I'm 19 and I deploy in April with the Guard. What's the best way and time to tell my parents?

2LT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:14:27 -0400

Response by LTC Stephen C. made Jul 24 at 2016 9:15 PM

LTC Stephen C. — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:15:07 -0400

Tell them now, 2LT Private RallyPoint Member!

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Jul 24 at 2016 9:17 PM

SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:17:20 -0400

2LT Private RallyPoint Member roger that, I concur with LTC Stephen C. now is the time. The sooner the better for effective family time.

Response by SSG Thomas Gallegos made Jul 24 at 2016 9:18 PM

SSG Thomas Gallegos — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:18:10 -0400

You're 19 correct? You had better grab your sack and man up.
On the flip side if you joined without "support" you can tell them at least I'm not a drunk ass, do nothing college kid.

Response by CW5 Andrew J. Foreman made Jul 24 at 2016 9:18 PM

CW5 Andrew J. Foreman — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:18:54 -0400

Agree with LTC Curlee. Tell them now it gives it time to sink in for them. You will be focused on mission prep so time will fly for you both preparing and while deployed. Be aware that those we love just have to wait and waiting can be hard. As well, you will know if you are safe and when you are in danger. They will not know, love ones always assume the worst and it makes for some difficult times. Good luck to you and keep your head down.

Response by CW5 Andrew J. Foreman made Jul 24 at 2016 9:20 PM

CW5 Andrew J. Foreman — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:20:09 -0400

One more thing. Keep a journal. Best thing I did was to keep a journal of three combat tours. I am going back and reading it and really was helpful. Also I am making edits so my wife and kids can read parts of it too.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2016 9:26 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:26:41 -0400

2LT Private RallyPoint Member Best wishes. Where are you deploying?

Response by 2LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2016 9:28 PM

2LT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:28:34 -0400

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice on this. Is there a good way to tell them in a way other than being blunt?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2016 9:32 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:32:40 -0400

Honestly and immediately. That need definitely does not get better, or easier to handle, with time.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Jul 24 at 2016 9:34 PM

LTC Stephen F. — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:34:04 -0400

The best way too tell your parents that you have orders to deploy next April with the Army National Guard is to tell them in person 2LT Private RallyPoint Member
I concur with my good friends LTC Stephen C. and SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL that as soon as possible is the best time.

Response by SSG Stephan Pendarvis made Jul 24 at 2016 9:40 PM

SSG Stephan Pendarvis — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 21:40:36 -0400

Just tell em. What are you afraid of?

Response by SN Greg Wright made Jul 24 at 2016 10:18 PM

SN Greg Wright — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 22:18:24 -0400

I'm in the 'tell them now' crowd, 2LT Private RallyPoint Member. You don't want anyone regretting lost time.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2016 10:24 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 22:24:47 -0400

Pass the potatoes, BTW I'm going to deploy in April.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2016 10:40 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 22:40:13 -0400

The news doesn't get better with time. Get it over with and have all facts that you can gather available. They WILL have questions.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2016 11:09 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 23:09:53 -0400

I am curious as to how this is something you are finding difficult to mention to your parents. I am not trying to be a blunt but you are making sound like you going to the surgery table or have an ailment. It is a deployment not a death sentence. Don't make this out to be more than what it is.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Jul 24 at 2016 11:32 PM

PO1 John Miller — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 23:32:24 -0400

Sound advice from all. I also suggest take as many pictures as you can/if you can, ALWAYS keeping OPSEC in mind. Skype with your family if bandwidth permits. Also, nothing beats good old fashioned pen and paper letters home.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2016 11:37 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 23:37:31 -0400

Dude, tell them now. Since you enlisted they probably already knew it was a possibility.

Get your parents on-board with the FRG and any other pre-deployment event. You can also tell them that since you are going to Kuwait, the most likely danger you face is sunburn or dehydration!

Keep them informed throughout the process. Let them know you are stacking points for retirement, can save up a bunch of money, and move the hell outta their house when you get back! Ha!

Seriously, best of luck with everything. Talk to your Team Leader about how to do online ATTRS and college courses while you are gone.

Do push-ups. Drink water!

