How have you dealt with PTSD?

2015-03-15T10:05:36-04:00

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 16 at 2014 10:14 PM

2014-09-16T22:14:22-04:00

Group therapy, gardening (seeing new life grow), talk talk talk talk it out, medication, PRAYER!........and no more drinking.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2014 9:44 PM

2014-12-28T21:44:09-05:00

I believe way more SM have PTSD than claim to...and quietly deal with it. I also believe you can have micro accumulative trauma, and also have macro trauma, both causing PTSD-like symptoms.
I think back, and the same haunting memories come flooding back. I call the parents annually of the troops I lost. I was one of the last ones to be with them....I feel it is my duty to remind them that they are not forgotten.

And then there is Rally Point...I can vent and not feel judged, most of the time. Every once in awhile, a real winner posts a snarky remark...I'm getting better about dealing with those these days.

I also joined the National Guard, a life saver really, it has aided in my transistion, and I see a lot of guys dealing with the same shit I am, in different ways, but I firmly believe the Reserves is a great way to transition into some sense of normalcy.

And lastly, counseling weekly for over a year, and new crap is surfacing monthly. Don't think it's a quick fix...it's not. Take your time, make like-minded friends and keep them. Don't shut people out that love you.

You asked...I hope it helps more than one person.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 10:25 AM

2015-03-15T10:25:40-04:00

I talk...it has been tough at times...but I talk. After a "sode", as I call them, I take my family and myself to see the counselors.

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Mar 15 at 2015 10:56 AM

2015-03-15T10:56:30-04:00

I almost went to jail, I about did something stupid - at work, luckily I had a someone I trusted there to see there were some changes going on and he asked me to get some help. So, I ask for help and end up take the pharmacy home with me! I followed the directions on the medicine bottle until I started getting close to the max tape....I was on pills to fall asleep, to stay asleep, to not remember my dreams, taking 3 valiums to make it thru the workday, pills to make me relax and pills to control anger and rage.

I knew there had to be a change so I bought a brand new mountain bike and started riding, everywhere. Back and forth to PT & work (12 miles each way), to every meeting and appointment, to the gym before heading home for the day...everywhere I had to go I was riding that bike. It really helped me to have alone time (without drugs) to just think, until I was cut off by a guy in a white Camry....he turned into a gas station and saw me heading his direction - I guess he could see I was enraged because he ran into the store and locked himself in the bathroom! I continued to ride that bike until I PCS'd....the mover forgot to load it in my household goods. For me, it took something physical, and alone for me to deal with it, I still have many days where unexpected booms, or smells trigger thoughts and feelings.

Response by SGT Paul Hayden made Mar 15 at 2015 1:14 PM

2015-03-15T13:14:09-04:00

Medication and lots of it

Response by SPC(P) Jay Heenan made Mar 15 at 2015 2:56 PM

2015-03-15T14:56:02-04:00

I don't have PTSD, I just have 'Major Depressive Disorder with Anxiety Disorder'...whatever in the hell that means. Thank God that I can deal with it without the assistance of pills. I, like CSM Michael J. Uhlig, used physical activity (mine was hiking) until recently. My physical injuries have made hiking no longer a viable option. I am going to try pool therapy to see if that will help me. Contrary to popular belief (in my unit), I don't enjoy being injured and going through a MEB...

I pray all of you dealing with PTSD are able to find something that works for each of you! Keep trying different things until you find what works for you! God Bless!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 3:36 PM

2015-03-15T15:36:31-04:00

Medication... It seems to be the only thing working at the time.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 4:12 PM

2015-03-15T16:12:28-04:00

I would hang out at local VSOs and talk to the older veterans, the Vietnam guys mostly.
And upgrade my computer, nice thing about technology, by the time you order a part and it arrives it is probably obsolete, so time to upgrade again!

Response by SFC Dan Lonnecker made Mar 15 at 2015 4:35 PM

2015-03-15T16:35:43-04:00

Medication, group therapy(with the right people) avoidance, guns, and more meds.

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Mar 15 at 2015 4:55 PM

2015-03-15T16:55:34-04:00

CPT Private RallyPoint Member I assume you are asking this from a professional standpoint since you are a Psychologist.

I do not have PTSD, and have no combat experience. I do, however, deal with Combat PTSD, as I provide counseling services to vets who are suffering from it.

THIS IS A PSA: If you are suffering and need help - call the hotline at [login to see] option 1.

If you need non-urgent help, you can always reach out to me through RP...

I can't endorse highly enough the book "Once a Warrior Always a Warrior" http://amzn.to/1G9JfWF This book, by Col C Hoge MC USA Ret. is a "how to" manual for vets and their families, dealing with Combat PTSD. It is a must read, if you have it, or know someone who is suffering.

For those of you in RP land that have gotten into legal trouble due to your PTSD, I say that this is a national tragedy and embarrassment. It is outrageous, but not surprising, that DOD does so little to help the troops with PTSD.

Some jurisdictions have veteran's courts, and they have specific programs to help troubled vets regain control of their lives.

Please, I can't say this enough, if you are hurting, don't self-medicate, and don't ignore it. Reach out to someone. Don't let your life become a statistic, because you served your country...

Response by SGM Billy Herrington made Mar 15 at 2015 4:58 PM

2015-03-15T16:58:16-04:00

That picture brings back a memory. In 2005 CPT Franks and CPT Harding were doing a left seat/right seat ride. They both went up to a vehicle that had stopped and made the driver open the trunk. The VBIED went off and killed them both instantly.

If memory serves me that's a picture from either right after the event or at the memorial service on FOB Kalsu.

To answer the question; my family pulled me from the darkness many times. My mom, my son, and my then soon to be wife (the previous wife sent me divorce papers while I was still over there).

I bought a motorcycle and it helped. I think I was still chasing the adrenaline rush and high. It was peaceful though, just me, the bike, and the road.

It took a year until I was "normal" feeling. I still have anger issues with dumb stuff. Sounds, smells, and sometimes talking about some things or seeing them on TV will trigger bad dreams. I'm managing pretty good though. The wife was so glad the second tour was nothing like the first. I am too.

Response by PO2 Corey Ferretti made Mar 15 at 2015 5:15 PM

2015-03-15T17:15:05-04:00

I almost ended up in the ground. I was retiered in October of 2012 and by May of 2013 i was about to end my life when my wife came upstairs. Where i went wrong:

1. I defined my self as PTSD
2. I closed my self off to the whole world if you were not a Veteran then i could not talk to you and you where the enemy.
3. I took every pill the VA gave me with out questions; it was a gallon zip lock bag full wish i still had the picture to show.
4. I had it in my mind i was not going to get better. (i was told this by multiple VA dotors on multiple occasions)

The things i did to start to deal with life on life terms.

1 Stoped letting PTSD define who i was
2. to use the coping skills i learned at the OASIS program
3. Started to slowly go out of my comfort zone.
4. Started to get involved with other Orgs like Team RWB, Warrior Pointe
5. Started to make friends with Civilians to help get rid of the Us VS them attitude.
6. Still go to my therapy appointments
7. Recognize that i will have my bad days but dont let them hold me back.

There are more things that i cant think of for both sections.

Response by SSgt Stevan Auldridge made Mar 15 at 2015 5:37 PM

2015-03-15T17:37:41-04:00

As a medic I saw many horrendous things, saw the light vanish in a mans eyes and watch the eyes dilate as the heart stops providing pressure to the muscle. BUT I think the job prepared me well for this and, as far as I can tell, I do not have PTSD. I don't have nightmares because I knew I did the best that I could at my job and found peace in that. I think finding acceptance and comprehension in the gruesome helps.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 6:24 PM

2015-03-15T18:24:25-04:00

Officers aren't supposed to be affected by conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, right? I mean, PTSD is a mental health issue. Mental health issues are a sign of weakness; a defect of character, right? Of course, when our NCOs and Enlisted Soldiers come to us directly with a personal issue, or if their Battle brings it to us, we don't think any less of these good Soldiers; but Officers? Why, it's tantamount to Conduct Unbecoming...

Believe it or not, this was my mindset, once upon a time. And once upon a time, this way of thinking almost proved fatal to me.

I was a Company Commander of a Combat Support MP Company in the area of Bayji, Iraq, from November 2006 - November 2007. We were on the ground for the Surge and the violence that ensued. In addition to the violence and carnage I witnessed firsthand, there were other things going down behind the scenes that upon DEMOB, I felt like I had failed my Soldiers; let them all down. I started to blame myself personally for every casualty suffered; particularly the severely burned, the amputees, and the paraplegics. Of course, I also assumed full responsibility for our two KIA.

Following a winter of doing little more than drinking and ice-fishing, I had to find something to distance myself from this shitstorm of guilt and depression that was seeking to devour me. I hated sleep, as images from IED strikes and decapitated Iraqi Policemen kept running amok in my dreams. My wife urged me to go to the VA; "Fuck you!", was my bitter response. It would get better, I rationalized, once I got back to doing something productive. For a little while, I was right.

In June, I started a full-time Master's Program to get my Degree in Special Education. It felt good have something to focus all of my attention on; blocking out most of the outside world for several hours at a time. I was studying; surely I wasn't isolating! Yet that is precisely what it was. Before long, when studying (isolating) in the evenings, it felt relaxing to have a beer while working (Don't normal guys enjoy a beer while working into the night?). Gradually, the amount of beer consumed increased over time.

As the program increased in intensity, I was happy. I had found a way to outrun my nightmares; I was working every night to the point of exhaustion. I had schoolwork and research to do, so I had the perfect out to avoid most family functions and get-togethers. In an effort to convince myself that I wasn't a failure, I had become a perfectionist; striving for the highest grade possible on every assignment and test, and driving my poor classmates insane if it was their misfortune to end up assigned to a group project with me. Following two years of living the good life, and another year of student-teaching, I graduated with my Masters of Ed Degree from the University of Minnesota. I had even landed a job in one of the classrooms I had done one of my student-teaching placements in! At this point, I thought I had it beat.

My first year of teaching was great! I had the same support staff working for me that my mentor had the year prior, and the Principal who hired me was very pleased. Still, my evenings were no longer filled with the frantic activities of writing and studying, which left more time to devote to beer drinking. I was up to a 6-pack a night when I got the idea to switch up to the 16 ounce cans, but I stayed at the 6-pack a night quantity, of course. Thank God I had a comfortable place to sit and watch my hockey games at home; this is the only explanation as to why I never got a DUI; I never had to drink and drive! My wife and I would argue quite frequently about the drinking, but in my mind, I knew the drinking wasn't the real problem. I never wanted to talk about the real problem.

In my second year, my building had a new Principal and the District had hired a new Special Ed Director. Where I found support and positive reinforcement in everything I did the year prior, it seemed I could do no right at all in the eyes of my superiors in my second year. In November, I received a By Name Request for a mission to Afghanistan. I had worked for the O-5 and O-6 who had made the request in the past, so that part made it easy. The situation at work, when coupled with the sense of unfinished business from Iraq, made it even easier. I said I would go. A week later, I had a Mob Order. If all went according to plan, I would be leaving on 1 May 2013.

Within a week of submitting my Mob Order to my employer, I was out of a job. The end was abrupt, unexpected, and came the day before Christmas Break. Just prior to the start of the day, I was called to the Principal's Office. Sitting there was my Union Rep and the Special Ed Director. I was informed that in light of my "decision" to go to Afghanistan (I would have been involuntarily mob'ed anyway), the District was exercising it's right to buy-out my contract, effective immediately, and after the Union Rep had escorted me to collect my personal things, I was done. Never got to say good bye to my students or co-workers; gone!
That was a tough blow to absorb.

Oh well, at least we have Afghanistan, right? Wrong. A few weeks later, when the DOD was ordered to cut expenses in Afghanistan, the Reserve Component BDE I was to be a part of was scrubbed from the mission. Suddenly, I felt totally empty inside. I no longer had a job to go to nor a deployment to explain away why I wasn't at work right now. I sat and got good and drunk. When my wife came home, she got really pissed, because I was too drunk to go to a dinner party at her co-worker's house. I didn't really give a fuck, I explained, because people would only ask me what I was doing now, and what the Hell was I supposed to tell them? She left. I finished off the last three beers in the fridge. I then chambered one round in my .357 Ruger, spun the cylinder, and pulled the trigger. Nothing. I did it again. Nothing. Suddenly, this sense of sanity came over me, and I got really, really terrified. I unloaded the firearm and secured it. I called my wife, and told her to get home, at once. When she got home, I had a bag packed and ready to go to the VA Hospital. She asked me if we couldn't wait until tomorrow. I said I didn't want to take that chance.

That was two years ago this past February. Those were some very dark times. After two separate in-patient programs a bunch of out-patient sessions, and the discovery of a TBI that I was unaware of from one of our very first incidents in Theater, things are much better today than they were, still, there are costs. As a result of disclosing my issues, I am now in the process of going through a Medical Evaluation Board. I am at peace with that. I am still a leader, and if by my example, someone else who is struggling feels a little less stigmatized when they decide to seek care, then it will have been worth it. If anyone ever wants to talk to me about this, I will honor your privacy. Feel free to shoot me a PM.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 6:55 PM

2015-03-15T18:55:45-04:00

I quit drinking, smoking, I take 23 pills day and night. I don't read anything about war, I don't watch anything about war, and I don't discuss what I did in Nam, except through counciling.I try to stay busy and enjoy fishing out of my kayak. Now, I really enjoy RP and the people I've come in contact with. Because of RP, I am starting to open up a little and I really enjoy the topics and replies. Other than that, it's a great life.
I always worked shift work and I never turned down overtime. I used to drink as much as I could to get drunk. My family saw me come home many times at night and when I opened the door, I fell out and laid on the grass until my wife helped me up. We never argued because I was hardly ever there. Our marriage was our second marriage. I had two kids and she had two kids. We combined the family and almost all of the time my wife did everything by herself, with four kids. In 2002 I was reunited with a guy that I saved his life in Nam. The memories of the night he was rescued kept playing through my mind. If I stayed drunk I didn't dream anything about Nam because I usually passed out. In 2006 my wife went to work for an airlines as a flight attendant. I was home alone three weeks out of four. One night I decided I'd had enough and took a whole bottle of anti depressant pills and sleep medicine. My wife returned earlier than normal on her trips. She told me when she came in the bedroom, she thought I was sleeping until she saw the bottles and couldn't wake me up. She called 911 and I was taken to the VA emergency room. They were able to save me and when I woke up I realized what had happened and I was pissed off. My mind is still fuzzy about that night, but I did eventually go back to work. I was still drinking like a fish but my production at work was going down quick. One day at work I flipped out and started yelling and crying, throwing wall lockers around in the change room, until my supervisor came in. He got me calmed down and we went to the front office. They called my wife to come out I was forced to take medical retirement. As I contineud to go to VA counciling, I had to make a life or death decision. Did I want to continue drinking or did I want to be helped. I decide I wanted the help so I quit drinking, and later quit smoking. My entire outlook on life changed and I could actually smile sometimes. In November, 1994 one of our sons was killed in a car accident. Two people in the other car died also. When the blood tests came back it showed my sons alcohol content was .013. When I found out that, I felt like I was responsible because of all my drinking. Fourteen months later our house caught fire and burned down. All of these things plus Vietnam came to a head and that's when I tried to kill myself again We have always gone to church and are Christians, and I think that is the only reason I'm alive today and our marriage stayed together. Things aren't 100% now but as I'm getting older and have seven grandchildren, my thoughts are only about them. I still get depressed and down, but the medication helps me get throught it because I stopped drinking.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 8:18 PM

2015-03-15T20:18:11-04:00

Oddly enough I actually work with my two horses. Working them keeps me busy while riding them is relaxing. I honestly look forward every day coming home and taking care of them. They always seem to know how to take all your worries away.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 8:26 PM

2015-03-15T20:26:26-04:00

LT,
I find it to be a constant struggle on an epic level. Like the waves one the beach you never know what your going to get calm waters or 10-15 waves crashing down on you. Some days I have to shut my door and meditate so I don't flip tables. The problem is PTDS is now a scapegoat for the soldiers who want a quick way out of there service. Because I've seen these solider with one deployment far from the lines and diffently never seen what I've seen complain they can't do their job because their issues PLEASE!

Response by COL Charles Williams made Mar 15 at 2015 11:13 PM

2015-03-15T23:13:39-04:00

Time, time, and time... And talking with folks who have been there.

Response by MSG Robert Schmidt made Mar 16 at 2015 2:14 AM

2015-03-16T02:14:31-04:00

In 1990 I was activated with my Army Reserve Unit for Desert Shield/Storm. I was a civilian Chief of Police at the time and could have opted out of deployment as my job was considered civilian essential. However, I did not feel I could abandon all I had trained so hard for, or all the professional soldiers I had helped train throughout the years. As the Operations St. for this Military Police Company, I felt very confident in our leadership especially our NCO's.

The day before the ground war started, my CO and 1SG directed me to take over our 1ST PLT. as they had relieved the existing PSG. I knew most soldiers in the PLT., however, I had been Operations St., for several years, and was not totally aware of their capabilities. I had to admit to myself that for the first time since activation, I was scared to death of losing one of my troops. So much so that it was all consuming. I trusted nearly everyone to do as they were all trained to do, but I still worried about them all.

We went in with 1st ID, into Kuwait, and then Iraq. All platoons went in different directions and were on their own. My platoon was directed to set up the 7th CORP EPW cage and begin taking EPW's. The platoon of 33 soldiers took in and secured several thousand EPW's in for 48 hours before getting additional support. The ground war was fast paced with the usual smells, sights, sounds, mine fields, cluster bombs, scud missiles, etc. I think what made some things worse for me was I broke my back and injured my shoulder and neck in a fall on the first day of the ground war. However, I thought I had just bruised it badly. There was no immediate medical treatment available. About two weeks later when I met with a doctor he wanted to air lift me to Landsthuel, Germany. I refused to go as I didn't want to leave the troops in the platoon.

Upon deactivation, I was a medical holdover and received treatment for my injuries. I left Active duty and continued treatment at the VA in Minneapolis. A couple of surgeries later, I returned to my job a Police Chief. I found, that my concentration, communication, decision making capability, and my enthusiasm for my job had diminished. In was exhausted and never woke up feeling rested. I argued with my Officers and Civilians. I lost interest in things I had liked to do. Things that were important to me before deployment, were no longer that way. This went on for two years. I had trouble sleeping 4 hours straight. My days and nights reversed. I had terrible dreams and thoughts. All the negatives of war came back at night.

