To See A World In A Grain Of Sand: The Old World Still Runs The New World

2018-06-11T13:52:03-04:00

Having a Catholic mother and Muslim father is not a great recipe. It doesn’t help when both are from different cultures, yet fall in love and attempt to overcome the barriers ahead. I grew up thinking everyone went to a Mosque and Church.

I grew up in Toledo, Ohio where there was a large population of Middle Eastern Arabs just north of the city in Michigan. I had a decent childhood up until 8 yrs old. This is where my life changed in the matter of weeks and I’m plucked from Ohio to end up in Mosul, Iraq for four years.

My parents could not make their marriage work, cultural differences took lead, and my father struggled the most as he was away from his home (Iraq). He didn’t believe my mother should work and expected her to take on a traditional role after having children, as this was customary and expected in Middle Eastern culture. My mother disagreed.

After my parents separated, my father asked my mother if she would allow my sister and I to go back to Iraq to visit my sick grandmother. My father told my mother she was on her deathbed. My mother agreed, but only if she could attend as I was 8 yrs old and my sister 4 yrs old.

We made it to Iraq and I met my Iraqi family from my father’s side. It was a wonderful experience. I didn’t understand the language or the culture, but my family was welcoming. My mother did notice my grandmother was not on her ‘deathbed’ but did have a knee injury.

The last night before our trip was to conclude, my father woke my sister and I up and said he wanted to take us out for candy and ice cream and we excitedly agreed. He took us to my aunt’s and we were playing and having a fantastic time. As the night went on we started getting tired and noticed our father was gone. My sister and I did not understand Arabic and while our Iraqi family was wonderful we did not know them all that well. We cried for our parents and sobbed ourselves to sleep. After days of being alone, my father returned and told my sister and I our mother had left us. He told us she did not want to be with us anymore and we were on our own.

As an 8 yr old hearing this, I cannot explain the depths of emptiness you feel or the sadness that consumes. You feel helpless, but you're only 8 yrs old and should not have to deal with these types of emotions at this age. My mother convinced my father’s family to reunite her with us and like the wonderful people they are, they do, except my father makes the poorest choice. After we reunite with our mother in Iraq, he tells her she must go back home to the U.S. (women don’t have rights like they do here in the U.S.) and she can only take one of us.

My father made her choose which daughter to take. I watched in horror as my mother picked up my sister and was forced to leave Iraq as I stood watching them go.

I was not reunited with my mother until 1995. By this time the first Gulf War started. I had lived under Saddam Hussein rule, and began to accept I would never return to the U.S. This changed when the F.B.I. and local authorities in Ohio began to help my mother get me back to the U.S. I am forever grateful to our nation for what they did to get me home. I was a “nobody” and our country stepped in to help my mother get me back. How can you ever say thank you?

It all came full circle when I was in high school and watched the twin towers fall in New York. In the fog of the attack, many were confused about why anyone would do this and the confusion of a Muslim, Terrorist, and Arab became one. I recall people saying nasty things about Arabs and Muslims, automatically associating them with terrorism. This did not sit well with me as I am of Arab ethnicity and I know from my stay in Iraq Muslims are good people.

I wanted to help and make people understand the cultural differences and that Muslims are good people, so I was naïve in thinking if I joined the military I could help bridge the cultural gap. I asked my recruiter what career field deployed most as I was eager to deploy and help, not realizing I would have to go through basic training, technical training, and learn my job before being considered for a deployment.

What I can share from my deployment is the old world still runs the new world. The Middle East is a difficult culture and society for the West to understand and fully embrace. Religion and culture dictate the Middle East. I tried contributing during my deployment by helping bridge the cultural and religious gaps of understanding the Middle East through a culture and religious lens.

Religion and Culture are the two things the West fully needs to understand to win Operations in the Middle East.

*Alea Nadeem is the author of the RallyPoint series "To See A World In A Grain Of Sand"*

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Jun 11 at 2018 2:12 PM

2018-06-11T14:12:24-04:00

Great share ma'am, thank you.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 11 at 2018 2:13 PM

2018-06-11T14:13:22-04:00

Have you written a book yet? I would like to read one!

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 11 at 2018 2:32 PM

2018-06-11T14:32:01-04:00

Fascinating story. Thank you for sharing.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Jun 11 at 2018 2:33 PM

2018-06-11T14:33:59-04:00

Great share. I am glad you were reunited and were able to serve in our great armed forces. Thank you for what you do trying to help us understand culture and religions. I remember after 9/11 hearing the same things form people and I myself uttered a few choice words as well because I was angry that our great nation got attacked by what I call rogue Muslims. I was driving by the church I attended at the time and they had put up on the billboard on 9/12 to love our enemies. That hit home and has stuck with me since. We have to fight wars as they are inevitable but it doesn't mean we have to like it. Anyone in uniform that loves to fight wars and kill needs to be checked in my opinion. We have a nations Defense which means to protect not a nations offense. We train to protect what we have no to go out and attack because we want to.

