What are some of the strangest things you've seen an SM do in order to get discharged early?

2016-05-26T13:56:34-04:00

The best one I've heard was during company morning formation, a LCPL broke ranks and walked to the middle, turned around, stuck his hand in his cargo pocket, pulled out a fresh poo and smeared it on his face. 6 weeks later he was on a plane home with an honorable discharge and a mental health disability claim.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made May 26 at 2016 2:02 PM

2016-05-26T14:02:46-04:00

Seen nothing. Heard of, Offering to give the 4 Star Admiral Oral Sex, that was very effective.

Response by PFC Dalton Rupert made May 26 at 2016 2:14 PM

2016-05-26T14:14:25-04:00

I had a buddy buy a bag of spice during AIT and dropped it on CQs desk and said can I get my med board yet, funny story he was a med board hold over because the BN CO's wife has not signed off on him for over 2 years.

Response by SSG Jeremy Jennings made May 26 at 2016 2:19 PM

2016-05-26T14:19:06-04:00

An even more interesting question to ask would be "What is the strangest thing you've seen a SM do and NOT get discharged?" In my experience in the National Guard you could act out all you wanted; if you were deployable they weren't going to let you out for anything less than murder or a serious felony. Piss hot? Demoted and counseled, but no discharge. NCO's make a gangbang video with local hags at an off-post bar? Never happened. Shoot two people who are double-teaming your girlfriend on a military installation? Get-off for crime of passion and preventing a sex crime and deploy to Iraq as a platoon leader. A senior NCO and you miss your unit's movement to Afghanistan because you're in the drunk tank: demoted and deployed forward. Battalion XO and you negligently discharge your firearm on a live-fire MOUT course? Never happened. The only one I saw get booted out was our battalion chaplain who refused to train on a dismounted patrol lane, threatened suicide, and was found to have used his military status to fraudulently raise funds for his private ministry. Retired, not discharged. Now he's writing bibles and still using his military affiliation for personal gain. Google Major James F. Linzey. An all volunteer force has its drawbacks.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 26 at 2016 2:19 PM

2016-05-26T14:19:39-04:00

In '96, when I was reclassing to 12B, there were two cats that were waiting for their discharge papers from Basic/Army. I had asked one of the IETs in my platoon what the deal was. Turns out they both claimed gay and were directed to stand in front of the company and kiss each other to prove their claim. Turns out they did kiss each other and boom instant release just waiting for papers to clear.

Response by MSG Pat Colby made May 26 at 2016 2:23 PM

2016-05-26T14:23:34-04:00

Knew a guy that went through Basic with me that could cough/hack up blood at will. He joked about it with me many times. There was nothing physically wrong with him, it was just something he could do whenever he wanted. He used his stupid human trick to get out of completing a lot of the PT runs. He thought it was a funny way to sham and get over on the DS. Ultimately, the joke was on him when they booted him for a pre-existing medical condition. He didn't want to get out and was pretty pissed because he really wanted to be in the Army.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made May 26 at 2016 2:26 PM

2016-05-26T14:26:51-04:00

There was a Quaker LT in my outfit (Weapons Controller) that said in the O Club one night that if he had the choice of directing a strike onto the NVA or onto our own forces, he would direct the fire onto our own forces.

He was gone the next day without a trace, and nobody seemed to know anything about it other than what he had said in the O Club.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made May 26 at 2016 3:40 PM

2016-05-26T15:40:03-04:00

I had a dirt bag say he was gay. I did a telephonic interview and told him to get the fuck out of the Army.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made May 26 at 2016 4:06 PM

2016-05-26T16:06:11-04:00

I had a Private in my old unit that wanted to get out. He and his buddies got drunk at the barracks and he laid down on concrete stairs. He then paid his friend to jump on his leg to break it so that he would not deploy with us and could work his way out of the military during rear d. The friend then jumped on his leg, shattered it, and left him there screaming. The unit found out he did it on purpose, gave him an Article 15 rank reduction, and deployed him anyway in a HQ support role.

Response by PO1 Brian Austin made May 26 at 2016 4:18 PM

2016-05-26T16:18:34-04:00

On one ship, we had a serial masturbator. Didn't care where he whipped it out. The last straw was when he whipped it out during an inspection. He was off the ship before 1600 liberty call.