I just did not feel like myself. I felt totally numb and alone even thought I had a wife and three children at home. One day at work, I was at my desk and I just started to cry, which I never did. I suspected that I was depressed, but as a Senior NCO I could not let on that there was something wrong. I did not want to break the Army Culture at the time, and did not want to be booted from service. After 2 1/2 years of struggle, I finally sought help at the Minneapolis VA. They were not equipped for the influx of soldiers asking for help. There had been no form of re-integration training at all. I was put on medication, and eventually started some counseling. I was diagnosed with Acute Depression and PTSD. I could understand the depression, but not the PTSD. After all, I was a COP who had see traffic fatalities, suicides, rapes, deaths, and all the negatives associated with policing. I was a hardened and seasoned Officer, who had never been troubled by any of it before.

Seeking help when I did probably saved my life. I only wished I had sought help earlier. I received treatment that did help. Last year I participated in a new 12 week PTSD Program that I think was very helpful for me. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Although those of us with PTSD will always have it with us. Good days, bad days, but with counseling it's much easier to deal with it. My family received counseling, and now understand what PTSD is and how to help me deal with it. If I had bucked the Army Culture at the time perhaps my struggles would have been easier. I should have thrown out the Strong NCO and Soldier thing right away.
MY ADVICE IS TO EDUCATE YOURSELF ON THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF THESE DISEASES, LISTEN TO YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, AND DON'T HESITATE TO ASK FOR HELP. IF YOU KNOW OF A FELLOW SOLDIER WHO IS STRUGGLING, ENCOURAGE THEM TO SEEK HELP, OR NOTIFY LAW ENFORCEMENT OR MEDICAL AUTHORITIES TO POSSIBLY GET THAT SOLDIER SOME HELP.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 2:49 AM

2015-03-16T02:49:21-04:00

Jack Daniels, Crossfit, the Chaplain, and the MFLC.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Mar 16 at 2015 3:15 AM

2015-03-16T03:15:04-04:00

I simply don't know. Certain things upset me about knowing who I lost in Afghanistan. I deal with it when it happens.

Response by SPC BgRuhf Edwards made Mar 16 at 2015 7:26 AM

2015-03-16T07:26:40-04:00

P.T. & Prayers, And understanding of my situation.

Response by SPC Kimberley Kerr made Mar 16 at 2015 8:00 AM

2015-03-16T08:00:35-04:00

Meds, meds, meds and alcohol. I don't recommed the alcohol.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 10:02 AM

2015-03-16T10:02:46-04:00

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, they are humbling.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Mar 16 at 2015 10:25 AM

2015-03-16T10:25:46-04:00

Without them i would be lost, a statistic, a number and a news article.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 12:06 PM

2015-03-16T12:06:02-04:00

That's a pretty serious question. It's tough!

Early on, I used to cry, a lot. I had one buddy die on me while I was holding his hand at the hospital in Balad, after getting hit on patrol by an IED. I hadn't seen the guy since Basic. I was taking one of my Soldiers to get staples because he hit the top of his head under a shabby built table, and then I hear the staff yelling for people to get out of the way. I look over and see my bunk buddy getting wheeled by. I ran over, and he grabbed my hand. He begged me to "dont let go." He bled out, went into shock and died moments later. It was terrifying. It's been almost seven years now.

In June 2013, I seen a new Facebook profile photo for a friend from highschool. We both graduated in 2000. The new profile pic was two hands holding each other. When I clicked on it, the caption was asking for prayers and hope. I didn't know what to expect, so I asked what happened. About an hour went by before I was told that he had shot himself in the head. He had become a raging alcoholic over the years; even tried to get help. At the time, he was going to check in the following day to rehab for detox and get better. He just couldn't deal with it any longer. The depression was so bad, that he felt he couldn't function without a drink. Here I am deployed, and find out that this guy I knew since the First Grade was dying. The pic showed him clutching the other person's hand. Turned out, the muscles were locked. What looked like clutching for life, was actually the position of his hand with the gun.

Right now, I'm deployed in Kuwait waiting to go north. I called home to talk to my dad this past January. At that moment, he said, "I can't do it any longer. I have the rope around my neck. I have to do it. Bye!" I'm going to leave it at that.

How do I deal with PTSD? I dont! I do my best to just smile and ignore the pain.

Response by SFC Collin McMillion made Mar 16 at 2015 3:50 PM

2015-03-16T15:50:27-04:00

I have been there and done that soo many times it is my second life, sometimes my first. Terrible!!!!!

Response by SPC David S. made Mar 16 at 2015 5:35 PM

2015-03-16T17:35:02-04:00

While I don't have PTSD I do have a great passion in helping those who do. As I witnessed the destructive power of PTSD I felt helpless in trying to help a friend as his life spun out of control. So I educated myself on the subject and tend to hone in on topics like this to hear what others have to say and learn from their experiences. One particular experience has stuck with me. I get rather emotional just thinking about that experience. I think sometimes what would have happened if I didn't reach out to that stranger that night. Call it dumb luck, divine intervention, it was definitely a life changing experience for me. I know this is not what you where looking for as a response just more of a you're not alone in this and that people do truly care about your well being.

Response by PO3 Sherry Thornburg made Mar 17 at 2015 12:04 AM

2015-03-17T00:04:52-04:00

I'm dealing with it as a spouse. Hubby (11 years active duty Navy) headed off to Iraq and Afghanistan and did 4 years as a civilian contractor with the Army. When he came home injured, he didn't really think he had such issues. After all, its perfectly normal to hit the deck when you hear a rocket heading your way, but avoiding crowded malls or church services because you don't feel safe and jumping at sudden rises in noise in a restaurant isn't.

He admits it, but that doesn't really help.

Not sure how to help him.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2015 3:27 PM

2015-03-18T15:27:36-04:00

I wouldn't say I had gotten full on PTSD, but mostly depression, which I believe is a form of PTSD. There had been quite a few instances of anger and anxiety though. Honestly I can say it's ruined my life. I can't hold a job, can't keep up in college, and have literally no direction in life. I am horribly out of shape now, and there is no structure. I am terribly anti-social when it comes to real life interaction, and I generally stay away from most people. The only way I have ever dealt with it was just by watching movies, surfing the internet, and playing video games. I know it's a rather pathetic life, but it's something. I've been considering reenlisting since military life is the only life I know. I was generally content in the military, and had a sense of purpose. I tried VA counseling and medication, and it really didn't help. It's like they don't care to understand. Maybe they do, but I didn't see it.

Response by SGT James Hunsinger made Mar 18 at 2015 6:27 PM

2015-03-18T18:27:35-04:00

I have been dealing with PTSD for nearly 20years and never realized it. I started getting treatment for it a couple of months ago and am considering quitting the treatment. All I seem to have experienced is things that were buried being brought back up to the surface and causing stronger symptoms in me than before the treatment began. I don't want to relive the incident again and again. I don't want the additional nights of nightmares and even less sleep than I had before and I damn sure don't want another fist full of pills to take since I already take enough for physical issues.

Response by SSG Mike L made Mar 18 at 2015 10:54 PM

2015-03-18T22:54:42-04:00

I am still dealing with it .....I will for the rest of my life.
I went to my local vet cntr and hooked up with a vietnam veteran who took me out for coffee and started a great friendship ..,, he. understands the emotions the roller coaster ride that I was and will always be on . survivors guilt and rotating back to home was my biggest problems....I miss my brothers so very very much ....
we walked through hell together , how do you relate to civs that have no idea what we have done ....how do you go from fighting for your life one day then sit and watch TV with your family the next ??

Response by CPL Dan McCready made Mar 19 at 2015 4:30 AM

2015-03-19T04:30:58-04:00

Everytime I go to answer this question, I end up erasing everything I have written. This time, I tell myself I will leave it here and actually post it. When I first got home from Iraq in 2004, my life had been rearranged from when I left, I had gone through a divorce, lost my house in said divorce, and was scrambling trying to figure out what to do. I did what a lot of people do to numb the feelings. I withdrew from my loved ones, my family. I started drinking like a fish, and was all around a total ass to anybody who knew me. I would snap at somebody at the drop of a hat, and be ready to use my fists any time somebody looked at me. I wasn't sleeping, I was drinking my career down the toilet, losing friends faster than I can type this. I would go out driving, usually on gravel roads and see how fast I could drift around the sharpest corners I could find. I needed that adrenaline rush. My drinking got me in trouble with my employer, causing me to get slapped with a 30 days suspension. About halfway through that, with rent, child support, and everything else, it became too much for me, and I quit the only job I ever had. I then started working in concrete, and I was doing pretty well. I had an argument with my boss, and started looking for another job. I was hired to work at a casino doing security. I was on the fast track for a promotion, and ended up getting fired, for reasons that remain unclear. I did what had always worked in the past, turned to the booze. I broke up with the girl I was dating, and finally decided it was time for me to get my shit straight. After a very long conversation with my dad, he convinced me to call the VA to see if they could help me. I called, and they sent a deputy out to my apartment, thinking I was a threat to myself. I had already prepared myself for at least a 72 hour evaluation, and had a bag packed. I spent the next 4 or 5 hours in the emergency room at the VA being watched like a hawk. I finally got to see the doctor, and he gave me meds to sleep, meds to keep me awake, and we set up an appointment to talk to somebody. For the better part of a year, at least 3 times a week, I drove down to talk to my therapist. I had stopped taking the sleep meds after about a month, due to the fact they gave me worst nightmares than I had when I wasn't taking them. In the 3 of 5 I remembered, I ended up dying in some gruesome way. Talking with my therapist helped tremendously, and I started to reintegrate myself into my family life. After a year of my visits, I was allowed to stop taking my meds, and don't drink as much or as often as I used to. I still have issues from time to time, but nothing like it used to be. I get nervous in crowds, and am constantly checking my surroundings,but I am able to deal with the issues a lot better than I used to. I have a great support system, my new wife has a 6th sense and is able to tell when we need to get someplace more open if we are in a store, and has a calming effect on me. I have noticed that if I am able to keep busy, building models with my sons, going on hikes, or fishing, life isn't that bad, and I can deal with the shit that occupies my mind. I know more than likely I will never be completely cured of this, but at least I now know how to manage it.

Response by SSG Joe Stone made Mar 26 at 2015 12:57 PM

2015-03-26T12:57:27-04:00

When I got home from my first tour in Iraq I ETS'd within 90 days and jumped right back into the civilian world. I was cold and reclusive to everyone around me and lacked any sort of empathy. Even though I swore nothing was wrong with me, I knew something was different. Most of my personal relationships went down the drain. I couldn't maintain a job. I didn't care what others thought or how I made them feel, because they would never understand... I would drink a lot, blame others (and the Army) for my shortcomings. Within a few months of my ETS, I came to the conclusion that I had made a huge mistake and went back in. I can remember the immense relief I felt on that first day at Replacement. It's amazing the comfort you can find in being able to share your experiences with those that have been there, done that. I ended up sucking it up for another 7 years, with a few more deployments and was eventually MEB'd for my back. Now that I was getting out again, I decided I would do things a little different. I went and got regular counseling through Behavioral Health and ASAP, which did me a TON of good. After I got out, I sought out the VFW and joined my local post so I could still be around other folks with similar experiences. Most day's are okay for me and rarely do I struggle, but loud sounds and piles of rubbish on the side of the road still get my anxiety up. Instead of drinking to deal with it, I go sit by the river or blog about what I'm going through. Anyways, some days are tough, but I've surrounded myself with close friends and my fellow comrades at the VFW and that makes it so much easier.

Response by SGT Timothy Byrd made Mar 26 at 2015 12:59 PM

2015-03-26T12:59:25-04:00

It's been 5 years since I was officially diagnosed with having PTSD & I still continue to deal with having it. I had been locked up 3 different times & was facing at one point 40 years in prison. Since than I have done inpatient care & now I go to therapy once a week through The Vet Center & receive mental health care through the VA. I still have to take medicine every morning to help with my mood & temper & take medicine every night to sleep because I still have dreams as if I had just got back yesterday. I went and bought a motorcycle and surprisingly it relaxes me tremendously.

Response by SFC Gary Fox made Mar 26 at 2015 1:00 PM

2015-03-26T13:00:37-04:00

I was diagnosed with PTSD. There are several medications I'm on to fight depression and to help me sleep at night. I still get angry very easy. At times, all it takes is for someone to interrupt me while I'm talking or asking a question. To be quite honest, it royally pisses me off.

My boss is one of those toxic leaders who lets the authority she have go way too her head. She changes the rules without informing anyone. The week before last, we were discussing a meeting I was planning for new clients. She interrupts me while I'm talking, not once, but several times. In a very harsh voice I told her to quit interrupting me that it was disrespectful and demeaning.

I made no secret I had PTSD because I believe it's best to educate people about it because may of those who have it are stereotyped as being potential psychotic killers. I educated everyone what PTSD really was and that more than 25 million people in this country suffer from it sometime during their life (Rand study). I told them not just combat veterans suffer from it, but anyone who has been a victim or witness to a traumatic event can suffer from PTSD.

After that day, I was treated differently. I'm talking about people seemed to be afraid of me. Yesterday, after working there for seven weeks, I was told the organization was going in a new direction and because of this new direction my position was being eliminated.

Response by SPC Christopher Hunter made Mar 26 at 2015 1:08 PM

2015-03-26T13:08:07-04:00

I take my prescribed medicines keep my family informed of everything.

Response by SPC William Danielson made Mar 26 at 2015 1:08 PM

2015-03-26T13:08:31-04:00

Yes I get very extreme headaches that cause me nausea,anger,sleep deprivation and memory loss. I usually work through it but this past event caused me to lose my job. I worked with people who could not understand what i was going through and said it made a negative and non productive atmosphere. I have always worked and never lost a job for this so it is driving me crazy with what to do. I have a family to support and trying hard to find a new job.

Response by SPC Shay Walters made Mar 26 at 2015 1:09 PM

2015-03-26T13:09:18-04:00

When I first came home I struggled with it extremely bad and even contemplated suicide a couple of times. But I surrounded myself with good people. I found the little things in life more meaningful. Now I fish and go to the range and shoot.

Response by SSG Michael Scott made Mar 26 at 2015 1:10 PM

2015-03-26T13:10:35-04:00

One day at a time

Response by SPC Juan Granados made Mar 26 at 2015 1:17 PM

2015-03-26T13:17:10-04:00

I am still dealing with this. I have decent days and some that are just plain terrible. Although discharged from the Army, I was not given retirement. Instead, I had to try to adapt in order to survive. I am currently employed, but each day is a struggle. I miss too much work due to the symptoms and medical appointments. I'm afraid that my job will soon cease to exist if I am not careful. I have no one to talk to. I bottle everything inside and that is a contributing factor. I'm afraid to speak up out of fear of being labeled a problem employee by my job and a nut case by the VA. I feel trapped.

Response by CPT Bruce Rodgers made Mar 26 at 2015 1:17 PM

2015-03-26T13:17:19-04:00

I have delt with PTSD both as a patient and a psychologist. While I do not believe that we have found the best solution, I do know that the worst thing we can do is nothing. I am currently working on a research group of neurologists, psychologists and psychiatrists trying to determine the root cause of post traumatic stress from a neurological standpoint. We are making good progress with our Lymbic system studies and hopefully that will lead to more effective treatments in the future. Until then I encourage all who are still suffering to not give up

Response by SSG William Patton made Mar 26 at 2015 1:18 PM

2015-03-26T13:18:55-04:00

I have being dealing with PTSD since the summer of 1969 in the aftermath of the siege of Ben Het. My unit was on Ben Het and as a newbie, I was placed on guard duty in a 6x6, deuce and a half, hauling ammo to Ben Het. The siege had ended for the most part, but there were sporadic incursions and ambushes of the convoys going there. As my luck would have it, we were ambushed between Dak To and Ben Het. We lost four vehicles, including quad 50s on a deuce and a half. The truck I was in was hauling 8" joes and we were hit several times by small arms fire. Thankfully no RPGs were fired at us. Some in the convoy were not so lucky. A week later, I was again assigned convoy guard duty. This time we were hit in Kontum as we waited for units to join us from MACV. A small child, a toddler, I know this because he wore no pants, walked up to a group of GIs about 50 meters from my vehicle, and dropped a grenade at his feet in the group. Four were killed, not including the baby, and several were wounded. Seventeen days in Vietnam and I already had PTSD. Been living with it for 45 years. About 4 years ago I finally started receiving VA disability for PTSD. As I age, the dreams and flash backs have returned. I take meds for them, but they are still there. I will die with them.

Response by CPO Ed Ball made Mar 26 at 2015 1:33 PM

2015-03-26T13:33:58-04:00

Me personally, May 19, 1998, I watched in horror helplessly, as an oak tree fell knocking my dad off an extension ladder, and killed him instantly. He was eight days away from retirement after 43 years on the job as a civilian.

Needless to say, I withdrew from everyone, including my wife, my infant son, family, friends, everyone, I feared sleeping as the event would simply unfold, over and over for about three months. For me it was a combination of faith, and public speaking.

I researched God's Word, just to find the answers, mainly "what happens once we die?" The more I read, the more I prayed, the insecurities, the nightmares, began to lift. Remembering the first few times I provided testimony to the event, I cried like a baby in front of several of my peers. But found the more I shared my story, it became easier, until a few months later I found that haunting presence was gone. I became free.

For myself personally, it was all about recognizing that God allows Satan and his demonic forces to have their way, but deep inside of all of us is the God given free will to determine what is going to control the remainder of our lives? We have a purpose here on earth, and for this event to happen in my life, only made me a stronger person, and more of an advocate for veterans that suffer from PTSD as well. God never gives us more than we can handle.

No meds, no doctors, just me and my faith. I still struggle when I visit dad's headstone. But I cherish the memories for the short period of time we were together here in this world, knowing I will meet up with him beyond the threshold of death on the other side when that day comes.

Response by Sgt Charles A Vroman Jr made Mar 26 at 2015 1:34 PM

2015-03-26T13:34:46-04:00

Medication, years of intensive psychotherapy, a CareGiver, and a whole lot of self-control.

Response by SSG Robert Clark made Mar 26 at 2015 1:34 PM

2015-03-26T13:34:56-04:00

Meds and flyfishing have helped me deal with with my PTSD.

Response by SSgt Robert Jason Dean made Mar 26 at 2015 1:50 PM

2015-03-26T13:50:34-04:00

After coming back from Iraq in 2003, I was fortunate enough not to have any complex stress or PTSD issues. However, I also found myself in a position to be able to assist my fellow military members by working with the Chaplains on a program they called Unit Cohesion Training. This program was aimed at helping those of us coming back from theater to cope with complex stress and PTSD, as well as help us to reintegrate into our civilian lives.

