Is it appropriate to talk to my neighbor about their attitude even if she outranks me?

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 10:35:33 -0400

I live off base in an apartment. Recently we had a new couple move into my building. I’ve heard multiple complains from my roommate and other neighbors that they are rude to everyone. Greetings are met with eye rolls and once the Sgt responded to another, “why are you talking to me?” Typically, I wouldn’t care as it’s not my business but increasingly I’m hearing that even passing by them in the breeze way more like a nervous standoff. Should I try addressing this with them? Or just go straight to my landlord?

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Apr 1 at 2019 10:37 AM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 10:37:58 -0400

I would try to find out who's her supervisor and mention it to them, it

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2019 10:39 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 10:39:49 -0400

Sadly, if they are breaking no rules established by the apartment complex, then going to your landlord is kind of moot. Otherwise, I would just simply ignore them and continue on with your life.

Response by SSG Brian G. made Apr 1 at 2019 10:56 AM

SSG Brian G. — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 10:56:28 -0400

Short of talking to them about it there is nothing you can do.

Literally there is nothing in anything that says they have to be nice to you, acknowledge you, be courteous etc., to you or anyone else. As long as they are not breaking any of the buildings rules or being a nuisance ie letting their pets roam free, not picking up after them, loud music, inconsiderate parking, damaging the structure, no maintaining their dwelling and the yard... there is nothing you can do.

There are pros and cons to talking to them. You have to weigh these before choosing to do so.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2019 11:07 AM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 11:07:27 -0400

In my view, SPC Private RallyPoint Member, people are people and each person has his or own way of living their life... Sad that this new couple is not friendly and are even caustic... There is something behind their facade that makes them act that way... I would counter the general feeling of others in your apartment complex and when you walk by this couple, smile and simply say "good morning" or "good afternoon" or whatever you wish to say! ...but keep it short and don't stop and hold your head high... That way, it is you who are being friendly... They may not acknowledge you for a long time, but after a while, perhaps they will smile at you and say "Hi"... It is your choice Khyle...

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Apr 1 at 2019 11:12 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 11:12:10 -0400

Unfortunately there is nothing there to discuss with the landlord. As for other individuals, they need to speak for themselves not you. If this were a family member, then maybe, a roommate and neighbors should speak for themselves. I would simply ignor them. Thank you for your service.

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Apr 1 at 2019 11:12 AM

SGT Patrick Reno — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 11:12:22 -0400

Khyle don't cause yourself any problems. Some people are just assholes and there is nothing you can do or say to change it. Ignore them.

Response by 1SG Charles Hunter made Apr 1 at 2019 11:14 AM

1SG Charles Hunter — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 11:14:26 -0400

As others have already stated, bad manners can't be corrected by your landlord. I would suggest, as a way of making the couple feel included, invite them to your next party. Maybe they're just snobs and forget they were also once privates.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2019 11:23 AM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 11:23:24 -0400

Absolutely not. Regardless of rank, you do not confront someone and tell them that have a bad attitude. Your landlord can not fix this issue either. ignore them.

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Apr 1 at 2019 11:33 AM

LTC Jason Mackay — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 11:33:34 -0400

SPC Private RallyPoint Member apparently they don't want to engage. Good luck to them if they need a neighborly favor like bringing in their mail, feeding a pet etc. Just go your own way and let them go theirs. Landlords can't and don't fix people being jerks. They barely keep a lid on the terms of their leases.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Apr 1 at 2019 11:33 AM

SFC Casey O'Mally — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 11:33:43 -0400

There is already some pretty good advice on here regarding the specific situation. I'm going to offer some more generic advice....

Your neighbor outranks you in the Army. Civilian apartments are off base. This means that your neighbor does not outrank you in apartment hierarchy. He still absolutely outranks you, and any discussions need to be professional and respectful. But when it comes to living life, his rank holds no power over you or any other tenants. You can absolutely, positively address any daily living situations between the two of you (for instance, he has a dog that he doesn't clean up after when he walks it). He does not have the authority, IN THAT SPECIFIC SETTING, to tell you to go away because he outranks you (he may still try, and it is usually not worth escalating). Remember to be polite, respectful, and assertive. Also, don't go picking fights - as mentioned, if YOU don't have a problem with the individual, then it is not your problem to fix.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2019 12:02 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 12:02:28 -0400

You're probably just going to have to let them be their own problem. Eventually this attitude will carry them only so far. "Leaders" like that don't last long because people won't want to work for them, so their subordinates will do subpar work. Their leadership will ask why everyone they're in charge of does so poorly. At some point they'll have to explain what the issue is.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2019 1:49 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 13:49:03 -0400

If it doesnt directly involve you or your family just ignore them. They want to be assholes, let them be lonely assholes. If they say something to you or yours stand your ground, but dont give them any ammo to use against you. Some people just arent beat enough as kids, good luck.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Apr 1 at 2019 1:53 PM

CSM Charles Hayden — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 13:53:34 -0400

MYOB. Unless you personally have negative interactions, you have no dog in the fight. SPC Private RallyPoint Member

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Apr 1 at 2019 2:32 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 14:32:01 -0400

Don’t participate in gossip. Treat all your neighbors with respect and stay out of their personal business.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 1 at 2019 2:36 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 14:36:01 -0400

I think you have no recourse. The best COA is to ignore their petty attitude.

Response by SGM Glenn Dawkins made Apr 2 at 2019 12:56 PM

SGM Glenn Dawkins — Tue, 02 Apr 2019 12:56:24 -0400

Khyle, I am an advocate for live and let live, but keep being your best self and always remember that people are they way they are based on their personal conditions, experiences, and beliefs.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 2 at 2019 1:21 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 02 Apr 2019 13:21:56 -0400

Allow me to illuminate constants in the universe like the speed of light, and 10% of the men and women are assholes or bitches. I have learned giving my neighbors good food often creates a bond and friendship.

Response by SFC Tom Jones made Apr 2 at 2019 11:40 PM

SFC Tom Jones — Tue, 02 Apr 2019 23:40:04 -0400

One you can confront them about it, like saying I am sorry didn't mean to offend you, but would you like to talk about what is wrong. (2) If you know the unit they belong too go to the 1st sgt and ask him or let him know what is going on. (3) Don't know how it is today but if you have a off post housing office go to them and ask what can be done. (4) Last if you don't have them then go to your land lord and let them know about, this is the last cause the land lord is going to let them know who is complaining and that could start trouble for everyone. Best is to let the chain of command know what is going on been there and got my t-shirt good luck

Response by PO1 John Meyer, CPC made Apr 6 at 2019 3:53 PM

PO1 John Meyer, CPC — Sat, 06 Apr 2019 15:53:50 -0400

It's like I tell my wife all the time... in life you have to pick and choose your fights. Some fights are worth getting into; some aren't. This is one of those that isn't worth it. I would recommend just ignoring them.