I am writing a motivational statement for a possible Naval Officer opportunity. Would someone be willing to review it for me?

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 May 2016 22:47:29 -0400

Response by MAJ Rene De La Rosa made May 20 at 2016 10:48 PM

MAJ Rene De La Rosa — Fri, 20 May 2016 22:48:30 -0400

Absolutely. You can PM me with it, and I will tear it apart; of course, just to improve it.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made May 21 at 2016 5:15 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 21 May 2016 05:15:57 -0400

Why don't you post it and get all the feedback you can?

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 22 at 2016 6:51 PM

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 May 2016 18:51:02 -0400

Here is what I have so far, any comments are welcome! Thank you!

I, TSgt Andrea Lamberti, a noncommissioned officer in the Alabama Air National Guard, am seeking a selection in the United States Naval Officer ranks. I have served honorably in the United States Air Force for over twelve years in the aviation maintenance career field. During this time, I have completed my Bachelors of Administration degree in Business Management from Faulkner University and will finish my Masters of Science degree in Management from Embry Riddle Aeronautical University in December 2016 with a current GPA of 3.8. Additionally, I come from a long history of family members serving in the military, including my father in the US Army during wartime and also an uncle that served in the US Navy; he was a Prisoner of War for a couple of years during the Korean War. From them, I learned how to be strong, dedicated and a positively influential individual. I always look for ways to advance myself in everything I do.

The US Navy is considered to be the largest and most sufficient naval force in the world. It is also considered to be one of the oldest branches in the US Armed Forces. It’s applied technology advancement and intelligence is amongst the best in the world. The history that the US Navy upholds is astonishing to me, from the American Civil War to Pearl Harbor and beyond. I desire to be a part of that legacy. I want to take what I have learned in the Air Force and apply it to an even greater career in the US Navy. I would thoroughly enjoy my new journey as a Navy Officer and I will always be there to listen, learn and lead my troops. With this opportunity comes a great responsibility and I will continue to stay motivated and overcome any challenges that come my way. Through multiple deployments with the Air Force, I have learned how to deal with adversity, difficult situations and also adapt to wherever we deploy. I served as an example to my troops through service before self. I take the responsibility of a noncommissioned officer very seriously as I am the one my troops depend on for leadership, guidance and direction. Your troops perform only as well as you lead. I live by the oath I took in December of 2003, to support and defend the Constitution of the United States

Obtaining a selection in the Naval Officer ranks would be an honor and a privilege; I will treat it as such. To be a part of something so much bigger than myself and being a part of the legacy that my uncle left behind would be a dream come true. His experience as a Prisoner of War in the Navy changed him; he proved he was strong due to what he learned in his service to the Navy; honor, courage and commitment. After many visits to the Pearl Harbor memorial, Arlington Cemetery and spending hours on the Missouri, it has truly enhanced my appreciation for the sacrifice these individuals made for our country. This is the legacy to be proud of. I want to be able to leave a legacy like that to my children and grandchildren one day.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 12:48 AM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 23 May 2016 00:48:24 -0400

Wrong post. Sorry.

Response by CDR Private RallyPoint Member made May 25 at 2016 9:48 PM

CDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 25 May 2016 21:48:53 -0400

LCDR Smith is spot on, and I would add, if you have a specific career path, please seek out the counsel of folks in that field. There is a world of difference between a Health Care Administrator (Medical Service Corps) and a Unrestricted line officer (air, surface, sub etc.). If you would like additional assistance I am standing by, especially if you are looking at the medical department. Cheers, and good luck.