Response by SrA Matthew Knight made Jul 25 at 2016 12:41 AM

SrA Matthew Knight — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 00:41:26 -0400

I am an alternate for a deployment later this year although I likely won't go (I'll only go if the other guy can't for some reason). That said, I was personally not going to tell any of my family or friends if I do go. Saves them from the worry and would be a great moment to see their shock once I come back with pictures after. That's just me though. For me it would be easy to hide but with you being Guard that's probably impossible. Just be straight forward with them. Locations should probably be left out but if it's somewhere that's not very dangerous let them know that you shouldn't be seeing any type of trouble and how long it will be until you're back. Good luck.

Response by SSG Trust Palmer made Jul 25 at 2016 1:15 AM

SSG Trust Palmer — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 01:15:05 -0400

Be honest and upfront. Give them time to process it emotionally. Keep an open line of communication at all times with your parents. One day you won't have them.

Peace be upon you.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Jul 25 at 2016 7:36 AM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 07:36:55 -0400

Tell the facts as soon as possible. Don't try to sugar up any details.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 8:58 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 08:58:32 -0400

Where are you deploying to and for how long. This is probably one of the dumbest questions on here. You signed up to be apart of the gaurd. Your parents probably supported your decision to join so they should support you through the deployment. Get over it and tell him or not that's up to you. Remember you are a big boy now and cannot expect mommy and day to protect you all the time.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 1:12 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 13:12:26 -0400

I would have to know your parents to know that. BTW, after the fact, is not the best method.

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 1:27 PM

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 13:27:15 -0400

Well in advance, sooner the better, depending on how long your gone for, you will come back a changed person, its always good to make some good memories with your family now and tie up some loose ends before you ship out.

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made Jul 25 at 2016 1:33 PM

Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 13:33:02 -0400

What are you waiting for? Tell them immediately, what's the reason not to?

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 2:09 PM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 14:09:40 -0400

Once you are squared away and have a finance and education plan for the next year in place. You're 19 and in the military, show your parents you are capable and ready to be an adult. Reassure them you will be safe and have a military family to cover your 6.

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Jul 25 at 2016 2:55 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 14:55:12 -0400

ASAP, and when deploy volunteer for every mission outside the wire, because what does not kill you makes you stronger.

Response by CMSgt Mike Esser made Jul 25 at 2016 3:15 PM

CMSgt Mike Esser — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 15:15:48 -0400

Check with your 1st Sergeant or front line supervisor and find out what, if and when you can share with your family. Be honest, let them know the unclassified elements of your deployment, Check with Family readiness and your unit for the contact info while your gone, ensure they have Skype and remind them we have the best Military in the world.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 25 at 2016 4:22 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 16:22:20 -0400

So long as your unit has not put any prohibitions on distributing that information for OPSEC purposes, as they often do, sooner is better than later.
They will want to spend time with you before you go.

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Jul 25 at 2016 10:39 PM

LTC Jason Mackay — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 22:39:03 -0400

Now, honest and direct. You know your parents better than us. Sit them down in place that is private and comfortable for them (recommend in their home so they don't have to leave but you can). Don't add any drama, don't sugar coat it either. Tell them I am deploying to X. It will be a Y month deployment (if known). I will be mobilized for Z amount of time to train and deploy. If you want to keep up with what is happening, I have signed you up for the Family Readiness Group so you can get official information.

I take it they are not supportive of this endeavor. Why you? It is my duty that I have sworn to perform. Why there? Because that is our mission. Can't you tell them you can't go? No, I have to live up to my obligations. Otherwise, Don't promise what you can't deliver.

Response by SFC Joseph Weber made Jul 25 at 2016 11:53 PM

SFC Joseph Weber — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 23:53:00 -0400

You are in the Army Guard correct?

Response by MSgt Bruce Hutchinson made Jul 26 at 2016 7:49 AM

MSgt Bruce Hutchinson — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 07:49:06 -0400

My first reaction would be to tell you to man up. But reflecting on my history, I realized that it was harder to tell my mom than it was to tell my spouse (and I was in my mid 40's the last time). Be honest and straight forward. Above all do it now

Response by SPC Mason Mullins made Jul 26 at 2016 8:11 AM

SPC Mason Mullins — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:11:10 -0400

Tell them immediately. Holding off is not going to do any of you any favors.

