some even blame the military for their loss. So first, I think it is important to not try to create a box of how or what we should do. First, determine the individual need, understand the expectations, and work to exceed those. Never forget, and never lose contact.

In a situation where the military is the last consideration the mother wants, work to build that relationship. Establish a value chain that provides resolution to that mother's particular needs and desires.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2022 11:27 AM

2022-09-29T11:27:23-04:00

Don’t let the world forget their child’s sacrifice and honor them as well whether it be flowers on Mother’s Day or cleaning up their yard whatever would best suit that Gold Star ⭐️ mother

Response by SGT Thomas Cornfield made Sep 29 at 2022 11:39 AM

2022-09-29T11:39:12-04:00

Ya quit worrying about people who have never served like their deceased one, I don't care if you care about disabled vets but that's the place it is.. Do I win A 100 dollar gift card ya right I have been disabled for over 20 years and tired of hearing about gold star anything They have their little parties but not for us

Response by CMSgt Eric Sanders made Sep 29 at 2022 11:39 AM

2022-09-29T11:39:44-04:00

Stay in constant contact and recognition

Response by PO3 Erin Fisher made Sep 29 at 2022 12:44 PM

2022-09-29T12:44:36-04:00

I worked with Gold Star mothers in my civilian organization, Veterans and Military Affairs Advisory Council. We supported the local community with Essays for JROTC cadets, tournaments, fund raisers, as well as donations to to Veteran Hospitals. We all need to support one another! Gold Star mother's are active in their communities and supporting their local and national missions is crucial to their continued support of military and Veteran missions. Often there are military families, generations of military that include Gold Star mothers. We are all interconnected.

Response by Sgt Albert Weibel made Sep 29 at 2022 1:30 PM

2022-09-29T13:30:48-04:00

Continue and increase the support

Response by SSgt Lawrence Kalcso made Sep 29 at 2022 1:36 PM

2022-09-29T13:36:06-04:00

I would suggest that the military can mimic the actions of Betsy Reed Schultz founder of Capt. Joseph House in Port Angeles, WA. The Captain Joseph House Foundation in Port Angeles, Washington, provides support to families affected by the death of a loved one in combat. You can find information about Capt. Joseph House through your search engine or on face book. Captain Joseph House is specifically for Gold Star Families. ,

Response by SFC Darold White made Sep 29 at 2022 2:17 PM

2022-09-29T14:17:01-04:00

Be there listen

Response by 1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2022 2:58 PM

2022-09-29T14:58:59-04:00

One of the best supports we could offer our Gold Star Mothers, is the ability to be a part of every milestone their son or daughter would have experienced. An invitation to promotion/ reenlistment ceremonies, retirements, balls, etc. Giving that mother's all we entitlements (commissary, BX) that their loved one had. Not just remembering them on one day a year, or an anniversary. Their child is gone. They don't get to think of their child only on one day, they are missing everyday.

Response by A1C Robin Wiley made Sep 29 at 2022 3:33 PM

2022-09-29T15:33:57-04:00

Thank you for this opportunity to make a suggestion for things that we can do for Gold Star Mothers.. My Mom is an 81 year old Gold Star Mom. My bonus Dad, a courageously serving Veteran until his death day/transition. I'm a 61 year old Veteran as well. I support my Mom by calling daily and providing loving conversation. However, she is need of physical company, compassion, a driver, and love. So, I'm preparing to move from Richmond, CA to Savannah, GA as I type this message. Each Mom needs Concern, Love, and Support to do the things that encourage them to go on loving and being loved. The love and support that we courageous and dedicated Veterans provide is an amazing sustainer of Life and Love. We're trained for this moment! So, let's contact them and find out what they need from US.

Response by PVT Arthur Hughes made Sep 29 at 2022 6:01 PM

2022-09-29T18:01:52-04:00

My name is Arthur Hughes,
What can the military community do to better support Gold Star Mothers? Ask the U.S Congress to
make November 9th, the National Observant Date for Gold Star Fathers in the nation annually.
Three days to reflect on veterans, Gold Star Fathers observant date November 9th, Marine Crops birthday November 10th, Veterans Day November 11th. That would put a smile on a Gold Star Mothers face. Gold Star Mothers and Gold Star Families observant date is the last Sunday in September annually.
Gold Star Fathers, Gold Star Mothers, Gold Star Families, all would have a national observant date, this is the right other. It takes two to be a parent. As in the old tv show Dragnet, Joe Friday would say, just the facts.

