Is the lack of male involvement in children's lives causing major problems for the current generation?

PFC Al Sethre — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:44:32 -0400

Over the last generation, kids have increasingly been surrounded only by women. Single moms as well as the vast majority of teachers being female. Many kids don't have any routine interaction with any male authority in their lives. I'm not pointing a finger at either men or women directly. All I'm proposing is could there be a link to less male involvement in the lives of children?

Response by SGT Nia Chiaraluce made May 3 at 2016 12:47 PM

SGT Nia Chiaraluce — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:47:14 -0400

Absolutely. The entire family dynamic is a lost concept for children today. Unless you harness it yourself and push through it instead of getting divorced at the first sign of conflict. The person you marry is a reflection of yourself and your partner for life not just when times are easy.

Response by 1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2016 12:47 PM

1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:47:24 -0400

I can't speak for anyone else, but my kids were raised by both parents and turned out awesome. Semper Fidelis.

To answer your question, yes there is a problem with society right now and one of the issues or foundations with those problems could be the lack of male role models under the roof.

Response by SSG Derrick L. Lewis MBA, C-HRM made May 3 at 2016 12:47 PM

SSG Derrick L. Lewis MBA, C-HRM — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:47:54 -0400

PFC Al Sethre ,
In short, yes.

Response by SPC Paul Jennings, J.D. made May 3 at 2016 12:48 PM

SPC Paul Jennings, J.D. — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:48:31 -0400

I think it's less to do with not having a male figure and more to do with only having one authority figure present. When a parent works full time without added support, it's harder to raise a child, give them the attention and discipline they need, and still accomplish everything else. Men are traditionally the disciplinary figures, but that isn't always true, so a male figure not being in the home doesn't, in my opinion, equate to a lack of discipline. But, as a single parent it is hard to be both the loving parent and the one giving out discipline at the same time with no one to provide input or guidance.

Response by SSG Carlos Madden made May 3 at 2016 12:52 PM

SSG Carlos Madden — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:52:25 -0400

Do we know that over the last generation, kids have increasingly been surrounded only by women? Or is this a hypothetical question based on observation/assumption?

Response by SSG Derrick L. Lewis MBA, C-HRM made May 3 at 2016 12:53 PM

SSG Derrick L. Lewis MBA, C-HRM — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:53:58 -0400

PFC Al Sethre ,
However, to elaborate further; kids do not get the option to choose who their parents are going to be. In addition to, they do not get to make the choice of whether or not their parents are going to be a part of their lives. I would agree that the importance of having a father in a child's life is most absolutely as critical as having a mother. Both me and my wife for example, are both products of broken homes. This in turn has empowered us to work 10 times as hard in order to be the best parents we possibly can to our children. In addition to, the childhood experience we have both faced has magnified our focus on the importance of family and we do not believe in divorce because we refuse to let our children experience what have faced as children, with regards to family. Ride or die until the end.

Response by Col Jim Harmon made May 3 at 2016 1:38 PM

Col Jim Harmon — Tue, 03 May 2016 13:38:22 -0400

Oh hell yes it is causing problems. And it can be corrected if you care enough to get involved.

I spent a few years as a NJROTC instructor at an inner city school. Greater than 95% of my students were from single parent families. Probably half didn’t have a stable home with one parent (they rotated between mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and family friends from week to week). In the three years I was in that position not one parent ever showed up to a Parent-Teacher Conference or came to my classroom for a PTO Night. Three years, not one parent.

Both male and female students were starved for positive adult male interaction in their lives. At the end of the day I would literally have to scrape them off of me in order to get in my truck and go home. On the day I announced I was leaving I came out at the end of the day and found about twenty kids in the bed of my truck. They wanted to go with me. I recently drove five hours to attend a boot camp graduation at MCRD Parris Island for one of my former students. I met his mom for the first time. She told me he came home and cried the day I left the school.

These students are generally good kids. But they have never had a male father figure to thump them on the nose and say “NO. That is inappropriate. Do not do that. Next time let’s try and do it this way”. Then pat them on the back and tell them how proud you are of them. They respond like starving children to food when you take interest in them and provided them with ‘fatherly advice’.

I used to pull my young female students aside and chide them for letting male students hang on them and touch them as if they owned them. You would be amazed at how quickly my female students developed a sense of self-respect and positive self-esteem when someone simply stepped up and said don’t do that. You didn’t dare put your hand on my students after that.

