Prejudice, Bigotry, Homophobia in the Military...

2015-01-06T15:42:55-05:00

I was recently reading a topic on here about Transgender men and and women in the military and while it was primarily positive comments, one thread really, really disappointed me. The people posting went on and on about how people aren't "born gay", aren't "born transgendered" and one person made a comment about how they had a bunch of gay friends but most of them were now deceased from AIDS, which makes me inclined to think he didn't really HAVE any gay friends but wanted people to think he was "down with those gays". This blew my mind because I very rarely came across this kind of blatant, and I won't call it hatred, but.. ignorance about different people while I was in. I'd heard(and yeah, participated in) the standard politically incorrect things we all say while we're deployed and trying to deal with our issues with the country we're in and the people who in a lot of cases hate us.. but most of that was in jest... Now that I'm out however.. I am seeing a lot of willful hatred towards the LGBT community from the military community that I love and honestly, it breaks my heart. Take into consideration that I'm not exactly a delicate little flower. I was with the Cav for half of my time in and it was the best time of my service. I loved it.

What I'm looking for are similiar experiences.. advice.. opinions.. anything. If you're coming here to spew hate, don't bother. There's enough of that in the world already.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 6 at 2015 6:01 PM

2015-01-06T18:01:47-05:00

This is the discrepancy between social media and personal interaction. If we were all in a room together, many people would never say half the things they feel more free to say online.

At one unit, I had a bunch of male soldiers call me a bitch and forced me to make sandwiches.

Not really. I'm typing from a house right now, and not prison.

The point is: people are always going to have a conflict of opinion. There is nothing wrong with civil discussion or dissension. However, hateful bigots aren't quite as clever as they think they are. If you are a giant d-bag, chances are, it's not a secret to most folks who know you on a personal level.

I have not revisited the Transgender thread because I felt that I was losing objectivity. And I would suggest a similar COA for you. Many of the views expressed are not representative of your former leadership or brothers and sisters-in-arms.

Thank you for your service, Jessica, and empathy. Best wishes.

Response by SPC(P) Beverly Day made Jan 6 at 2015 7:19 PM

2015-01-06T19:19:45-05:00

People react to change at times. I still remember the exact day DADT was officially taken off the books, my buddy wanted to run around waving a rainbow flag while deployed.... We talked her out of it for a few reasons. My point is, though I love the service I have met many who felt safe to make it public they have negative views of anyone other than strictly heterosexual soldiers. I think for a while yet they will be ranting on social media, where people feel far safer than they actually are, because they don't like the change.

In 2003 when I first joined the only soldier I knew willing to admit she was homosexual was hoping they would discharge so she could go home. In 2006 when I reclassed, and don't ask why but ended up with the iET folkes, we had people who were publicly dating (which hadn't even been allowed hetro at my '03 school) and even one girl that we were all aware had both a boyfriend and girlfriend. And of course we had 1SG's pet who'd report it all in hopes of reward.

It's been shift in the military's own social environment. It's still in process, and I expect it will be for years if not decades to come. Gay Marriage/Marriage equality isn't supported in every state and when join we bring a bit of home with each of us.

It's not acceptable, but you can't force everyone to acknowledge that their values might need some tweaking over night.

One step at a time.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 6 at 2015 10:07 PM

2015-01-06T22:07:46-05:00

It is going to take time, and there is no way to just wish that away. Right or wrong, people hold their beliefs very strongly and it will take them a bit to get used to this new frontier. The best thing to do is just give people space to process. We do more damage by trying to make people hide their thoughts and create forced interactions. I know it is well intended but force tends to close hearts, not open them. In time, as the world continues to evolve, they'll evolve (or die out). It will happen. Maybe not in the time frame that you want, or that is even fair, but it will.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 7 at 2015 1:37 PM

2015-01-07T13:37:41-05:00

It's difficult for Soldiers to seperate their personal thoughts or opinions while at work. I know what my personal views are as they pertain to hot button topics such as politics, religion, gay rights, right to bear arms, etc. Even though I am very set in my ways and will not change my views on them the work place, or a site dedicated to military professionals and veterans, is not the place to express those views.

Once we get in the habit of juding someone outside of their work performance, discipline and professionalism we are wrong!

I personally think as Soldiers we should exercise our opinions through the voting process. If we take the time to get to know the candidates before casting our vote we can find ones that align with our personal views. We are flawed in the aspect that we bring those opinions to work. I personally don't care who you are, where you're from, what you like to do in you personal time, etc as long as you come in and accomplish the mission in a professional and disciplined manner. I also expect those appointed over me to evaluate me on that same standard.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Jul 2 at 2015 5:20 AM

2015-07-02T05:20:30-04:00

To have an open mind in thoughts and action is hard for some to conceive. We are slowly changing are views in the Military and it is a work in progress. I am encouraged by the recent changes but it will take time.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2015 9:08 AM

2015-07-02T09:08:47-04:00

I think a large part of the issue (that I have personally seen, and also studied academically) is a generational one...I am "Generation X" and most of the young service members are now "millennials". If you Google the issue, you will see people of my generation and older see LBGT (? LGBQTI) issues as much more polarizing and "wrong" than the younger generations do.

Frankly, I was one of the "Chicken Littles" who thought the "sky would fall" with the repeal of DADT, but I was wrong. I remember in the early 90's a Soldier getting beaten to death for coming out, and thought that would happen throughout the DoD, and to my understanding, nothing significantly bad has happened.

After working for the past few years with young leaders, I have seen for most of them (99%) and for me, its a "non-issue", but I would not have grown like that without education and experience, and I think for the most part other people my age will need both to become more accepting.

Bottom line, not to be an apologist, but I think it will take time to change culture, but I think it will change (and already has to a large extent).

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Jul 2 at 2015 10:20 AM

2015-07-02T10:20:54-04:00

I guess I missed the question? We all prejudge, you would not be able to function if you didn't. Sometime so prejudgements are correct, sometimes wrong, and we need to make sure we reevaluate as new information is gathered. Think all prejudgements are bad or evil is poor prejudgement and you may need to gather additional data. This leads to bigotry which I opposes but in the latest debates the strongest bigotry, in my opinion, is from the LGBTQIA community with this post being an example because if you do not agree with their agenda, well you are a bigot and homophobic? The community is doing the exact same think they are accusing other of doing. Look at exclusionary title they have self adopted? LGBTQIA or everyone but heterosexuals?
We can only control our own actions and maybe shine a light so others can find their own way to the truth? Military service is not a right and it is not compatible with all life style or people. Some people who it would be compatible with are disqualified for other reasons, this does not mean they are bad people or that they do not have much to offer OUR Nation and society...it just means they are not qualified for the military.
Are there idiots out there? Of course, but there have been idiots from the beginning of time and always will be but we each need to do our best not to be one of them...or too much of one.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2015 11:35 AM

2015-07-02T11:35:25-04:00

Wonder when Hetrophobia will become a coined term?