Response by Maj Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 9:33 AM

Maj Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 09:33:16 -0400

PFC Obourn,
Deployments aren't easy for you or your folks. You need to tell them now, and you need to introduce them to the family support services that are available to them to help deal with the time you are away. Especially if this is your first deployment, you want to make sure someone checks in with them from time to time. Believe it or not deployments are easier on you then on the family you will be busy and constantly working so time will pass relatively quickly; however, for your family the fear of not knowing and the stress of worrying about you takes a pretty big toll on them. Do it now and assure them that you are trained well for your mission.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Jul 26 at 2016 9:36 AM

SGT Dave Tracy — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 09:36:11 -0400

Don't wait. They need time to process this as much as you.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 9:53 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 09:53:03 -0400

PFC Obourn, a few thoughts. First, I am a First Sergeant in the Air Guard (insert jokes here....) and deploying myself. If you are deploying in April then the likelihood is that nothing is set in stone. So, if your parents are the type who will worry a lot then telling them too much too soon may only make them worry unnecessarily for months. If they are stoic and can handle the information, then telling them should not be a problem. Remember OPSEC at all times so be careful WHAT you tell them as well as WHEN you tell them, and maybe wait until you have more definite information to give them. My suggestion is to tell them what you know truthfully as you know it and give yourself and your parents time to adjust as needed. Good luck.

Response by CAPT Don Bosch, EdD made Jul 26 at 2016 10:15 AM

CAPT Don Bosch, EdD — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:15:32 -0400

As an Army Dad, I think you'll be surprised at how supportive they are. Make sure you tell us how it went!! Safe travels.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 10:24 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:24:36 -0400

Tell them NOW.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 10:35 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:35:26 -0400

Now. don't wait. Let them get used to the idea now. I speak as a mother whose son was deployed also.

Response by MAJ John Adams made Jul 26 at 2016 10:46 AM

MAJ John Adams — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:46:26 -0400

Tell them right now, and expect a brief storm. No parent expects their child to go to war. (Yeah, it's not a war... Right.) The sooner you tell them the sooner they can begin to process this.
The best way to tell them is in person, at home. Don't do it at a restaurant or on the phone, or with a text or email (even worse!). They'll take cues from how you present it, and how calm or anxious you sound and look. Keep your cool.
And keep your head down, soldier. Come home safe.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 10:47 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:47:18 -0400

I don't mean this in a negative way, you are a grown man. It's like ripping off a band-aid, just do it. Then work with them to figure out how you will communicate so they are comfortable with your absence and don't worry over much. Your unit will know what needs to be done before you go. Don't forget a will and power of attorney just in case (it's not grim, it's just prudent.)

Best of luck on your deployment! Be safe! Update this thread when you get back so we know you got back safely.

Response by LTJG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 11:49 AM

LTJG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 11:49:53 -0400

Be direct and upfront with them as soon as possible. Gives them time to get over the initial shock and to come to gripes that this is the life that you chose. Took my parents about a week to get it in their heads, but after that, they saw how prepared I was to be able to handle anything.

Response by SGM Debra Bradshaw made Jul 26 at 2016 2:36 PM

SGM Debra Bradshaw — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 14:36:07 -0400

Tell them when you're relaxed, at a barbecue with a cold beer, making memories. Explain to them what it means to you. They will be proud.

Response by Col Dona Marie Iversen made Jul 26 at 2016 6:36 PM

Col Dona Marie Iversen — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 18:36:55 -0400

ASAP! Gives you time to educate your parents on your upcoming role and responsibility. They will still love you, ALWAYS worry about you, but give them the time to digest. Would you want one of your parents to say as they walk out the door, 'BTW I'm getting deployed tomorrow? Think not.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 26 at 2016 11:54 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 23:54:33 -0400

ASAP.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 27 at 2016 6:22 AM

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 06:22:24 -0400

Let your parents know about your upcoming deployment as soon as possible. The sooner the better. Deployment is part of military life, and I'm sure your parents expected this to happen in the near future. Thank you for your service to our country.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 27 at 2016 6:50 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 06:50:00 -0400

Tell them you are going to put foot in ass for your country.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 27 at 2016 8:54 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 08:54:39 -0400

I concur with most people here about telling your family now. I would also recommend including them with any Family Readiness Group functions (if possible) to let them meet other families with similar issues. It will actually help them deal with it since they will have an opportunity to see the type of people you are deploying with, and know that you have brothers and sisters there that you can depend on.
If issues arise that might turn into a problem, discuss it with your chaplain. He or she can give you great advice as well.
Best of luck!