Response by Genita Barbee made Sep 29 at 2022 6:04 PM

2022-09-29T18:04:37-04:00

I think they should send the Gold Star Mothers flowers or a Card signed by staff honoring their love one thanking them for their service on the date they past

Response by SGT Bob Koenig made Sep 29 at 2022 7:52 PM

2022-09-29T19:52:16-04:00

The military community must continue to reach out to Gold Star mother's long after Taps are played. Everyone faces grief and mourning differently. Some mothers will rely on friends and family, but some will have no one to turn to.

Response by MSG John Wear III made Sep 29 at 2022 10:51 PM

2022-09-29T22:51:54-04:00

I am retired today, as of 2014. For the preceding years while we were still embroiled in both Afghanistan and Iraq we did a good job of training our CNO's or Casualty Notification Officers (meaning a Servicemember is KIA) were Fairly well trained. If a Servicemember was killed in action the notification team was trained pretty well once one got to the new duty station, or was promoted to SFC and above. The place where the Military has significantly been lacking is in the area of CAO or Casualty Action Officer. These NCOs and Officers only receive the same training as a CNO.

They do not receive training on how to petition SGLI to receive SGLI payments. They do not have or are trained on death benefits, especially combat additional payments that differ from a training death (Death Gratuity which can be as much as $100K). They do not have a clear understanding of the requirements for burial at Arlington, nor do they in a National Cemetery.

Bottom Line, CAO's need to understand, and be free, to engage with the family until the family no longer needs the CAO. The SOF community will deal with a family until the family says they are done, and even they will continue to be a part of the SOF family.

This needs to be a part of the bigger Military as a whole. The same way that the SOF community Medically Retiring a Servicemember when pronounced as KIA before they were pronounced KIA to take care of the families before the general Military picked this up as the standard.

It may take a family 10 years to come to terms with a death in the family. The unit the Servicemember passed within needs to take care of that family for that 10 years. Regulations state the minimum amount of time a CAO deals with the family, this is wrong - payment of death gratuity and SGLI is Regulation..

I have been the beneficiary of a Soldier that passed in training 6 years before I took over a unit. The family came to the unit every year on the anniversary. I had absolutely no issues with this, as I supported the family's right to grieve in their own way.

Today, unit fundraising needs to be taking care of brining casualty families back to the unit for Team and Family building programs. Again SOF has been doing this for 20+ years, why is this not standard across the Military.

We have a lot to learn from the SOF Community, it took years to do Retirement for KIAs, it took years to recognize Paternity. Both of these are now regulatory programs. Maybe we need to force units to recognize past hero's families and not just the Hero?

Response by SSgt Ricky LaCour made Sep 29 at 2022 11:28 PM

2022-09-29T23:28:16-04:00

The military community can offer the mothers to come on close military installations and throw them a nice presentation at least once a year to show how much they are appreciated, gifts, donations maybe, and basically the red carpet treatment

CONGRESS can make some laws to at least allow them to have free car registration or house exemption on taxes, but i guess i might be getting ahead of myself

Response by CPO Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2022 11:39 PM

2022-09-29T23:39:45-04:00

The biggest problem a single mother faces is the possible limited income after the death of her spouse. The impact has huge financial implications on the quality of life for her and the children. We need to support her with child care services that will allow her to get on her feet after a loss. Some form of free or reduced child services should be a priority for the mother.

Response by SFC Darrell Earnest made Sep 29 at 2022 11:53 PM

2022-09-29T23:53:18-04:00

The question alone is worth definitely taking time to answer...when a mother loses her son or daughter at war in support of this great country I'm sure the pain is far greater than most can see from the outside...so to give the support they need to heal and all areas ie.. counseling, financial, and a way to let them know that their lost will not be in vain and their life means something and we as a nation recognize them and their service...