Approximately four months ago those same Chaplains reached out to me and asked me to be the webmaster for a site called vetconnectinternational.org. They informed me the program we had been working on was implemented and became standard training, while also explaining that this website was the next phase in attempting to assist veterans from the civilian side as well.

As of this last week, I believe they have secured the funding to complete the video production and roll out of their program. Despite the fact that my webmaster position is unpaid, I do believe that the program, once finished, will certainly be worth while, and my time working as part of this team well spent. Hopefully, some of you are able to find value in it.

Semper Fi

Response by LCDR Timothy Gordish made Mar 26 at 2015 1:50 PM

2015-03-26T13:50:36-04:00

Although I have never suffered from PTSD, as a chaplain I have helped many with one aspect of Combat Stress Injury which I think is a better title for what vets suffer.

There are different dimension which the vet needs to deal with. The purely physical injury like TBI or shell shock needs medical attention. The psychological injury like hyper vigilance seems to be help very effectively by horsemanship training, or dog companionship. But please do not neglect to seek help for the moral injury.

War has a way of shattering simplistic world views, making life chaotic and meaningless. War is filled with unholiness, making us feel unclean. Survivor guilt, and the assault on our sense of justice can be very dramatic. This moral injury very often leads to the worst consequence; suicide.

Despair, is best served by a shift in the way you look at the world, correcting and replacing it with one that rings true and give meaning and hope even after experiencing the truths and realities of war.

The vet needs a relief from guilt, and a return to purity of soul that only great religion can bring. Unfortunately not all religion is great, nor do all give satisfactory answers. Most people have very little understanding of the depth of meaning given by religion because the depth of knowledge is very simplistic, and shallow.

Through the years I have served many congregations, and large numbers of vets have found peace in them. Vietnam, Korea, and World War vets are there in the pews, and tell me how healing it is for them to be there. I have lots of stories I could tell about these souls.

Response by LTC Brian Stoll made Mar 26 at 2015 1:50 PM

2015-03-26T13:50:45-04:00

I came back from my Iraq deployment with extreme anger which was uncontrollable on the anniversary of the trigger event. After goingg to the VA, a Vet Center, being in groups, and visiting mental health professionals using cognative therapy techniques I found the answer. The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a non-invasive, self applied energy medicine treatment method based on Asian medicine and how energy flows through the body. It works and now I am PTSD free. The VA evaluated me before and after treatment and documented both having PTSD, and now it's absense from my personality. Check out GuidedHealing.com to see a short video of EFT in action and judge for yourself. You deserve to be healed and to return to a whole, healthy life.

Response by MAJ Roy Nickerson made Mar 26 at 2015 1:51 PM

2015-03-26T13:51:15-04:00

I spoke up. I asked for help. I went to counseling. The first step, though, was to loosen the grips on my pride. Just because you wear a uniform doesn't make you a superhero. If you need help, get it.

I'm so thankful that an O6 in our headquarters stood in front of a bunch of us and said "I wasn't sleeping at night. I was waking up with nightmares. I was taking it out on my friends and loved ones. But I went and got help. You should too!" I will always remember that leader.

Response by MSG James Mace made Mar 26 at 2015 1:56 PM

2015-03-26T13:56:07-04:00

While I was still in, I lived in denial for about the first four years after I came back. I remember listening to all the post-deployment briefings, and like pretty much everyone else, I was bored to tears, thought "There's nothing wrong with me", and I just wanted to get home. Without going into detail, it was my severe issues with insomnia that prompted the COL I worked for to strongly recommend I at least go and talk to someone at the VA. I think counseling is a wonderful thing, and it worked very well for me. The VA in Boise, Idaho, is one of the best I have ever dealt with. I also deliberately avoid alcohol for the most part, and while I will have a drink once in a great while, I avoid getting intoxicated anymore. I also stay very active, competing in both obstacle racing (i.e. Spartan Race), as well as triathlons. This is as much about my overall health as it is about being a form of therapy.

By far the most substantial thing I did, which I think a lot of veterans find confusing or even disconcerting, was slowly disconnecting from the military. I came home from Iraq in December 2005, and I retired in July 2014. During that time, I became less and less involved with anything dealing with the Army, outside of my official duties; the exception being I continued to serve on the Honor Guard, performing military funeral honors, right up to my retirement. I don't wear "the hat", or anything else that identifies me as a veteran, I recently removed my veteran's plates from my vehicle, though this was more about a transition from my past life as a Soldier to where I am now. The vast majority of my friends are non-veterans. A couple of my closest friends are people I served with, yet we very rarely talk about it, simply because we have lives outside of the military. I do have my shadow box, though that stays in my home office.

I also deliberately avoid political discussions on sites like RP, simply because I find it inappropriate on a professional site, especially since so much of comes across as nothing more than "Obama hate". As one who is more of a liberal-centrist, who proudly framed my retirement letter from the Commander-in-Chief, I find that political discussions with a lot of other veterans often turn into nothing more than hateful arguments. In fact, I have often been left feeling ostracized from a lot of veterans' groups, because I am politically liberal. Many veterans feel like they don't fit in society after they come back, yet to be honest, I have often felt as if I do not fit in with the veterans' society (though not just because of political reasons). I have been invited to a number of groups and functions, yet I always feel like an outsider, even when some of the members of said groups are Soldiers that I once served with. So I simply let it all go, and to be honest, that has been the best thing for my physical and mental health. Again, this is what worked for me, and is probably very different than most.

Of course, there is no universal treatment for everyone, and we each have to find specifically what works for us. For me, it was distancing myself from the military. This is not out of any sense of shame or embarrassment. It is putting those events from my past where they belong. The memories never go away, but I simply do not need the constant reminders.

Response by PV2 Michael Regan made Mar 26 at 2015 2:24 PM

2015-03-26T14:24:19-04:00

For me the first ten years were the hardest, I could not talk about it, I could not share the feelings, and most of all I wanted to forget it. However the more I tried all of that the more it control my life, causing me my first marriage, many friends and even a few jobs. I have learned over these 20+ years to share my story, embrace it, and understand that that time in my life I took the risk, yet the cost was known, at the same time did not known it would be a life long affects. I live today still with the nightmares, the night sweats, looking over my shoulder checking my "6", looking for the exits or where I could hold up. People just don't understand that during the so called "Peace-time" there was more death, injuries, and damaged to personal then they ever reported on or even knew about by the public.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 26 at 2015 3:44 PM

2015-03-26T15:44:12-04:00

I deal with it through exercise, meditation, prescribed medication (which I have cut back to one prescription now) and bi-monthly counseling (which helps immensely). It was the counseling which enabled me to reduce the prescriptions I was taking. Through the VA I have a counselor that I meet with on a bi-monthly basis and I noticed, by dumping everything on the counselor, I find myself with less pent up anger and frustration. I used to be very tight lipped about it all, but now I encourage the practice. I look at it as four legs of a stool. My mental foundation is exceptionally strong and I have been able to do more personally and professionally than I used to. I am a better person for it. I believe by eliminating the perceived need to be stoic and manly, I have become a better father, husband, co-worker and leader. If you are reading this and having problems, I would say the first step (not the way I went) would be to find a counselor you are comfortable with. Then together, map out a way to a better, healthier and productive lifestyle. We put ourselves in bad places out of fear, pride and/or ignorance.

I do not believe "it" will ever go away, but effects can be managed and minimized. Time seems to help a lot as well. Every single one of us is different. We all experience and react to physical or mental trauma differently. I thank god every day that I did not have to go through the experiences my dad and my son went through. By comparison, mine were somewhat miniscule, but it still has had a very lasting impact on my life. The old adage every Marine is a basic rifleman is the truth. When my job wasn't deemed necessary, I quickly found out that I was a rifleman first.

Response by SPC Steven Cobern made Mar 26 at 2015 3:47 PM

2015-03-26T15:47:03-04:00

I use many different ways to deal. I went to an inpatient program to really understand what was going on and learned many coping skills to live a "normal" life. One of the best things I could have ever done was get job at the VA. I have found that talking to veterans that want to share this issues helps me deal with mine. As a Peer Support in a combat PTSD program I get my therapy everyday by helping veterans deal with their issues.

Response by SPC Donald Tribble made Mar 26 at 2015 3:52 PM

2015-03-26T15:52:46-04:00

I take meds, use a psychotherapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and avoid trigger situations, I am also involved with helping others with PTSD/TBI.

Response by SSgt Garfield Warren made Mar 26 at 2015 3:54 PM

2015-03-26T15:54:10-04:00

I checked into the RRTP program at the DOM in Temple, TX. I got kicked out because the staff talked to you anyway they wish. I spoke up and got kicked out. I feel for the vets that have to remain there. I was homeless on the streets. Better than disrespect! However, I heard the PTSD program in Waco, TX is wayyy better..

Response by Sgt Jeff Simon made Mar 26 at 2015 4:18 PM

2015-03-26T16:18:14-04:00

don't sleep maybe 2,4 hrs a night any longer it bring the dreams. I don't want that. don't drink any more almost killed a guy when I was drunk. spend most of my time alone, I don't want to hurt anyone. just learning to deal with it I now can tell when I'm about to go off and just leave the area until I calm down. those are the good days. bad days well I'd rather not say

Response by PO1 Donald Hammond made Mar 26 at 2015 4:22 PM

2015-03-26T16:22:15-04:00

It is interesting topic because my wife suffers PTSD from sexual assault. I suffer a form of it from submarine duty. Most people think PTSD only comes from combat but that is not the only way. Submariners, at least during the Cold War and before, were on alert 24/7 for months on end. So the symptoms are the hyper-vigilance, reacting to changes in sounds (sign something has gone wrong somewhere) things like that. Yes, I have flashbacks and nightmares. They have gotten more frequent as I get older. Funny thing is there were only 2 or 3 times I feared for my life and thought we were going to sink to the bottom like a rock.

Apparently this is different from "normal" PTSD because it is primarily over a long period of time under stress. Lot of factors involved that are unique to a submariner.

How do I deal with it? Nowdays, breathe in breathe out. Recently I was under my house working and suddenly I was trapped in the bilge on a submarine. Luckily my wife was there saying exactly that. Breathe in breathe out. Only lasted a few seconds but left me shaking. It was just so darn real. Yet I never had fear of closed spaces. Still don't. So weird.

I don't do drugs legal or otherwise not even alcohol. Quit smoking years ago. The only time I'm really bothered is in crowded places like stores. Being packed in with people causes me to get freaked out. I used to hit up the gum machine when I went into a store. Those chiclets thingies. My family called it my happy pills. I'd chew them to death in stores. But there comes a point in time when I just have to go outside and be away from everyone but my family. Thus I have come to love Amazon Prime! I get even my toilet paper delivered to my front door! :D

Response by SGT Steve Graff made Mar 26 at 2015 4:22 PM

2015-03-26T16:22:19-04:00

Kayak fishing. Actually spend half the time fishing, the other half floating with my feet propped up. Group called Heroes on the Water has chapters all over the country. Good folk.

Response by PV2 Abbott Shaull made Mar 26 at 2015 4:23 PM

2015-03-26T16:23:29-04:00

Lets see in the past 25 years...

For 5 years I kept it all bottle up since no one wanted to hear it.

Then for couple years sex, sex, and sex..... had first wife talk to her, she was complete lunatic and tried to kill me once, due she had fear that I would molest her son. She always lied to me, to the point I have spent 20 years thinking she was Pregnant 4 times while we were married and she had 3 abortions and 1 miscarriage. She accused me all the time of cheating on her, so one night I did after so many times of being accused. She always did, anyways. I couldn't be out at night past such a time, but she could be out all hours. I was treated worse than a slave. Well she found me on Facebook and told me she had found God and was asking for my forgiveness. For putting me through all the shit she put me through. Here I have always thought I was the one being the dickhead in the relationship. Kinda rocked my already unstable world for few days. It was one of those things we agreed we should of been friend with benefit type deals.

After that it more sex, sex, sex... Finding myself with another Girlfriend and moving to Minnesota with here... spent two years there well she came home to see family and the next thing I know I am kicked out and her ex-boyfriend is moved in...well again for the next two years we see each other on off, seems she likes a man who eats at the Y. Didn't find out until later the last year we were seeing that she had married her boyfriend....

After that I went back into myself...and not safe fun place.for a couple years...

In 2000 I met my wife on ICQ as random chat, 3 week of chatting she came down to visit me, and it led to sex, sex, sex...see a pattern here...no honestly she and I have/had the most connection that I had ever felt, and she is my best friend. She knows more about me than anyone else in the world. It kills me that she was the one who put me out in the cold, I can understand why. I had withdrew into myself. What hurts more is she used our daughter current issues as cop out to get me out of the house, instead of saying she was the one kicking me out of the house. Not like I would be looking for another woman once I got the door. Due to issue that went on with members of her family, they transposed them into our family and our issues, and I am now in Saginaw, MI....Shrug.

So now I am trying to sort out all this mess. I am waiting for the V.A. to get me on the regular schedule for counselling again. As I try to sort things out on where I am going and what I am trying to do. Dealing with several mental issues and as well nerve pain in both my arms and my right thigh and lower back. It sucks when they tingle like they are going to go sleep, and you have neck and back pain almost all the time. No matter what medication you have.

Will make my counsellors life interesting once I get back into regular sessions, since I am completely torn if I can ever trust my wife again or not. My 13 year old daughter who going through here issue I understand her not talking to me, and what not. My son still talks me every night. I miss them all, I know I haven't been able to hold job for years due to my disabilities, but I have been trying to get schooling to get job. Then I had to stay up there to help her with her dad for years when he had to go to appointments daily. Now he passed, and my disability is being cut, I am now thrown out the door as things get tough....

During all them I had my up and downs. I had many times where I had fleeting thoughts of suicide, once I called and was put in the hospital this past January. At the time, I was really needed help, with everything, I had withdrawn too much into myself. I do believe I have PTSD, more than Depression, but the people who make those judgement say otherwise, but I have finally put in claim, now waiting game begins...

Not really being the outgoing person when I first met people doesn't really help. Well hopefully while I am here in Saginaw, MI things will start improving and I can bring my family together.

Response by SGT Bobbi Schroeder made Mar 26 at 2015 4:35 PM

2015-03-26T16:35:06-04:00

I keep to myself and stay away from situations that could trigger an episode. I was an 88M (transportation) and was a huge target. I saw and experienced so much. Driving, loud noises, fireworks are the worst. I don't enjoy what I used to. I dive into doing things for my kids that I am raising by myself. I have also started "farming". I have goats, chickens, ducks, dogs and cats and will plant a garden this spring. I just do things to keep my mind off of the things that I have to my meds for. It is not something to be ashamed of, and I now know this. It happens to the weakest and strongest of us all.

Response by MSgt Curtis Ellis made Mar 26 at 2015 4:42 PM

2015-03-26T16:42:40-04:00

Unfortunately, (or should I say fortunately) I'm dealing with it now, 7 years after retirement. Without going into detail, I slowly spiraled myself into a situation that I couldn't see or recognize really didn't exist, though it existed in my world... Fortunately, the arresting officer "noticed" something about me and actually spoke with me at great length. He made me promise to get help and assisted me in getting the help I needed (was in a strong denial phase at that time). And yes, the officer was a VETERAN who went through this as well some time ago. (He still had to charge me though... LOL!) As supervisors, we are "trained" to notice signs and symptoms of PTSD, depression, etc. and many of us have even briefed/lectured/taught our own troops about it... But I can tell you, what I read/briefed/lectured WAS NOTHING compared to what I was actually going through... I've been scared many times in my life, but I have never been afraid of anything until that moment of clarity when I realized I had no clue of the path I traveled that brought to that point... Yes, to me the words, "scared" and "afraid" are two totally different words with totally different meanings in my world... Looking back now, I realized that everyone thought I was getting better... that "I'm doing just fine"... That "It's just something that Vets go through; let him be and he'll be ok"... I wasn't getting better, I just got better at hiding it... Most times? Unintentionally... The pharmacy and the VA Clinic know my name now, which still makes me a little uncomfortable... I quit drinking and I attend clinical group counselings weekly AND I am glad that someone did notice... And I'm glad I can see where I'm going and from whence I came... From one Vet to another... If someone brings it up to you, consider it, and get help... If you're the one bringing it up? Then follow-up... Sometimes others really can see the changes in you, no matter how hard you try to hide it...

Response by SSG Lonnie Silk made Mar 26 at 2015 4:45 PM

2015-03-26T16:45:53-04:00

For the longest time I didn'tdeal with me issues. I ignored the problem for so long that it was physically affecting me. I couldn't go any where without being sick. I was throwing up almost every day. Now I talk with a social worker mainly about what's going on around me and I started taking meds for my PTSD. I take Hydroxyzine Pamoate 3 times a day. It's been almost a month sence I throw up. My quality of life is so much better. I get out of the house and do what ever I want now. I did put on weight about 15-20 lbs in the first 3 weeks but it's starting to come back off now.

Response by Pvt Bill Oneilkl made Mar 26 at 2015 4:49 PM

2015-03-26T16:49:01-04:00

Yes, It has cost me several jobs, I don't go anywhere unless I have to.

Response by SPC Bernie Davies made Mar 26 at 2015 4:49 PM

2015-03-26T16:49:52-04:00

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1996, 25 years after Vietnam. My wife and friends told me for months to go get help before I did. Never had heard the word PTSD. When I looked it up I said "oh, that explains all these years." After 20 years now I would say education and accountability. Learn the tools to cope. The veteran in his response said he rode a bike. good choice. Find a group where you can be honest about what is happening and why. A group who will accept you at face value, not judge you but will walk with you through the fire. It does not have to be a veteran group or a VA group (though some of those are good) but a group who will love you in spite of yourself and who you can also help in return by simply listening, responding honestly and being there for them as a friend. It takes time but does get better.

Response by PO2 Bruce Lacillade made Mar 26 at 2015 4:51 PM

2015-03-26T16:51:45-04:00

I have had serious issues in the past with PTSD. However, through the love and kindness of family, friends and a good therapist I grew from the experiences. As you can see by my picture God also played a major part in my recovery. I now counsel other veterans as well as first responders in stress issues. As veterans we are not alone we can reach out to other vets and family for help. This past couple of weeks I have assisted with a vet in Texas and one in Oklahoma; and I'm just outside Buffalo, NY.

Response by PO1 Henry Sherrill made Mar 26 at 2015 5:13 PM

2015-03-26T17:13:54-04:00

I deal with PTSD by doing some woodworking. I make walking sticks out of cedar limbs and crosses out of mesquite tree limbs. However, since I have moved to a new job away from my supply of cedar and mesquite I am looking for something else to do.

