Veterans & Retirees, how long did it take for you to adjust to being around civilians?

SSgt Paul Esquibel — Tue, 15 Nov 2016 23:51:15 -0500

So I've been out almost 2 years and rejoining the civilian sector has been hard, not just the job market but the culture. Everyone seem's so in their own bubble, have such a lack of effort and overall don't respect anyone but feel they should be respected. How long or do you just learn to tolerate civilian life.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made Nov 15 at 2016 11:55 PM

SSG Trevor S. — Tue, 15 Nov 2016 23:55:38 -0500

I retired in 2014 and I am still having a hard time comprehending some civilian mindsets.
I agree with your observation of the respect paradox.
Their lack of mission drive disturbs me.

Response by SFC Pete Kain made Nov 16 at 2016 12:02 AM

SFC Pete Kain — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 00:02:31 -0500

I Retired in 1994, still working on it.

Response by SSG Shavonde Chase made Nov 16 at 2016 12:03 AM

SSG Shavonde Chase — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 00:03:21 -0500

Civilian life is a different culture from military. Just like different groups of people and different organizations have their own unique culture. Learning to adapt and be diverse is a good skill to have. Honestly, I feel the same way as you do about some of my comrades in the military. Lots of people want to be respected because of position, rank, title, ect without understand that respect is earned. So many people think they are respected because people do what they are told. Respect actually involves having admiration for another individual.

Response by TSgt David L. made Nov 16 at 2016 12:04 AM

TSgt David L. — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 00:04:35 -0500

Still working on it. 7 3/4 to 8 years later, I'm still working on it.

Response by Maj John Bell made Nov 16 at 2016 12:09 AM

Maj John Bell — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 00:09:16 -0500

Gave up after five years and moved to rural northern Michigan. (Not trying to be funny)

Response by Cpl Anthony Ahumada made Nov 16 at 2016 1:40 AM

Cpl Anthony Ahumada — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 01:40:39 -0500

Been out for 8 years so.... something like 47 years

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2016 1:47 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 01:47:08 -0500

As with all things in life, learn to leverage your past experience, and try to leave behind those activities that hamper your current mission, so long as you retain your integrity.

My experience in the Army has been invaluable in my workplace. Yes, knowledge and skills directly apply, but those aren't what I'm referring to. I share your observations, and the army taught me how to work with others whose goals are different than mine. Those personnel who value the overall mission of the company are easy to relate to: just find that common ground, and re-enforce it with every communication. Those that are toxic to the environment will eventually excuse themselves one way or another.

It isn't civilian life; it is your life. You'll find people who share your values even if they don't have the military behind them. Just keep working on improving yourself and those around you.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Nov 16 at 2016 2:33 AM

Capt Seid Waddell — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 02:33:29 -0500

Don't know; its only been 45 years so far...

Response by SSG Ronald Bloodworth made Nov 16 at 2016 2:41 AM

SSG Ronald Bloodworth — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 02:41:30 -0500

Been retired since Mar. 2014. Still not adjusted and probably never will be. Civilians who've never served don't have a clue & don't really want one. Can't talk to them because of that, and we have nothing in common. I just go my job and leave when the day is done. Only comfortable around other vets who get it.

Response by SSgt Joseph Marquis made Nov 16 at 2016 6:55 AM

SSgt Joseph Marquis — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 06:55:34 -0500

have been seeking the "Adjustment" for 3 years, it just isn't happening, try bourbon... It'll at least make your evenings bearable? ((J/K)) The civilians are as you said in their bubbles, find like minded individuals and stick with them... I found that chillin' with other vets is the closes you can get to what we consider normal life. Good luck out there.

Response by SGT Dennis Lushbaugh made Nov 16 at 2016 7:09 AM

SGT Dennis Lushbaugh — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 07:09:18 -0500

Still trying 15 years later.

Response by SGT Ben Keen made Nov 16 at 2016 7:31 AM

SGT Ben Keen — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 07:31:20 -0500

There really is no time frame as I see it. Everyone's transition is as individual as each of us. The good thing is is you can come here and ask questions like this which hopefully serves as a reminder that it is okay to feel like this because I think it is safe to say, we all share these feelings.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2016 7:49 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 07:49:14 -0500

I'm still having issues.

