Self Care.

2021-07-16T11:22:06-04:00

As I prepare to depart for vacation, I reflect on the many reasons why we ALL must unplug, rest, recover, and prepare for the impending future.

A few months ago, I called a military buddy for what I thought was going to be a 5-minute conversation that turned into a 2.5-hour call. Following my question, my friend asked if I had a few minutes to spare. I always have time for my brothers and sisters in arms! During our conversation, he shared a few things that he was dealing with. He was overwhelmed with academics, financial difficulties, increased military duties/responsibilities, a recent breakup, on top of his service-connected medical conditions. At one point, he wondered why he was struggling so much and compared himself to others who “seem to be able to manage life better”. From the sound of it, he had reached his breaking point. This is what I told him….

Friend, life is a journey that is filled with many twists and turns; red lights that stop us, speed bumps that slow us down, and detour signs that turn us completely around. Some are blessed to have people to share their journey with, while others embark on the journey alone. Regardless, we all have the same final destination. This journey we call life is cherishing the moments and the people we share them with, learning from life's lessons, and trying to make the world a better place than we found it.

He asked me how was I able to manage the many responsibilities/obligations that I have. I told him that God made me Ford tough and that he only sees the end result, and has no idea the struggles that I (and others) oftentimes endure – similar to the iceberg effect. I told him that we cannot compare ourselves to others because we all have different skills, different backgrounds, different talents, different resources (socially, financially, mentally), etc., and we don’t know what it took for them to get to where they are. Nowadays, and especially with social media, people put up a facade as if they are living the dream (but they are robbing Peter to pay Paul) or that life is easy (when they are about to tap out). I told him that it took a while, but I had to learn how to practice self-care, which involves putting myself first. I told him that this practice is not selfish, but necessary! He seemed shocked, so I gave him the following analogy…

“We put gas in our vehicles so that we can get from point A to point B. As we travel, we deplete the gas and must refuel at some point or we cannot continue to go about our day. Different models require different types of fuel. Some cars use assorted grades of gasoline, some use diesel fuel, while others can run on electricity. Our bodies are very similar to our vehicles; they need fuel to function. With this concept in mind, we should only give to others from our overflow (extra gas that flows out when our tank is full) as we can’t do anything with the excess gas that spills out of our tank. However, we should not cipher from our gas tank (energy sources) to put it into someone else’s (unless for emergencies). It’s counterproductive – how can we accomplish our objectives, or help others, if we are low on fuel because we gave it all away? Keep in mind that everyone is different, and has different requirements to sustain them - similar to the different year, make, and model of vehicles. Some people can get by with a quick nap or a light/brisk walk, hanging out with friends. While others require medication, therapy, changes in diet, consistent exercise, massages, etc. to sustain them. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing something different or more/less than someone else to sustain yourself.

Right now, you are stressed, doubting yourself, and darn near overwhelmed. At times, various service lights appear on our dashboards, indicating that something should be addressed. These can appear due to low air in the tires, low fuel, engine overheating, battery-related/electrical issues, or engine repair is required. Similar to our vehicles, our bodies will give us indications that something needs to be addressed. This can take the form of headaches, frustration, lack of concentration, anxiousness, sleep difficulties, digestive difficulties, fluctuations in weight/appetite, mood swings, sadness, fatigue, etc.… Please know that the human body was designed to feel all of the above-mentioned, and there is nothing wrong with these – in moderation. They become problematic when they are not addressed and/or when they begin to interfere with your ability to complete your daily activities. Consider this - If the oil change indicator came on in your vehicle, you don’t have to address it as soon as it comes on. However, if you let several months pass and you don’t change your oil, you will end up with a bigger and more expensive problem -your engine locking up. If we do not pay attention to the cues from our body, our body and brains will begin to malfunction until they ultimately break down.

You and I are built like those old Ford trucks – we carry heavy loads, have high mileage, take a beating, get in wrecks, etc., but we come out looking as if we haven’t endured. If you take a look at these newer model cars, they look nice, have all the bells and whistles, have fewer miles, etc., but if they get into an accident with this Ford truck; they fall apart. The difference between us and them is that we are more seasoned; we have experienced life, we work jobs outside of our clinical requirements, and most importantly we have, and still are, carrying heaving loads (military responsibilities, financial obligations, family, service-connected disabilities, etc.). And though we carry it well, we still are carrying heavy ass loads on top of everything else that we do! “

At the end of our conversation, I said, “Now that your service lights are on, what maintenance are you scheduling to address them, and what is your plan to ensure they are addressed proactively or more promptly in the future?”

