CW4 Private RallyPoint Member 1066638 <div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>On October 9th 2015, I received a call from what I thought was my 24 year old daughter. Her name was on my cell phone. I answered with a “Hello sweetie how are you?” The reply was “Mr. Walters this is the Jacksonville Sheriff’s office (sudden panic), followed by, “your daughter is OK”, (slight relief). “We are with your daughter now at her boyfriend’s house and he’s committed suicide. Your daughter found his body.” I cannot begin to tell you the incredible range of emotions going through me at this point. The next 14 hours would be a whirlwind of activity. It began with explaining to my wife and my daughters siblings what had happened, putting in a DA 31 for emergency leave (God bless the NCO Corps for taking care of me), then driving from my duty station in Maryland down to Florida to be with my daughter. <br />During the 12 hour drive (plus two hours at a roadside rest stop to try and sleep) I had ample time to reflect on what had happened and what the probable causes were that had led this man to take his life and what the impact to the living would be. I also reflected on what responsibility, if any, those who knew him and worked with him had. My daughter’s boyfriend was a 34 year old Chief Petty Officer, Navy Rescue Diver, Instructor, and Evaluator with 14 years of Active service.<br />Joe (not his real name) had been an incredibly smart, dedicated fast mover in the Navy. Joe was in the process of a divorce when he met my daughter at her place of employment at a local retail store. I had met him this past summer when my daughter came up to visit. Being a 22 year active Army Aviation Soldier myself I found we had much in common. As I spoke with him I was impressed with all that he had done, though he did seem a bit unsure about his future. At the time I thought he was unsure about what direction his “military” future would take. Little did I know how turmoil his personal life was in and because of that how badly and how quickly his professional life would fall apart. <br />My daughter had for her part been smitten by this good looking, smart, dedicated, hunky Navy Rescue Diver who saved people. This guy appeared to be everything a hero should be. I have no doubt that is how everyone saw him and how he saw himself. But more importantly to this discussion I believe this is how the Navy and the squadron he worked with and his command saw him. <br />During the course of 10 days in Jacksonville I supported/comforted my daughter and began the arduous task of gathering her things from Joe’s house. An extra effort was made to sanitizing the house of his things; the things that he had that would do no one any good and only break hearts (drugs, paraphernalia, and other things no parent wants to see or know about). Every night I sat and listened to my daughter explain everything that had been going on in Joe’s life during the past year. As stated earlier Joe was going through a divorce. He had become a gym rat and that had led to him injecting steroids to bulk up. Shortly after the breakup of his soon to be former wife he also began to take prescription depression medication that wasn’t prescribed for him. Joe began to surround himself with people who believed in better living through pharmacology without the need of licensed medical support. Joe was also finically strapped, flat broke, soon to declare bankruptcy. <br />Now if you have been in the military for more than a day you already know where this story is going. Somewhere along the way Joe lost sight of what is right. The longer he continued down this path of self-destructive behavior the harder it became to choose the hard right over the easy wrong. One day he got the call…”you have one hour to report for urinalysis testing”. No heads up from anyone in his group, no advance notice (I am sure as an E-7 he often knew when testing was scheduled), just get here now. He reported and submitted his sample. Days later he was called into his commanders’ office. Joe had come up hot for amphetamines. <br />If you’re still reading this you already know what happened. Two weeks went by and they tested him again. Joe came up hot again, this time for THC (cannabis). Joe was done. On his way out of the Navy. Joe had gone from hero to zero in a matter of weeks. Gone was 14 years of hard work. Gone was the E-7 base pay, flight pay, other special pays, and benefits. The only question left was what kind of discharge he would receive on his way down the gang way off the ship for the last time. Would he receive an Other than Honorable or a Dishonorable discharge? In either case his life as he had known it was over. He would have to start all over again with the weight of dishonor hanging like a millstone around his neck. Joe chose a permanent solution for what would otherwise be a temporary problem. He took one of the two nine mm hand guns he owned, chambered a hollow point round and put an end to his dilemma. <br />In the aftermath of this action many questions are asked. Sadly there are seldom any good answers. What we have to ask ourselves is how many Joe’s do we know? Does working closely make it more difficult to see any signs of what is self-destructive behaviors? Is our military culture complicit in how we see those around us and does it form how we treat those who yesterday were our brothers? What do commanders and leaders do with their feelings of betrayal? Do we take it personally when the truth of a person’s life comes out and it is not pretty, not honorable? Does Joe deserve less consideration, empathy and understanding for his situation then a Soldier who suffers from PTSD? <br />We need our hero’s to be perfect, honorable. It is a long way up on that pedestal, and a long way to fall.<br />My daughter continues to recover day by day with the help of her mother and I. She has a heart as big as the world, but it will be a long time before she doesn’t see brains and blood scattered across the room in her dreams. 2015-10-26T11:25:46-04:00 CW4 Private RallyPoint Member 1066638

