PTSD or just the simple fact of knowing you'll never be that bad @$$ again?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 21:31:24 -0500

Most of you that have been around have seen me dump on the Hurtlocker everytime a post comes up that pertains to "The Worst..." or "The most inaccurate.." when it comes to military movies.

One thing that movie did nail on the head in my opinion is the part where it shows him coming home. Where he seems to be wandering aimlessly and nothing makes sense.

Something I've struggled with upon my return from both of my deployments are those feelings of aimlessness and nothing making sense, as well as feelings of boredom, anxiety, and frustration.. all of which are followed by bouts with depression and a longing to return to the respective third world dump that I was deployed to. They cause a lot of stress and conflict in my life.

I know I'm not alone in these feelings. My question is, how do those of you that feel these things handle them? What do you do when you find yourself longing to return or thinking about how it was there? Are you able to successfully communicate your feelings to the ones that you care about?

Response by SGT Kyle Taylor made Nov 21 at 2014 1:10 PM

SGT Kyle Taylor — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 13:10:42 -0500

I think after a few times going and coming back my family has learned that the first few months is a huge change and lets me adjust as I need. I do have that feeling sometimes. I speak to my wife about it and she sees how I feel. Its a different feeling but with communication you can get past it.

Response by SFC Dr. Joseph Finck, BS, MA, DSS made Dec 20 at 2014 7:59 AM

SFC Dr. Joseph Finck, BS, MA, DSS — Sat, 20 Dec 2014 07:59:13 -0500

SSG Private RallyPoint Member Thank you for having the courage to write this post. Yes, like you, when I returned I felt lost. This was compounded by a vindictive transfer from my unit and a PCS which was later ruled by the IG to be outside of current stabilization policies upon return from deployment.

I went to stores and felt lost and unable to focus. I had (and sometimes still do) conversations with people where I would simply drift off and start thinking about deployment or the theme to Sanford and Son. I lost a couple of interpersonal relationships due to the depression and hostility I felt and feel. I also suffer with feeling my military career was never the same and never had the same meaning as it did when I deployed. In essence that was my career peak; moreover, the before and after was a valley.

I have never been able to communicate these feelings to anyone who truly seemed to understand. My spouse does not. My best friend succumbed to his experiences and is no longer with us. I am disconnected from friends as I no longer reside near them and I do not make friends easily, especially if we do not share a similar background.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2014 8:16 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 20 Dec 2014 08:16:00 -0500

I had a similar situation when I got back. Especially because of the time change, I found myself just wandering around the house at night looking for something to do. Downrange you always have something to do, once you get back there's that strange experience of "free time". My boss saw this when I talked to him the day after I got back, and even though I could have used the permissive leave upon returning, he suggested I come into work every morning just to reestablish/maintain a schedule. I found that having tasks and quickly getting back to a "normal" schedule was the best solution.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2015 3:43 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 03:43:38 -0500

First a fun fact! According to my therapist, we're not calling it PTSD anymore, just PTS (taking "Disorder" out of the diagnosis reduces the stigma). Second, I know exactly what you mean. I've been diagnosed with "Acute" and "Chronic" PTS, however I feel - very often - that I miss being deployed because my life was so much simpler. My wife thinks I'm moping sometimes, but how the hell do I tell her that I just miss the simplicity of that deployed life? For me I think the real difference between missing the deployment and having PTS is anger. Just my take on it.

Response by Cpl Sabrina L. made Feb 11 at 2015 11:52 PM

Cpl Sabrina L. — Wed, 11 Feb 2015 23:52:56 -0500

I THINK IT IS THE SENSE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE A "BAD ASS" BECAUSE THE ENVIRONMENT HAS CHANGED... ONCE A PERSON HAS "ADAPTED" TO AN ENVIRONMENT- PARTICULARLY AN "EXTREME" ENVIRONMENT...OR JUST A ROUGH ADJUSTMENT...CHANGING AGAIN IS SCARY...

ALSO THE "BAD ASS" PART...IS KNOWING THAT ONE POSSESSES SUCH SKILLS AND THERE IS NOT AN OUTLET FOR THEM... OR YOU KNOW THE "PATH" OF OUTLET AND IT ISN'T "ACCEPTABLE" IN "MIXED" COMPANY MILITARY/CIVILIAN.
PRAYERS BLESSINGS AND GRACE~

Response by SPC Claire Carothers made Mar 11 at 2015 2:17 PM

SPC Claire Carothers — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 14:17:26 -0400

When I returned home from deployment I had quite a few things that I missed, how simple it was. Sure I would go back in a heart beat but, It wouldn't be the best thing for me right now. When I have the anxiety, depression, fear, panic ect. I talk to people, at first I thought talking was silly and stupid. As I have continued to talk about my experience I feel better and I am able to handle things better in the moment. I try to be in the moment, it is very difficult some times. You have to find what helps you stay grounded. I am able to talk and communicate well to those I love, most don't understand, they admit it but they listen and that's what I have been needing since I've been back.

Just take the time you need to get back in the game. It's a time to help you help yourself. I have PTSD or PTS as its called and talking works for me, maybe journaling, talking, recognizing feelings just to name a few things to try.