Response by MAJ David Prokop made Mar 26 at 2015 5:25 PM

2015-03-26T17:25:36-04:00

You also need to get overseas too

Response by Cpl Aaron Howard made Mar 26 at 2015 5:30 PM

2015-03-26T17:30:27-04:00

Pills don't work and the side effects are like shopping spree receipts while the benefits were short if they existed at all.

Turned to physical fitness , in way, way greater shape(mentally not just physically.

But if you're asking how I coped with the worst part of it all, was marijuana. Got my med card in California and looked up smart consumption so I don't over do it Really can't seem to stress that part enough.

Bottling it in doesn't work, I pictured attaching a forehose to a coke bottle and letting It go full blast, once the water(your pain,guilt, unstable and un compromising nightmares) hit the bottle(ur body mind and life) either the fire hose was going to give up or the bottle. Just didn't make sense to me to keep it all in. Marijuana helped me open to family and other veterans by breaking the feeling of isolation or self imposed barrier we put up thinking it's protecting ourselves, or the worst lie; the ones u love.but I'm Talking about the ones who care about you for you.

Then the physical fitness kicked in and created a positive domino affect. Such as less drinking, less isolation, no nightmares where I hit the person next to me in my sleep.

Response by MSgt Stephanie McCalister made Mar 26 at 2015 6:14 PM

2015-03-26T18:14:19-04:00

I attempted suicide (it was an epic fail, but the point is, I didn't tell anyone, I just went ahead & did it, thankfully I failed, but I had every intention of taking that way out).

Now I'm on medication & regular counseling, as well as service dog support for going out in public as well as at my side all the time. My previous service dog just passed away in October, we'd been together 11 1/2 years ... my new service dog in training, isn't ready for public access yet, so I am once again feeling limited in my accessibility options.

I have to keep reminding myself to reach out for help if I start sliding down that dark path again, & trust in family & friends as I struggle through the latest adjustment to my PTSD survival battle.

Response by SPC Joshua Hoffman made Mar 26 at 2015 6:18 PM

2015-03-26T18:18:42-04:00

I honor the soldiers who came before me and never give in. I live as a child for glimpses of pure joy. I put others before myself because my support comes from my family. I try, I keep on, I search for the truth. I challenge myself and give it all that I can because I'm still proud of where I come from and that grand ol' flag.

Response by SSG Floyd Morris made Mar 26 at 2015 6:30 PM

2015-03-26T18:30:56-04:00

Dealt with PTSD, for alot of years! An for the most part , I try to put myslef in someone elses position, an I do belive they are having a far worse time myself! An I pray alot for God to take the pain away!!!!! When I was wounger I didn't think to much about it. However, now that I'am older, it hits hard! But the harder I get hit, the harder it is to hide!!!!! Sometimes I just go for a walk, an I cry, I can literlly hear the screaming, OR THINK SMELL THE AROMAS! I try to let it loose but I don't know how!!!! THATS HOW I DEAL WITH IT.

Response by 1SG Timothy Roachell made Mar 26 at 2015 6:43 PM

2015-03-26T18:43:21-04:00

Wind therapy on my harley seems to work very well. I ride with the Combat vets motorcycle association, all the vets talk, but I stay away from medication all together because I don't like any altered state of mind.

Response by CPT Greg Alford, PhD made Mar 26 at 2015 6:56 PM

2015-03-26T18:56:24-04:00

I had to do many months of counseling and anti-depressants until I eventually needed neither. I still occasionally have periods of melancholy, but I've learned to involve myself in some activity that takes my mind off of "memories". However, I still cannot comfortably sit anywhere that my back is not against a wall and anywhere I go I do an unconscious threat assessment of my surroundings and plan out quick egresses as if a firefight might occur. Not sure that behavior will ever go away, but I am generally calmer and I find that doing nice things for people, particularly strangers, aids me in relaxing.

Response by SSG Ralph Watkins made Mar 26 at 2015 7:11 PM

2015-03-26T19:11:19-04:00

Still dealing with it actually. Still terrified of myself. I have my good days & bad days. For six years I dealt with sub-standard care at my local VA. That's what the director there referred to it as, not just my own opinion. I hit a crisis stage, & was admitted to another VA hours away from home. What a blessing. They were extremely professional & knowledgeable. They evaluated me & told me had severe PTSD & that my home VA had identified it when I first returned from Iraq but never gave me the diagnosis. This place did & set me up to come to their in-patient PTSD program. It was great. They taught me how to manage myself & instructed me to find the best care for myself even if it was outside the VA. I go to a civilian team now that I can call up at anytime & discuss all of my issues. Each day is a struggle since my return in 2004 but it's more manageable since I got the care that is best suited to me. Yes, I still get into where I scare myself & family but I am in control much more now than before.

Response by PV2 Violet Case made Mar 26 at 2015 7:13 PM

2015-03-26T19:13:49-04:00

I had never heard of PTSD until 2009 but new I lived with somethings really wrong. Anxiety, depression and so much with my health the doctors didnt even believe it. I tried suicide once in Germany and once here state side. The one stateside put me in a comma for 3 days it was after I got out of the military. I can not cope with to much stress or anxiety and have scarring that shows on my heart from heart attacks. I have pretty much shut myself down but also the physical part keeps me in bed more then it did now day. I pray a lot. My family and a few friends find it hard to believe that the Government would put soldiers in a place like Fort McClellan and allow them to get sick and dye. So to talk to my family is hard. I have the talk line, I have supporters from here and a few on facebook. Mostly all veterans or military people. I deal with the hurt inside that I wanted to be a soldier and even tho my memory has some troubles it is like my military basic training is right there embedded in my head. I try to do my crying at home alone. But mainly even with my wonderful little service dog am home more. I sometimes need a cane or collapse and people don't want to deal with it. I miss having a man in my life there were so many ways that I used then to release tension. But when alone it is harder. I have never yelled at or thrown things always try to be as loving as I can no matter how much hurt I hold inside. But needed a man who was honest not an alcoholic or into drugs and had a big heart. But guess its just me my dog and my little projects to get me by and who ever will have a heart to listen. I go to telemeds for my psychologist every 3 mos. I have a guy from the va under him that calls at least once a mo. I never used to cry but do it more now. take up some hobbies to help take the mind off it. Now my report is saying prior PTSD but I no it is still there.

Response by SPC Urian Sabec made Mar 26 at 2015 7:30 PM

2015-03-26T19:30:49-04:00

I deal with it everyday of my since I lost my eye sight in my left eye due to the army but still wouldn't trade it for anything

Response by SGT Kevin Gardner made Mar 26 at 2015 7:37 PM

2015-03-26T19:37:07-04:00

Honestly i have closed myself off, every trip to town is a breakdown waiting to happen, most times i feel like we should have bumper stickers on our vehicles that give a surgeon general warning. about following combat veterans to closely could be hazardous to your health.

mostly i found writing helps, but for me writing something real just doesn't help so i am writing sci-fi,

Response by SSgt James Connolly made Mar 26 at 2015 7:38 PM

2015-03-26T19:38:16-04:00

Everyday and Night it is constantly there. I have learned to deal with most of it, I just don't give a shit what other people say or do and I have aquired a nack of pissing people off just to stay away from me if they have to talk shit .

Response by LTC Donell Kelly made Mar 26 at 2015 7:39 PM

2015-03-26T19:39:51-04:00

What I have to deal with is disbelief that I could even have PTSD. After all, I was in Germany, not down range, and in on-post housing (some of the nicest I'd ever had in the Army, though not good enough for the Navy & many AF personnel....of course that may have been due to the red signs condemning the buildings due to asbestos). After all, wasn't that practically a vacay?
No. I worked in a department of the hospital that had contact with the wounded every single day, both outpatient & inpatient. We had to be available 24/7 for incoming flights that came at anytime of the day or night, we had to plan and do the work to get the patients out to CONUS as scheduled 3 x a week, and expedite special "burn flights" that took place when we got a group of VSI wounded/burned patients in. My 2nd leave home, people kept asking me if I was ok. I was jumpy, anxious, hyper-vigilant and having flashbacks to the ICU with the sounds of the ventilators, the bright heater lights over the beds of burn patients while gowned/gloved docs were standing at the bedside, waiting their turn to do a specific procedure on a patient too unstable to make it to the OR, about 50' down the hall. The sighs of the vents, the colors of OR draping and OR gowns, the bright/hot lights, the instruments, the tubes from everywhere running into devices hanging off the sides of the bed, the "ex-fixes" (external fixators) the black metal erector-set-like scafolding that kept crushed/broken/shattered bones in alignment preventing movement that wouldcause excruciating pain, the "Christmas tree" of multiple IV bags with monitors. People who worked in LRMC, were confronted every day with the sights, the smells, the sounds, of the wounded. I have a friend who worked on a ward, and after 1 year there, wasn't able to go by a meat counter after she got home, because the sight & smell of fresh meat reminded her so much of the wounds she took care of. For the docs, nurses, radiology, pulmonary, & lab techs, for the admin people who had to do manpower for a month when their company's turn came up (meeting each incoming flight/each scheduled out-bound flight to transport gurneys, w/c & ambulatory patients to their designated areas) was to have up close and personal, daily contact with sights that many hardened trauma surgeons had trouble dealing with. My friends knew there was a problem when I was home on leave the 2nd year at LRMC & now, nearly 10 years later, am glad to see that the counseling has helped, the talking with other soldiers, both medical & non-medical, has helped, learning about/identifying triggers has helped. The fact that I'm of retirement age has also forced me to try to deal, as I don't anticipate another 40 years to "get over it!" Unfortunately, many of my medical friends have not sought help.....we're the fixers, we "shouldn't" need fixing. That was the first crock of shit I had to get over. There's been quite a few since then. My VA psych dept was a God send. My counselor had white hair & had been counseling vets since post-Vietnam. Unfortunately, he retired, so now will be getting in to the local vet center with a counselor I've heard is good. Please go get help. I take a single anti-depressant, no anti-anxiolytics, no sleepers, no pain meds. The help is there, it's available, look for it!

Response by PO3 David Gann made Mar 26 at 2015 7:47 PM

2015-03-26T19:47:07-04:00

I suffered for years then finally I reached out for help. My doctor recommend a treatment called neurofeedback. At first I was very skeptical but reluctantly I tried the treatment and can honestly say it has turned my life around I finally sleep through the night I am no longer depressed or suicidal if anybody would like to know more information about it feel free to contact me

Response by SPC Joshua Murphy made Mar 26 at 2015 7:49 PM

2015-03-26T19:49:53-04:00

5 years of therapy through the VA just pushed me further down the rabbit hole. I take so many meds that they are starting to worry about my kidneys. Finally I got involved with a group of men from church who took me in, listened, encouraged, and loved me through my most unlovable phases. With their help, I am driving again, socializing, getting involved, etc. I still have hypervigilance and nightmares, but as where 5 years ago I tried to commit suicide, now I am starting to really live again!

Response by SPC George Long made Mar 26 at 2015 8:10 PM

2015-03-26T20:10:02-04:00

Yes and it needs to be named Post Traumatic Stress Injury. I have had counseling, 1on 1 and group.....neither worked for me

Response by SGT Bryce Bivens made Mar 26 at 2015 8:15 PM

2015-03-26T20:15:58-04:00

medication and silence and more often then not riding my motorcycle

Response by PO2 Michael Stinar made Mar 26 at 2015 8:34 PM

2015-03-26T20:34:39-04:00

I'm still dealing with it. I wake up in the middle of the night fighting, even hitting my wife in my sleep (like Palm punches to her back) fortunately we have found a good doctor, and I am under good medication, NO Thanks to the VA; they had me on medications that made me worse. My wife while we were engaged almost ended it all because of those problems - However, once we stopped going to the VA and got a REALLY Good Doctor and changed my medication, things started to turn around for me and also I would have to say that I was fortunate to have found a Good Woman who saw the good INSIDE of me, and that kept our relationship going. I still have to have my meds altered from time to time, not sure why; however I fall into slumps now and then. My "VICE" is Spending, I go on spending sprees, to make me feel good, however like alcohol and Drugs, there is a Crash & Burn too, when you see you have ran out of money, thank goodness my wife has caught it in time before I spend our house payment money, she has recognized my tendencies and my symptoms of my actions; I stop sleeping, I'm up all night doing things because I'm afraid to go to sleep because I'm afraid of what I will remember or do while I'm sleeping. I've been on binges of 7 days without sleep, that's usually the tell that she starts watching me close, and starts checking the savings and checking accounts closely to see if I am paying the bills on time, then she schedules more appointments with my doctor. I usually see him on a monthly basis, but when I go on these binges, she sets me up on weekly meetings and my meds get changed as well. AS of late, I would say, finding a good Church to go to & the friends there we have met and the Preacher who has one Great sense of humor; has made my illness managable....

Response by PO2 Eddie Chelette made Mar 26 at 2015 8:37 PM

2015-03-26T20:37:32-04:00

I talk to my wife, friends, and my Dad. He finds it mutually beneficial since he served in Korea.

Response by SGT Landon Dupee made Mar 26 at 2015 8:42 PM

2015-03-26T20:42:49-04:00

I take to my family, friends and therapist. I try to make light of what I have gone through and speak out to try and change the stigma behind the term PTSD... There have been people before us that have given it a negative name and there are some of us that through therapy and support from family and friends can live in a positive light.

Response by PO3 Rod Arnold made Mar 26 at 2015 8:53 PM

2015-03-26T20:53:15-04:00

I had a good friend of mine shot in the chest. I was about three feet behind him an a little off to the right. I was covered in blood and parts of him, I thought I had been hit also. That was 43 years ago, but it plays in mine mind like it just happened. By the grace of God, I get by.

Response by PO1 Aaron Baltosser made Mar 26 at 2015 9:00 PM

2015-03-26T21:00:11-04:00

Try to stay in quiet places. Extra noise like toilets running, TV's a little too loud, or cars gunning their engines outside cause me problems. I have friends I try to go see regularly that ,ive on a back country road. Their place is extremely praceful and devoid of people save for the two I'm visiting. The short term plan, in place three years now is to stayway from large crowds, and cities as much as possible. The long term plan is a quiet farm where nobody but invited guests come around. After so many unexpected loud sounds in Iraq, I'm not a fan of loud things. Artillery used to fire directly over my head on it's way to impact bad guys. I've seen short rounds hit my friends before. It was unnerving to have to sit directly under live fire 155mm.

Response by SGT Craig Northacker made Mar 26 at 2015 9:18 PM

2015-03-26T21:18:51-04:00

We have developed a program using racing to help deal with PTSD and Moral Injury - for the veteran and for their family. We are in the process of taking over Rockingham Speedway outside Fort Bragg where we are putting in a serious reintegration program.

I am the older guy now, and want the younger folks to have an opportunity to learn how to deal with it so they can not be held back during their life by its' impact.

Good luck. We will be making this happen in 2015. Please feel free to give me a shout.

Response by SPC Nick Palozzolo made Mar 26 at 2015 9:25 PM

2015-03-26T21:25:14-04:00

My life has had its ups and downs with PTSD. I had dreams and flashbacks for a long time of my time in Iraq during the time I was there in 03. I had depression, guilt, anxiety, fear, and anger. I turned to alcohol to numb it till I met my wife and she got my mind off it for awhile but until I saw a shrink and talked about it all. But now today I'm going through a new kind of PTSD I have been diagnosed with Cancer since 06 and have been through hell with radiation and chemo. My mind has anxiety everyday and it's killing me inside and I know how to cope but the thought every week that I'm going going to another treatment that will make me horribly sick and in pain! But my kids and wife are what make me keep fighting as I did years ago. I hope you all fight for your life because as much as the past haunts you the future can be brighter and that's how I make it everyday.

Response by SPC John Goodwin made Mar 26 at 2015 9:56 PM

2015-03-26T21:56:06-04:00

You don't eventually it just becomes part of ur everyday activitys friends rather support u and don't say anything when u have a moment or ppl just call u crazy leavening combat u never truly leave a peace of u stays behind but something definitely comes back with u something that wasn't there befor

Response by SSgt Christopher Clabaugh made Mar 26 at 2015 10:16 PM

2015-03-26T22:16:05-04:00

Battle Creek, MI VA PTSD residential treatment.

Response by PV2 Regina Waddell made Mar 26 at 2015 10:17 PM

2015-03-26T22:17:30-04:00

When I came out of the military I didn't even know what PTSD was and thought later it was something that the men suffered with who were in combat. I know this was me being naïve on the whole issue. I was suffering from it and didn't know it. I allowed it to take full control of my life and I started drinking and doing drugs I even worked as hooker as I was slowly destroying what was left of me. Finally the Drs in Gulfport diagnosed me with PTSD as a result of MST in the military. Once I knew it took awhile to accept but I straightened up with their help. I still hate it because of the stigmatism that accompanies it but with therapy and meds I am still learning to cope and live with it and I found support from some family members once I opened up and told them what happened and what it is. Yes I did try and take my own life more than once but now I am learning to live life and I feel blessed for that. I also know I am not alone anymore.

Response by TSgt Dory Hayes made Mar 26 at 2015 10:28 PM

2015-03-26T22:28:55-04:00

I know my cause of PTSD isn't battle related but extreme stress TBI during a deployment. I use my depression and anxiety as a tool to learn from to be able to help others who have these same issues. That creates bonds and that helps more for me than the medications do.

Response by SPC Juan Garcia. Jr made Mar 26 at 2015 10:36 PM

2015-03-26T22:36:22-04:00

I deal with just by keeping to myself and watch what I say out loud. But at times I will drink some at home so I'm not around anyone.

Response by SSgt Chris Frey made Mar 26 at 2015 10:54 PM

2015-03-26T22:54:20-04:00

Hmm. What a question. I take more pills then my grandparents combined and grin and bear it. Rely on my family and try not to become a statistic.