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>On October 9th 2015, I received a call from what I thought was my 24 year old daughter. Her name was on my cell phone. I answered with a “Hello sweetie how are you?” The reply was “Mr. Walters this is the Jacksonville Sheriff’s office (sudden panic), followed by, “your daughter is OK”, (slight relief). “We are with your daughter now at her boyfriend’s house and he’s committed suicide. Your daughter found his body.” I cannot begin to tell you the incredible range of emotions going through me at this point. The next 14 hours would be a whirlwind of activity. It began with explaining to my wife and my daughters siblings what had happened, putting in a DA 31 for emergency leave (God bless the NCO Corps for taking care of me), then driving from my duty station in Maryland down to Florida to be with my daughter. <br />During the 12 hour drive (plus two hours at a roadside rest stop to try and sleep) I had ample time to reflect on what had happened and what the probable causes were that had led this man to take his life and what the impact to the living would be. I also reflected on what responsibility, if any, those who knew him and worked with him had. My daughter’s boyfriend was a 34 year old Chief Petty Officer, Navy Rescue Diver, Instructor, and Evaluator with 14 years of Active service.<br />Joe (not his real name) had been an incredibly smart, dedicated fast mover in the Navy. Joe was in the process of a divorce when he met my daughter at her place of employment at a local retail store. I had met him this past summer when my daughter came up to visit. Being a 22 year active Army Aviation Soldier myself I found we had much in common. As I spoke with him I was impressed with all that he had done, though he did seem a bit unsure about his future. At the time I thought he was unsure about what direction his “military” future would take. Little did I know how turmoil his personal life was in and because of that how badly and how quickly his professional life would fall apart. <br />My daughter had for her part been smitten by this good looking, smart, dedicated, hunky Navy Rescue Diver who saved people. This guy appeared to be everything a hero should be. I have no doubt that is how everyone saw him and how he saw himself. But more importantly to this discussion I believe this is how the Navy and the squadron he worked with and his command saw him. <br />During the course of 10 days in Jacksonville I supported/comforted my daughter and began the arduous task of gathering her things from Joe’s house. An extra effort was made to sanitizing the house of his things; the things that he had that would do no one any good and only break hearts (drugs, paraphernalia, and other things no parent wants to see or know about). Every night I sat and listened to my daughter explain everything that had been going on in Joe’s life during the past year. As stated earlier Joe was going through a divorce. He had become a gym rat and that had led to him injecting steroids to bulk up. Shortly after the breakup of his soon to be former wife he also began to take prescription depression medication that wasn’t prescribed for him. Joe began to surround himself with people who believed in better living through pharmacology without the need of licensed medical support. Joe was also finically strapped, flat broke, soon to declare bankruptcy. <br />Now if you have been in the military for more than a day you already know where this story is going. Somewhere along the way Joe lost sight of what is right. The longer he continued down this path of self-destructive behavior the harder it became to choose the hard right over the easy wrong. One day he got the call…”you have one hour to report for urinalysis testing”. No heads up from anyone in his group, no advance notice (I am sure as an E-7 he often knew when testing was scheduled), just get here now. He reported and submitted his sample. Days later he was called into his commanders’ office. Joe had come up hot for amphetamines. <br />If you’re still reading this you already know what happened. Two weeks went by and they tested him again. Joe came up hot again, this time for THC (cannabis). Joe was done. On his way out of the Navy. Joe had gone from hero to zero in a matter of weeks. Gone was 14 years of hard work. Gone was the E-7 base pay, flight pay, other special pays, and benefits. The only question left was what kind of discharge he would receive on his way down the gang way off the ship for the last time. Would he receive an Other than Honorable or a Dishonorable discharge? In either case his life as he had known it was over. He would have to start all over again with the weight of dishonor hanging like a millstone around his neck. Joe chose a permanent solution for what would otherwise be a temporary problem. He took one of the two nine mm hand guns he owned, chambered a hollow point round and put an end to his dilemma. <br />In the aftermath of this action many questions are asked. Sadly there are seldom any good answers. What we have to ask ourselves is how many Joe’s do we know? Does working closely make it more difficult to see any signs of what is self-destructive behaviors? Is our military culture complicit in how we see those around us and does it form how we treat those who yesterday were our brothers? What do commanders and leaders do with their feelings of betrayal? Do we take it personally when the truth of a person’s life comes out and it is not pretty, not honorable? Does Joe deserve less consideration, empathy and understanding for his situation then a Soldier who suffers from PTSD? <br />We need our hero’s to be perfect, honorable. It is a long way up on that pedestal, and a long way to fall.<br />My daughter continues to recover day by day with the help of her mother and I. She has a heart as big as the world, but it will be a long time before she doesn’t see brains and blood scattered across the room in her dreams.