Response by SSgt Trevor Smith made May 26 at 2016 4:41 PM

2016-05-26T16:41:30-04:00

Had a Security Forces Airman who had his buddy on the same fire team run over his toes with an up-armored Humvee. Except instead of just running over the toes, his buddy turned the wheel and pulled the entire foot and ankle under, causing severe trauma requiring an ankle replacement. Other fire team members wrote statements indicating it was planned beforehand. He didn't get his MEB.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 26 at 2016 4:50 PM

2016-05-26T16:50:17-04:00

Heard about it, but never saw it. Some soldiers were jumping in front of moving vehicles to get discharged.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made May 26 at 2016 8:56 PM

2016-05-26T20:56:14-04:00

Wave at the PX camera then shove a VHS movie in his jacket and walk out of the PX slowly waving to everyone he saw.

Response by Sgt Christopher Wenzel made May 26 at 2016 9:47 PM

2016-05-26T21:47:55-04:00

Homeboy took a rifle and shot himself in the arm to get discharged and a Purple Heart. He got NJPed and Brig time.

Response by 1SG Rick Clouse made May 26 at 2016 9:51 PM

2016-05-26T21:51:14-04:00

The strangest thing I have seen: a soldier wearing another countries uniform and have a stupid smirk on his face. Then post it on Rally Point. Crazy, right?

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made May 26 at 2016 10:44 PM

2016-05-26T22:44:08-04:00

I remember a soldier that went to Clothing Sales and bought some LT Gen stars, and a Third Army Patch, bought two western cap pistols and set up several bags of little green army men in a formation in his room, dressed up like General Patton, and recited from memory his speech to the Third Army like the beginning of the movie "Patton"

Yep, "General Patton" found his way to the Fourth Floor, and we never saw him again. I heard he was put on a butterscotch pudding diet and sent home for reassignment.

Response by SN Greg Wright made May 26 at 2016 10:54 PM

2016-05-26T22:54:52-04:00

I didn't see anything too crazy while I was active (though I saw plenty of STUPID). As a Merchant Marine, however, I was sailing on a chemical tanker once, and we had a guy go nuts and start stuffing rags into the manifolds (which is where liquid cargo is loaded and discharged) and trying to light them on fire. We got 3.5" fire hoses and blasted him off it -- 3.5" fire hose will knock anyone on their ass from, say, 30 feet or so. Anyway, he wound up in chains until the CG came and got him. Never saw him again.

Response by PO3 Donald Murphy made May 26 at 2016 11:54 PM

2016-05-26T23:54:11-04:00

During the Cold War where turnover was high, we had a Missile Tech come onboard who claimed that he was supposed to be on shore duty instead of sea duty. I checked his record and he was definately supposed to be on board a submarine. He didn't like that. His LPO told him "well you're going to sea unless you smoke dope" or something along those lines. Next day he was in the Captain's office "admitting" to having smoked drugs. There was no rehab back then (1987) so he was discharged with an Other Than Honorable.

Response by PO3 Donald Murphy made May 27 at 2016 12:07 AM

2016-05-27T00:07:37-04:00

...another funny one, also during the Cold War, we were on a ballistic missile submarine and having a weapons inspection where we simulated getting "the message," opening the hatches and pretending to fire a missile. The Radioman who was not really too enthusiastic about being onboard, walks in and hands the "test" message to the team to verify its authenticity. It works and we go to battle stations. The Radioman then blurts out, "what if the Radioman on duty woke up one morning and didn't want to play and just threw the message in the trash can?"

Oooops.

He was off when the exercise was over.

Response by SSG Richard Reilly made May 27 at 2016 10:37 AM

2016-05-27T10:37:52-04:00

We had a Soldier in the BCT unit I was the legal guy for chasing a invisible burning baby down the hallway every night. Oh I got the stories.

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made May 27 at 2016 10:40 AM

2016-05-27T10:40:41-04:00

Ya in Germany we had a guy sitting in his underware on his bunk with 3 cheese buggers smeared all over himself. He was gone that day.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made May 27 at 2016 12:40 PM

2016-05-27T12:40:44-04:00

PFC Al Sethre - Sat on an Admin Sep board for a youngster who dribbled an imaginary basketball everywhere he went. As he entered the room to respond to the many questions we had, he spun the ball on his finger, shot a free-throw, and even rebounded that ball. As he sat down before us, he put the ball into his lap and fielded our inquires. At the end, the ranking officer told him that he'd be separated for "failure to adjust." As the kid left, he was no longer dribbling. A salty GySgt called out to him, "Hey, you forgot your ball!" The lad responded, "Oh, Thanks Gunny. But, I don't need it any longer."