Same for the male students. By setting limits and establishing accepted norms of behavior they soon found the limits that all young adults are searching for. They functioned and excelled once they found their place in a family structure that more often than not did not exist at home. In the three years I was teaching I was attacked three times and had to thump three different kids into reality. After it was settled they were model students. They had found their left and right limits and knew where their behavior was to be confined. That is not bragging about me being a bad ass. That is showing how young men will “buck up” to test the waters and to see if they are men. Sometimes it takes father to rap you across the nose to put you back in line to get your attention. Sometimes it simply takes a private conversation to express you disappointment in their behavior.

Most of my students had no idea how to tie a tie, tie their shoes, tell time on an analog clock, or how to shake hands. They didn’t understand that going to a job interview with a torn t-shirt and stained jeans was a bad thing. I used to hold mock job interviews with them where I would teach them how to act and how to dress for business interviews. How to shake hands, make eye contact, and for the love of God to smile when you meet someone!! I would go with them when they applied to local businesses for after school jobs. I held them accountable if they messed up at work.

The single biggest tragedy in America today is the number of father’s who have gone AWOL. The number of “sire and forget” fathers has got to be countered. Both parents play a crucial role in the successful raising of any child. The mother and father take leads at various points in the developmental progression of the child. Anyone who has raised children knows this instinctively. When one parent is absent then problems begin to arise in the psychological development that can retard social development if not countered by outside influences. That is not a shot at single mothers. Some of them are doing admirable jobs. It is a face slap at any father who walks away and doesn’t do his damn job of helping to raise his child.

You can help. If you are coming off of active duty look into the Troops to Teachers Program. You can earn bonus money for becoming a teacher. If you are retired look into JROTC and become an instructor. If you can’t do either, then volunteer to be a teacher’s aide or lay counselor. Volunteer to be an assistant coach at a local school. Join Big Brothers or Big Sisters. Get involved. If we do nothing then we are going to implode as a society. We are raising a generation of feral, free range children who do not know how to function in society. It is easy to make a difference. You fought in Afghanistan and Iraq then High School should be no challenge for you. Step up.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2016 1:44 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 03 May 2016 13:44:35 -0400

The lack of parenting in general is worse than lack of a male figure. Best is of course if you have both. A whole lot of parents suck at parenting.

Response by PO1 Brian Austin made May 3 at 2016 1:45 PM

PO1 Brian Austin — Tue, 03 May 2016 13:45:01 -0400

It's huge problem with responsible parenting in general and a no male role model exacerbates it. You can see it in the way kids act these days with a total lack of respect and total self-indulgence.

Yesterday i saw something that IMO, was very telling about parenting these days. I was at a food court at a shopping center. At one table there was a family of five, the three kids probably 8-12 yr old range. ALL five of them were on their individual phones, texting or watching video's. No vocal interaction between any of them at all. They were like that the entire time i was there until i left, about an hour and a half or so.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2016 3:10 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 03 May 2016 15:10:11 -0400

I think this is a very valid question, esp. considering the proportion of single-parent (which tends to be women) to traditional family households. The issue has less to do with the gender of a single parent and more to do with the fact that there is only ONE parent in a household. Single parent families statistically have a higher risk of economic insecurity and related issues as well as the inherent challenges of 'raising' children when there are competing demands, e.g. career, shift-work, et al. Unfortunately, the result is that nobody is raising children in some of these families and then society is shocked when they have academic and/or legal issues.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2016 8:34 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 03 May 2016 20:34:21 -0400

I observed something I thought was interesting during my time as an instructor at SWCS from 2012-15. We had a number of students who were sons of outstanding green berets, who we thought would carry on their fathers' legacy of outstanding performance and professionalism. A great number of them performed horribly (though some were rockstars). It raised the question in my shop, as to whether or not the absence of their fathers over the vast majority of a decade contributed to this. Obviously there are no definitive lines drawn between the two, but I thought it was worth sharing.

Response by LCpl Bryan Sundell made May 3 at 2016 11:26 PM

LCpl Bryan Sundell — Tue, 03 May 2016 23:26:07 -0400

It's my belief that fathers are more engaged today than in years past. If we think about our parents and our parents parents the father was at work before the sun came up at home in time for dinner and in bed after the evening news. Radars fathers from my perspective don't leave as early home at a reasonable time and are taking and or picking up from our kids events (sports, music, theater, ect).

Response by CAPT Don Bosch, EdD made May 4 at 2016 8:50 AM

CAPT Don Bosch, EdD — Wed, 04 May 2016 08:50:03 -0400

Absolutely. See http://www.fatherhood.org for plenty of facts and info.

National Fatherhood Initiative

There is a father factor in nearly every societal issue facing America today. Fatherhood changes everything...and we can change fatherhood.