2015-10-26T11:25:46-04:00 2015-10-26T11:25:46-04:00 SPC Elijah J. Henry, MBA 1066642

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>What a tragic story. Thank you for sharing.

2015-10-26T11:29:19-04:00 2015-10-26T11:29:19-04:00 PO3 Private RallyPoint Member 1066671

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>a sad ending. that is very important to pay attention to your fellow shipmates ... we constantly reminded to, but it is so hard to actually do it. Time is always limited to 24 hours, and wife &amp; children are screaming from the cellphone to come home ... sigh ...

2015-10-26T11:38:42-04:00 2015-10-26T11:38:42-04:00 CSM Michael J. Uhlig 1066676

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Damn, that is terrible and unfortunately <a class="dark-link bold-link" role="profile-hover" data-qtip-container="body" data-id="566716" data-source-page-controller="question_response_contents" href="/profiles/566716-151a-aviation-maintenance-technician-nonrated-1st-tsc-hq-1st-tsc">CW4 Private RallyPoint Member</a>, there are many Joe's in our formations. Our challenge is to find them, whether in or out of the service.

2015-10-26T11:40:45-04:00 2015-10-26T11:40:45-04:00 SGT Kristjan Rahe 1066684

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Chief, first and foremost my condolences and prayers for you and your daughter. Suicide is the great unspoken and frequently unaddressed issue in military and law enforcement circles. Both are macho careers where feelings are seen as weakness and when one seeks to speak to a peer of something that bothers them they are ridiculed even though the others are bothered by the same thing because to address the issue means one must face the demon. I have had several friends that have "eaten their gun" metaphorically and in reality. We do not stress trauma debriefing enough pretty and post missions. Drug and alcohol abuse run rampant throughout the military and civilian world's in high stress positions as we do not wish to be seen as weak or wimpy. We have made improvement but have a way to go.

2015-10-26T11:43:40-04:00 2015-10-26T11:43:40-04:00 Capt Seid Waddell 1066694

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>As much as I feel for this man and those he left behind, I don't believe the military is to blame for the way he ended up; quite the contrary in fact, the military was his primary area of accomplishment and respect from those around him.<br /><br />His problems came from being torn up over his divorce; the drugs he used only made a bad situation worse. This can and does happen to civilians just as easily, and it leads to the same destruction of careers and lives.<br /><br />Absent the drugs, this situation would have been weathered in time, no matter how difficult it was at the time. He had already begun to pull out of the primary cause of his problems through his relationship with your daughter.<br /><br />This is a story about the horrific result of turning to drugs to deal with the problems everyone faces in life.<br /><br />There is a reason it is called dope.

2015-10-26T11:45:52-04:00 2015-10-26T11:45:52-04:00 SMSgt Tony Barnes 1066750

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Wow!!! Incredibly sad.

2015-10-26T12:15:31-04:00 2015-10-26T12:15:31-04:00 1SG Private RallyPoint Member 1066884

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Where Joe took a left is where I took a right.<br />He ran into trouble on the homefront (check)<br />He became a gym rat (check)<br />He started taking steroids and prescription drugs - this is where our paths diverge.<br />When I read this, I reflected that but for a couple of choices - picking up a bottle perhaps - Joe could have been me. I made a conscious decision to lock up the booze and not buy more. It was still here, just harder to get to, making me think first.<br /><br /><a class="dark-link bold-link" role="profile-hover" data-qtip-container="body" data-id="566716" data-source-page-controller="question_response_contents" href="/profiles/566716-151a-aviation-maintenance-technician-nonrated-1st-tsc-hq-1st-tsc">CW4 Private RallyPoint Member</a>, I say this directly to you. If your daughter is as you say with a big heart, she will need professional help to make sense of this. Her guilty feelings could swallow her. You are a good man for keeping her close and helping her out. Watch her closely for signs of changes. It starts with sleeplessness...

2015-10-26T12:50:56-04:00 2015-10-26T12:50:56-04:00 MAJ Ken Landgren 1066934

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Did he have depression over the divorce?