Response by LTC Stephen C. made Jun 11 at 2018 2:43 PM

2018-06-11T14:43:38-04:00

Extraordinary story, Maj Alea Nadeem. Thank you for your story, your insight and for your service to our nation.

Response by Cpl Gabriel F. made Jun 11 at 2018 2:45 PM

2018-06-11T14:45:15-04:00

Islam is a religion that is the form of government. Islam meaning "submit" is not difficult to understand. A good Muslim should try to convert all to Islam. Failing that the sword is allowed. A good Muslim does not have to keep their word, tell the truth, bind themselves to agreements or contracts made with non believers. You being left in Iraq is a good example. Gallons of U.S. blood in the sand and tons of cash robbed by corruption in the name of Islam are two things that need to be understood. Building schools, bridges, roads, drilling for water , providing medical supplies and facilities would not prevent I.E.D. or ambushes in and around those villages provided for. No good Muslim came forward with a warning. The Middle East through a culture and religious lens.

Response by Samantha S. made Jun 11 at 2018 3:22 PM

2018-06-11T15:22:30-04:00

Very mesmerizing life story.

Response by SFC Dagmar Riley made Jun 11 at 2018 3:25 PM

2018-06-11T15:25:27-04:00

Thank you for sharing! Being from another country myself I do understand the need to fully understand the other cultures in order for our missions to be successful.

Response by CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 11 at 2018 7:22 PM

2018-06-11T19:22:52-04:00

Insightful perspective.

Response by SPC Kenny Watson made Jun 11 at 2018 8:00 PM

2018-06-11T20:00:50-04:00

Very interesting Ma'am. Thank you for sharing.

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Jun 11 at 2018 9:46 PM

2018-06-11T21:46:59-04:00

Incredibly courageous story, Maj Alea Nadeem. I can’t imagine facing what you did at the age of 8, then battling the perceptions that came after such a terrible attack on our soil.

Thank you for taking the time to share this story with us.

Response by SSG William Edwards made Jun 12 at 2018 9:26 AM

2018-06-12T09:26:46-04:00

I’ve seen the cultural & religious differences thru my experience in teaching language (ESL) & adult courses to multiple students. It’s never easy to mix such issues & children usually have the worst to face. There will always be cultural, class, & religious conflicts.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 12 at 2018 10:49 AM

2018-06-12T10:49:45-04:00

Great article. You are so right about the cultural/religious aspects that drive the mid-east. I’m happy that you took such a trying experience and are using it for good. So many today would go the opposite direction.

Response by MSgt Walter Clack made Jun 13 at 2018 10:59 AM

2018-06-13T10:59:19-04:00

Maj Alea Nadeem Thank you for sharing these personal experiences with us. It gives wonderful insight into a deeply misunderstood culture. I pray your success in helping people understand.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 14 at 2018 12:27 AM

2018-06-14T00:27:15-04:00

So true. I had the honor of meeting one of the thousands Saudi Arabian Princes while serving with the 1stMarDiv in the first Gulf War. He was well educated and knew our history very well. Funny thing is that he almost made the same comment about seeing his World in A Grain of a Sand Dune. Thank you for your services and for sharing this with us all on RallyPoint. Semper Fi.

Response by SPC Robert Coventry made Jun 15 at 2018 2:20 PM

2018-06-15T14:20:50-04:00

Awesome story, I am glad you made it and thank you for your service

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2018 7:52 PM

2018-06-15T19:52:25-04:00

Thank you for sharing your story in this forum, Major Nadeem. When I retired from the Navy, I moved my family to Toledo, OH (which was indeed a strange big city for us). Although my wife and I were from small towns originally, we lived in or near big cities while I was on active duty. I did meet several Muslims during my time in Toledo (not terribly different from others in one respect.....some were good and others not so good). Our family physician was an honorable Muslim man, and I worked with a hand full of Muslim men in the Information Technologies section of an international company. These men were fine people as I recall. Now, thirty-two years after my Navy retirement, I am fully retired and living in the rural side of Western Ohio, far from the big city. I do not miss the big city, though I do miss a few friends I made there. I agree we need to fully understand both religion and culture if we are to be successful in Middle East operations. I look forward to reading your Rallypoint series.

