LFMF - Learn From My Fail, Military Edition. What's the worst/funniest fails you've seen in the military?

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 02:06:09 -0500

Use this forum to post the worst and funniest failures you've seen in the Military... anything from the General showing up with his name tape upside down, to the LT getting your convoy lost, to the LCpl calling Master Guns "Master Sergeant."

I want to Laugh, I want to cry, I want to shake my head until my neck hurts...

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 9 at 2013 3:00 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 03:00:39 -0500

When I was in Survival Equipment/Parachute Shop we had this Airman on loan to help us out. He was just beginning in a Karate School and decided to test out his skills. We had one NCO E-4 who was not amused, and a 6th degree black belt. He was a hardcore warrior that served as a linguistic interrogator in Vietnam.

The Airman pushed the issue even after he was warned. Big mistake. The Sgt decked when he swept his legs and round kicked him. Needless to say, everyone laughed as the Sgt warned him again, that it would be worse the next time.

Always an idiot around somewhere.

Response by CMC Robert Young made Dec 9 at 2013 3:00 PM

CMC Robert Young — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 15:00:25 -0500

Too many to tell, but let's start with this one.

I had an E5 report first day onboard in his Trops (summer dress uniform). I knew he was to report that day, but he fell into formation for Colors with the rest of the crew so I didn't notice him immediately. Once "Carry on" was sounded, the boss had everybody gather around for a quick brief on the Plan of the Day. Once she was finished, she asked if I had anything for the good order and discipline of the unit so I called this guy out to introduce himself. His ribbons were on the right side of his shirt along with his Boat Force Insignia, his name tag was on the left side of the shirt, and his belt was put on backwards.

Once the meeting broke, I had him accompany me to my office where I asked the question "Who dressed you this morning?"

First day on the job at a new unit with a new boss showed up looking like crap on a cracker!

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 10 at 2013 12:16 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 10 Dec 2013 00:16:33 -0500

SN Busby.. I am from near Greensboro, going to Durham tomorrow.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 11 at 2013 1:09 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Dec 2013 01:09:09 -0500

I really thought there would be more stories... I'm sure EVERYONE has at least ONE story to tell!!!

Response by CMC Robert Young made Dec 11 at 2013 4:37 PM

CMC Robert Young — Wed, 11 Dec 2013 16:37:44 -0500

This one is on me....all of our section leaders were issued Nextel phones with the direct connect function so the boss could find us anywhere, any time. Each was equipped with a clip and cord to prevent them falling off our SAR vest or LE belts and into the water. Prior to adding the clips we were losing half a dozen Nextels a month...hazard of working in the maritime world, when things fall off or down, there's no picking them up again. They just disappear.

We were standing on the boat dock waiting to relieve the off going watch. I got suited up in all my gear, and had hung my Nextel on my SAR vest but not clipped it in while I locked & loaded my weapons. I started down the pier to meet the boat crew that was coming in, and to get my guys underway. As fate would have it that day, my boss had volunteered to take a security mission to give somebody a rest, and was operating the lead boat being relieved. As I got to floating platform, I bent over to pick something up, and my Nextel popped off my SAR vest and went skidding across the dock. It stopped teetering on the edge half way on and half way off of the pier. I breath a sigh of relief when it stopped, and thought I need to gather it up pretty quickly before the boss sees that I dropped it. Floating docks are greatly influenced by where the weight is distributed, and this came into play as I approached the phone. I weighed enough fully kitted up to tip the dock so it was now unbalanced and at an angle. Gravity took over, and my Nextel disappeared just the boss' crew threw the bow line over giving him a bird's eye view of me losing $100 worth of government equipment in the salty water of Goose Creek all because I didn't take the time to use the issued safety clip........the only saving grace, he had dropped his the previous day. Dodged a bullet!

Response by CMDCM Gene Treants made Dec 12 at 2013 10:55 PM

CMDCM Gene Treants — Thu, 12 Dec 2013 22:55:31 -0500

It was the morning of our first big inspection since I took over as the Battalion Adjutant of the only mixed gender Battalion in the Integrated Training Brigade, Service Schools Command, Great Lakes, Il. We were being inspected by the Chief of Naval Training and not just a local inspection so it was a big deal. Material Inspection had gone exceptionally well and the personnel inspection of the first Female Company had gone very well, We were engaged in the inspection of the second Company and the Admiral had just gotten to one Sailor who he thought looked wrong. He turned to me and asked, Senior Chief, shouldn't this Sailor be wearing neutral hose instead of black nylons?" I looked carefully and her and replied, "But admiral, she is wearing neutral hose. Look at her face." Have you ever seen and admiral blush? The inspection was over shortly after and we passed with flying colors.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 12 at 2013 11:06 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 12 Dec 2013 23:06:33 -0500

During my TDY to Rhein Mein, I finished my work for the day and went down to sleep and woke up and it was dark. I thought it was the next morning and dressed and went down the hall. The Canteen was still open and I am puzzled. It was only 730PM. So I ate a cheeseburger and watched AFN TV and went back to bed. I am sure if I concentrated, I could give you plenty of silly fails. lol

Response by CMDCM Gene Treants made Dec 12 at 2013 11:12 PM

CMDCM Gene Treants — Thu, 12 Dec 2013 23:12:39 -0500

One more and I will wait for someone else. I was driving in to work one morning while one of my ships was in the yards at Metro Machine, across the Elizabeth River from Downtown Norfolk. As I crossed the Berkley Bridge, I noticed a Sailor in Dungarees holding a CO2 Fire Extinguisher just stand there and looking for someone or something. Upon Arrival at the Shipyard I parked and proceeded to he ship and into the Chief's Mess and asked the Duty Chief what SN BBBB was doing Up on the Berkley Bridge with a Fire Extinguisher. The duty Chief was astounded and said he had been looking for BBBB. The last time he saw BBBB, he had assigned BBBB to Fire Watch Duties and told BBBB to report to the welder up on the Bridge (of the ship). [and YES, this SN had been fully indoctrinated and should have known what a Fire Watch was supposed to do, he should have known where the ships Bridge was - not the Berkley Bridge.]

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 15 at 2014 2:26 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 15 Nov 2014 14:26:48 -0500

Name tapes!

1) When I showed up at basic as a CPT I was feeling pretty good about myself... within an hour I had an E-1 point out that my name tape was upside down (thank God we can sew now!).

2) Before basic I went to the recruiting office for help with making sure my uniform was right. I had the flash of the beret in the middle of my forehead. Female SSG came up and said, "sir, NO!" and adjusted.

3) Just a few weeks ago I showed up at work and realized my 2 yr old son had pulled off all the patches from my sleeves.

Response by 1SG Bill Farmerie made Dec 22 at 2016 1:27 PM

1SG Bill Farmerie — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 13:27:35 -0500

Right after the cease fire was called at Desert Storm, my Battery gathered back together as a unit. We were all still in the BDUs. The CDR and 1SG had us do some CTT as a way to occupy everyone. Our Battalion CSM comes out to where we are. He shows up in the "chocolate chip" DCUs. He had his name tag and US Army sewn on. However, they were on the wrong side! Once the NCOs pointed it out to him he broke out in a full gallop to his HMMWV and got out of the AO.