My buddy is going on his first deployment and is stressing, how can I keep his mind at ease?

2020-02-28T10:35:36-05:00

Some insite; I have not deployed yet. I cant honestly say I know where his mind is at with it.
Last night he hit me up to talk, he hadn't slept yet because of the worry he is having. He will be in a combat zone, so I know hes thinking about the what if situations. How can I be supportive before he leaves to calm his mind?

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2020 10:37 AM

2020-02-28T10:37:53-05:00

Tell your friend to try and relax as much as possible. Tell him to rely on his training and knowledge/experience of his NCOs that have deployed before. Thinking about "what ifs" all day long will just drive him crazy. Focusing on the "what ifs" and "shoulda, woulda, coulda" scenarios will not keep him focused on the job and will probably end up causing him...and maybe others...to get hurt.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2020 10:39 AM

2020-02-28T10:39:48-05:00

I think the best thing yo ucan do as his friend, is to remind him to trust his training. I'm sure he has been through a ton of training in preparation for his deployment. Trust the training and never turn down an opportunity to ask questions of his leadership. You cant guarantee him anything other than his unit cares for him and to trust everything he has been taught from BCT up until this point. Good Luck to you both.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2020 10:51 AM

2020-02-28T10:51:48-05:00

First what is his MOS, being in a combat zone but never having to go outside the wire is really no big deal.

Response by CSM Richard StCyr made Feb 28 at 2020 11:43 AM

2020-02-28T11:43:27-05:00

Tell them to have faith in their equipment and COC and go forth and embrace the suck. Worry does no good as you can't add or subtract a minute from your life through it, and you won't kick off unless the big guy pulls your number.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2020 11:51 AM

2020-02-28T11:51:52-05:00

There is nothing to stress about. This is what you train for. The worst part of deployment is waiting and doing nothing. It happens more than I'd like to admit.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Feb 28 at 2020 11:58 AM

2020-02-28T11:58:44-05:00

Millions have deployed before him, and millions will deploy afterwards.... He'll be fine. Just another day in Paradise.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2020 12:25 PM

2020-02-28T12:25:30-05:00

I am reminded of the words of Herger the Joyous: "The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing." All fear and worry does is distract you from the tasks at hand and prevent you from doing the things to keep yourself from getting killed.

Response by CPT Richard Rappa made Feb 28 at 2020 12:55 PM

2020-02-28T12:55:01-05:00

You will learn a lot about the world and yourself. Enjoy the trip

Response by LCDR Joshua Gillespie made Feb 28 at 2020 1:51 PM

2020-02-28T13:51:55-05:00

I don't know your friend's MOS, or where he's going (please don't say either here), but there's a very high likelihood that unless he's in a direct action role...he's probably going to be pleasantly surprised at his relative level of actual risk. That isn't to say that admin personnel don't find themselves in convoys that hit IEDs, that FOBs are not targets, or that accidents aren't just as dangerous as the enemy. What it is to say, is that one of the most challenging things I found about being downrange for twelve months, was the surreal "boredom" of most of it. If he focuses on his job, pays attention to what his SNCOs tell him, and remembers that no matter how much it may "seem" like he's stateside...he ain't; he should be fine. Oh-and it's a good idea to not let that "boredom" push one to forget that what happens overseas...doesn't normally (if ever) stay there!

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2020 2:30 PM

2020-02-28T14:30:22-05:00

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is doing what is right in the face of fear.

His training will come to the fore when the pressure is on. That's why we train. Mental fortitude is an everyday process. It is something that needs to be fed everyday. If your thoughts gravitate towards "what could go wrong" more than it does to "what I will do right", panic will set in. This is where you need to overwhelm the negative thoughts with positive inputs. Books, audios, positive talking (with self and peers) all help.

One of the things I have on my wall at home is a Will Smith movie quote:
"FEAR is not real. The only place that FEAR can exist is in our THOUGHTS of the future. It is a product of the thoughts that you CREATE, causing us to FEAR things that do not at present, and MAY NOT EVER EXIST. That is near INSANITY. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a CHOICE. We are telling ourselves a story and that day, mine changed."

NOTE: There is nothing you can do to "calm his mind". What you can do is offer advice. The calming of the mind will only come if he implements that advice. "I know how you feel! I feel the same way! This is what I've found (that works for me)."

Response by SGT Tell Sackett made Feb 28 at 2020 4:10 PM

2020-02-28T16:10:39-05:00

His nerves are normal. Trust your training and follow the orders of your NCO's.

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2020 7:47 PM

2020-02-28T19:47:11-05:00

Didn’t he join the Army knowing he’d deploy?

Response by LCpl Russell Wallace made Feb 28 at 2020 8:10 PM

2020-02-28T20:10:19-05:00

Get him drunk. Send him porn, or bud. Or both.

Response by SSG Chad Henning made Feb 29 at 2020 11:00 AM

2020-02-29T11:00:47-05:00

Just listen. Let him get it out.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Feb 29 at 2020 4:25 PM

2020-02-29T16:25:27-05:00

What is his MOS?

Response by CH (LTC) Robert Leroe made Mar 1 at 2020 9:11 PM

2020-03-01T21:11:00-05:00

He should see his Chaplain; anything said will be confidential.