The wife and I are getting a divorce. She is not going to my next duty station with me and I PCS soon. What do I do?

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 10:25:12 -0400

I already have orders that say Accompanied and official travel permitted to Fort Carson.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Sep 28 at 2020 10:49 AM

SGM Erik Marquez — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 10:49:22 -0400

SGT Private RallyPoint Member Go see your 1SG Now, and then the S-1, just understand "getting divorced" is not the same as divorced and HR as well as senior S/G 1 folks have likely seen more than a few "I'm getting divorced and need my orders changed" scams run ...so they may be concerned in just taking your word. Documents, documents, documents..heck maybe even a signed (and notarized) statement from your soon to be ex-wife may all be requested to support your request.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2020 11:11 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 11:11:02 -0400

You don’t need to do anything, you simply don’t claim her on your travel voucher when you get to Carson, and you keep your weight at the unaccompanied authorization.

Response by Patricia Overmeyer made Sep 28 at 2020 11:37 AM

Patricia Overmeyer — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 11:37:21 -0400

SGT (Anonymous): First, have either of you actually filed the paperwork for the divorce or separation with a civilian court? Until you do, you are not "getting a divorce" for purposes of the military. You will need to talk with your 1st Sgt, as well as with the HR to ensure you are following proper regulations.
You need to immediately get in to see a civilian family law attorney who has experience in military divorces. As in get in there ASAP!! Each state has different requirements for how long you will need to be in the state before you are allowed to file, how long you have to wait to actually obtain the divorce, what the division of assets and debts are, child custody/parenting time, spousal maintenance, etc. I can't say this enough times because I've seen some totally screwed up divorces due to the fact the service member never bothered to talk with a civilian family law attorney about issues such as domicile, residing within the state, division of military retirement, division of assets and debts, child custody/support, spousal maintenance, etc. CYA ASAP!!
Do not rely on JAG to tell you what your civilian family law rights are. There's another mistake I have to deal with on a regular basis since JAG doesn't practice in family law. They can tell you what the military requirements are, i.e. how much you have to pay per military regulations for spousal/family support, etc. However, they have very little understanding of civilian family law, what judges typically order in certain types of cases, etc.
All states have adopted some forms of the Uniform Deployed Parents Custody and Visitation Act. Part of that act allows servicemembers who have PCS to a different state pursuant to valid military orders to reside in the state for a certain period of time and then allow filing of a petition for divorce. What this does is waive the requirements of being domiciled in that particular state. However, it doesn't waive is the period of time from the filing of the petition until the divorce. For example, in North Carolina the parties must live apart for one year prior to filing the divorce. Then they have to wait another year before they can actually obtain the divorce. In Arizona, the only requirement is you have to wait 60 days from the date of the response to the petition to obtain the divorce (if everything is agreed upon).
Best of luck to you!

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2020 1:16 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 13:16:54 -0400

1. Change your DFAS bank account to one she doesn’t have access to.
2. Create an allotment for the BAH amount legally required. Ask JAG, they can give you the formula.
3. Get a lawyer.
4. Ask her for a separation agreement. If you both can agree on terms in advance of the divorce, this can make the process easier and less expensive.

Don’t let her get a piece of your retirement. It is a common misconception that this is only possible after 10 years marriage. That is not true. If she asks for it, tell her you are getting out after your enlistment is up. “I was only staying in because of you.” Tell her you’re going back to college or something so she chases other things that are less valuable.

Best of luck. I’ve seen many folks get burned on divorces in the Army. Try to be smart and stay one step ahead.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2020 2:57 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 14:57:19 -0400

I say, talk to your SL/PSG, 1SG, JAG, and a civilian family lawyer. Each has a piece to play that can help you tremendously. Outside of that, I don't know the particulars of your situation and honestly it's none of my business, not trying to sound rude. But I've been in your shoes, think big picture and when y'all do go through with the divorce process, try and keep it as clean and respectful as possible. It'll help down the line.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 28 at 2020 3:02 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:02:38 -0400

Definitely need to talk to your 1SG as others have already said. Going to the Legal Assistance at the JAG Office is also a good idea as they usually do have a civilian attorney that in familiar with laws for divorces in your currant state and if not they should have a referral list for attorneys off post that specialize in divorces. The Legal Assistance Office is also where you would be able to revoke any POAs that you might have given your spouse and can help with typing up a separation agreement or getting any other documents needed for the process notarized.

Response by GySgt Kenneth Pepper made Sep 28 at 2020 3:21 PM

GySgt Kenneth Pepper — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:21:19 -0400

Where you file is going to be a big deal. I would request a hold on executing your orders and get the divorce done before your PCS move. That way you start with a clean slate. Also, you don't want to have to travel back and forth for court/hearings, etc., If there are no kids or assets to argue over it shouldn't take long.
As far as her claiming part of your retirement, in most states that would have to be awarded in the original divorce decree. Best not to even mention it.
And yes, make sure your 1SG is aware.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Sep 28 at 2020 4:22 PM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 16:22:53 -0400

Get your orders amended. All the rest is between you and a lawyer. Until a court determination at the very least you owe her BAH and child support. If I were you I would contact a lawyer immediately, one that understands the military.

Response by SFC Kelly Fuerhoff made Sep 28 at 2020 5:04 PM

SFC Kelly Fuerhoff — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 17:04:37 -0400

Until you are legally divorced - it doesn't matter what you're planning to do. Go to JAG - they can't represent you in family law but they can provide with the right direction. When I was at Ft Riley they had a class people who wanted to divorce were supposed to go to but it was for information purposes. (I was going to divorce my ex husband 8 months sooner than I actually did but changed my mind).

I hope you don't have any kids together, that will make it a little easier. But you need to get a lawyer and get the divorce done as soon as you can. Find lawyers who offer free consultations to start with. That's at least 30 min of free legal advice - REAL legal advice not strangers on the Internet.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made May 17 at 2023 7:52 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Wed, 17 May 2023 07:52:53 -0400

I agree with everyone that you need to get a lawyer and protect yourself, what doing at a minimum what is legally correct. You need to visit Jag, then hire an attorney. Depending on when you are to PCS dictates your orders.

As for the future post divorce, this depends on many factors including children and how long you are together-not based on 50% or anything like that, rather what your relationship was like and what you feel you owe her and the children. If there are no children, you basically owe her nothing accept BAH until you are legal. Lawyers know better. I would also ask to postpone PCS until the legalities are complete, tryingvto divorce from a third party state Cana be challenging at best.

Having said that, I am sorry for your situation. Don’t let this lifes event shape you in a bad way, life is good-we all hit bumps that make us wonder but then something great happens.