What can I say to help a battle buddy who can't handle the Army life anymore?

PV2 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 18:29:10 -0500

Have a battle who doesnt want to be in the army anymore, and is thinking about going to the chaplain for help. He also mentioned apft failure on purpose..what can I say to help him? Or the repercussions of this?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 5 at 2019 6:34 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 18:34:04 -0500

Go to the Chaplain. Take your buddy to the chaplain.

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Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 5 at 2019 7:02 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 19:02:43 -0500

Most people have a point where they feel like they can't handle Army life and it's usually within the first year. Young soldiers have never been away from home or on their own and the Army isn't what they thought it would be. They get through it. As they mature they realize it's just a job. They develop strong support networks, get married, build families, etc. It's a part of growing up and everyone feels like that at some point once they move away. I would tell him not to make a permanent decision based on temporary discomfort.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Jan 5 at 2019 7:10 PM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 19:10:27 -0500

Go the Chaplain. They are literally a light in the darkness. If they can't help, they will point you to people who can.

However, let him know that intentionally failing a PFT is going to make life worse NOT better. Not only is he going to have to deal with whatever BS that is demotivating him, he's going to have everyone thinking he's a #$%bird as well.

I'm working on the assumption he's been in the same amount of time as you. When you first join, everything is new and exciting... then there's a dip/lull... Then things get better again especially as you get technically proficient and leadership starts giving you more responsibility. Right now you have to ride things out. Luckily there is a support structure for that. You've got your Team, your NCO, the Chaplain, and the rest of the CoC. Every single one of them has been in your shoes before. Get him talking to other people. The more people he is talking to, the stronger his motivation will get.

Response by Maj John Bell made Jan 5 at 2019 9:01 PM

Maj John Bell — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 21:01:48 -0500

Tell him... "Quit whining and grow a set."

Yes, I am a mean spirited, jerk. Tired of men who aren't men.

Let the S#!+ storm begin.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 5 at 2019 9:21 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 21:21:53 -0500

Not everyone can handle it... I've been there a few times myself even recently but I realized its really not that bad at all and eventually it gets easier or you just have to toughen up a lil. Nothing you say is gonna change his mind if its made up already and has a defeatist attitude. It would be better for him in the long run if he finished what he started

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 5 at 2019 10:36 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 22:36:30 -0500

Inform your NCO and take him to see the chaplain, behavioral health is a possibility too. It’s difficult for young soldiers being in a new environment trying to adult when they don’t know how and it’s stressful. However, if he can redirect his focus in a positive light it can help. Life is hard no matter what avenue you travel down; you just have to find your why.

Response by SFC Christopher Taggart made Jan 6 at 2019 7:11 AM

SFC Christopher Taggart — Sun, 06 Jan 2019 07:11:17 -0500

Good suggestions from others...it is only temporary. One thing, make sure he's stays away from any alcohol, it doesn't help the situation, it clouds the head, if you're trying to help him think it thru...besides who wants to listen to a blubbering drunk?

Response by SFC Ralph E Kelley made Jan 6 at 2019 9:57 AM

SFC Ralph E Kelley — Sun, 06 Jan 2019 09:57:33 -0500

Tough one. Evryone's glass flows over at times. A rest, time away from the grunt and when they leave make them understand you are expecting them to hang in there and that you want them to come back. keep in touch (their leadership too). Welcome back when they do return (expect 75% to do so) and fill them in on the changes as quick as you are able.

Response by CPL Erik Sletten made Jan 6 at 2019 1:15 PM

CPL Erik Sletten — Sun, 06 Jan 2019 13:15:39 -0500

To be honest, theres not much you CAN do. To elaborate a bit, should they not want the military life thats on them. I had a buddy who was in the military and purposely got out on a bad terms. Some people cant handle the military lifestyle(which quite frankly isnt to hard). But if words of encouragement to stay in dont help let sleeping dogs lie.

Response by SGT Matthew Sesar made Jan 6 at 2019 3:41 PM

SGT Matthew Sesar — Sun, 06 Jan 2019 15:41:46 -0500

Chaplain

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 6 at 2019 5:00 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Jan 2019 17:00:08 -0500

He should go to the chaplain. You may want to ask him to consider what he may tell his children in the future about his service if he deliberately fails an APFT to get out of a contract he willfully entered into. Not being harsh, but it may get the point across.
I had a Soldier who had gone AWOL/deserted before I took over ad 1SG and moved to Canada to avoid deployment. He called the unit and I convinced him to return.
I told him that one day he would have children, return to the US, and may be pulled over for a minor traffic violation, where his desertion would result in his arrest. I asked him what he believed he would tell his children. I told him he would likely be court martialed upon return, then separated, but he could then move on with his life.
He did.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 7 at 2019 1:06 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Jan 2019 13:06:14 -0500

Going to the chaplain is fine. Another angle could be, and I only mention this half-jokingly, is to show them the movie Office Space so they can get an idea about what the other alternatives are in our society.

Response by SSG R R made Jan 7 at 2019 4:20 PM

SSG R R — Mon, 07 Jan 2019 16:20:55 -0500

Tell him to speak with a Chaplain or Mental Health.

Doing stupid things like failing a APFT will only get his CoC to gnaw on him. Do you want additional PT every day except Sunday? Do you wanna do 2 a day hour long PT sessions? Because failing a PT test is how you get those. Not to mention the fact that his NCOs that have to supervise those sessions are gonna be ticked off.

If he has been in less than 6 months, he can request a discharge for failure to adjust to Military Life, but those are far and few between

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 13 at 2019 4:46 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 13 Jan 2019 16:46:18 -0500

That’s a rough one. I am a Chaplains Assistant. Can you connect the Soldier to me? I’ve dealt with this before.