How would you explain to family members they cannot engage their love one the same way, before they faced war or trauma?

This is a very tough question to answer, Phyllis and I really don't think I can do it justice due to the complexity of issues associated with each individual..., which vary from physical shortcomings due to amputation of limbs, or emotional issues associated with PTSD or other Psychological issues that may affect how they engage their loved one... Each issue is different for both those disabled and those who are their loved ones. It probably will take some level of Psychological counseling for the afflicted as well as the loved one and therein lies the problem...

PO3 Phyllis Maynard You know, that's a question I ask every day. But it's not just what it was like before the vet went off to war, or whatever the situation was. Even today, over 50 years after the events that rewired my brain, I have to explain my actions to friends and neighbors. My wife and I went to have dinner at some friends' house. I had to explain that because of hypervigilance I needed to sit in a certain place. Our friends were offended because I messed up their prepared seating chart. The night didn't go well...

I found that staying in the army for nearly 22 years around people with similar experiences made it easier to cope.