Is it okay for an Officer to date a sister/brother (or non-military family member) of an NCO whom he or she rates?

2021-12-04T12:36:06-05:00

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Dec 4 at 2021 12:37 PM

2021-12-04T12:37:43-05:00

CPT Private RallyPoint Member This falls under at a minimum, just because you can, should you category.
And Id guess your commander will view it as corrosive to the leader/led relationship as well as having the likelihood of providing an unwelcome and unacceptable perception of impropriety.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2021 3:40 PM

2021-12-04T15:40:55-05:00

No. Absolutely not. There is no written policy you'll see about it, but that won't prevent the Officer from receiving a GOMOR for it. Perception is everything in the Army.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Dec 4 at 2021 3:42 PM

2021-12-04T15:42:17-05:00

No, it wouldn’t be ok, moral or appropriate.

Response by SFC Don Lawrence made Dec 4 at 2021 4:48 PM

2021-12-04T16:48:06-05:00

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2021 5:11 PM

2021-12-04T17:11:58-05:00

This isn’t addressed in any regulation I’m aware of but this should fall under common sense things you don’t do. How would you feel, as a commander, if one of your Joes started dating your adult daughter or maybe sister? Nothing against it in the regs, but it probably isn’t a good idea.

Response by SFC Kelly Fuerhoff made Dec 4 at 2021 7:51 PM

2021-12-04T19:51:22-05:00

Can you? Yes. Should you? Nope. Do you really want to deal with the drama? Keep work and personal life separate. In my opinion, it wouldn't be worth it. I don't care what their sibling looks like.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2021 8:13 PM

2021-12-04T20:13:02-05:00

Officers should know the answer to this question without asking it on RallyPoint.

Response by SFC Ralph E Kelley made Dec 5 at 2021 7:25 AM

2021-12-05T07:25:05-05:00

Response by 1SG Alan Boggs made Dec 5 at 2021 10:01 AM

2021-12-05T10:01:49-05:00

This is a tricky situation. Short answer, no it would not be appropriate to enter into this relationship while you are in the NCOs rating chain. That being said, rating chains are temporary.
All it takes is a promotion or reassignment and that reporting relationship is over. Is it the consensus of this group of experts that an officer can never date a civilian sibling of a service member because of the possibility that in the future there could be a rater/rated conflict?

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Dec 5 at 2021 12:51 PM

2021-12-05T12:51:02-05:00

You don't even have to be connected to anything within your command. We had an O-3 night putting a civilian woman on Adak. Who cares right? Well she was the QA lead for a contract the O-3 was administering. He was told to resign or Admin with an unfriendly Sep Code the following week. It's always about appearance or potential conflict of interest. There's plenty of people to put in your job that don't have that issue. Easy business decision.

Response by SMSgt Bob W. made Dec 5 at 2021 5:12 PM

2021-12-05T17:12:57-05:00

The short answer is "YES". The conflict of interest answer is "NO". If I date one of your siblings, I "should" move you from my chain of commander.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 8 at 2021 2:59 PM

2021-12-08T14:59:43-05:00

On some browsers your question gets cut off and looks like your asking something much much worse.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Dec 9 at 2021 6:33 PM

2021-12-09T18:33:14-05:00

Probably not illegal, but a situation full of possible problems. Also open to the appearance of impropriety that can get an officer in a lot of trouble.
You might be able to pull this off IF
-You and the NCO are in a Reserve Component
-And all of the relationship happens outside of the time you or the NCO are subject to the UCMJ
-AND nobody complains to the commander or EO or IG

If you’re on active duty, date somebody else.

Response by Capt Al Young made Dec 23 at 2021 6:02 PM

2021-12-23T18:02:33-05:00

It’s a simple answer, NO. Conflict of interest and violation of several directives.

Response by MAJ Louis Giamo made Jan 17 at 2022 9:05 PM

2022-01-17T21:05:07-05:00

I married the sister of one of my KATUSA Sgt's from Korea. However, I wasn't in his rater chain.

Response by SFC Michael Peterson made Jan 19 at 2022 12:21 PM

2022-01-19T12:21:22-05:00

I really think that would be a very bad idea.

Response by Lt Col Timothy Cassidy-Curtis made Jan 23 at 2022 11:13 PM

2022-01-23T23:13:04-05:00

This might depend on the professional relationship between the Officer and the NCO. It will also depend on the romantic relationship that develops between the Officer and the woman he dates. Finally, it could depend on the sibling relationship.

In a lot of cases, this could turn out fine. However, there are cases where it could be a disaster.

Response by SSG Carl Gamel made Jan 24 at 2022 11:25 AM

2022-01-24T11:25:54-05:00

NO, especially if it the wife or husband.

Response by CPT Eireanne Russ made Jan 28 at 2022 6:45 PM

2022-01-28T18:45:13-05:00

UM, NO. Either the service member will think you are picking on them, the rest of the unit will think you are favoring the service member or, most likely, you will get it from both sides at the same time on the same issue. This falls into the spirit of the law and the spirit of leadership categories. Your position as a leader is sacred and anything, however small , that can compromise the integrity of that position must be seen as off limits.

Response by CPT Jay E. Schoenhaar made Jan 28 at 2022 7:42 PM

2022-01-28T19:42:59-05:00

Just because they are no rules against it don’t mean it’s a good idea to do it. The answer is a big no, it just wouldn’t look right from any direction.

Response by Capt Richard Mancini made May 4 at 2022 5:02 PM

2022-05-04T17:02:15-04:00

I believe that the officer would leave his/herself exposed to criticism and questionable judgment. The perception is key.

Response by Capt Ron Morales made May 13 at 2022 2:02 PM

2022-05-13T14:02:06-04:00

Of course it is? Why not?