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 27 at 2016 11:43 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:43:49 -0400

Tell them now. My unit (NG) is going on AT out of country I told them as soon as I knew. Cut a copy of my orders to my job, etc. Other NG units are deploying for various reasons to various places mostly overseas. Handle it immediately, they know what you signed up for and so do you. Don't worry about it, and don't hold it off.

Especially tell your job, be up front about it. If there's any problems don't get angry and don't cause a scene. ESGR and your unit can help you out with that, even take it to JAG and DOJ if it comes to that, which it won't... Almost ever.

You can handle what you're gonna be doing and so can your family.

Response by MGySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 27 at 2016 11:54 AM

MGySgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:54:27 -0400

Don't text, call or visit iff possible. Do it as soon as possible, since it's most likely one of them will be assisting you with your bills while you're away. Make sure you get your power of attorney arranged and ensure the person with it has access to appropriate accounts. ***DO NOT GIVE A GENERAL POWER OF ATTORNEY TO A GIRLFRIEND*** Let them know you're going there to do your job and come home safely.

Response by CPO Amb. Terry Earthwind Nichols made Jul 27 at 2016 12:20 PM

CPO Amb. Terry Earthwind Nichols — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:20:49 -0400

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Response by CPO Amb. Terry Earthwind Nichols made Jul 27 at 2016 12:20 PM

CPO Amb. Terry Earthwind Nichols — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 12:20:58 -0400

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Response by PO1 Jack Howell made Jul 27 at 2016 9:01 PM

PO1 Jack Howell — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 21:01:18 -0400

Tell them immediately, The sooner they know, the better they'll be able to deal with it. Don't dance around the subject. Tell them what you're able to tell them and don't guess on what you don't know. Make sure that you give them a mailing address so that they can send you letters and care packages. When you do deploy, stay in contact with them regularly, but be mindful of OPSEC. You can also stay in contact with them via social media.

Response by SFC Daniel McIntire made Jul 27 at 2016 10:19 PM

SFC Daniel McIntire — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 22:19:48 -0400

BOTTOM LINE UP FRONT! Give it to your parents straight. Have your support system up before you go.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 31 at 2016 4:02 PM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 31 Jul 2016 16:02:42 -0400

Tell them now without any sugar coating. Be ready to answer questions they may have. They will have some concerns and fears and you must be prepared to allay these.

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2016 9:47 AM

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:47:31 -0400

thanks giving or Xmas, but wait untill all of them finished their food.

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2016 9:47 AM

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:47:04 -0400

thanks giving or Xmas, but wait untill all of them finished their food.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 18 at 2016 2:03 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 14:03:14 -0400

You needed to tell them when you were told you were going to be deployed. Holding out or stretching out the time to tell them puts less time for them to actually understand what you have to do and to enjoy the time they have with you. Deployments are long and can be grueling; not only for you but your family as well. Get them prepared as much as you can, see if there is a class for families to attend for deploying soldiers/sailors/marines/airman.

Before my deployment, our command held a get together for our families with some MWR (Morale, Welfare, Recreation program) providers to discuss questions and what can a family member expect from a deployment. Also, just to add, this was held at our Commander's house (O-7). Our Admiral was a very family-oriented person so he understood all of us when it came to "the talk"; the fear, the worry, etc.

After having that get-together, we, as a command and family, felt better, grounded and focused to complete the mission we had for us. It make things less hectic for my family and for us to get situated from fiances to grocery lists.

Never hold off on something like this; tell your parents so they can prepare themselves, so you can prepare yourself.

Best of luck, Soldier!