Response by PO1 Mike Dean made Jun 22 at 2018 6:13 PM

2018-06-22T18:13:06-04:00

WOW! What an incredible story. My hat is off to you with much respect. But one thing I have not been able to understand. If Muslims are such good peaceful people, why do they not turn in the rats among them who bring anger and distrust to them? You can bet if I know someone in my neighborhood is selling drugs, the law will know about it too. Explain in a way that makes sense, please.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 25 at 2018 4:31 PM

2018-06-25T16:31:59-04:00

Unfortunately it is the loudest voices or brightest colours, and biggest events that stick with people. While people fundamentally understand that extremes do not necessarily account for the majority of a group when you ask them, they seem to forget when it becomes personal. And while many may say that it's a natural part of being human, we do not need to take it face-first.

Thank you Ma'am for you piece, the work you have done as an ambassador, and for your continued work. I'm certain that those you meet are impacted whether they let it off or not.

Response by SFC Leo Mares made Jun 27 at 2018 1:07 PM

2018-06-27T13:07:12-04:00

I believe there a good Muslims in the world however it's the bad ones thar want to change the world. I would also like too read the book

Response by Brigit Freedman made Jun 28 at 2018 2:50 PM

2018-06-28T14:50:55-04:00

This was an amazing read it was heartbreaking and beautiful. Maj Alea Nadeem thank you for being so brave and sharing!

Response by CAPT Hiram Patterson made Jul 4 at 2018 10:14 AM

2018-07-04T10:14:47-04:00

I'm glad things turned out well for you and your sister! I've been to Egypt six times including and my wife and I once lived with an Egyptian family south of Cairo for three weeks so I have an appreciation of Arabic culture and norms. I've also deployed to Iraq twice.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 9 at 2018 12:32 PM

2018-07-09T12:32:08-04:00

You have quite the story Maj Alea Nadeem . Nice to read about your journey! I will check out your other posts. I agree with your thinking that this is primarily a Cultural conflict in the ME & you must take into account cultures first in implementing any type of strategy: military or political.

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 10 at 2018 5:14 PM

2018-07-10T17:14:00-04:00

I cannot agree with you at all, all Religions and Cultures that promote themselves and their existence are naturally intolerant towards different Religions and Cultures to varying degrees. For them (Rel. Cult.) not to be would insure their own future is limited in lieu of the more dominate Culture/Religion. We can work to bridge these gaps to a degree, but like your parents divorce conflict is inevitable and a peaceful separation is often the best solution.

When it comes to US policy in regards to the Middle East, I am more of the opinion to working within the confines of the systems that organically establish themselves there. Regardless of how those nations handle their internal policies.

*Disclaimer*
I obey the orders of those appointed over me and only act upon my beliefs when it comes to the ballot box (US).

Response by Sgt Erle Mutz made Jul 13 at 2018 11:44 PM

2018-07-13T23:44:04-04:00

Good evening Major,
I just read the statement you made and became extremely captivated by your plight and goals! I was especially moved by the horrendous childhood you and your sister had been made to experience through the lies and deceit by your father. The more I read, the more I became fascinated by your story. I couldn't stop until I finished.
Thank you for writing what you wrote and how you wrote it.
I, too, think it will take a mountain of open mindedness, patience, understanding, and 'willingness' for all parties involved to find a mutual degree of existence on our planet.
I would sincerely like to read your series, here on RP.
Sgt Erle Mutz

Response by SPC Herb Jorgensen made Jul 20 at 2018 7:31 PM

2018-07-20T19:31:13-04:00

It is so unfortunate that the clash of cultures in the US is so rampid.what wonderful courage you have to be able to share this story.

Response by MAJ Hugh Blanchard made Jul 30 at 2018 10:11 PM

2018-07-30T22:11:17-04:00

The Old World still influences the New World. But it doesn't rule the New World.

Response by SFC William Stephens A. Jr., 3 MSM, JSCM made Aug 6 at 2018 1:08 PM

2018-08-06T13:08:10-04:00

NWO

Response by Maj Bruce Pawlak made Aug 27 at 2018 9:32 AM

2018-08-27T09:32:29-04:00

I agree with the others who would like to see you write a book about your life!

Response by SGT Mary G. made Sep 1 at 2018 5:28 PM

2018-09-01T17:28:46-04:00

"Religion and Culture are the two things the West fully needs to understand to win Operations in the Middle East." Absolutely!
So sorry you had to have that experience when you were so young, Maj Alea Nadeem.
I have a little friend I used to keep several times a year on school days off, who is going through that currently, at age 13.
I'm looking forward to a book, also.

Response by SGT Tom Middleton made Sep 7 at 2018 8:38 PM

2018-09-07T20:38:13-04:00

What a touching and fascinating witness to the goodness within. The best and the worst in humanity. I would love to read more.

Response by PFC Donnie Harold Harris made Oct 4 at 2018 12:11 AM

2018-10-04T00:11:33-04:00

Can't we all just get along? Rodney King

Response by MSG Floyd Williams made Oct 14 at 2018 12:03 AM

2018-10-14T00:03:51-04:00

Thank you for sharing and opening my eyes!