Response by CPL Tara Armstrong-Preston made Sep 30 at 2022 8:05 AM

2022-09-30T08:05:36-04:00

We as a community can do errands, provide cleaning, lawn and snow removal service for free and hold the Gold Star Mother up so that she knows that we have not forgotten the Ultimate Sacrifice that she and her Son/Daughter has made to protect this country.

Response by 2LT Rosa Lee Wells made Sep 30 at 2022 9:38 AM

2022-09-30T09:38:53-04:00

Support Gold Star mothers by remaining engaged in their lives.
Nothing can replace the life of a child for a parent. It's not enough to just give them an honorary designation and maybe a lapel pin to display. These mothers should have a continuum of assistance from the military community, the government, the VA and all supporting organizations.
The government should provide a pension not just for the spouses of KIA, but for their parents as well. There should be grief counselors and social workers assigned to them to help them emotionally and with any other practical matter. Follow-up appointments should be at every 6 weeks or more, if requested. Assistance can be derived from other agencies as needed.

Response by CN MIchael Ruff made Sep 30 at 2022 9:59 AM

2022-09-30T09:59:49-04:00

I served my country and would do it again. It's all about helping each other. It doesn't matter it you were in the military or not or even if you are living in this great nation or not we all are one, living on this great world. It's the only place we have so instead of fighting each other we should be giving a helping hand to each other. Think of what we could do if we all worked together. We could do anything together. Sure we are of different races, beliefs and religions but that's what's so wonderful. Imagine if we were all the same how dull it would be and stale. Could we learn anything? Or if we all looked alike. No, I don't want that. The difference in people is the spice of life. So give someone a helping hand and don't judge a book by it's cover.

Response by Lt Col April Pierce made Sep 30 at 2022 12:29 PM

2022-09-30T12:29:25-04:00

Collaborate with the nonprofit organization that supports gold star families: Honor and Remember. Their mission is to not forget and provide support for all gold star families.
https://honorandremember.org/
We have participated in 2 of their Run for the Fallen events. It's sad to see how little Active Duty support they receive. It's also sad to see how little support they receive from those in the defense community. George lost his son in Iraq and personally experienced how once they funeral is over there was no support for gold star families. His mission through Honor and Remember is to have a national flag to Honor and Remember along with state and national events to Honor and Remember Gold Star families. If you really want to make an impact, collaborate with Honor and Remember and shine a spot light on what's been going on in the background and bring it to the forefront.

Home | Honor And Remember

Response by CPL Sharon Fahey made Sep 30 at 2022 2:17 PM

2022-09-30T14:17:12-04:00

A Gold Star family loss is difficult enough but when it comes to losing a member of the military, we also sense a loss with them. In light of both, spending time, including them in special family events or just being close while still respecting their privacy can help with the pain of loss. Allowing them to talk to you about their son/daughter, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for you, keeps their loved ones memory alive, helps others to see who they were and give space for grieving. Offering to help with mundane things like yard work, house cleaning, giving them a ride, or asking them if they'd like to just go for a walk helps during those times. They won't reach out to you, make the effort, take the first step.

Response by SPC Wade Piccolo made Sep 30 at 2022 3:33 PM

2022-09-30T15:33:21-04:00

We can serve the families of these veterans by continuing to support them long after the "dust has settled" Also, speaking from experience, there was significant change in my life when I lost my spouse. Left with two young children (ages 6 and 91/2) I strived to keep things as normal as I could in their lives. They had been dealing with enough change and we all appreciated when people would act, and treat us, the same as they had before her death. I valued, and still value, those friends of mine that didn't feel like they had to try to make things all better in our lives and were just the same friends as they had always been. Be a good listener. Sometimes people who have suffered great loss only want (or need) someone to really listen to them, and not try to fix their problems all the time.

Response by PV2 Willie Clyde Bryant made Sep 30 at 2022 4:56 PM

2022-09-30T16:56:38-04:00

I think Gold Star Mothers should have a place to go and meet to speak with other Mother's of the same. Have it where they can have a lunch or brunch, to be able to get together and show their love to one another. Someone in the office of the VA can schedule it let it be known when it will be, maybe have a door prize.

Response by Sgt German Henderson made Oct 1 at 2022 3:57 PM

2022-10-01T15:57:41-04:00

Gold Star Mothers; should receive deference from all Folks, especially Folks, within the military communities!

