Mentorship In The Age Of SHARP

2014-12-31T11:16:04-05:00

Story time!

Recently, I had an interesting – albeit awkward – conversation with a female E4 in my shop. We’ll call her Wilhelmina, because that’s not her real name. She contacted me via text, expressing a strong need to talk. There are several SSGs and SFCs between us, so I thought it was a bit odd, but I stress to my junior leaders that they avail themselves to their Soldiers, so I of course had to lead by example.

So the next day she comes to my office, and proceeds to tell me that she is stressed because she had just recently broken off a relationship with a married man, also a Soldier (whose identity she would not divulge).

Meanwhile, upstairs from me sits an E-8, a friend and mentor of mine, who was relieved of his duties as a 1SG and recommended for a general officer letter of reprimand, even after the SHARP complaint filed against him was ruled unsubstantiated (yes, really). His crime? He told a pregnant E4 in his company - a woman for whom her husband and the baby’s father are two different people - was wrong for cheating on him.

So here I am, sitting across from this E4, several years younger than my own daughter, considering that if I misspeak here, she could similarly destroy my career. Everything is wrong about this situation; she had been sleeping with a married man, she was talking to me about it (oh God, why?), and I was reacting as though I found myself in the middle of a minefield wearing clown shoes.

When I stress to my NCOs that they should avail themselves to their Soldiers, I sort of mean in a professional capacity; Feel free to talk to us about how to get promoted, or how to perform certain job tasks, or identifying impediments to mission accomplishment. I don’t mean tell me about how you’re shtupping some married guy, and are upset because his wife called you making very angry accusations (so, that happened). But apparently that is neither here nor there, since I never specified that under no circumstances do I ever, ever, ever want to hear about your sex life eww. My bad for not being clear.

Anyway, I resorted to the Socratic Method, a teaching technique that has worked for me in the past. I was quickly able to deduce that she regretted her behavior, which I capitalized on by asked her how she might avoid situations like this in the future. I even explained that there are other people specifically qualified to give good advice on issues like this, i.e. the chaplain, family life counselors, not me, etc.

She expressed gratitude for my time, informed me that she felt better, and went on her way. I spent the rest of the day feeling kind of sick and vaguely burdened. My fear of winding up in a similar predicament as my mentor, which is actually my fear of Soldier misuse of the SHARP program, had a tangible impact on me, and forced me to change how I dealt with one of my Soldiers.

Now, I applaud the tenacity with which the Army has gone after the problem of rape. In many ways, rape is worse than murder, and I am glad that the Army is taking it seriously. That being said, the Army has pursued the problem in the only way it knows:

1. Kill it with fire
2. Win hearts and minds.

Anyone who has their name uttered in the same sentence as the word SHARP is essentially guilty until proven dead, and disgruntled Soldiers know it.

So in the interest of making this a discussion, have any of you found yourselves in leadership situations where the spectre (possible poor choice of words) of the SHARP program has altered how you lead your Soldiers? In what way has this program changed how you interact with your troops, or has it not affected your approach at all?

Response by SPC Jack Hunt, JR made Dec 31 at 2014 11:36 AM

2014-12-31T11:36:15-05:00

OMG Becky what had happened to my Army? I'm all for people being treated fair and just but I believe that those are grounds for an arrival 15.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2014 11:38 AM

2014-12-31T11:38:42-05:00

Wow. It's hard to address this situation. Only because if all the facts were laid out, I believe your mentor was wronged! The soldier blatantly admitted to breaking the ucmj. She, as well as the other said male, should be punished. His choice of words may have contributed to the relief. However, the command may have different facts. I think if I were in this situation, I would have gotten a lawyer. Fought the good fight. Only because this situation has been going on since I've been in. An accusation is almost guilt, as you said. I would also go to the commander and tell him what happened. I don't encourage cheating. Fort bragg had multiple killings years ago when husbands returned to find their dear honorable wives sleeping with guys in their unit. No wonder no one wants to be part of the FRG. Thanks for taking care of my wife's sexual needs while I was away, buddy! Adultery displays a character in people. It shows they have no loyalty or honor. I applaud your ability to handle the situation. I myself may have been in the same predicament that your mentor was in. So sad that leaders are the problem here! Because ultimately, leaders were the one that found him guilty. And some person sitting in a sharp billet is proud of himself that he ruined a career over the unhonirable actions of a few juniors. Again, strictly saying this as laid out by your facts. If the facts were different, maybe I would change my direction.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2014 11:45 AM

2014-12-31T11:45:55-05:00

SFC Jackson I admire the way you handled the situation, my advice for you is next time make sure you have another person with you, because like you said, the SHARP term and your name in the same sentence, will be a nightmare to clear your name if you even have the opportunity to clear it, I'm a battalion SHARP VA and I had seen how some soldiers try to misuse the program.

