If you became a single parent with sole or primary custody, would you continue to serve or hang up your boots for a civilian job?

2016-05-17T23:39:01-04:00

This is not something I am faced with, just something I saw on TV. Just a question for the group. I am curious to see what everyone has to say. Personally, I believe I would continue to serve, but hopefully I will never find out.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made May 17 at 2016 11:45 PM

2016-05-17T23:45:34-04:00

As a hypothetical answer.....First, if you decide to stay in you would need to get a Family Care Plan. If you did not have many skills to get a job to earn enough to support yourself and your child, then I would stay. If you had marketable skills to earn enough to care for your Family, then it is an option to transition to a Civilian job. If you did choose to leave Active Duty, it would be productive to join the Reserve or Guard to continue serving.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 18 at 2016 10:33 AM

2016-05-18T10:33:37-04:00

It would depend on the MOS I had. If I were a single parent with sole/primary custody and had a combat MOS, I would probably think about reclassing first. If that were not an option, then I would more than likely hang up the spurs.

Response by Cpl Maggie Hundshamer made May 18 at 2016 7:18 PM

2016-05-18T19:18:56-04:00

This is a tough one. I got out of the service in 2010 and became a contractor. I spent a year deployed leaving my kids at home with their dad. I think if you have the support system, stay in! Medical, dental, eye care, housing and childcare are all afforded and it's a good system if you have help.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made May 19 at 2016 2:34 PM

2016-05-19T14:34:35-04:00

I could not have served being a single parent, I realize that if I am lost in combat that my child would be left largely alone in the world. That is not to say I think ill of those that are able to deal with it.

Response by PO3 Sherry Thornburg made May 19 at 2016 11:22 PM

2016-05-19T23:22:35-04:00

tough question. I've seen single service members struggle with unhelpful commands concerning childcare and other parenting issues. I recall a certain Chief in my past who was disciplined for suggesting a 2 year old be put out in the park in a snow suit until his mom was finished with work. (Not kidding, actually said that.) Keeping your kids with you would be a constant battle. Not keeping your kids with you, sending them to designated guardians, could be painful and cause other issues for yourself and the kids. I'm tempted to say I would have stuck it out and stayed in the service, but I'm not sure. The truth is that I left the service before having children in order to avoid duel-military couple problems. Single military problems to my mind would be much worse, but there is no guarantee of an easier time in the civilian world, so it is really up to you. Devil's choice.

Response by SPC Todd Rhoades made Sep 6 at 2017 12:23 AM

2017-09-06T00:23:42-04:00

This is the expert opinion, PERIOD!!!
I can say that because I am a single father with custody of three for 11 years and 7 to go, not including college.
First and foremost, NO child EVER chooses to be born. Their birth is a result of YOUR choice.
Their needs are first and foremost, outweighing your needs and wants by immeasurable lengths.
Your first and foremost thought each day, all day is being there for them. If not, then you need to reevaluate your morality, because you are a selfish person.
Children in a single parent home automatically have a fear of their parent not returning, they have already been abandoned by one.
This feeling is with them each day from the time you depart each other in the morning until you reunite each evening. They are intelligent enough to know that things happen, i.e. car accident, work accident etc.
The stress of the only parent they have choosing, that's what it is, you made a choice when you stayed in, to be halfway around the world in harm's way, sends the message, you place your wants above them, will cause issues in all aspects of their childhood.
I have seen this arise simply by having a job that required me to work long and irregular hours.
Children need stability and security, these are your two most important tasks as a parent. They far outweigh the task of providing for them. They will get past not having the material items that a rough financial period during transition may cause, what they won't get past is being left alone in the world.
The other side of this question is the military one. This is two fold, first the wellbeing of your children is a weight full thought for any parent, add to that the thought of not making it home to them, knowing if you don't, they're alone, and you have a situation that can affect everyone around you. You could very easily hesitate to consider this at a time when acting on instinct is required. This could very easily cost your life and the lives of those around you. The military is no place for a single parent with custody of a child. There should be a law that resembles the "sole survivor" pertaining to single parents. If a parent should not suffer the loss of their only remaining child, the why should a child be allowed to suffer the loss of their only remaining parent.
The desire to serve your country and fellow citizens can be fulfilled in many other careers or activities that do not have the consequences that can be suffered by a military one.
I am not one to let someone else fight my battles or run from one either. If, God forbid, our borders were ever breached, I would be among the first to take up arms and repeal the invaders. That is not the case, and absolutely no American child should grow up parentless due to defending the borders of a foreign land.

Response by SSgt Michael NeSmith made Sep 6 at 2017 12:17 PM

2017-09-06T12:17:03-04:00

I actually was a single parent with full custody of my daughter with a Combat MOS, pretty much the same as some of you are saying I made a family care plan from day one, plus I had a lot of support from other family members to help out when the time did come for me to deploy. All I know is that it all worked out in the end .

Response by LtCol Robert Quinter made Sep 6 at 2017 10:17 PM

2017-09-06T22:17:55-04:00

Very difficult question with many variables; civilian potential, age and responsibility of child, bases normally have excellent support facilities and generally more flexible work environment when it comes to children, can you fulfill your position and still care for the child or do you become a liability to the unit, potential for independent duty around your family, years until retirement. Above all, which situation will best provide for the child's needs.