Response by Sgt Shely Hanson made May 27 at 2016 1:40 PM

2016-05-27T13:40:12-04:00

When I was in basic training, several females quickly changed their mind and wanted out. In the first week, one female walked up to the MTI and puked on his boots. I thought he was going to explode and kick her in the face lol. She left that evening. Another I heard, but did not witness, a male in basic ran out the fire escape and did a swan dive off the 3rd floor stairs. He lived, but it messed him up bad.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2016 1:50 PM

2016-05-27T13:50:18-04:00

We had a guy get put out at Carson for compulsively masturbating while at work. didn't matter where we were, the guy would frequently drop a hand down his pants and go at it. My PSG sharply felt the back of his head many a time, but this guy just wouldn't stop. So he went to BHC, and apparently started tugging it in the clinic! So he was out real quick.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2016 1:57 PM

2016-05-27T13:57:52-04:00

Two different ones. Had a guy in basic training who made it with flying colors and was shopping to AIT at Fort Sill and somehow managed to go AWOL. He was caught and sent back to Fort Jackson where he told a drill sergeant that he just wanted to do basic training and that was it. He ended up being shipped to Sill with an escort. Know this first hand because of my being held over after a bad ankle sprain during my final APFT. Another guy at AIT decided he was going to drink bleach. He ended up on the mental health ward of the hospital at Gordon and never heard from again.

Response by CW2 Carl Swanson made May 27 at 2016 2:20 PM

2016-05-27T14:20:59-04:00

I had a guy in Boot Camp at MCRD San Diego who had "F*ck You!" written on the edge of his right hand so that when he saluted, the officer read it. He was adminned out in about 3 days.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2016 3:36 PM

2016-05-27T15:36:20-04:00

Knew one guy who wrote an e-mail on an unclassified system with MOUNDS of classified stuff, on purpose, just to have his clearance stripped so he could serve out the rest of his tour away from the SCIF. Instead he was arrested by OSI and prosecuted for intentionally disseminating classified information to those not cleared to know it.

Response by SPC Kortney Kistler made May 27 at 2016 4:27 PM

2016-05-27T16:27:01-04:00

We were pre-mob. We hadn't been handed our orders yet but we were ADT until we got them. I guy in my platoon, an odd duck to say the least had his daughter file sexual assault charges on him to avoid deployment. Didn't much care for him anyway, so I wasn't too worried about him being gone.
After deployment he was still in. I never did hear the full details as to what actually happened.

Response by SPC Herold Bush made May 27 at 2016 5:44 PM

2016-05-27T17:44:59-04:00

We had a guy tried ; failed drug test, constantly missed formation, went AWOL, and nothing would work. He finally shoplifted a box of tampons from the Exchange , and he was gone in a week.

Response by SPC Kenneth Koerperich made May 28 at 2016 5:03 AM

2016-05-28T05:03:39-04:00

First, SM got drunk, took the plt. buffer, wrapped the cord around his neck & tossed it out the 3rd floor window. WHAM! buffer hit's the ground, SM didn't move an inch. Sent to 7th West(Psych Ward).

Second, 2 SM's went on leave, then attempted AWOL. But, they returned 4 hours short of actual AWOL. So they spent the next month of a slooww out processing, cleaning everything w/ toothbrushes.

Third, SM stole rounds off a live fire range while down country. Later that night, he loaded up, stormed threw the AO looking for the Lt & CoCmdr. Said he was going to kill them. Fired off a couple of rounds before getting slammed. 7th West super fast.

Multiple drug users not hiding the fact.

Negligent Discharge resulting in "Friendly Fire" death during OJC. SM was sent out after a long review on whether or not to charge him w/ manslaughter. A lot of command got reprimanded & 1 officer relieved.

CoCmdr who thought we needed "cold weather" training w/o proper gear. Relieved for 12 cases of frostbite in 2 days....

Bunch of others over 3 years, but these are the most memorable.

Response by CPL Jay Strickland made May 28 at 2016 4:06 PM

2016-05-28T16:06:07-04:00

We had a guy in AIT that always carried a spoon around with him told everyone God told him to do it. He also wanted to be addressed and brother love. Yeah he was gone in about a month though not before the MPS arrested him for stealing a spoon from the DFAC.