Response by SFC James England made Mar 26 at 2015 10:55 PM

2015-03-26T22:55:08-04:00

When I returned home from my forth deployment I couldn't sleep. At night when I laid down to try to sleep my heart would start pounding, my mind would start racing and I would become super alert. It was so bad I start drinking, hoping that the alcohol would put me to sleep (bad idea). Then it came time for my 180 day post deployment check up and I told the doctor what was happening. He sent me over to mental health and they diagnosed me with PTSD. I deployed one more time before I retired. After I retired I found a civilian job right away but only lasted at it for about six months before I was let go. That's when I realized I really had a problem and I became serious about getting treatment for my PTSD. I found the local Vet Center (which is open to combat veterans, even those on active duty still) and started going to private counseling cessions with a LCSW therapist and group therapy. I also went in a saw the doctor at my local VA Clinic and he gave me consult to see mental health. There I was assigned to a psychologist who started me on meds for my sleep problems, my depression and my anxiety. I have been going through this treatment for about two years now and I feel like I have gotten to point where I can manage my PTSD fairly well. If there is one piece of advice I could give is that you have to take PTSD seriously. PTSD is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you survived trauma that most normal people will never experience in there life times. You need to get in and see the mental health professionals. If they prescribe the meds take them. If for some reason you are having side effects from the meds or you feel like they are not working get back in there to see the doctor right away and tell him what is going on. He can adjust your dosage or try you on another medication. In the Army I was always taking care of my mission and my Soldiers. I didn't do a very good job of taking care of myself. As leaders its is vital that you take care of yourself too.

Response by PO1 Michael Phipps made Mar 26 at 2015 11:04 PM

2015-03-26T23:04:03-04:00

Don't have PTSD, bit I do have bipolar. It's what caused my medical retirement at 20 Yrs, 3 Mos., 16 Yrs ago on the 3rd of March. What I would do is what has helped me. Offer support, a loving spirit, a caring ear to help my fellow brother or sister in arms deal with whatever they are going through. Sometimes that's been missing in my own dealings with the VA from Hampton, Va. to the Dingle Center in Detroit to here at the local clinic here in Mansfield, OH., at the Wade Park facility in Cleveland or both of the Chalmers Wylie facilities down in Columbus, OH.

Response by SGT Andrew Hackett made Mar 26 at 2015 11:10 PM

2015-03-26T23:10:02-04:00

I get smashed and throw tomahawks at baby seals.

Response by CPO Wayne Chamberalin made Mar 26 at 2015 11:14 PM

2015-03-26T23:14:49-04:00

I have PTST from events in my civilian l life and some from the military. Anyway, I drank my sorrows away. Sadly, being to stubborn to ask for help, my drinking ended my 24 year military career. I know this may not be what you were looking for in an answer but I know allot of vets that did the same thing. Self medicating yourself
does not work.

Response by Sgt Richard Czajkowski made Mar 26 at 2015 11:36 PM

2015-03-26T23:36:19-04:00

Meds, talking to fellow Vets, my counselor at the vet center. Also going to try horse therapy. Definitely stay away from the war movies.

Response by PO3 Richard Freitas made Mar 26 at 2015 11:36 PM

2015-03-26T23:36:30-04:00

I'm not sure I even really know what PTSD is. I am a Vietnam veteran and we didn't have 'PTSD' then. I don't think I have it; the only thing I have noticed (which is a continual annoyance to my wife) is that loud noises get a non-normal reaction from me. I'm really 'jumpy' when a loud report happens near me.

Response by SGT Orazio Castellana made Mar 26 at 2015 11:37 PM

2015-03-26T23:37:58-04:00

I beat myself up at the gym. I spend hrs there. I find it to be so relaxing even though it hurt my back and legs due to injury while in service.

Response by SGT Orazio Castellana made Mar 26 at 2015 11:44 PM

2015-03-26T23:44:40-04:00

I beat myself up at the gym. I let out a lot of frustration. I hit the heavy bag. Good therapy for me.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 26 at 2015 11:57 PM

2015-03-26T23:57:17-04:00

I refused to talk about it at first. I thought whatever it was, I had a good hold on it and I wasn't gonna let it contol me. I was wrong. I had all these vivid nightmares, and I didn't want to sleep because I didn't want to go back. It started affecting me at work, and I guess I just came to a point where I had to talk to someone.

I was reluctant at first, knowing I was gonna end up talking to a civilian who would never know what it's like. But he was a good person, and I could tell he was genuinely concerned and not just trying to collect a check. He recorded one of our sessions, and asked me to listen to it. This tape is in my safe and I have yet to pop it into a player. But I came back for more sessions, and just talked about how I was feeling, what my fears were, and what I wanted to happen as time went on.

That was my gateway to opening up even more. I started talking to fellow veterans. I reconnected with old Battle Buddies. We talked about those events. It definitely helped.

I'm now married to the most amazing woman I've ever met. I still get nightmares every once in a while, but I share these with my wife, and I express how my nightmares make me feel. I'm more communicative, and even though I still get "attacks" when I'm upset, my wife does a really good job of calming me down.

You need to find someone you can trust, someone you can share all your fears with, someone who will listen and care for and love you for who you are. It's not always easy and it takes a lot of time, but if you've gotten this far you're strong enough to keep fighting the fight. You just need to give yourself credit for it, not sell yourself short, and not quit. And always remember there's someone out there who cares about you, no matter who you are or what your situation might be. You just have to reach out to that someone.

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Mar 27 at 2015 1:23 AM

2015-03-27T01:23:55-04:00

I have spent the last 1/2 hour responding to posts on this thread, and barely made a dent. To everyone on this thread, read Col Hoge's book "Once a Warrior Always a Warrior"...

Keep working with your therapists; you may feel it's futile, or you may feel like it's just stirring things up, or in some other way find it troubling and distasteful. The reality of all medical treatment is that the treatment can be very painful. It's like debriding a burn or other serious wound. It hurts like hell when the nurse is doing it, but once it's over, and the put the salve on it, you will feel better, both from the removal of the pain, and the healing.

Get help. Get help. Get help.

Call the Crisis line at [login to see] Option 1, or your local county or other crisis line. Go to the closest VA hospital, CBOC, Vet center, whatever, talk to your clergy person, talk to your best friend, contact the Wounded Warrior Project or the Soldier's Project, or contact me. Obviously I can't help everyone all the time, but if you have nowhere else to turn for help, contact me off line...

But, GET HELP

Response by SrA Albert Ayd made Mar 27 at 2015 1:25 AM

2015-03-27T01:25:40-04:00

Not sure but friends I have talked to have told me that I need to talk to the VA about possibly having PTSD because my lack of concern for my mortality.

Response by PO1 Stephen Caldonetti made Mar 27 at 2015 2:52 AM

2015-03-27T02:52:44-04:00

Golfing is my escape.

Response by SGT Matthew Capriglione made Mar 27 at 2015 3:28 AM

2015-03-27T03:28:28-04:00

Bourbon whiskey scotch and VA Meds

Response by SSgt Eric Buxton made Mar 27 at 2015 3:51 AM

2015-03-27T03:51:32-04:00

Get to the VA yesterday.

Response by MAJ Joe C Mayfield made Mar 27 at 2015 4:05 AM

2015-03-27T04:05:13-04:00

After 2 VietNam tours and completion of my time in service and retiring, I was called back during Desert Shield to test the to call back retirees in case of military necessity. This included a medical physical. My results were that the Dr diagnosed me with "Severe Depression." When the VA opened a counseling center, I went in. The first counselor determined that "I did not have PTSD. After several more sessions with a second, higher counselor, he diagnosed me "having extreme anger and deep depression. So, they weren't helping me. I walked out and never went back. I'm, still troubled with intense, troubling dreams that don't involve active combat conditions.

Response by 1SG Wayne Harvin made Mar 27 at 2015 4:56 AM

2015-03-27T04:56:19-04:00

It takes a lot of counselling most of the time you don't know you have it until you are treated properly by the VA

Response by SGT Charlie Cassius made Mar 27 at 2015 5:08 AM

2015-03-27T05:08:01-04:00

I hav had 12 years to deal with my PTSD. Time does heal old wounds my sleep is still my biggest problem. I still need medication to be able to sleep. Noice and crowds are diminishing every year. For the better part of my time I went and talked to doctors and it seemed to help if the Dr was ex military

Response by SSgt Lee Polencheck made Mar 27 at 2015 8:10 AM

2015-03-27T08:10:05-04:00

I ate nonstop. Stopped watching TV and spent time with my family. After six years of twitching in my sleep and jumping out of bed at any sound I managed to tell myself all is ok. I don't eat nonstop anymore and I have a new goal of losing the wieght I gained. My family was the rock for me to hold on too. Not saying I am cured but better.

Response by PO3 Timothy "Tim" Dzurnak made Mar 27 at 2015 8:10 AM

2015-03-27T08:10:36-04:00

I don't have a time to deal with it,not 100% sure if i have it, ya i joke about it with my older kid's,after doing some research some of the effects seem to be there.I don't put a lot of trust in the VA Medical system to get it checked out, not to mention the B/S waiting list and all that crap.
i have 3 Handicap son's,so doesn't give me much time to worry too much about myself,but i do notice bout's of depression,or unclear thought process.how related it is to PTSD,could very well be.i just deal..

Response by Cpl Raymond Rayburn made Mar 27 at 2015 8:23 AM

2015-03-27T08:23:29-04:00

I was talking lots of pills but i didn't feel like my self. Now im off the pills i go to the wizard weekly along with support groups and i find martial arts helps Aikido particularly. And lots of support from my wife and friends

Response by SSgt Michael Best made Mar 27 at 2015 8:30 AM

2015-03-27T08:30:13-04:00

For many years I climbed in a bottle, that helped for about 10 years or so till things all came to a head, and I attempted suicide, drug overdose, Luckly i was caught in time, 4 months in the hospital's mental ward, years of bi-weekly counseling, and a doctor that would not give up on me for any reason, even after I would become combative and threaten him with bodily harm. The meds worked for awhile but as with all medication the body becomes accustom to it and the benefits start to decline. when that happened my doctor looked outside the regular channels and got me a Service dog, That dog has been a God send, its cut my meds down from 19 pills a day to 8 (with 1 as needed). It gives my mind something to concentrate on, and With Sam's training he gives me roughly a 5 minute notification before a Anxiety attack sets in. It still amazes me that he knows before I do. Since he has been by my side the Anxiety attacks have subside a great deal, I still have on on occasion, but they are nothing like they once was, I have learned just what I can and can not do, I avoid crowds, especially crowds indoors. and I watch closely what situations I can and can't put myself into.

Response by MSgt Bill Rentz made Mar 27 at 2015 8:57 AM

2015-03-27T08:57:32-04:00

I am a huge proponent of Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT) to treat PTS. It helped me tremendously when I had gone as far as therapy and meds would take me. Although the exact science behind how HBOT works is still being researched the results speak for themselves. However it is next to impossible to get the services or VA to send you to HBOT. You usually have to pay for it out of pocket or get help with funds. However, in Oklahoma we now have the non-profit Patriot Clinic in OKC that can treat some vets for free. (Just google them.) Vets that don't qualify for the free treatment will still be treated. I have never seen them turn anyone away just because of money. I have even seen them pay for a hotel room and meals while the vet is in town for treatments. Many other HBOT clinics around the country are doing similar programs for vets. You have nothing to lose by trying it. I have been so inspired I will be opening an HBOT clinic this summer to treat PTS, TBI, and non-healing wounds in vets.

Response by CDR Michael Goldschmidt made Mar 27 at 2015 8:59 AM

2015-03-27T08:59:41-04:00

I've gone here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ruck-Up/ [login to see] 7579 and here: http://www.warriorconnection.org/

Ruck-Up

Response by SPC Philip Bienvenue made Mar 27 at 2015 9:25 AM

2015-03-27T09:25:25-04:00

Having had shell shock, PTSD, and mild TBI for 43 years since Vietnam. I learned to work very hard. Study and learn my way out of any difficulty. And get help from the VA. That help is get proper diagnose from the National Center for PTSD, proper medication which the VA to get it just right (even now they still do a slight re-adjustment of Meds). And the last piece is proper treatment which has been never been complete right.

The last piece is still a chronic VA problem. I still think the VA does not know all there is to know about PTSD

Philip Bienvenue

Response by Sgt Billy Nitsch made Mar 27 at 2015 10:38 AM

2015-03-27T10:38:55-04:00

Not well. Everything from meds being arrested not to mention the fact it's what led to my discharge from the USMC. Most days now I just seclude myself from society, they say that's not what your supposed to do but I feel sometimes it's the best so I don't have to deal with certain stressors if I go out versus dealing with things in my own way at home. I think this was one of the areas that the va was getting taken care of to a point but now it's like they just dumped on anyone who has it. With these docs who believe it's cureable they really need to go back to school cureable no, manageable yes but when the va basically stops
Caring about it is when things will get worse. Many people don't realize this stuff dates back to the Roman Empire they are just now beginning to learn how it really affects people especially those of us that have served in combat operations. It's just one of those things in my opinion because everyone is different and it is true to the fact a lot of us don't want to admit that this could be it is what is wrong with us and how much it contributes to other issues such as pain. I was diagnosed while in service and even now I still have a hard time accepting the issues with this ordeal but that's what the va's supposed to be there for. Are they? Not always but at times of say they are they are just really short handed because our government likes to use and abuse but that's a completely different subject. That's all I got to say about it.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 27 at 2015 11:11 AM

2015-03-27T11:11:24-04:00

There is a new therapy/study .... http://blog.theveteranssite.com/float-therapy-lets-vets-world-quiet-down/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=vetfan&utm_campaign=float-therapy-lets-vets-world-quiet-down&utm_term=20150327

Float Therapy: Can it be a Cure for PTSD?

There may be an alternative treatment for veterans suffering from PTSD. Float Therapy, as the name itself hints at, promotes relaxation through a feeling of weightlessness, achieved simply by mixing water and Epsom salt.

Response by SGT Susan Curt made Mar 27 at 2015 11:27 AM

2015-03-27T11:27:23-04:00

VA offers very little treatment for PTSD, basically we have to handle it the best we can, without help.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 27 at 2015 11:39 AM

2015-03-27T11:39:12-04:00

After returning from Afghanistan in January 2014, I knew I wasn't "quite right" in my head. I would have very bad mood swings and fly off the deep end rather easily. By March, my company XO approaced the chaplin saying that he should talk to me. I talked to him, and it helped somewhat. After my 10 year old daughter yelled at her mom, I flipped out and got in her face yelling. It scared my wife and she got between the two of us to separate. I knew at that point i needed to get some help. I didn't want to risk my career, so I went off-line to see one of the therapists. I was at the end of my second year of Company Command and set to PCS and was worried about it affecting that, But I went anyway. Well, it did. I was originally given a Recruiting Command Position for Honolulu, Hawaii, but later lost it because they said I was not qualified per the psychiatrist. I was started on a low dose of SERTRALINE...100mg. I did find it helped me greatly. I ended up with a great PCS assignment to Germany. Before I left, I was told my prescription would carry over in Germany and not to worry. Well, I ran out during my inprocessing time and all hell went lose in my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about the explosion that split my spleen in three pieces and liver in half. That caused my to have my spleen removed, get defibrilated at one point, have tubes in every oriface of my body, and even get a chest tube due to having a collapsed lung. When a mortar went off over my head in Afghanistan, something just clicked in my head. I stopped putting on or wearing my gear, even with the frequent IDF. It's not that I wanted to die or anything, I just didn't really care. It didn't even scare me. I became very numb to it all. So I get to Germany and everything started flooding my head. My current PCS, being without my kids because I was going trough a divorce, nothing but debt left from my ex, etc. I tried to get my prescription refilled, but was told it wouldn't be honored. I couldn't get a appointment and was told to go to the ER. I wasn't about to do that being I just got to my new duty station. I developed a plan to go sit on a bench in my yard that oversee's my village, watch one last beautiful sunset, look at the photos of my kids, then right as the sun drops below the hills I would cut both my wrists with my 101st PCS knife and then shove it into my heart (kinda like the samauri's fell on their swords). A fellow LT noticed some of my strange behavior while doing the Germany 10 day integration training and told me to come to the hospital that she had arranged to have my meds refilled. Well, she did but also had me talk to a chaplin. Chaplin didn't help, but getting the meds from the psych unit did...after a few days anyway. They did a initial counseling/thearpy session then said I should start seeing them once a week. They had me see a therapist once a week and a Psych Nurse Practitioner once a week also. They also started me on Prazosin 5mg and some as needed anxiety med...something also used for itching. That all together seemed to work. My suicidal thoughts went away after a few sessions. I now see the Psych NP about once a month and still take my medication. I also now have a CPAP for sleep apnea and that helps some. Lifting weights and listening to classical music has helped me a lot. Listening to classical music seemed to be the only thing that helped me early on before my medications kicked in. I struggle with a lot of things from my past. My explosion, seeing a friend put a gun to his head and taking his life, performing CPR on two other friends without saving them, etc. Now, I just manage. My PCM says I need to get off the meds. But i don't see that happening. I was three days without them recently and all the thoughts and severe depressive feelings flooded back. Having my kids for the spring here in Germany has helped me get through the rough patches, but not sure if I'll ever truely be "right" in my head again.

Response by Amn Michael McClung made Mar 27 at 2015 12:30 PM

2015-03-27T12:30:09-04:00

I'm not a fan of talking about this, but hopefully my unique experience will provide an interesting perspective.

I never went to combat. Ever. And I have never claimed to. However, I grew up in a very unpredictable, extremely violent childhood, and as time has dragged on, I have noticed certain symptoms of trauma have manifested. I've woken up shouting, kicking and screaming, I've woken up punching my wall, I feel my chest tense up when I hear someone coming up the stairs. I once had to drop everything I was doing because I heard a child screaming and throwing a tantrum in the museum I was working at, and it bugged me out so bad I had to leave the room and sit in the bathroom for about an hour.

Now, fortunately for me, these things have gotten significantly better. Think of it like a broken leg: If you walk on it, it gets worse. Similarly, if you drink, do drugs, beat your wife, it will get worse. With trauma, the best thing, as odd as it may sound, is to build up a tolerance to the things that cause you to wig out, so get the help you need, talk to your spouse, talk to your friends, remember you survived the events, you will survive the recovery.

Response by CDR Michael Goldschmidt made Mar 27 at 2015 1:38 PM

2015-03-27T13:38:03-04:00

Looking at your specialty, Karolina, and how long you've been in the military, I get a bit indignant that you are asking this question. It feels a little bit like a research project, instead of an inquiry from a fellow warrior. Sorry.

Response by MAJ Paul Templeton made Mar 27 at 2015 1:41 PM

2015-03-27T13:41:52-04:00

I have issues at least a couple times a week depending on the situation. I spend a lot of time alone and on my own. Being in nature and away from people walking in the woods, hard work on the farm, fishing, hunting, shooting, taking to my best buds.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 27 at 2015 1:47 PM

2015-03-27T13:47:53-04:00

It is a long slow road. It was very difficult for a long time. I am much better now, but I can tell when it is rearing its ugly head and am now able to express where the feelings are coming from. There has been a lot of counseling and medication to this point hang in there it can get better.