2015-10-26T13:05:59-04:00 2015-10-26T13:05:59-04:00 Sgt Private RallyPoint Member 1068352

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><a target="_blank" href="http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/expose-the-fbi-do-not?source=c.em&amp;r_by=10913546">http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/expose-the-fbi-do-not?source=c.em&amp;r_by=10913546</a>

2015-10-27T04:48:21-04:00 2015-10-27T04:48:21-04:00 SSG Wayne Piercy 1069103

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>My grandson did also, a shock it was to read on facebook.

2015-10-27T12:36:43-04:00 2015-10-27T12:36:43-04:00 SPC Private RallyPoint Member 1070928

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I am sorry for your loss. This is a good topic, Chief. I myself has been through a divorce and some will think it is easy to deal with, well it's not. Coming from a deployment in September of 2013 and going through a separation is not as easy as I thought it would be. It was easier for me to adapt to a combat environment than to deal with a domestic issue. The whirlwind of emotion that I went through was horrible. Losing a person you've been with for 15 years or a purpose in your life is hard. I was so close to doing something that was not right but I persevered and told myself, "don't be a quitter". Plus, my routine at work saved me from feeling alone. Eventually, it will be the person's own will to save his life or take it. I chose to live my life and NEVER QUIT.

2015-10-28T06:12:49-04:00 2015-10-28T06:12:49-04:00 Cpl Jamie Youngs 1074723

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Sorry for you daughters loss, sorry for his familiy's loss and I'm sorry for our Country's loss. Way to much of this happening to our military. I'm not talking about the steroids or the prescriptions neither. Discipline is a must in the military and many good men succumb to a bad decision they may regret. Very sad to say the least.

2015-10-29T14:23:16-04:00 2015-10-29T14:23:16-04:00 Cpl Private RallyPoint Member 1074889

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Sheesh, I got Baker Acted by a SWAT team and nobody from JSO called my folks.

2015-10-29T15:19:31-04:00 2015-10-29T15:19:31-04:00 Sgt Oswaldo Garcia 1078731

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>We don't like to be broken , we want to overcome. We suffer in silence believing we can out run, anesthetize our emotions. That numbness eventually keeps us blind to the consequences. Anxiety and depression walking beside us. I still get that and find myself crying for no reason. I now talk with someone at the VA. I still don't like to feel broken but at least now I'm not running.

2015-10-31T09:44:39-04:00 2015-10-31T09:44:39-04:00 Cpl Terrence James 1078734

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>That is a horrible situation. My prayers are with you, your's &amp; Joe's families along with all the Joe's we know. I think it is all of the above, culture, leadership, poor handling of situations. <br />Here is a horrible example of leadership by officers, staff NCO's &amp; NCO's. <br />A young Marine PFC in country in a hard situation. The Pfc was on guard duty watching detainees. After already being awake for over 24 hours. He gets replaced and hits the rack. But after only 45 minutes. He is woken and put back on post. He forgets to go condition 1 &amp; is now half asleep. A detainee makes a break for it. The PFC reacts and catches him. Realizing he was not Condition 1. He racks a round. <br />The CO, 1St Sgt, &amp; XO tell the PFC he will be charged with cruelty, unbecoming, and a few more. The 1st Sgt also tells him he is going to Levinworth for life. 19 yr old PFC just married now in a world of hurt. A few days later he enters a port-a-potty, with his thumb put his service weapon on burst &amp; ends a brave, hopeful, promising, possibly a long life if he makes it through our deployment in Falluhja. <br />I'm my opinion a failure from top to bottom. <br />I was not a witness to the event. <br />But aren't we innocent until province guilty? Don't we have a responsibility to our Marines, soldiers, sailors, airman to continue doing our jobs as NCO's to teach, mentor, take care of our people. Regardless the situation? <br />We do not give up on each other in combat when things are absolutely at the worst. <br />Why do we abandon our people when they make mistakes? <br />When they need us more then ever. <br />When it is so important to continue with our Corp Values. <br />Honor. <br />Courage. <br />Commitment.

2015-10-31T09:49:14-04:00 2015-10-31T09:49:14-04:00 CH (LTC) Robert Leroe 1081348

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Your daughter may experience survivor guilt, especially if she thinks she could have prevented this. Many suicides are unplanned and impulsive, especially if alcohol is involved. She needs reassurance, and even permission to be angry at her boyfriend, who chose a self-centered, permanent solution to a temporary problem. Talk to your unit chaplain for support. You likely know all this.

2015-11-01T20:02:06-05:00 2015-11-01T20:02:06-05:00 2015-10-26T11:25:46-04:00