Should spouses be put on allowances when Soldiers are deployed?

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 02:04:31 -0400

I have seen spouses bleed the family dry and put them in so much debt that it took years to pay off the debt, even after returning as much as they could, and it almost cost them their security clearance/job/career.

I have seen others successfully manage their money while their Soldier was deployed.

So put them on an allowance or trust them?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2015 2:13 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 02:13:38 -0400

Of course this depends on the individual. Though, if you really can't trust them with the money, should you even be married to them?

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2015 7:52 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 07:52:28 -0400

The specifics on what goes on in a martial relationship is not for the Army to manage. Show me a regulation where it states the Army can dictate how I manage my marriage? Granted, there are many out there who could use some goof martial advice, but to suggest that leadership should direct a Soldier to provide their spouse with an "allowance" is outside the lines. I have a great wife who supports my career and we have open communication about everything. However, I welcome anyone to attempt to tell my spouse that she is on an allowance as suggested or directed by Army personnel. I'll keep a box of tissue for you when your done getting the @$$ chewing of a lifetime! LOL

Response by SGT Jim Z. made Mar 13 at 2015 12:48 PM

SGT Jim Z. — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 12:48:22 -0400

Some spouses are really good at pinching a penny while others blow through a paycheck faster than a lap at Daytona. However, it is very difficult to limit the spouse because when you deployed you need to focus on that mission and most of the time the spouse has a power of attorney anyways.

Actually while I was deployed or stationed overseas unaccompanied we set up a separate account for me so I did not screw with the bills so in essence I was the one on the allowance.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 12:48 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 12:48:39 -0400

I went on one deployment (last one) she sold my truck, dog, beer making equipment and had the kids taken away by the state. Took two years to finalize the divorce but now that is all behind me.

Lesson learned make better decisions.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 12:55 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 12:55:30 -0400

I believe in always having a safety net, or plan b. I think it takes at least 5 years to truly trust someone especially when it comes to finance. Judgement will always be clouded in the beginning especially if you are a romantic. Financially speaking, you should always have hidden assets that are in your name only and nobody knows about. When shtf, you have resources there for you.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 2:03 PM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 14:03:47 -0400

I thought I had a penny pincher with my ex-wife when we got married. Turned out that she wasn't frugal so much as she just never had money and had to get by on what she had. Well, once I deployed, she had my paycheck...

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 2:31 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 14:31:05 -0400

If you do not trust them, why are you married to them? Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If there is not trust, the relationship is doomed.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 2:51 PM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 14:51:53 -0400

My wife have me already on allowance! If I deploy, whenever I comeback, I'll have an E9 bank account. She is that good managing money. When I was in BCT and AIT, she managed to save more than 50% of what I made. @maurelli

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 3:00 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 15:00:27 -0400

My wife was never placed on "allowances" while deployed. Ultimately, I think that if you have to place them on restricted finances then there are far greater issues at play here. Due to the respect that my wife has for me, she has never gone on rampant spending sprees or done any other things that would be detrimental to one/both of us.

Those that have bled their accounts dry and screwed their futures, these were because of one parties lack of respect for the other. In some cases, it was that spousal found out that the SM was cheating and did it deliberately to ruin him. For others, it was a matter of the spouse using him to "get a better footing in life" (i.e. Dependapotamus, Jody, etc).

You should be able to trust your wife, but always have a backup plan available if needed. I don't think treating your wife like a child will do anything but add one further stress onto an already harrowing situation. If you are worried about her screwing you over and leaving you to financially rot away....now would be a good time to choose a different POA and divorce her.

v/r,
CPT Butler

Response by TSgt Joshua Copeland made Mar 13 at 2015 3:19 PM

TSgt Joshua Copeland — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 15:19:37 -0400

That is the difference between a true spouse and a "dependa"

Response by Sheryl Verhulst made Mar 13 at 2015 4:08 PM

Sheryl Verhulst — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 16:08:58 -0400

It's fair to put them on allowance. If they can't manage their money then that's their problem.

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 4:34 PM

Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 16:34:16 -0400

It depends. My wife handles all the day-to-day finances even when I'm home. If you got married two weeks prior to the deployment, maybe you should consider the allowance/allotment option.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 5:25 PM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 17:25:37 -0400

The problem we face not just in the military but also in the public is a lack of financial education. I grew up pinching pennies till Lincoln screamed saving everything I had for my first vehicle. My parents taught me the value of money I bought my own clothes and helped cook we didn't have diet plans but I knew what it was to eat healthy. Kids graduate high school without a clue of how to save money they depend on credit and loans to get through school and we wonder why America is in debt? You want to fix the issue? Educate the youth on how important finances are! If your buying a car pay cash if you can't, then you don't need it. We are a nation dependent upon instant gratification and getting rich quick without hard work and saving. What we need is education for every single man woman and child on how to save money and pay bills before buying that Xbox one. Just my two cents....