Response by 1SG Ramon Rodriguez Torres made Mar 27 at 2015 2:14 PM

2015-03-27T14:14:03-04:00

After a few years ( almost 8)dealing with PTSD, I feel that I have a little bit of control now (some what). But like everything, I have some setbacks. However I do understand that I will never be in full control of my life or emotions again. At the beginning of my journey I tried to fixed myself. So I failed bad, really bad! To the point that I have to move out of my house. It was hard for me to understand or process my sickness. So my first step was to acknowledge that I have a problem and seek help. With that came medications and therapy. I developed a CONOP to defeat my enemy, PTSD. First step, dealing with my anger and lost of memory, so I used my cell phone for assistance. For anger management, I downloaded a apps (PTSD Coach) and for the memory, I use the notes in my cell. I also downloaded apps to exercise my memory. Second step, built new memories, take family vacations. It destroyed me when my younger daughter told me "Daddy why don't you smile anymore". However I have to give you a warning, after the vacation, you are going to be physically and mentally tire. But at the end it is good for you. Last thing, it is a work in progress. Take small steps at the time, one battle at the time... De Opressor Liber!

Ramon

Response by SGT James Mosley made Mar 27 at 2015 2:39 PM

2015-03-27T14:39:45-04:00

I have went through 3 jobs in the last few months. The question has been asked a many times if I have PTSD, I tell them yes, I do. Sometimes I will get the 100 yrds stare, and sometimes I get crickets..

Response by SGT Ben Keen made Mar 27 at 2015 4:01 PM

2015-03-27T16:01:42-04:00

Well I've dealt with it in 2 ways. One has been a lot better than the other.

When I first got out in 2008 and moved to Pittsburgh, I found myself with no support structure. I moved to Pittsburgh because my then wife was from here and we decided to have her move home during my final deployment. Well in 2008 my marriage was in the trash, and I quickly found myself drinking....a lot. In my head I was thinking, that I was doing a great job maintaining. I found employment and all that fun stuff. So that continued for 2 years. I was really headed towards an early grave and things weren't good. Thankfully I had an exchange with my daughter who was 3 or 4 at the time that made me realize what I was doing and since then I've gotten my drinking under control to where I don't need a drink as soon as I wake up.

After all that, I made the decision to actually seek out treatment for my PTSD. Through that treatment, my doctor asked me what was something that I enjoyed doing prior to going to combat. That one thing was and still remains to be, photography. There is just something so peaceful about being behind that lens and snapping images for others to enjoy later. Now, when I find myself stressing out, I reach for my Nikon D300S rather than that bottle of Jack Daniels. And heck, I'm making a few extra bucks doing it so that's a bonus!

If anyone is interested, you can see some of my photos at benkeen.500px.com.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 27 at 2015 4:04 PM

2015-03-27T16:04:08-04:00

I have always been skeptical of drugs (medication) but I felt like a hypocrite when I gave into taking Trazadone to help me sleep and ease my tension/depression. Of course (just as I predicted), more drugs were suggested. I took it upon myself to stop taking Trazadone, I choose to drink Thyme Tea on the regular and took on bodybuilding.

I heard in church once, a preacher said "what the devil meant for my bad, God turned it around for my good". I still struggle to go to sleep every once in a while (but not like before) but the icing on the cake is writing (academic). Writing has been so therapeutic to me and I don't know what I would do if I was not focused on a full time Master's degree. I noticed my condition worsened during the gap between the BA and MA. I rather be at home studying my a$$ off then to be around people sometimes. I'm perfectly OK with that for now. I will continue to a Doctorate if I have to to deal with this.

I still hate dining out (or crowded places) unless I am drinking BUT drinking turned out to be a trap after my first deployment so I do my best avoid it completely. I used to party like a rockstar; if not better than them but none of those nights were worth spending time with my wife and children. I hope I helped someone reading this. I'm not perfect but I know that whatever seems bad for now can ALWAYS be turned around for good.

Response by CPO Ken O'Brien made Mar 27 at 2015 4:28 PM

2015-03-27T16:28:49-04:00

I stay to myself, close the outside world and drink and smoke a nice cigar!! I know not the healthiest of ways to cope, but hard to do anything with a bum left leg that does not bend at the knee more than 75 degrees and a left hip with 2 titanium plates and seven pins! Besides I try to just concentrate on why I am feeling the way I do, (according to the doc I have seen locally once and while) but no one to talk to up here in Canada.

Drinking my single malt and that cigar on my balcony takes me to a happy place for a while or until I pass out drunk!! Hate the feeling of isolation, emptiness, anger, dred, violent tendencies and just wanting to strangle a person to death!! So I drink and stay silent and just stay in my lane.

Response by Sgt Michael Oberline made Mar 27 at 2015 5:05 PM

2015-03-27T17:05:33-04:00

Yes, Every day.

Response by Sgt David G Duchesneau made Mar 27 at 2015 5:15 PM

2015-03-27T17:15:29-04:00

I tried everything from self medicating (alcohol) and tried talking about my experiences with the VA but unless you have served in Nam, they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. My biggest problem, my haunts, were from an incident that occurred when I turned 19 years old while I was in the bush. I'll never forget that day and what happened because it was my birthday. The other big haunt was when I came back home to the World and the way that I was treated by those damn War Demonstrators at the air port. They treated me like I was a criminal, and outcast, with cold shoulders and I was called all kinds of names like "baby killer" and was spit on by a female demonstrator. I really wanted to deck that broad but I knew better and I kept walking. I lived with these so called haunts for so many years and finally, I stop drinking and I made peace with it by writing a book. I never talked about what really happened to anyone but I can tell you that by writing my book, I was finally able to make peace with everything. I cannot change what happened and how I was treated but at least I was able to finally put it all to rest. Now, when anyone ask me about Vietnam and how it was, I tell them to read my book. UNIFORMS IS listed on the Police Writers website (http://www.police-writers.com/david_duchesneau.html) and in the United States Marine Corps section of the Military Writers website (http://www.military-writers.com/marinecorps/david_duchesneau.html).

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 27 at 2015 6:05 PM

2015-03-27T18:05:41-04:00

While I was still on active duty drinking seemed to be my outlet. After I ETS'ed I tried traditional college in an apartment that was way to close to the bars. Everything seemed to get better after I found purpose and steered in to the EMS field. Started off as a EMT-B while welding, then used my GI bill to go though Paramedic School. It gave me purpose and I could see positive results due to my interventions, well sometimes. I never really went through counciling nor have I taken any meds. Drinking has been cut down dramatically and I work way to many hours (my own choice). Some days are hard, but most seem well enough.

Response by SPC Mike Losser made Mar 27 at 2015 6:22 PM

2015-03-27T18:22:57-04:00

I worked 900 hrs of overtime a year and just never slept. Had a bad call and it all came back like a rock to the head. Almost strangled my son in law for getting violent with my daughter. I just wait for the right person to say something ignorant so I feel justified in how I react.
Funny how the military sends troops all over the world to do "things" and nobody knows. That little security clearance paper keeps you from letting it all out, but sometimes I just want to scream. Seems to be no escape. I read all the posts and feel your pain. I wish the magic pills helped without taking so much away.
I wish I could just go back because you knew what to expect. I am even considering joining the YPG fight just to see if it will help to fight for something I really believe needs to stop.

I wish you all the best.

Response by SGT Robert Roadifer made Mar 27 at 2015 8:52 PM

2015-03-27T20:52:17-04:00

I am fortunate and have not had to deal with PTSD cause I only seen light combat during "Operation Just Cause" ie: the Invation of Panama. Which was nothing compared to what our troops that were deployed into combat areas after 9-11 have seen or been through.

Response by SSG Joe Cheney made Mar 27 at 2015 9:45 PM

2015-03-27T21:45:54-04:00

I HAVEN'T DEALT WITH PTSD WELL......... I'VE BEEN TO 2 OUTPATIENT 12 WEEK PROGRAMS FROM THE MEMPHIS VA.... STILL PISSED OFF. OH WELL THIS WILL NOT LAST FOREVER !

Response by PV2 Violet Case made Mar 28 at 2015 4:17 AM

2015-03-28T04:17:41-04:00

I found that I have a habit of putting on a mask a smile to try to fight tears. But the smiles get to hard to come by the past few years and so I do not go out of the house very much around people. I dont want to spoil the fun things for others when they can tell my pain and troubles are overwelming for me. So have become such a home bodied person. Anxiety attacks hit me or stress attacks when out in crowds for very long. I still have never gotten to dig into the whole thing to get it out the things that happened and how they effected me. And then on top of it to get hit with the reasons I was sick all these yrs and lost my one baby and had one born with deformalities and 9 grandkids with troubles all stems from the toxins and was never in war. How could the government knowingly do this keeps coming to me when I bleed or have more health troubles or am just falling apart and feeling as tho no one cares. I one day prayed God would take me in my sleep after two suicide attempts already the last one was a comma for a few days. I ran across this song and found out this man had spent time over seas and his buddy took his own life and he wrote this song and it helped me I hope it will help you too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgIHW3HP7eI I also ran across this picture of the lonely road but thanks to RP and all the great people on it we are not on this road alone . But also remember behind a soldiers smile could be a hidden tear. So reach out to them REACHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......This guy is great and has his first cd coming out and is one of us I suggest buying his cd because he has another song about being over seas too. Some of you may even no Matt. He was a blessing for me on that one sad night that his song came across my path.

The greater plan

Written by: matt williams Copyright: BMI Nashville tn

Response by SGT Rick Ash made Mar 28 at 2015 9:19 AM

2015-03-28T09:19:16-04:00

I blog how I feel. If I am down, depressed, having flashbacks or whatever I write about it. On the other hand, if I am having a great day I blog about that as well. The important thing is that I blog every day. It's like I am talking through things with a very good friend that I trust and nothing I say will be repeated to anyone. Try it, it's working for me!

Response by Cpl Dr Ronnie Manns made Mar 28 at 2015 10:18 AM

2015-03-28T10:18:08-04:00

The first thing I did was finally get past the stigma that it was only for combat veterans and learned through the Mayo Clinic that it is simply a mental condition brought about by any traumatic event. Knowing this gave me the strength to finally own it instead of allowing it to own me. The next thing I did was to write a book titled "The Veterans 13 stages of PTSD" now on Amazon.com and after that have been able to recognize it when it rears it head and stop the progress dead in it's track. It makes me feel so much better about myself everytime I am able to cast out that demon and even though I know, I will never be cured of it, I know that I will never become a slave to it.

Response by SSG Leslie Hobgood made Mar 28 at 2015 12:25 PM

2015-03-28T12:25:41-04:00

Lie to the VA to get them off my back....

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 28 at 2015 1:22 PM

2015-03-28T13:22:45-04:00

So each time I open my RP feed, CPT Private RallyPoint Member's question pops up. I, being a nerd understand when someone adds to the topic it bumps up due to recent activity. So is it a sign I'm supposed to make a comment?

Well I will answer in numbered format how how I went down that road:

1. Listened to Creed's words "I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking maybe six feet. Ain't so far down"
2. Two syringes of a concoction I found on the internet, you can find anything on the internet
3. Listening to the 2 voices in my head as it went into a tail spin, dark & light, arguing if I am staying or going. The spirit of my grandmother came through.
4. Trip to the ER to get checked out
5. Gallon bag full of psychotropic drugs
6. Therapy with some psychologist types who dispense advice and drugs form behind a desk and never really experienced life because they sat behind the desk
7. Got tired of feeling like a zombie and the IDGAF attitude toward everything.
8. Got off the drugs looking for different alternatives
9. Started 'DJ'ing' for my own enjoyment, nothing public, for me only and my sanity. Forced myself to read and enjoy it and I do really enjoy reading, it allows me to escape and find calm.
10. Had a couple of outpatient surgeries dealing with a health issue
11. Going back to a mental doc, let them know I am still alive and not to touch my 2nd Amendment rights
12. Making a promise to great each sunset and sunrise

And I'll leave it at that....

Response by SGT Michael Bell made Mar 28 at 2015 6:41 PM

2015-03-28T18:41:42-04:00

Lots of VA classes, avoidance of the public and loud unexpected noises. In a weird sort of way, I have been fortunate to not find many civilian jobs since I got out. I've been working diligently with the VA's PRRC (Psycho Social Rehab) to regain my "people skills",

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 28 at 2015 8:45 PM

2015-03-28T20:45:04-04:00

Thank you to everyone for contributing your trails and tribulations. Believe it or not, with every response you are healing one another heal.

Response by SSG Robert Ferguson made Mar 29 at 2015 9:33 AM

2015-03-29T09:33:56-04:00

It is a struggle every day. There are days I cry, days where I am happy, days I am angry. I do take meds for this... but I ultimately turn to prayer and God for strength. This is how I deal.

Response by SSgt Zachary Hunter made Mar 29 at 2015 10:10 AM

2015-03-29T10:10:27-04:00

I asked for help through mental health and they avoided talking to me about it. I made my dog my service dog. He goes with me everywhere and he keeps me calm. At times in the middle of the night, he'll wake me up when I toss and turn and he knows something is wrong. I cannot celebrate The 4th anymore. Fireworks scare the shit outta me. Friends and family don't understand. Some say they do, but they don't.

Response by SGT Steve Streeter made Mar 29 at 2015 10:27 AM

2015-03-29T10:27:36-04:00

Raising my three daughters on my own has kept me from loosing it and moving deep into the mountains. They know dad doesn't like a lot of crowds and when at an event can tell when my stress level is getting high. Was in Kuwait in 91 and wasn't under enemy fire but was in a massive ammo explosion. Also can remember driving across the desert and having to dodge piles of ammo left by the Iraqs.

Response by SGT Logan Cunningham made Mar 29 at 2015 11:21 AM

2015-03-29T11:21:19-04:00

First, I'm a life long martial artist. When I got home, I started training and fighting again. This helped surround myself with like minded people, and several other veterans. I've started learning Brazilian Jiu jitsu. It's great for helping you learn to deal with stressful situations.

Second, I got service animal. More helpful than I could have imagined.

Third, I found a great woman. I knew there was something special about her when the first time I had an episode around her, she asked what she needed to do to help instead of freaking out herself.

I think the point in my long winded response is that there's no ONE right answer. You must surround yourself with things to help. And then people that are also helpful. And that's the hard part.

Response by SFC Angel Aponte made Mar 29 at 2015 1:07 PM

2015-03-29T13:07:20-04:00

One of the ways i deal with episodes is going fishing. I might be wrong about for doing it alone is my best escape from it. Not only Im away from my loveones i feel is safe. The sight of the ocean the waves and the breeze seems to calm me down. Helps me organize my thoughts and also lets me get a clear picture that life is precious and is not worth choosing the coward path of suicide. After a few hours i feel better enough to return back to my family. At times it feels better not to talk about it, no one around has been or seen. I ll leave here.

Response by SSG Benny Stewart made Mar 30 at 2015 1:04 AM

2015-03-30T01:04:40-04:00

I don't deal wit PTSD it works on me Hard can not keep from yelling at the people i love. I'M seeking Dr. help but nothing ive tryed has helped me to stop jumping out of my bed and yelling to the my lungs or freeking out over little stuff......

Response by CSM Frank Graham made Mar 30 at 2015 4:03 AM

2015-03-30T04:03:22-04:00

I tried for almost three years to deal with it on my own. Last summer it finally took a real hold on me. I was at the point of snapping and wanted to hurt someone. No problem with my family and friends only other people. I started hated people, got out of care to argue with people who i felt had done me wrong. I felt as though i would punch the first person in the face who showed signs of hatred towards me. I didn´t want to be around people. My anger level was at a point in my life i had never seen. I can´t sleep. I was flipping out at small things at home. I thought about would things be better if i was not around and if the world would not be around. With my life changing drastically i finally and with the help of my true friends i went to counseling. I am currently taking a medication and continuing my counseling sessions. It is working. I am doing better. There are a lot of others things that affect people who have this problem. I tell all no matter what rank you are in the military if you think you have PTSD seek help. Too many times good leaders focus on your people and you don´t take care of yourself. Continue to talk care of your People, and take care of yourself also. PTSD only gets worse if left taking no action on it.

Response by SSgt Joe V. made Mar 30 at 2015 11:38 AM

2015-03-30T11:38:00-04:00

Mine presents itself as hyper-awareness syndrome (with a side of anxiety thrown in)...or so I am told. Apparently going through if/then scenarios all day long is bad for you (even though it has saved my life more than once), and I wake up about once a month hearing the same explosion at what seems like the same decibel but no visual dream to go with it. Most of my engagements were far enough away that I pretended I felt safe and mildly detached (just training kicking in right?), but I'm told I have some heavy cases of irritability with dissociative tendencies to boot. There was one up very close and personal incident (within 5') that I still have dreams about. I talk a lot, re-live things through the power of YouTube and come on sites like this where I know other people are dealing with similar issues.

I fish...that is my therapy (on top of actually going to therapy...). Nothing like casting and reeling for 12 hours straight to clear the head (with the occasional fish here and there).

Response by SPC Shane Farlin made Mar 30 at 2015 12:18 PM

2015-03-30T12:18:20-04:00

Poorly. Simplicity aside I have almost ruined my life, or taken it multiple times since my injury in Iraq. Most recently this weekend. My wife is gone for NCO school which makes it harder than normal, so I had my brother in law come over and reprogram all our gun safes. We have children and I don't want a stong moment of depression to leave them fatherless, taking the selfish way out. It's been hard being forced out of what you thought would be your life career, and something that was your life goal. I left home at 14 for military academy in VA and never wanted anything but military carrer. I find that challenge is what keeps you going. I just started a business last year and it saved my life literally.

Response by SGT Kevin Berry made Mar 30 at 2015 6:06 PM

2015-03-30T18:06:01-04:00

Therapy, medication, friends and family and hobbies. My PTSD causes me to have very aggressive behavior. I began bodybuilding and started playing adult semi-pro football. I try to take all my aggression out in the gym or on the field. It has made a huge difference at home and work. I'm 40 years old so after the gym and football I'm usually to sore and tired to aggressive moments lol. All in all these are the things that has help me cope and become a better person. Therapy is the hardest thing to commit to but it really helps.