At first I had a very small circle of friends and that has dwindled due to lives, family and jobs. Trying to have conversations with people about simplistic topics just brings out the ass within themselves when all I'm doing is trying to strike up a conversation; usually it leads to the "I" statements, emotional attachment and ignorantly blowing things out of proportion.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Nov 16 at 2016 7:53 AM

Cpl Justin Goolsby — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 07:53:45 -0500

It's been almost 2 years for me and I'm still not used to dealing with civilians. Thankfully I found a job where I can continue working with the military. It made being a civilian a lot easier.

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made Nov 16 at 2016 7:58 AM

Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 07:58:12 -0500

Not sure you ever will. I retired in 1993 and moved into a civilian job for another 20 years. During that time I never totally adjusted to the civilian work environment. It seems like civilians just don't have the bigger "get the job done perspective" that you see in the military. Their focus is pretty much on the bubble that surrounds their particular part of whatever the company does, not the big picture. Sure CEOs and Board members may have that perspective, but in a large civilian company how often do workers encounter these people? In the military, even though its huge, everyone has the big picture perspective so your day to day interactions tend to focus on the mission, not getting that widget done. In the civilian world my bosses repeatedly told me that they liked the way I could work across departments. Granted part of that was due to the nature of my job, but as I look back on it I realize that I really was different in how I looked at things from other managers in the company. I think that perspective came from my military experience because my non-military peers just didn't have it.

Response by Sgt John Steinmeier made Nov 16 at 2016 8:40 AM

Sgt John Steinmeier — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 08:40:27 -0500

Still adjusting far too many years later. Prefer the company of prior military during non-work hours and prefer to work with prior military during work hours. Fortunately the owner of the company I work for is prior military and he gets me.

Response by SFC George Smith made Nov 16 at 2016 10:30 AM

SFC George Smith — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 10:30:52 -0500

still haven't...

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2016 10:58 AM

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 10:58:58 -0500

I would say a veteran's or retiree's ability to adjust to civilian life varies from person to person, there is no set standard for how long it takes for an individual to adjust from military life to a civilian lifestyle.

Response by SPC Sheila Lewis made Nov 16 at 2016 11:26 AM

SPC Sheila Lewis — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 11:26:19 -0500

I am still adjusting.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Nov 16 at 2016 12:46 PM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 12:46:41 -0500

I'll let you know. 14 years out and still waiting.

Response by MCPO Roger Collins made Nov 16 at 2016 12:55 PM

MCPO Roger Collins — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 12:55:48 -0500

Went to school for a while, with mostly vets in company, first job was Charleston Naval shipyard, same situation. Looked for a real job with upwards potential after about 18 months, hired by a CWO-4 (Army, Ret.), again he preferred vets and I had good company. Changed two more jobs that increased my influence and hired as many former vets as I could find that were qualified. I suppose, in answer to your question, it was an evolving experience and I couldn't really say when the transformation took place, I feel equally comfortable in either situation to this day.

Response by Cpl Ron Vulatic made Nov 16 at 2016 1:30 PM

Cpl Ron Vulatic — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 13:30:53 -0500

Been out 24 years and still can't stand most civilians. Work with a fellow Jarhead and after work hang out with mostly other Marines.

Response by SFC Mitch Mobus made Nov 16 at 2016 1:36 PM

SFC Mitch Mobus — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 13:36:43 -0500

I would have to ask for clarification... Were you never around civilians before entering the service? I retired 10 years ago. My greatest struggle is with my own expectations that others conduct themselves honorably, respectfully, and with a sense of something greater than one's self. I have been sorely disappointed with regard to my expectations being met.

That said, if the question is about how long it took to adjust to civilian life and reintegrating back into society? I struggle with that every day. Consider for a second that you are not labeled "civilian" when you leave the service, nor are you a "service member" any longer. You are labeled "veteran." As a veteran, you are neither a civilian nor a service member. You are something different, with perspectives broader than either because have been both.

Society exerts pressure on each of us to conform to others' ideals of who and what we ought to be. Tolerance and compliance are the watch words, when the watch word should be acceptance. We are told to adapt to fit in. Why should we? We have been something and done many things that the vast marjority of the population will not or choose not to be or do. It simply wasn't their calling. Have we paid a price for the choices we made to serve? For many of us, the answer is a resounding YES. This is not Sparta. This is not a society that is militaristic at its core and identity. Accept that others think and behave differently. Just consider the concept that different does not equate to bad. Differences are opportunities to learn and grow - even if the lesson is what is unacceptable TO YOU, FOR YOU.

