What advice do you have for a mother who is going to Basic? What should she tell her 3 year old?

PFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Dec 2019 18:32:55 -0500

I am a Gay female joining, I'm 32 and my wife and I have an almost 3 year old.
Anyone with experience or with ideas are welcome to give advise, thoughts?

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Dec 16 at 2019 7:01 PM

LTC Jason Mackay — Mon, 16 Dec 2019 19:01:50 -0500

- Record some bed time stories read by you for her
- explain that you are going to do so that you can make things better for the family, but you won't see her for a while. Anchor the date to something she'll understand like Christmas, a birthday, etc. explain that you will not be able to call or talk as much as you'd like, but you will be thinking about her everyday.
- pre buy some presents to "send to her". Your wife can parse them out over the time you are in basic/AIT.
- there is a company that makes Daddy/Mommy dolls with your image. There is a voice recorder to record your voice so she'll see and hear a piece of you. My daughters had them for my deployments.

Advice for you: focus on what you are doing. Do the job. Remember who you're doing this for. It will be through soon.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Dec 16 at 2019 7:35 PM

SGM Erik Marquez — Mon, 16 Dec 2019 19:35:59 -0500

PFC Private RallyPoint Member I dont know anyone on RP, but I can put you in touch with someone in a similar life position

Response by SPC Janet Roush made Dec 17 at 2019 2:56 AM

SPC Janet Roush — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 02:56:02 -0500

Wow, that was really rotten!

Response by MSgt Michael Smith made Dec 17 at 2019 8:40 AM

MSgt Michael Smith — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 08:40:06 -0500

For me (and I was much younger than that) I kept in mind that Basic training is TEMPORARY. It is a finite amount of time and then everything will get much, much better. No doubt the hardest part of basic for her will be living without her family for a couple of months. Just push through.

Response by Maj John Bell made Dec 17 at 2019 11:04 AM

Maj John Bell — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 11:04:40 -0500

Family separations while serving are a fact of life. I know that is not initially helpful but that it the point that you must start from.

Kids are resilient. Just tell the truth. Explain:
_why joining the military was important to you,
_what sacrifices you have to make,
_what sacrifices the child will have to make, and
_what benefits the child will get.

I'm sure that if we knew what branch you are joining, what your MOS will be, and if you know your duty station, the RP board of experts would be able to help fill in any areas you might need help filling in. I can tell you that my daughter feels that being a military dependent who lived overseas and multiple places in the US feels like she lived a much "bigger" childhood than any non-service brats she knows.

She lived in Africa for over 2 years. She makes friends quickly. She still is in touch with friends friends from elementary school all over the nation even though she has four kids of her own now. She welcomes new situations as adventures. She's been to a lot of National parks as we criss crossed the country on PCS moves.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 17 at 2019 11:31 AM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 11:31:01 -0500

Not sure how much a 3 year old will remember. Bless you for deciding to serve. There will be many separations, and in time you'll be able to manage them.

Response by SPC Brian Pritchard/Hall made Dec 17 at 2019 7:14 PM

SPC Brian Pritchard/Hall — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 19:14:15 -0500

That your going to defend your country.

Response by SPC Stewart Smith made Dec 18 at 2019 1:44 AM

SPC Stewart Smith — Wed, 18 Dec 2019 01:44:04 -0500

Communicate every chance you get. There are going to be times when you can't talk to them for a month or longer. Write letters and communicate your feelings. You're going to be going through some tough times and they will not be able to comprehend them. Write letters. Write letters. Hand written letters are personal and people really like to receive them. Plus they have the added benefit of being a written diary/record for you while you're enlisted.

Response by CPO Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2019 2:56 AM

CPO Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Dec 2019 02:56:09 -0500

Not sure which service branch you’re joining or whether you’re going active or reserve, but it’s going to be stressful for you and your partner also. I say partner because you both brought a child into your lives together and now one part of the team will be removed with very little contact for a while. The absences won’t end after boot camp. Aside from possible/probable deployments, you will have training and schools that can take you away. Your three-year old will miss you a lot and may be angry at you for being gone so much. There are a lot of things I had to miss that I wish I’d been there for. Just laying that out so you can make an informed choice. All that said, you can maximize the time you have with your child, you can call as often as you can, you can develop rituals that are unique to you and your child. The way you say good night on the phone or special things you do when you get home. You can send emails that are just for her that your wife can read to her.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2019 6:24 PM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Dec 2019 18:24:21 -0500

be ready to miss holidays and birthdays

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2019 8:44 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 08:44:44 -0500

My daughter was 3 when I joined. I hope you have a good support system at home, that will make things 100% easier on you and your child. Write letters all the time, I don't know the phone policy in basic now (I got 3 phones calls the entire time I was in training) but if you can call do so. Also ask your wife to send you pictures you child may color or pictures of your child. I told mine that "Mommy was going to be gone for a little while to join the Army so I could give her a better life" She didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on and me being gone, but she was reminded every night that I loved her by my support system. Also when graduation comes around, be prepared for the ugly cry by you and her. My daughter was unsure about me in uniform the first time she saw me in it.