I have been approached by a former employer who wants me to return. How do you make important decisions?

2015-09-30T08:01:15-04:00

My dilemma is my former employer whom I greatly enjoyed working for wants me to return to work for him. The major issues are I would have to relocate from my family as my wife has a very lucrative job and she would be unable to find a job where we previously lived. My former employer would pay me well but the hours would be incredibly long. I would be living apart from my wife what should require setting up another household. I'm curious if any other members have this type of arrangement where they work in a different state than their wife or spouse? I'd really appreciate the input from any and all.

Response by SGT Ben Keen made Sep 30 at 2015 8:34 AM

2015-09-30T08:34:13-04:00

That is truly a tough situation to be in. The only advise I can give you is to do what you and your wife feel is best for your family. Will the pay but longer hours justify the move and your wife having to give up her job? How will returning to that company benefit you and the family in the long term? Will the longer hours have deeper impacts and not allow you to have the time you wish to have with your family?

I think sometimes we as human beings sometimes see the dollar signs and lose sight of things like family and such. Sometimes we do things for money that end up costing us more in the end. Not to say that is the case here, but just a general observation.

I wish you all the best of luck and whatever decision you come to is truly beneficial.

Response by SCPO David Lockwood made Sep 30 at 2015 8:34 AM

2015-09-30T08:34:45-04:00

Talk it over with the wife and weigh out the pros and cons. What is the former employer willing to give you if you did return vice what you are getting now.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Sep 30 at 2015 9:18 AM

2015-09-30T09:18:13-04:00

As you said, you enjoyed working with him, and it sounds like there is a level of mutual respect there. Why not sit down and hash out your concerns? I mean literally come up with a plan of action that meets both your needs.

If you are valuable to him, a couple hours of time is worth the potential gain.

Sometimes what we view as challenges and obstacles aren't roadblocks at all. Sometimes they are just other opportunities to be explored.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2015 9:33 AM

2015-09-30T09:33:44-04:00

I currently live in Utah, my wife lives in Oklahoma. Let me tell you, its not easy maintaining a relationship living in different states. It puts a toll on a marriage, and makes you question the relationship. Is this new job worth the risk of losing your marriage? I am not saying its not possible as I have already spent over 2 years away from her, and we are still together, however its not without a TON of effort. Just something to consider.

Only you can make this decision. If it were me, I would look at rather I am currently financially stable and happy. If the answer is yes, I would most likely turn down the offer and stay where I am, no matter how much I enjoyed working for the previous employer.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Sep 30 at 2015 9:47 AM

2015-09-30T09:47:43-04:00

SSgt Alex Robinson, You are a veteran and no longer have to spend time away from your wife family. Any more questions?

Response by COL Jean (John) F. B. made Sep 30 at 2015 9:47 AM

2015-09-30T09:47:55-04:00

SSgt Alex Robinson - That is a decision that must be jointly made by you and your wife. You should look at the cost-benefit of staying where you are versus moving. That analysis should include not only money, but family impacts. Also, you should consider long-term versus short-term.

I had a similar decision to make a couple of years ago, when my employer offered me a position in Fort Worth, Texas (I live in Augusta, GA). Neither my wife nor I wanted to move again (for the 29th time), so I was going to turn down the opportunity. My wife pointed out that, in my position at the time, I was away from home 3-4 days per week and that it would not be a big difference if I commuted between Fort Worth and Augusta on weekends. That is what I decided to do. My employer paid for an apartment in Fort Worth and flew me back and forth on weekends. I agreed to do that for two years and it worked out well.

I recommend you look at the options and see what your employer will agree to do for you if you decide to endure a family separation to take the job (apartment rental, travel costs, etc.).

The key thing, in my mind, is that it should be a joint decision with your wife.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2015 10:52 AM

2015-09-30T10:52:55-04:00

Use a basic decision matrix kind of process (identify and evaluate key factors, e.g. workplace happiness, family together, wife happiness, hours, pay, opportunities missed, etc) to give yourself a relatively objective basis from which to start. Then sit down and have the objective and emotion-driven with your spouse.

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made Sep 30 at 2015 10:54 AM

2015-09-30T10:54:37-04:00

This is MY personal opinion, and would be how I would make my decision if I was in your place: 1. Current job pay vs. new job/pay (better be a HUGE increase). 2. Family....for me, being separated from the family was something for deployments. As soon as I am retired, I plan to avoid it totally....many marriages do not last with separation of the principal players (spouses). I will not say that yours can not last, but it sure makes it hard... Talk with spouse....discussion of all pros and cons. Some can make it work, some can not. Personally, I would NOT do it, but that is me. Good luck with your decisions.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2015 10:57 AM

2015-09-30T10:57:38-04:00

SSgt Alex Robinson, Being a geographic bachelor is tough. I have not done it personally, except during my three deployments, but that’s not really the same is it. However, I have served with several Soldiers over the past eight years, that were. I had a Captain that I worked with who PCS’d to California, a Sergeant First Class whose wife and kids were in Nebraska, a Sergeant whose family was at Fort Campbell, and a Major whom I went to church with that PCS’d to Oklahoma and left his family in Georgia. All, but one had strong relationships and they were able to make it work, but to voluntarily take a job in another state, far from your family, I believe that is something altogether different. My advice to you is (if you are a man of faith) is to pray on it, hard. I would also recommend that you pray together with your wife on it as well. Something as big as this I usually request my Bible Study and/or Sunday school class to pray as well(unmetioned prayer request). As long as you submit to his will, God will tell you what you should do. Often times it’s not the answer we are looking for, but if we are willing to listen it will benefit us greatly.

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Sep 30 at 2015 11:15 AM

2015-09-30T11:15:05-04:00

Do you like what you are doing now? do you like where you live now? Would your quality of life be better if you went back to your old employer? I make a good wage where I am at, But I have been offerd more than double to work out on the road, only being home on the weekends or even every couple of weeks. Sometimes more pay just isn't worth it.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2015 11:46 AM

2015-09-30T11:46:15-04:00

Never the heart or mind. Gut. Always the gut.