Please share in the comments what you (or someone you know) do for self-care, to unplug, or to remedy your service lights…. Keep in mind that self-care needs vary from person to person. For some, self-care is getting out of bed in the morning instead of staying there indefinitely, making up their bed, taking five minutes to themselves, having a cheat meal and eating their favorite ice cream, etc. Personally, I walk four miles a day, I get a massage every three weeks, I occasionally treat myself to movies/dinner (by myself), I phone a friend, and I recently began taking Fridays off to unplug, relax, recover.

Until next time…

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Jul 16 at 2021 11:40 AM

2021-07-16T11:40:07-04:00

MSG Private RallyPoint Member My sons were taught to ‘pay themselves’. During a phone call, it is strange when one of my sons will tell me he has to go pay himself!

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Jul 16 at 2021 11:40 AM

2021-07-16T11:40:12-04:00

Self care: exercise! Both cardio and strength training. Mindfulness and breath training. Having a trusted friend to share with. Spirituality/prayer.
Music is part of my toolbox as is reading and time in nature.

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Jul 16 at 2021 12:04 PM

2021-07-16T12:04:18-04:00

Important topic MSG Private RallyPoint Member. We all need to think about refueling our tanks. It's why we put our own oxygen mask on first in an aircraft.
Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member - similar conversation we had this week.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 16 at 2021 1:52 PM

2021-07-16T13:52:59-04:00

MSG Private RallyPoint Member Agreed. R&R = key. Always enjoy a Breaker’s break and the countless other options across the USA/globe. And —-> home *staycations* can also work wonders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYy9SzhUMHo

The Palm Beaches Brand Anthem

Come see where America's First Resort Destination was built and genuine hospitality began. https://www.thepalmbeaches.com/

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 16 at 2021 7:37 PM

2021-07-16T19:37:02-04:00

I wrote a PTSD Paper to help people with PTSD navigate. It has helped some people.

Response by SSgt Melissa Sutton made Jul 18 at 2021 12:55 AM

2021-07-18T00:55:09-04:00

I take a day or 2 two every now and then to especially Fridays are pretty frequent lately.

Response by SFC Randy Hellenbrand made Jul 18 at 2021 4:15 PM

2021-07-18T16:15:16-04:00

I have a worry tree. I leave any problems there at the end of the day. If I need them, they will still be there the next day. But stress is a huge killer and people just gotta figure out their own way to let it go. Besides, I got grandkids I want to be a pain to.

Response by 1SG Jacob Brannan made Jul 19 at 2021 5:58 PM

2021-07-19T17:58:41-04:00

Awesome post and spot on. Thank you for sharing.

Response by PO3 Monica Zink Davenport made Jul 21 at 2021 1:36 AM

2021-07-21T01:36:31-04:00

Great article, terrific reminder! Even when life gets crazy busy I find that taking a few minutes to step out of the specifically busy environment and focusing on something else entirely seems to help reset me until I can take a longer break and rest!

Response by SPC David Batterson made Jul 22 at 2021 1:36 PM

2021-07-22T13:36:28-04:00

I like your point of view, and your writing skills.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 29 at 2021 5:59 PM

2021-07-29T17:59:07-04:00

I have some random thoughts:

- I can beat this, I am not a quitter.
- I don’t know my life was nose diving, and so quickly.
- Nobody can help me.
- My life is hell.
- It is easier to die.

Response by SGT Anna Tyler made Jul 30 at 2021 2:46 PM

2021-07-30T14:46:57-04:00

I take one day at a time.

Response by Sgt Luis Bonilla made Aug 3 at 2021 9:08 PM

2021-08-03T21:08:36-04:00

Love this post your right on about refueling our bodies and mind

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Aug 6 at 2021 9:19 PM

2021-08-06T21:19:37-04:00

MSG Private RallyPoint Member My sons did much better in the world than myself. One fishes a Lot, his brother golfs, surfs or skis, which lever his knees are up to.

Response by LCpl Sidney Green made Aug 9 at 2021 4:33 AM

2021-08-09T04:33:50-04:00

I excommunicated my family (except one sister), and closed off all communication with former friends and relationships. That isolation can sometimes be depressing, but so far, it hasn't been nearly as bad as all the drama that can come from family and friends. I took some craft and art classes and actually got certified.

I used to cycle or run every day, but I haven't done any of those things since Covid. Now that the gyms have opened again. I try to go at least 3-4 times/week just to relieve stress and help me feel more positive about myself. Now that you brought it up, I think I'll start running again too.

Anyway, I also take a variety of nootropics to lower my anxiety and to improve my mood. They help me focus and get through the day. There's a lot more, but I could fill a database if I listed everything.