What advice would you give on helping a soldier who recently lost a loved one?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 May 2016 02:28:18 -0400

referred the solider to Chaplin. After that I'm lost on what else to do, any tips on how to help the solider out, or let the Chaplin handle it.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 19 at 2016 6:31 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 May 2016 06:31:33 -0400

The soldier should have been directed towards the chaplin first thing. Has he taken emergency leave already? Everyone handles grief differently, continue to observe and communicate with him/her. You can also have a counseling session with your soldier to make sure he is aware of all the help available to him. Chaplin, armyonesource, leadership, friends etc. No one knows a specific grief timelime however we must at some point get back up and be soldiers again. I speak from personal experience of losing my mother while deployed. Hope your soldier is gtg soon

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made May 19 at 2016 6:49 AM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Thu, 19 May 2016 06:49:57 -0400

It is my opinion that that you started him in the right direction, know what he will need is a person he is comfortable talking to, to help him ease the pain and hopefully can be happy once again.

Response by SGT Loren Hammons made May 19 at 2016 7:49 AM

SGT Loren Hammons — Thu, 19 May 2016 07:49:14 -0400

There is no way to know what is going on when the soldier looses a loved one, but I can say for me when my dad passed away it was comforting to know that people where there for me and my family. Just letting someone know you are there for them means a lot.

Response by Col Joseph Lenertz made May 19 at 2016 9:00 AM

Col Joseph Lenertz — Thu, 19 May 2016 09:00:50 -0400

Resist the temptation to give the soldier a pass or time off. They might not want time off, and living their normal life can help re-establish sense and order in their life. It might be good to keep understanding people around them. After a death, be on the look-out for any signs of suicide.

Response by SFC(P) John McLaughlin made May 19 at 2016 9:42 AM

SFC(P) John McLaughlin — Thu, 19 May 2016 09:42:50 -0400

Listen first. Always listen. Get an understanding where his/her head is.

Response by SFC Wade W. made May 19 at 2016 10:10 AM

SFC Wade W. — Thu, 19 May 2016 10:10:10 -0400

Just make yourself available to the soldier. There are a lot of good articles on understanding the grieving process I would spend some time reading those. The soldier is going to have some bad days ahead depending on how close they were. Other than that, yes, let the Chaplain handle it.

Response by SSgt Boyd Welch made May 19 at 2016 10:23 AM

SSgt Boyd Welch — Thu, 19 May 2016 10:23:00 -0400

The best help is usually have someone who has gone through it meet with them and share experience and let them talk and grieve.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made May 19 at 2016 10:27 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 May 2016 10:27:31 -0400

Its important that the Soldier knows he has his battles to rely on. I lost my sister and I was a mess. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I definitely didn't want to see a Chaplain because I was angry at God. I had good friends that would just come see me and make sure I was eating and they would just sit there with me for hours not saying a word because I didn't want to talk about it. Just having people there was a big comfort. Eventually I started talking to them and it helped the healing process.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 19 at 2016 10:34 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 May 2016 10:34:02 -0400

Seek for heelp. Any help, family, friends, Chaplain, Pastors, etc. Also share what happened, that will definitely helps heal

Response by LTC Thomas Tennant made May 19 at 2016 10:50 AM

LTC Thomas Tennant — Thu, 19 May 2016 10:50:34 -0400

Having lost a son to FAS and later a wife (ex-wife in full disclosure) to cancer, getting over is really getting through the grieving process. There are no short cuts and any attempts to rush through the process only sets him or her up for more problems down the road. That is why I highly recommend seeking and aggressively working a good grief counselor. Any loss be it from death, divorce, etc....will leave some emotional scars. How ugly the scars become is determined how much the individual avoids counseling.

So, what you can do after getting the individual to the Chaplin is to support and encourage him/her to see it through. You can also let him/her know that you are there for them day or night. Encourage others to support as well. As an infantry company commander in the 1980's, it was my whole company with the 1SG leading who helped me to "Charley Mike" and work through my son's death. The sr leadership at BN and BDE were also very supportive. Bottom line, the more support the better.

Response by MSG Floyd Williams made May 19 at 2016 10:57 AM

MSG Floyd Williams — Thu, 19 May 2016 10:57:54 -0400

I can understand the situation because my mother died two days after I left for deployment, I went to the Chaplain and he prayed for me which is truly appreciated. I agree with SGT Gregory Lawritson on seeking advice from the Chaplain yourself, or go through your Chain-of-Command or peers for advice and support to help this soldier. But most of all let the soldier know you are there for him/her, it makes a difference when a person know someone cares. I wish you well on helping your friend, and your friend and family is in my prayers.

Response by Maj Kevin "Mac" McLaughlin made May 19 at 2016 11:20 AM

Maj Kevin "Mac" McLaughlin — Thu, 19 May 2016 11:20:32 -0400

Keep offering to be there and talk to him/her, invite him/her to join you ad your friends in social activities, and let him/her know you're there if and when he/she's ready.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 19 at 2016 12:59 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 May 2016 12:59:18 -0400

I would let them know that you are there if they want to talk to someone about it, but try not to be pushy about it. I would also keep an eye on the soldier just to make sure they are ok and don't spiral down into severe depression. I wish you the best!

Response by MSgt John McGowan made May 19 at 2016 1:23 PM

MSgt John McGowan — Thu, 19 May 2016 13:23:58 -0400

SGT- I lost my wife of 44 years about 3 years ago. I found out that talking did me more good than anything else. I had some help from Hospice which is a great organization but time and talk won't cure the pain but it helps. If you are a close friend listen to him if he wants to talk. I set in my garage for over 2 hours one afternoon listening to a friend talking about his best friend that died of cancer. Bet he smoked about a half pack of cigarettes but we got thru it.

Response by SGT Casey Lovell made May 19 at 2016 3:33 PM

SGT Casey Lovell — Thu, 19 May 2016 15:33:30 -0400

It goes without saying that very, very few can ever successfully say something to even slightly alleviate the grief and pain that comes with the death of a loved one. Remember your role and perform it fully within the lines of our creed... It isn't just a professional guide for how to keep these people alive, it's a testament to the depths of our bonds and our relationships with our Soldiers. The strength of those bonds is based in reliability. In support. We are the backbone. The best thing you can do is continue to be empathetic for the human and to live by the creed for the Soldier. The support and relief that you provide by embodying the creed will allow the Soldier to grieve and recover, as we all must, but without the stress of fulfilling a role made impossible by the worst circumstance. Support, patience, understanding and perseverance.

I wish you, and your Soldier, the absolute best. I'm very sorry for your difficult time.