Response by TSgt Kristin Parsons made Mar 30 at 2015 7:48 PM

2015-03-30T19:48:31-04:00

Medication, therapy, staying busy and for a while, alcohol. Been in and out of hospitals for over 3 months within the past year and now pending an MEB. I saw too many people take their last breath in Iraq and Afghanistan; men, women, and worst of all children and there was nothing I could do...GSWs, burns, traumatic amputations, shrapnel injuries, massive blood loss. It all became too much. Now like many, I rely on medication to stop the nightmares, anxiety, depression, and to fall asleep/stay asleep. I'm dealing with my demons as well as I can and am here 24/7 for anyone dealing with theirs as well.

If you haven't already done so, take the Spartan Pledge:
“I will not take my own life by my own hand until I talk to my battle buddy first. My mission is to find a mission to help my warfighter family." -Boone Cutler

Response by SrA Randy Brown made Mar 30 at 2015 8:36 PM

2015-03-30T20:36:09-04:00

Originally being told that if I needed help that I did not need to be there and was not allowed into the VA facility. This was in 1970 the year I returned from my second tour in S E A.
I continued drinking and just blamed my temper outbursts on that. I did many things wrong including hurting my wife and kids emotionally ending my marriage.
After quitting drinking and getting remarried I had health problems and while at the VA I had a major anxiety attack and was told I had PTSD. I started getting help about 38 years after I first asked. With meds and good therapy along with my very supportive wife I started a long journey to being able to cope about months ago I was told I was well. Still have some meds which I wish
I did not have. My trust in God has been a very big part of my journey along with friends.
The big deal now is trying to see triggers coming (good luck) some get through then it is coping time. Thank you for your time.

Response by SPC Christopher Crowder made Mar 31 at 2015 7:10 AM

2015-03-31T07:10:11-04:00

I was able to get involved with a military based non profit organization that was run by veterans that shared a lot of the same issues. They were a lot of help and support for me. In addition, helping other veterans helped as well.

Response by SGM LaMar Stellfox made Mar 31 at 2015 12:50 PM

2015-03-31T12:50:16-04:00

I heard a word that is probably more appropriate; manage. I manage PTSD through the regular practice of hatha yoga, relaxation, and meditation. It changed my life. I still get very emotional when seeing graphic triggers in movies or reading stories of other veterans and still have issues either trying to get to sleep or stay asleep. But I suggest to anyone to give yoga a try. Not the "high speed" hybrid fitness stuff, but real asanas and pranayama. It helps to get some quality instruction in meditation. Five/six years on I still don't quite have the patience for a lot of long meditation. But I continue to work at it in the hopes of finding the union of the eight limbs of yoga. Namaste

Response by SSG Michael Scott made Apr 1 at 2015 12:15 PM

2015-04-01T12:15:28-04:00

I too at times have a very hard time trusting anyone, because talk is cheap! What gets me going is when some Psychology intern is analyizing you, and does not know nothing about the military, culture, war, honor, and sacifice. All They know is what theory he/she reads from a text book. I was so fed up with the psychology intern, about PTSD, and the intern asked why I was? "What am I? I am what you read in that textbook" was my answer. With all of the stuff going on in the world, how can you relax, because the government is not going to secure the borders. So, that is why you are always on alert and hypervilgient.

Response by SGT Matthew Sullivan made Apr 2 at 2015 3:12 PM

2015-04-02T15:12:38-04:00

I have reached out to those whom suffer from PTSD. There are a few employees that I work with that have seen the suck. I don't wait, I talk with them almost every day. I offer an ear, they know that I can listen quietly.
I feel bad though. I have lost a few friends after the fact, I wish they would have talked to me before. I now try to reach out to all my Kilo Brothers and listen to any other that I see needs an ear....

Response by SFC Walt Littleton made Apr 3 at 2015 3:38 PM

2015-04-03T15:38:07-04:00

Not well! I'm an old retired soldier. It is my son who bothers me most. He had 4 over a year each tours in both zones. After his 3rd my son didn't come back. It was a different person. His unit sent he and his military wife back over again (#4) for another year. He cut all ties with his family and of course we worried constantly. was with the 101st for his 10 years in.

My wife and I begged him to get help with his feelings and he did reach out. He was given counseling, drugs and medical support. In the middle of all of this he and his military wife had been estranged and divorced. The unit informed him he was going to be deployed again. deployed again.

I was in shock and disbelief that they were going to send him back again with his issues. The medical staff didn't stop him from being deployed.

He called me and told me he had 2-3 more years of his current enlistment and he was told he was going. I told him son you need to get out of there. I don't want you to do something stupid or ruin all these good years of service but look at all your options and call me back. He did and through a saving grace his high level clearance was due for review and he couldn't deploy until this was completed. He refused to sign his clearance paperwork so the Army chaptered him out under honorable conditions.

He moved back home with me and was doing fair. I begged him to go to the VA for a review if he wasn't feeling normal. He finally got a job and was doing well. Another employee was harassing him every day and he tried to hold his temper. The employee tried to hit him with a forklift and the war came back quickly. Both were fired on the spot. This dropped him back into extreme depression. He said Dad I just lost it on this guy. I blacked out and was trying to kill him.

I finally was able to get him to go for a VA evaluation. We have been driving all over the state having tests done to determine what issues he may have. We have been doing this for 3 months now and still don't have a ful review of what his injuries are. He has been diagnosed with 3 issues so far and it will be another month before they determine all of the results.

I'm Pissed!!! Knowing he had issues the doctors at Fort Campbell should have flagged him from deployment but then again that would have gotten kicked out also. We are both 101st Alumni and always sill be!!

Response by CW3 Sallie Easley made Apr 8 at 2015 1:30 AM

2015-04-08T01:30:44-04:00

I retired in 2008, almost 31 years. Because I never saw combat, I don't know what it's like to experience the horrors.
Because I never deployed I have been
ridiculed and judged badly by some who have been deployed and experienced the horrors in combat.
I enlisted in 1977, basic training in 1978. I was in the National Guard for 3 years as a 'weekend warrior' a phrase I detest to this day.
I was select to be on AGR and remained on active duty for the next 27 years.
I was in when females had few rights. The EEO wasn't created yet. A lot of my earlier experiences were being taken advantage of by older, higher ranking male soldiers. I was barely 18, fresh off the farm.
As the years progressed there was more of the same. Females were labled harassed if they filed a complaint. Granted, there were women who abused it...and filed frivolous complaints.....gave the rest of us a bad name. I was a victim of sexual assault. I was afraid to report it. He was superior officer. His word against mine. I had to transfer to another section to get away from him only to volunteer to go to Iraq with a boys club!!!
I put up with so much harassment from some higher ranking bosses because I wanted to fit in. I wasn't a prude, but I could have caused much trouble if I'd had a mind to do so.
I felt like I lost myself somewhere. I volunteered to deploy in 2007. I was continually harrassed by my male supervisor, the other male staff officers, even the Senior enlisted males on staff.
Every week at staff meetings, my boss ordered me to sit on his left, I was the S-1. He would reach over under the table and grab my knee, almost my thigh, just to make me jump and spaz. I always went first with my personnel brief. It would never fail that one or more of his male minions would interrupt me with some stupid ridiculing remark.
Everyday, my boss would come to my office, stand behind me at my desk, asking questions about whatever...and begin to rub my shoulders.....I had to get up from my desk and head toward the hall.
I never had the courage to tell him or others not touch me!!!
I had severe self-esteem issues, and at this point I was a mess.
After more than thirty years of working hard, going by the regs, I built a good reputation for myself.
Because of a few idiots I had the misfortune of working with or for I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was traumatized severely but I wasn't aware of it. I thought violent rape nightmares were normal.
I retired. I got help. Extensive therapy, sleep aids and Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing worked great for my symptoms. My brother-in-law was a dust off pilot in Vietnam. EMDR helped him tremendously.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 12 at 2015 5:16 PM

2015-04-12T17:16:57-04:00

I went in patient, it was a safe zone. Traveling through the gates of gratitude and love mitigated my PTSD to the point I could attack the symptoms like: sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, pit in my stomach, racing thoughts. The last stage is to sustain my gains and not fall back into the absolute hell I was in for a year, and become cognizant of the triggers. Now I help PTSD veterans. I am their quartering party, there is no need for them to travel alone.

I chaptered out a few soldiers, but felt compelled to build them up so they become confident for the transition. I ordered them to go to the mirror and say good things about themselves three times a day. When they left they felt confident and free. I realized I had chanced upon something that could change lives.

Response by LTC Gavin Heater made Apr 13 at 2015 4:45 PM

2015-04-13T16:45:54-04:00

I have experienced sleep anxiety on a regular basis since 2004 during my first deployment to Iraq. It was worse during my second deployment in 2008. Doctors say I don't have PTSD, but I still can't go to sleep or stay asleep without bring exhausted. I served from 1986 to 2013, AC, RC and IRR. I saw many things that stick with me and don't watch movies from current conflicts or read books from the period. Not sure if I have anything, but my nights are worse than my days.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 17 at 2015 5:38 PM

2015-04-17T17:38:08-04:00

I remember when I was in a dark place full of depression, racing thoughts, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and a pit in my stomach, and wanting to not exist because of the pain. I needed a toehold for recovery, and I will tell you what I did.

I had chaptered a few soldiers from the Army for misconduct, but I had this unmitigating compulsion not to send a broken ex soldier into society. I ordered all of them to go to the mirror every day and say good things about themselves and gratitude for everything and everyone in their lives.

This was the toehold they needed to break the cycle of negative thoughts and improve so they can see the beauty life unfolds before them. They said goodbye and I was pleased they did not have broken spirits. After a year I remembered this method and it gave me an opportunity to improve. This is not the answer but just a first stage of recovery.

Response by Cpl Kristoffer Mischel made May 4 at 2015 11:57 AM

2015-05-04T11:57:39-04:00

Avoidance has been my tool. I am one who has always buried everything deep down and I have always kept my emotions to myself. The problem is that it by burying it down it likes to bubble up and rear its ugly head, sometimes in situations where a breakdown is not exactly appropriate. It may not be the healthiest thing, but I have become quite the homebody. I avoid crowds, so grocery shopping is out of the question, unless its midnight. I avoid debris on the side of the road and larger trucks, so driving is difficult. But the biggest thing that helps when things are turning dark is my wife and my 5 kids. My wife knows when I need to be picked back up, and if I cant be, she is there to keep me in check or to listen to me. I may not say much, but she is always there to listen.

Response by SPC Charles Brown made May 4 at 2015 12:18 PM

2015-05-04T12:18:05-04:00

The Veterans Crisis Line has helped to keep me from doing some very stupid things and I highly recommend them to anyone in crisis and/or in need of damage control. Journaling also helps me, by doing this I can track ups and downs on a fairly consistent basis. I also take my prescribed medications as directed, while I fully admit they are not or may not be the most effective means of coping they do help some.

I would also like to recommend the book Don't Kick the Dog by Randy and Susan Walker. While this book is related to depression, it can also be helpful in dealing with other problems such as PTSD as depression can become a part of the larger issues.

Best wishes to all.
C.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 21 at 2015 4:41 PM

2015-06-21T16:41:28-04:00

When I wake up I do not think sore subjects. I stay numb a lot so I don't spiral out of control.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 25 at 2015 2:42 PM

2015-06-25T14:42:55-04:00

One arduous step at a time, then the realization I will always be different.

Response by Cpl Dr Ronnie Manns made Jul 2 at 2015 1:16 PM

2015-07-02T13:16:37-04:00

Before I ever knew what it was, I could never come to grips with the anger, hyper-sensitivity and all the others things associated with this condition. After some time, I began to research this condition and realized that it was more about how our minds goes about protecting our bodies by closing off events that we cannot find a decent answer to. I then did more studying on the subject and realized that the best thing that could ever be done for this condition is simply conversation. I wrote a book titled "The Veteran's Thirteen Stages of PTSD" and got it published on Amazon. The completion of this book helped me greatly because it made me face all those things that I had suppressed and didn't even know it. Now I am clearly aware, this condition will never go away but it is also something that I will never let control me. I served during Beirut, Lebanon, Grenada and Desert Storm combined with learning that a couple of U.S. Military Installations had contaminated drinking water which some within the government knew about but failed to warn us. I served from Sept 1980 til April 1991 and still have issues resulting from this. I have learned that like all other things, PTSD is only as strong as you allow it to be and nothing or no one will ever have that kind of control over this Marine. I have established a Suicide Prevention Group on Facebook and created A Twist of Faith, Internet Radio Show which also allows me to reach out to as many people as possible and share that we are and always will be the main decision maker in how we will reach our destiny.

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 3 at 2015 8:27 PM

2015-07-03T20:27:16-04:00

I try to pretend I don't have it. It works sometimes. Not always. When I get to a certain stress level I crash though. I can't get help for it though. It's not service related, it's not war related, no one takes it seriously. Nevermind the fact that I've been an EMT since 16 years of age and have seen the war on our streets - just last month I lost 3 people and one ended up as a murder. I just take it day by day, week by week, and keep it to myself. Works alright.

Response by GySgt John O'Donnell made Jul 4 at 2015 6:53 PM

2015-07-04T18:53:36-04:00

We all have faced things, the key to dealing with the is find an outlet to vent the emotions, via tangible or intangible means. For me it was poetry to vent the intangibles, an firearms training for that tangibles.
Here an example of poetry...

See (By John O’Donnell)

See what you are and what you want to become.
See where you are and where you want to go.
See who you are and who you have been.
See if you are and if you are not,
See if you can and if you cannot...then ask why?

See through today and into tomorrow,
But don't make tomorrow's debts today’s burden.
See yesterday and the day before,
But dwell on the pain no more.
See Integrity as the sword and honor that sheath,
then fight the battles with only your belief.

See your failure and success as one piece of fruit from the same tree, then smile and breathe without ever calling for retreat.
See that the strongest walls are not of plaster and stone,
but are the ones made of skin and bone.
See hope through pain, and laughter through tears,
then step forward toward the years.
See their hand touch yours, and your hand touch theirs,
Then realize that’s the “what for”?
See their heart touching your heart and your heart touching theirs,
Then know that there is so much more.

See death and see life,
And allow both to be your guide.
See war and see peace
And never fear the days in between.
See serenity through acceptance, courage, and wisdom
And count all three for reason in your kingdom.

See your effort in every day,
See your truth in every moment.
See the right in all things, reason, and time,
then count the seasons as they pass you by.
See you through your years' as the man that claimed each day,
And then just wave and smile without a word to say.

...and me spending some personal time at the range.

Response by SSG Ralph Watkins made Jul 9 at 2015 1:02 PM

2015-07-09T13:02:03-04:00

Let me tell ya, working for the VA doesn't even get you the help you need unless you hunt down real care for yourself. My VA where I was employed kept veterans & workers in the dark on what was out there. I suffered for years & my employer made me feel worse. Wait times were terrible even for having problems like I did. Best thing that happened was hitting a crisis moment & being sent to another VA a few hours away & getting real help. They did more for me in 2 months than 6 years at the VA where I worked. That was the thing the good VA really impressed upon us in their PTSD program was to get the proper help you need from a good source even if it is outside the VA system. The Coatesville VAMC near Philly, PA is the top rated in the US for combat PTSD treatment. Cut many of my pills & taught me coping mechanisms & what to expect from my condition. Makes it less depressing. My out-patient care now I receive from non-VA services. They started preparing for troops returning from combat years before the VA ramped up. I also get a much better selection of medicines from the non-VA market than the restricted formulary of the VA. Yes, I have co-pays & private insurance. It is a struggle but at least I am getting good care, not cheap care like at my local VA. Before being medically retired as a VA employee, even the director there stated the facility has sub-standard care. I thank God for the Coastesville VAMC for helping me, allowing me to express my darkest thoughts without judgement or risk of being locked up, & for teaching to cope instead of dope up on VA issued drugs or illicit drugs.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 9 at 2015 1:54 PM

2015-07-09T13:54:47-04:00

I was just recently diagnosed with PTSD, amoung other things. I am still active duty and have a few concerns when i am offically out. I dont know how it will affect my mental well being as medication seems to be the only thing that curbs the major issues. Issues that cost me my rank. The big Army says to seek help if you need it, but if it last too long the leadership sees you as a shit bag. I have fought tooth and nail to bring this to light but to no avail. I have accepted that it has happened and i am discovering everyday that the new people around me understand and know what it is that i am dealing with and are eveing fighting to get my rank re-enstated. For me, not only is it medication, but also the enviroment, th epeople you are surrounded with. It seems a bit easier in the Amry as everyone has expierence similar events but how will i cope outside? With little shit heads that still live at home with mom and dad that think they know everything? This is my worst fear about leaving, but i cant stay either. Dealing with PTSD has been mostly internal, but i have continued my therapy, not the right answer but speaking to friends and family outside the service, they just dont understand. Just take it one day at a time, find that one thing that keeps you in the moment and just go with it

Response by SSG Michael Scott made Jul 9 at 2015 2:56 PM

2015-07-09T14:56:41-04:00

How I deal with PTSD. One day at a time, moment to moment, Yoga, walking, deep breathing, Have a WRAP plan, family, 2 labs, and having Faith in God and Jesus Christ.

Response by SGT Kristin Wiley made Jul 9 at 2015 3:06 PM

2015-07-09T15:06:50-04:00

They call what I have an Adjustment disorder. Not sure their basis for labeling it that. More of 'I have serious issues with unethical leaders in our military disorder' and it stresses me to death that none of the systems work to stop these leaders from hurting our troops. Doesn't help that some of these leaders were directly responsible (in my opinion) for one of the kids on my team killing himself. Also, doesn't help that I went from a high deployment tempo at Fort Bragg where our main concern was bringing people back alive to an environment like Hawaii where the leaders are selfish pricks that play mind games to torment soldiers and don't seem to care at all about their wellbeing.

Response by MSgt Curtis Ellis made Jul 9 at 2015 7:08 PM

2015-07-09T19:08:32-04:00

Still dealing with it...

Response by Sgt David G Duchesneau made Jul 9 at 2015 7:23 PM

2015-07-09T19:23:23-04:00

Every damn day of my life, so far!

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 16 at 2015 7:08 PM

2015-07-16T19:08:48-04:00

I had to find a way to root myself at "home," rather than in combat. Time, treatment, and creative outlets worked for me -- in my case, I learned how to cook. The best part of that kind of therapy session is being able to sit down to a good meal at the end of it (or go out to a restaurant if something went horribly wrong). I had to go through multiple therapists until I found the one that could actually help me, but once I had him, it worked -- I still use the techniques he taught me to keep myself on an even keel, and the last time I saw him was almost four years ago.

The hardest part of dealing with PTSD for me was recognizing the new normal that was my life. After my experiences, I wasn't the same person, and I needed to understand and come to terms with that development (and the sense of loss). Creative outlets seem to work for most of my colleagues and I - learning a new skill, or returning to one that you'd put on the shelf. I have found that it certainly helps to be able to build or develop something.