Response by SSG Sara Sutton made Dec 31 at 2014 11:48 AM

2014-12-31T11:48:10-05:00

Oh dear baby Jesus, SFC Jackson. I believe you handled that as well as anyone could have and that burden you now feel you're under isn't yours. That said, the fact that she was essentially seeking validation for her behavior is very bothersome to me. Especially from a SNCO, I agree with your assessment of the SHARP program. We've had it shoved down our throats so much these past 5 years that it's making people become desensitized if anything. Just my two cents.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2014 11:56 AM

2014-12-31T11:56:44-05:00

SFC Josh Jackson, thanks for sharing your story. And, wow (!!), what a story!

I have not found myself in that position. After reading it, though, I thought, "What about bringing in a female NCO to participate in the discussion?" Or maybe the SHARP representative. I recognize you probably didn't know what the Soldier was going to talk to you about when you agreed to meet with her.

I see another immediate drawback here - that the Soldier might not want to broadcast her problem to the world, but still, in hindsight, I think I would try to get another female in that room with me. Maybe an EO or SHARP NCO. Just a suggestion. I don't know if it's feasible, but it would be a great way to CYA, especially if the SHARP representative is right in the room.

In the counterintelligence interview world, which is - admittedly - not the same as counseling a Soldier, we always (at least) try to have two agents in the room, just so there's no chance the person being interviewed will later claim something happened that did not happen.

Bottom line is that I feel your pain - and I tend to agree with you - on the minefield that is, or can be, SHARP. I never thought of it in those terms, but your E-8 mentor proves that it can be a train wreck for an innocent NCO just trying to do his job.

Response by Maj Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2014 12:24 PM

2014-12-31T12:24:23-05:00

SFC Josh Jackson, as an officer I applaud you for taking time to talk to your troop...even if they jumped a few rungs in the chain.

As a SAPR Victim Advocate and Alternate SARC here at Altus AFB, OK, here are my thoughts:
- I am saddened to hear the SHARP program indicts individuals, without due process, resulting in severe career impact.
- As soon as the spectre of assault or harrassment enters a conversation, STOP the conversation and refer that person to a Chaplain or SHARP Victim Advocate. Those two agencies have confidentiality and can protect a victim's choice should they wish the crime against them to be investigated.
- Being available to talk with your troops needs to include ANYTHING they're having difficulties with. It is our job as leaders to know the resources available to direct them when those issues are outside of the scope or our responsibilities. You alluded you didn't want to hear about someone's sex life (I think most will agree). How else do you uncover if someone is depressed or suicidal? Getting to know your troops and when they're not acting themselves is necessary to ensure we take care of them. Battle Buddy or Wingman concept applies.
- Sometimes all someone needs is for another person to listen. Good job. I especially like your use of the Socratic Method. However, questions may lead to knowledge of details that may make you involved should their be an investigation. Ensure to be supportive. You don't need to know the details to believe a person, to empathize with them that they are stressed by something.
- Sometimes it is good to feel like "you're wearing clown shoes in a minefield" to make us slow down and consider how we react, to consider our beliefs and thoughts before speaking and how that might affect the person looking to you for support.
- It does appear the UCMJ was violated by two individuals. This isn't a sexual harassment or assault issue. I'm also unsure if the Army prosecutes adultery as it seems the Air Force rarely does. Two concerns moving forward: ensure you have legal counsel to protect your rights and never stop listening to your troops, even when the water gets hot.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2014 4:36 PM

2014-12-31T16:36:25-05:00

SFC Josh Jackson I agree that it may seem that we all have walk on eggshells with the political issue that SHARP has become. I am not saying that SHARP is bad or anything like that at all. I am saying that politics in some areas have taken over and may interfere with the program and how it is ran/perceived. Being a teacher by trade I was always taught to avoid being one-on-one of the opposite sex. I was taught have door open and sit where everyone and every part of everyone can be seen from the door as people walk by and everything can be heard. Try to have others in there as well. I think that is just ridiculous as how do you expect everyone to think that you are not sexist or show favoritism if automatically you cannot talk to them without others present BUT can do the same conversation of the same sex without having others present. So to avoid that issue as well I try to always have someone present regardless who I am speaking to. I know some issues can be personal and that is why God sent the chaplains. I have sat down with the chaplain and individuals before. I also try to always have my 1SG present. If a female I do have a female NCO or officer present to witness. If I am the one initiating the conversations such as counseling for GOVCC or urine analysis I bring in the chain of command. I have myself, 1SG, and their platoon sergeant or platoon leader with the Soldier. If the Soldier is female and there is no female in their chain of command I bring one in to protect the interest of all present. There is always at least two of each gender to avoid he said she said statements of ganging up due to gender, etc. Most of the time they just sit in the back and are quiet and do not say a word. All know what is expected and all are treating with dignity and know that I do the same with everyone else. That is how I get around the tip-toeing. I cut it off before it even has a chance to pop up. Unfortunately some do not take proactive actions and get caught up in the politics and right or wrong pay the consequences, such as your 1SG.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Dec 31 at 2014 5:35 PM

2014-12-31T17:35:05-05:00

SFC Josh Jackson I applaud your courage in raising a worthy topic in this professional forum. This is the sort of thing that should be discussed on RallyPoint.