Response by Sgt Adam Jennings made Mar 13 at 2015 7:16 PM

Sgt Adam Jennings — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:16:33 -0400

My wife should never have been relegated to that kind of treatment when I was in and deployed. She did excellent, which I knew she would because we had been married for 7 years before I enlisted.

Yes, some military members have all kinds of trouble out of their spouses while deployed (and often not even while deployed), but that's because they chose poorly and that's their problem. I would just about bet my last dollar those same members had many friends telling them not to marry that person as well.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Mar 13 at 2015 8:41 PM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 20:41:40 -0400

Who the hell puts an adult on an allowance?

However, do two grown adults come to a mutual agreement concerning financial management of the household? All the time.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 8:51 PM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 20:51:46 -0400

Pretty touchy subject with many right answers, and few that could be successfully argued to be wrong haha. It's pretty unique from one couple to the next. Habits are of course s big factor, but cultural differences in family structure can be a make an enormous gap in opinions on the topic. Regulations cover what a soldier must provide to include what he cannot regulation "keep" or withhold from a spouse. An individual is also required to maintain some sense of financial responsibility (and liability) for their financial standing. I'd say tailor a balance of trust, for the sake of marital integrity, and your obligation by military regulation to come too a mutually agreeable plan or budget, so you don't get in a situation where congenital difficulties can put you in a position where you don't meet the requirements for you to keep the job. For some, a spouse can be a financial strength, for others it may be something to have to deal with more carefully.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 10:02 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 22:02:23 -0400

I'm glad I can trust my wife. I give mine power of attorney to everything

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 10:24 PM

LCpl Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 22:24:40 -0400

You know why divorces are expensive? Because they're worth it.

Response by SMSgt Judy Hickman made Mar 13 at 2015 11:25 PM

SMSgt Judy Hickman — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 23:25:57 -0400

Honestly if you can't trust your spouse with your money, then you probably shouldn't have a joint account. The fact that this is being discussed in an open forum is disappointing, but I'm sure we've all seen the scenario where some poor guy/gal returns from TDY/Deployment and their bank account is drained dry.

So I say communicate already, if you are worried or see a pattern, start an allotment asap and then the money will be In your own private bank account when you need it.

Response by SPC David Shaffer made Mar 14 at 2015 2:40 AM

SPC David Shaffer — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 02:40:41 -0400

I say trust them but there are many factors at play and the situation is different for each SM. Some spouses are great with handling finances. I have heard of many getting married because they were "together" anyway. Marriage is not held to the same standard as it once was. My wife would never have needed an allowance but with the way I see things going for many SMs, it may be the only way to protect them while they are in no position to protect themselves. This is a situation where your damned if you do..damned if you don't.

Response by PO1 John Meyer, CPC made Mar 14 at 2015 7:16 AM

PO1 John Meyer, CPC — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 07:16:32 -0400

My wife will admit that she's not that good when it comes to finances; not everyone is. So it's not that I don't trust my wife because I do, but it's that I know she isn't good when it comes to saving money just as some others aren't.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 14 at 2015 9:38 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 09:38:01 -0400

This one is pretty close to home for me, as I trusted my spouse completely and she overspent every time I deployed - most recently to the tune of $100k.
Trust is the foundation of a marriage. Without it, it is doomed to fail. My situation indeed broke my trust, and unfortunately we look to be doomed to fail as a couple despite many happy years together.

What I should have done in hindsight is manage the direct deposit account in a way that would have made her activity more visible to me from overseas, and ensure there was dialogue when unusual expenses happen.

The damage to our finances is recoverable. The trust issue... I don't know. It probably doesn't matter in the long run, considering the circumstances.

Response by SSgt June Worden made Mar 14 at 2015 11:09 AM

SSgt June Worden — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 11:09:43 -0400

Military or civilian, doesn't matter. It is a spouse's personal responsibility to keep finances in check, regardless of whether their spouse is deployed.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Mar 14 at 2015 12:24 PM

MSG Brad Sand — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 12:24:48 -0400

All of the above, decided by the soldier.

Response by SPC Elijah J. Henry, MBA made Mar 14 at 2015 1:33 PM

SPC Elijah J. Henry, MBA — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 13:33:37 -0400

My wife and I married debt free, and we plan to stay that way. She hates debt as much as I do. We have a budget, and we stick to it. She could be trusted to handle the money during a deployment.

Some spouses could not. Some soldiers cannot . . .