Lastly, being able to talk about it is crucial. I'm not ashamed of having been diagnosed with PTSD. I consider it a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances, and after multiple deployments, I've racked up a lot of abnormal circumstances. While there is still a stigma around it (because the healthy will always feel a little uncertain about the wounded), it is becoming less so, and helping our brothers and sisters in arms to deal with these issues gets them back into the fight that much more quickly, because they have people around them to rely on.

Response by SFC Nikhil Kumra made Jul 24 at 2015 4:56 PM

2015-07-24T16:56:07-04:00

Had a bad case of anxiety 10+ years ago after leaving active duty. Really revolved around public areas... Especially malls.

went to the va once, they gave me some Xanax and sent me on my way. Hated the way it made me feel and after two pills I tossed it in the garbage.

So then I thought... If I force myself into the things that I hate, I should get numb to it. So I took all the public speaking classes I could, and sat down in malls on weekends, and took on shitty Sales jobs. Just to expose myself to anxiety inducing situations as much as possible. No shit. And that exposure worked! It eventually went away.

I wouldn't recommend it as a method, it sucked. Literally would go to the bathroom to have an anxiety attack and leave when it was done. Did that for 4 years until it was gone and I felt normal in crowds.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 24 at 2015 8:14 PM

2015-07-24T20:14:02-04:00

What I am learning is when folks land on their feet, it varies from person to person.

Response by SSgt Tara Bunke Meyers made Jul 25 at 2015 3:25 AM

2015-07-25T03:25:51-04:00

I was a surgical tech stationed at a FOB in Afghanistan. Although I was never in combat, I worked on all the guys. I feel as if I shouldn't have a problem dealing with it since I was never outside the wire, but eight years later I still am having nightmares and get very little sleep. I've never gone to see anyone about it hoping it would just resolve itself someday. I feel guilty feeling the way I do since so many people had a way, way worse experience than I had.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 26 at 2015 4:17 PM

2015-07-26T16:17:03-04:00

I know I am being redundant in my posts of which I don't really care. We end up in hell and their are three doors. The first door is getting out of hell with some help. The second door is escaping hell through suicide. The third door is remaining in hell. I can only elaborate on the first door as we are liberated from hell and have intimations of beauty and some happiness with a whole lot of sadness that must be reconciled are buried. What I am noticing is I use my life as a paradigm, however, we don't all land on our feet at the same location and path. My existence is not identical to another's. That is another dynamic that makes PTSD therapy challenging. For those who have it, don't quit and keep moving.

Response by SSgt Terry P. made Aug 9 at 2015 8:36 AM

2015-08-09T08:36:49-04:00

Avoided society in general- still do.

Response by SSG Benny Stewart made Aug 14 at 2015 6:40 PM

2015-08-14T18:40:20-04:00

I All most got into a Fight with a young Lady..there is a bridge At our town and i politely let the traffic cross the bridge and started taking my turn when this 21 year old lady come through the light an ran on the bridge to block my auto she was yelling and cursing me like i was not there ..she and i set there for 30 minutes or more when my wife encouraged me to back up if she was not with me we would be there until the police came it got very very heated and out of hand fast lots of other things in the same manner i have been fighting this for almost yrs i've had trouble with wal mart , my wifes DR.parking lots and ever with the dog pound i started getting help for this .. i need the meds to help me with the outburst and and to keep my marriage in tact and my walk away time is very useful in alot of these matters

Response by CPT Mark Mathiot made Aug 14 at 2015 6:41 PM

2015-08-14T18:41:22-04:00

A Christ centered recovery group known as "CELEBRATE RECOVERY " has done wonders for me.

Response by SGT James Elliott made Aug 14 at 2015 7:12 PM

2015-08-14T19:12:08-04:00

I'm still waiting to be seen by a Veterans Administration representative.

Response by SSG Fred Campbell made Aug 14 at 2015 7:17 PM

2015-08-14T19:17:48-04:00

By sucking it up and driving on!! Yeah, there was some horrible sights in war, but we all knew that out the gate, so I don't let it drive me or my life, surely folks didn't think a war zone was all candy and balloons

Response by SGT Craig Northacker made Aug 21 at 2015 2:43 PM

2015-08-21T14:43:25-04:00

I deal with mine every day. Learning tools to dispense with the impact is important, because it never goes away. The sooner we can put our tools to work, the faster we contain the impact.

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Aug 21 at 2015 6:22 PM

2015-08-21T18:22:34-04:00

Thankfully, I don't have it. BUT - POST 9/11 active duty troops and vets - if you have PTSD, and don't want to use the Military or VA for this, contact us at the Soldier's Project - http://www.thesoldiersproject.org - we provide free counseling by licensed or authorized mental health providers, for Post 9/11 vets and active duty.

Home - The Soldiers Project

Today we are thanking both of our California Chapters as well as all of our volunteer therapists in California. Through their hard work, we are helping Post 9/11 veterans across the state and nation! We thank you for volunteering your valuable time! Thank you again to our Sacramento and Southern California Chapter staff and therapists! Show your appreciation to these fine people by sharing and liking our page! If you are interested in...

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Sep 23 at 2015 2:28 PM

2015-09-23T14:28:36-04:00

Waking up with a blank mind and thoughts.

Response by SSgt Robert Jorgensen made Sep 24 at 2015 2:45 PM

2015-09-24T14:45:20-04:00

Here's my story, some things omitted due to graphical nature of incidents.

http://m.journaltimes.com/ptsd-a-firefighter-s-story/article_47da0904-9605-5ffd-9198-61f153224eb6.html?mobile_touch=true

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Sep 24 at 2015 5:55 PM

2015-09-24T17:55:43-04:00

I don't know if I answered to this thread. I finally got out my miserable existence of depression, guilt, anxiety, and racing thoughts by going to the mirror several times a day to talk about love for myself, family, and other things. When the symptoms became pronounced I went to the mirror. After a couple weeks I started to feel better and was able to see beauty unfold before my eyes. I became rational enough to separate the depression, guilt, anxiety, and racing thoughts and attacked them one at a time. I am 90% better and I think other members can attest to this: you miss who you were, the confidence, and the passions that you lost in the process.

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Sep 25 at 2015 3:05 PM

2015-09-25T15:05:56-04:00

CPT Private RallyPoint Member I'm working with a great program SALV (or) Virtual World Solutions d/b/a Sponsor a Vet Life that works with veterans that have PTSD. I posted a discussion looking for volunteers and their families to attend a FREE HIPPA compliant Pilot Program that could be very beneficial and is totally confidential and will not affect your VA Benefits. Here is the discussion/post. Please feel free to reach out confidentially to: [login to see]

Please feel free to connect to Kim Bolen RN CCM ACM and Ilene Morris

Here is the post:
https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/have-you-heard-that-virtual-world-solutions-d-b-a-sponsor-a-vet-life-is-looking-for-virtual-assistants

Have you heard that Virtual World Solutions d/b/a Sponsor a Vet Life is looking for Virtual...

Here is another Great American and Civilian Supporter on RallyPoint that is making a difference in the life of our Veterans. Virtual World Solutions d/b/a Sponsor a Vet Life is helping veterans with PTSD through their unique immersive, interactive virtual environment.Military spouses are needed for volunteer work to start, which will result in subcontractor paid work within a few months. They mainly need administrative help. The work will be...

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Sep 27 at 2015 11:09 AM

2015-09-27T11:09:19-04:00

I am lucky enough to not have PTSD but I do battle depression every day... I do it with out benefit of medication... It is not easy and some days are better than others.

Response by PO3 Rod Arnold made Oct 1 at 2015 11:38 PM

2015-10-01T23:38:45-04:00

Our VA has made getting treatment for PTSD a two edged sword. At what point does getting treatment strip you of your 2nd amendment right? Don't get me wrong, if a patient is talking of suicide or harming others, by all means, keep a gun out of their hand. But that is not what has happened. Thousands of Vet's have lost their 2nd amendment right simply because they fell under the very large umbrella of PTSD treatment, at the same time We The People are experiencing a very anti-gun administration. So how many Vet's are reluctant to seek treatment because of this very unfair, Need to Report Law???

Response by CPO Ed Ball made Oct 2 at 2015 9:26 AM

2015-10-02T09:26:27-04:00

My first command CV-64 in 1977 we were on West Pac when we lost a F-14 from 30,000ft, pilot and RIO could not eject, cockpit was on fire as they spiraled to their deaths, in the 1980s I was involved in a vehicular head on collision, June - November 1988 onboard LPD-8 with COMINEWARGRU One embarked, we identified and destroyed 128 mines in the Persian Gulf, June 15, 1991 Mt Pinatubo volcanic eruption - thankfully it went vertical for 80,000 ft, I only lived 14 miles away, February 18, 1992 I had a bad bicycle accident hitting a curb head on thrown over the handle bars and slammed into a concrete sidewalk I came to when an ambulance backed up to me, December 1997 Super Typhoon Paka 232Mph winds, only to retire from the Navy after 20 1/2 years, come home and watched helplessly as a large oak tree kicked back knocking my father off a ladder and landing across his mid section, his chest, and crushing his temple area. He was gone. I was a basket case for three months, with a wife and a 6 month old infant, I distanced myself from everyone, especially loved ones. I hated sleep, by closing my eyes the tree falling and killing my father constantly replayed in slow motion.

It was only when I took to public speaking, sharing my testimony in church, crying like a baby along the way, was I able to process everything I had endured up to this point. Today, as Executive Director in a County Veterans Service Office, I assist veterans in filing disability claims with the VA, and have for over 15 1/2 years. I am blessed with the fact I did everything without medical services, no mind altering drugs, no counseling, just telling my life story, after several months, I was able to share without the tears, and work with veterans to help them obtain the benefits and medical services they have earned. Today I am at peace, my son is a senior in HS and looking forward to college, and the lovely wife and I will have been married for 19 years come December 28th. Life is good! God Bless you all for all that you do!

Response by SPC Philip Bienvenue made Oct 8 at 2015 2:45 PM

2015-10-08T14:45:43-04:00

Yes I know I have been dealing with PTSD for 45 years. I also know a WW2 vet who has dealt with PTSD for also 70 years. Here is the three things I have learned over the years while attending individual and group counseling at the VA.
1) I am not alone and most people in society will never understand (and some degree that includes family members). But being in the company of other (PTSD) vets they get it.

2) most counsellors will never get it but doesn't mean they can help because they are there to help us to teach us to manage are PTSD. There are 100 forms of PTSD.

3) I will never get rid of PTSD if I manage it well it will only bother me 10% of the time. Not 70 or 80% of my time. Lastly to manage my PTSd there are three elements.

A) Proper diagnosis (both clinical review and hard phyiscal data conducted by "The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" only 7 of them located with the VA system.

B) proper medication I spend a year working with a physic. nurse to get it totally right.

C) proper treatment that has been my greatest struggle because the VA is overload with PTSD cases and is always changing how treatment is metered out.

So there is my three cents worth of my opinion.

You can beat it back with the right method.

SP-4 Philip Bienvenue
5th Infantry Division (DMZ)
November 1969 thru November 1970

Response by SPC Erik Deyo made Oct 15 at 2015 7:53 PM

2015-10-15T19:53:04-04:00

I found that a feeling of usefulness helped greatly. I tried to return to my old job when returning from deployment. I was met with boredom, loneliness & depression. I went back to school & got my EMT & everyday at work is therapy.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 16 at 2015 3:45 PM

2015-10-16T15:45:40-04:00

One day at a time.................

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 5 at 2015 7:52 PM

2015-11-05T19:52:32-05:00

How does one fill a hole in someone's heart?

Response by Capt Tj Feeley made Dec 28 at 2015 4:48 AM

2015-12-28T04:48:27-05:00

It was tough for a long time, especially the for the amount of time I didn't even realize I had it. My wife finally got me to go to see a Doc about it. I've been through immersion therapy and that seemed to help a little bit like I told my doc, it's something that will never go away and I will never stop thinking about it. I don't take meds. The thing that has helped me the most was a program up where I live called Saratoga War Horse. It puts retired racing horses with a veteran and you "connect" with that horse through a specialized process. Hard to explain and it is a different experience for everyone but I highly recommend it. Check them out on Facebook and online. It has become a tool that I use to cope with things at any given time.

Response by SPC Philip Bienvenue made Dec 31 at 2015 12:26 PM

2015-12-31T12:26:40-05:00

Well I have been living with PTSD for 43 years. I recently met a World War 2 was just diagnosed with PTSD. He has been living with it for over 60+ years. I can speak with experience it never goes away. But if it is managed it will only bother me 10% of the time not 90%. I have had some success in managing it. For me it is three parts to keeping at the 10% level. 1) proper diagnose from the National Center for Post Traumatic Stress within certain VA's (mine assessment was completed in Boston with both clinical and hard data (on the PTSD machine)).
2) proper medication it took a nurse to get the correct medication and proper dose over one year. Even now it is still twitted.

3) is proper one on one counseling and/or group sessions. This has been the most problematic for me. Because only in the past few years that treatment has gotten more closely to my everyday reality.

So that is my 3 cents of advice

Philip Bienvenue
[login to see]

Response by SPC Bernie Davies made Dec 31 at 2015 3:39 PM

2015-12-31T15:39:54-05:00

This is not so much a reply to the original message as it is a comment on the thread. I believe that somewhere down this thread is part of my story meaning I am speaking as one of you. I am an insider who has PTSD and has dealt with it for many years and it is a continuing issue.

My comments is that people care about each of you that has posted on this topic. I care about you and know that help is out there. In the movie Galaxy Quest the team motto is "never give up, never give in" or something like that. Yes, I threw in some humor, it helps. Find a small group where you can talk and be accepted as the person you are, where you are. Friends/colleagues who will not judge you for having issues but who will simply listen and love you, right then, right now and who will walk with you. I would hate being in jail with a CSM like someone named Michael or any one else.

You/we have been to the edge and know what it looks like both good and bad. You/we rose above the ordinary to reach a level only a few will reach. There is much good that can be said about the men and women (especially about nurses) so focus on that.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2016 9:26 PM

2016-01-24T21:26:01-05:00

I am revisiting this post and so happy to see service members reaching out to one another for support. As you were.

Response by SSG Michael Scott made Jan 25 at 2016 12:28 PM

2016-01-25T12:28:05-05:00

By having this kind of reach out program and a no label and judgment free zone. We all can make a difference for each other and for ourselves. I will not leave a fallen comrade behind. I remember hearing from somewhere........

Response by SSgt James Connolly made Apr 21 at 2016 1:44 PM

2016-04-21T13:44:24-04:00

I have dealt with PTSD for 50 yrs. and it does not get easy,I worked at it like step 12 in the AA,I worked around it and with it.I became a National service Officer for the CFW and then the MOPH for some 35 yrs.Fooling myself all that time and when they had me give it up I was scared and it was great that I had made some inroads to PTSR I knew the Medical staff and got good counseling For a short time at least,and before long they had me facilating the group,and you all know the program so I kept reversing the tables and got them off on another tangent and not me.We have all learned how to do that.So listen and learn,stop your drinking,no drugs(I know they keep some of us so high we don't need anything else)but you have to deal with this head on.Are you ever going to forget hell no,but you can find ways,start your own groups,meet for coffee and BS amonst yourselves you will even start laughing at your self and some of the stupid shit we used to do.Always use the phone and keep in touch these guys or women are going to become your knew family,kind of sorta,never let this new force interfer with your own family obligations.
J.connolly

Response by SFC Richard Giles made Apr 28 at 2016 7:16 PM

2016-04-28T19:16:48-04:00

After my second deployment I put everything I had into my work. I was taking medication which seemed to help a lot. As far as counseling I tried it at the VA but I wasn't going to talk to counselors that admittedly had no experience in our kind of problems. One even told me she went to a 2 week seminar to help them.
So medication help me. After I retired last March I started experiencing some of the same issues again, my girlfriend suggested a pet, which I thought was crazy at the time but we got one anyway a Pit Bull. I'll tell you he sure has helped me.

Response by CPT Gurinder (Gene) Rana made Feb 18 at 2018 1:18 PM

2018-02-18T13:18:12-05:00

TLC is a solid cure foundation for treatment of PTSD, I feel. Even if the entire treatment fails, the affected will earn a group that can help prevent relapses of traumatic incidents.

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Feb 18 at 2018 1:47 PM

2018-02-18T13:47:25-05:00

CPT Private RallyPoint Member Well for myself after being in denial for so very long I finally got help at the VA. Not knowing myself why i was acting the way I was. It really didn't hit me until it started to affect my family and my work. I didn't have the slightest idea what was happening to me. Until one day having a discussion with a Doctor about insomnia. That lead to me being sent to mental health and from that point after seeing two Physiologist for sometime they both came to the conclusion I was suffering from issues from a tragic accident I had in the military in which I almost died. I never thought much it. I should have listened to my youngest daughter when she always said daddy you have issues. LOL.

Peace!

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Feb 18 at 2018 3:38 PM

2018-02-18T15:38:48-05:00

Strangely, exposure to the military seems to subdue problems. I was a basket case when I went into the Reserves and then wound up back on Active Duty. The more tactical the base the more at ease I am and live fire made me happy, if not somewhat weird

Response by SSG Harry Outcalt made Oct 23 at 2018 11:22 AM

2018-10-23T11:22:55-04:00

Unlike many I know who have various levels of PTSD effects I had zero effects , I attributed this to my mental discipline from a lifetime of study of Martial Arts. Until one day roughly 10 year's ago during a firestorm in Oklahoma I caught the smell of smoke and things burning and I suddenly had a flashback at 70mph and found myself reaching for my weapon and helmet not finding the items brought me back to reality and another close call . LoL I blew a fuse that day ,so I took the week off and meditated and I drank chilled Saki to help calm the mind . One thing I have learned ,no matter how each of us deal with it age works against us. Eventually the safeguard breaks down and we blow a fuse from a trigger , mine came from the Movie . Nicholas Cage about the Navajo Code Talker's I had watched a few day's before finding myself in Oklahoma during the biggest fire in the State. Seemed very strange to me as WW2 was my father's war ,anyway I was able to reset the fuse through Meditation and chilled Saki .....

Response by SPC Monica Cole made Jul 25 at 2019 1:19 AM

2019-07-25T01:19:22-04:00

Yes. Still do. It’s a constant battle everyday. Because not only am I dealing with mine I am also dealing with my husbands cause we both were down range together. But we are here and taking it one day and one step at a time.

Monica Cole (SPC)