Congratulations and thank you for your years of service, no matter how many or few. Take pride in what you accomplished and for how service has opened your eyes to all that you can do. You are a veteran, and that will never change.

Response by PO3 Derek "Doc Potter" Wilson made Nov 16 at 2016 4:15 PM

PO3 Derek "Doc Potter" Wilson — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 16:15:52 -0500

Been out just over a year and have yet to discover this secret, and from the looks of the other comments, I won't find it for quite some time.

Response by CPL Anthony Slaughter made Nov 16 at 2016 6:42 PM

CPL Anthony Slaughter — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 18:42:48 -0500

Brother, civilians are a whole different breed of jacked up. I've been out for 7 years now, and each time I think they can no longer surprise me with their nonsense or laziness, I find myself yelling "are you god damn serious?!" and then HR brings around the sensitivity training group again. I wish I was joking.

Response by SGT Philip Roncari made Nov 16 at 2016 7:10 PM

SGT Philip Roncari — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 19:10:21 -0500

I adjusted very quickly it was the trust thing that has given me problems,but it's only been 50 or so years so I guess there is still hope,I think.

Response by Col Val Finnell, MD, MPH made Nov 16 at 2016 8:03 PM

Col Val Finnell, MD, MPH — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 20:03:21 -0500

I recently retired in July and am finding it very difficult. What bothers me most is that there is no sense of mission or calling higher than oneself for most civilians that I work with. I have also been accused of trying to run things like the military. I had to laugh when I was accused of this, because if I did they would really know it. What they were reacting to was a sense of clearly defined purpose, a commitment to excellence, and an expectation of service.

Response by SGT Todd Miller made Nov 16 at 2016 8:32 PM

SGT Todd Miller — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 20:32:11 -0500

I got out in '96 and it took me years. I had some problems though. Somehow I got really claustrophobic. I couldn't stand to be in crowds, vehicles, or house trailers. I have problems with my wife's family gatherings. I've found a home as an engineer in construction or heavy equipment environments. I work with a lot of ex-military people. It's an environment that appreciates hard workers. However, sometimes they take advantage of you. I'm the guy they send to get the tough jobs done. I've been injured. It's almost wrecked my marriage. I might as well be branded soldier for life. It's not so bad now. I make a pretty good living. I've worked like I was still in the Army for most of my life (I'm brainwashed) and people will pay well for that in the right environment.

Response by SFC Joseph Weber made Nov 17 at 2016 4:31 AM

SFC Joseph Weber — Thu, 17 Nov 2016 04:31:57 -0500

Still working on it. Eleven years now.

Response by SFC Donald LeBlanc made Nov 17 at 2016 12:44 PM

SFC Donald LeBlanc — Thu, 17 Nov 2016 12:44:11 -0500

Being retired for 5 years now i can honestly say - it's difficult to accept the "civilian" mindset. Completely off track on what we, as Military members, are used to. The work ethic is completely opposite and from my observation - there is a "me first" attitude. I work with a HIGHLY diverse group of people and I can't even count the number of times I have had to hold my tongue because of the "winning", "backbiting", "lazy - i'm not doing that" attitudes.

If any of you have flown in the last decade using US Based carriers - you may have noticed those complaining, grouchy people - well, I work with them daily - and sometimes wish they had to serve in the military to fix their mindsets.

In the end - I just let it roll-off my back, thank GOD that I didn't take their route in life and be PROUD that I served!!!!

Response by SFC William Stephens made Nov 18 at 2016 3:21 PM

SFC William Stephens — Fri, 18 Nov 2016 15:21:52 -0500

I never thought I was going to out grow the uniform when I retired because It was like one uniform to the next but a little different working for soda company. But my boss was so young and had no people skills what so ever. Then I went PA Department of Corrections Training Academy, hell I thought I was in basic training again and these were civilians I was working with, HELL NO! Then I had to go inside a Correctional Facility and watch harden criminals in a yard all by myself. Now I was really trying to adjust to the civilian workforce but no one want to talk or be around me, because I could not be trusted. Then DOD called me for a much better job but my people skills and demander was a lot different after working in the jail, now I was working with women who weren't spitting on the floors around me everyday. I was very to myself for awhile but began to unwind and started to become a real person in the civilian sector, Yes it took me awhile, but now I can walk down the hallways and see anyone and help anyone who needs any kind of help in my career field. Just takes sometime. But I believe it is all part of your up bringing as well. Not everyone is going to land jobs like me, some will walk right from the military into an office job. Your not on the battle field anymore.