Response by SPC Rick Price made Oct 2 at 2022 2:29 PM

2022-10-02T14:29:58-04:00

Help them

Response by SrA Tim Clark made Oct 2 at 2022 10:57 PM

2022-10-02T22:57:48-04:00

Invitations to squadron/unit/base social events to give the ability to console with other Gold Star moms. Perform special maneuvers during Air Shows to honor their courage. Issue an identifying vehicle sticker to Gold Star moms to help so gate security and others can recognize. Give free passes to fund raising events like car washes (most will probably contribute anyway). Offer free tickets to base theater, bowling and craft courses offered on base.

Response by RallyPoint News made Oct 4 at 2022 3:51 PM

2022-10-04T15:51:32-04:00

Congratulations to SPC David S., 1SG Jeffrey Bergeron, PO3 Rosalind Robbins, SSgt Lawrence Kalcso, and PV2 Willie Clyde Bryant. You've all won a $100 Amazon gift card! An e-gift card will be sent to the email address associated with your RallyPoint account.

Thanks to all who participated and shared!

Response by SFC Lawrence Wybrant made Oct 5 at 2022 9:57 PM

2022-10-05T21:57:36-04:00

They need to provide a space for mothers to meet and assist them with recruiting other potential Blue Star mothers. Mothers are common with everyone in the military and most of us will deploy overseas at some point, there is a bond between the active Blue Star mothers and Gold Star mothers, and sometimes the gold star mothers seem to want to drop out and that's when they need recognition and support. My wife was a Blue Star mom for a long time when our son was deployed 3 times to Iraq and it was the comradery between all the mothers Blue and Gol that makes it successful.

Response by SGT George Edward Brown made Oct 30 at 2022 11:02 PM

2022-10-30T23:02:33-04:00

I AM A VN VETERAN AND ACTIVE IN THE VN VETERANS OF AMERICA, CHAP 67, DELAWARE COUNTY, PA. BACK IN THE EARLY 90'S WE HAD MANY VN GSM'S THAT SUPPORTED US AND US THEM. SEVERAL WERE ACTIVE IN THE HIGHER LEVELS OF THE GS ORG, BUT STARTED HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING TO DC FOR NATIONAL GSM'S DAY (LAST SUNDAY IN SEPT) SO OUR CHAPTER AND THE CHAPTER HG STARTED TAKING THEM DOWN TO THE WALL AND TO ARLINGTON FOR THEIR NATIONAL SERVICE. THE OLD GUARD PROVIDED A MILITARY COLOR/HONOR GUARD, WE HAD OUR COLORS BUT STAYED IN THE BACKGROUND. IN THE LAST 6 YEARS OR SO GEN MILLEY BECAME A LARGE SUPPORTER OF THE GS MOTHERS. AT THIS TIME ALL OUR VN MOTHERS HAD PASSED, BUT WE STILL SUPPORTED THE ORG ESCORTING GS FAMILY AND CURRENT GSM'S TO THEIR CEREMONY AT ANC. AS THE CURRENT CROP OF GSM'S WERE FROM THE SAND BOX, AFTG. ETC GEN MILLEY WOULD HAVE ACCOMPNAY HIM SEVERAL GENERALS OF HIS STAFF THAT ACTUALLY HAD SOLDIERS DIE UNDER THEIR COMMAND INCLUDING THE SONS/DAUGHTERS OF THE GSM'S IN ATTENDANCE. THEY REALLY APPRECIATED THIS, BEING ABLE TO INTERFACE WITH THEIR S/D'S COMMANDING OFFICERS. DC IS THE NATIONAL GS ORG HQ, THE GSM'S HOME IS IN CALIF AND THEY HAVE A SERVICE THERE TOO AT THE SAME TIME. I WOULD SAY THAT THE MILITARY ACROSS THE COUNTRY COULD TRANSPORT THE GSM'S TO EITHER SERVICE, ALSO CONTACT THE VARIOUS GS CHAPTERS AROUND THE COUNTRY AND HAVE SENIOR OFF. ATTEND THEIR CEREMONIES, LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT TO THESE GSM'S AND GS FAMILYS.