Response by PO2 Ken Derickson made Nov 3 at 2018 5:45 PM

2018-11-03T17:45:19-04:00

What I found when I worked in Iraq (2004-2007 and 2010-2013) is that despite cultural and religious differences people are still people they just go about things differently. They want to provide for their families, get ahead, and enjoy a good life. Unfortunately, religious zealots gained entirely too much power after the fall of Saddam and tribalism became a significant factor in the day-to-day life of Iraqis. You could not get anything done unless you located the appropriate Sheikh and made a deal with them to provide protection so you could go about your business. Shia tribes competed against other Shia tribes, Sunni tribes competed against other Sunni tribes and Shia competed with Sunni and these competitions often resulted in shootings and killings. The arrogance and ignorance of our politicians about the Iraqi culture and Islam and viewing this culture through the lens of American politics resulted in major mistakes that caused this increase in violence amongst the Iraqi religious groups. The disbanding of the Iraqi military and intelligence apparatus was a major mistake, since they understood their own culture and religion much better than the coalitions forces. General Petraeus understood this and was effective in having local Sunni tribes in Anbar Province take a major role bringing some stability to the province for a period of time, until the politicians stepped back in.

Iraq had a rich culture prior to Saddam and even during his early reign. Things were more cosmopolitan and women were not so suppressed. Their religion was less extreme and there was considerable tolerance toward other religions. The Iran-Iraq war and then the invasions of 1991 and 2003 changed all that and Iraq is now a failed state where radical Islamic clerics rule the day

Response by Cpl Mark A. Morris made Nov 1 at 2019 9:11 PM

2019-11-01T21:11:55-04:00

"Religion and Culture are the two things the West fully needs to understand to win Operations in the Middle East."
I am sorry for what you went through. But I think the West needs to understand the ME, Sunni, or Shia, have a political system called submission. Sharia Law has women ruled by men. This culture you wrtie about stems from the sayings of Muhammad. As long as the West refuses to understand who/what Muhammad did and taught, the narrative will be controlled by warriors that follow the one true god of the Kaaba. Zero point. Where the Black rock can take away sin.
Those not of this culture you write about have been declared enemy combatants. Not all Muslims follow this fatwa by some Imam's. But those who speak out against the followers/warriors of Muhammad are marked for death.
Thank you for your long service to our country and thank you for writing about what happened to you with a Muslim father.

Response by PFC Donnie Harold Harris made Oct 27 at 2020 8:22 PM

2020-10-27T20:22:58-04:00

What a horribly sad story. I am sad for you and your sister.

Response by GySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 30 at 2020 4:52 PM

2020-12-30T16:52:21-05:00

That's a great story, Major. I would be interested in reading the entire tale should you decide to write a book.
Semper Fidelis.

Response by TSgt Baran Anthony Andrew K. made Aug 16 at 2021 11:00 PM

2021-08-16T23:00:27-04:00

I just joined here. I can relate so closely to your story. I was on an Embassy shuttle flight to Teheran, Iran in September, 1977. All of 20 years-old, I was quietly excited, wearing my flight-suit until we were on the ground, and changing into civvies before we left the Aircraft. They put us up at the Teheran Intercontinental, and we spent the afternoon at the Embassy compound. And sad with the bunker mentality there. I was so close to my dad's homeland. And didn't know a lick of Farsi. Around 3:00 am, I heard a thud outside of my room. I was on the 13th floor (yes, not everyone lives superstitiously). I carried a Fairbairne knife in my book bag, got it, and slipped over to the door. I opened the door with a smash, and covered both directions of the hallway. No one there! The I looked down. There was a pile of dog-do at my feet. I cleaned it with tissue, and flushed it. And sat and cried for a minute. I did not sleep anymore that night. I saw my Instructor at breakfast, and told him. We were to leave late the next night, but when the Aircraft Commander found out, he told us to go now. We departed Teheran 2.5 hours later. Ever since then, I have had mixed feelings. I am an American Fighting Man. With roots on both sides of our planet. I felt betrayed by half of me. I warned my comrades back at the squadron when we returned home. I knew enough of my Father's people in that part of the world in those days, and their mood., and stated it flatly to my friends. Their reply was 'Don't worry, the Shah will handle them. We've got nothing to worry about'. Well, ...

Response by CSM William Everroad made Aug 17 at 2021 1:25 PM

2021-08-17T13:25:00-04:00

Maj Alea Nadeem Thank you for sharing your stories!

I remember growing up there was a culture in my community to go to religious services with kids from other faiths. I attended so many different denominations it really opens your eyes that some people really want to focus on how we are different instead of the so many ways that we are the same, including shared beliefs.